I'm Holding On (19 page)

Brynlee

Things are hectic until Drew and I leave my apartment to drive to work, and then … there is silence. I grab hold of his hand. He needs to know what last night meant to me.

“Drew,
thank you for last night. It was mind blowing.” He eyes me and smiles. It’s not the mega grin I expected. He’s a little melancholy this morning. “I know we didn’t have sex, so I understand if it wasn’t as spectacular for you—”

“You think that?” he asks after his head jerks my way.

“You seem different since we left your house.”

“I want to look you in the eyes when I say what I want to say next, so give me a minute to get there and park.”

I hold his hand and lean my head against the window. This has been one heck of a ride, and I haven’t even rode anyone. I begin snickering.

“What are
you laughing at over there?”

I’m
finally getting a mega-watt grin from him.

“Just had a crude thought. I’m snickering for the fact that I had it.”

“Want to share?”

“Mmm … probably not the best idea.”

“You’re not thinking about me slapping you with something again are you?”

“Drew!” My hands fly
up to cover my face.

“Sorry, baby. I have crude thoughts, too. Hey, I haven’t slapped you with it yet, so I think you’re safe.”

“Yet. You said ‘yet.’” Now, we’re both cackling. I have to hold my stomach. It’s hungry.

“Drew, we never had dinner.”

“You need to eat something at the shop, and then eat a lunch that doesn’t consist of sugar and lattes.” He parks the car and unbuckles before turning his body. Placing my hands in between his, he gazes at me.

“Brynlee, last night was
amazing for me, too. I’m not even sure how to describe the experience. It was the best sexual one I’ve ever had.”

“If last night was
any indication of what sex could be like, then I’ve been missing out,” I say. “The experience was erotic, yet waking up with you was … loving.”

His expression becomes one backed with intensity.

“You can’t pick him, Bryn. I meant what I said last night. I won’t let him have you.” He leans over and brushes his lips across my temple. “Come on, let’s fill you full of sugar.”

What the hell am I supposed to say to that? He won’t let him? What the
hell would he do if I pick Ian?

Drew

Ian basically assaulted me.
I figured that earned me a few “pushing the limit” moments with Bryn. I’m trying my damndest to express what she means to me.

I’m busy w
aiting on customers when she pads behind the counter and approaches me. She’s pale, her face laden with worry. I hold my finger up, signaling her to wait a second.

We’ve only been here about twenty minutes, so
I have a bad feeling about this, and I bet it has to do with
him
. I call out to one of my employees who’s refilling some of our supplies.

“Jenna, can you take this gentleman’s order?” She nods before I turn to Bryn. We’re not having this conversation here. I take her hand and pull her behind me to the kitchen.

“What’s up?”

“Ian’s almost here. He text
ed that he was coming to apologize. I’m going to let him walk back here for a minute. I don’t want it happening in front of everyone.”

I grab the sides of my head and suck in a deep breath. I’
m really beginning to hate him.

“OK. Thanks for th
e heads up.” I turn to leave, but she grabs my arm.

“Please don’t get upset with me. He needs to do this, and if he’s sincere, then I’m still going to t
ake him to meet Gram. It’s something I feel I need to do.”

I take her shoulders
like I’ve done so many times and kiss her forehead. “I’m not upset with you.”

“I promise that I’m close to a decision. It isn’t fair to let this go on much longer.”

This has to be a good thing, right? I’ve been with her the most. She’s expressed what last night meant to her more than once. Hell, she woke up on top of me this morning and hadn’t budged during the night.

“
You deserve to begin the next chapter of your life as much as Ian and I do, Bryn.” I go out the door, feeling her right behind me. I look ahead and see Ian. I have to smirk. He may be going into the kitchen, but he had to see me coming out.

This sucks.
I have to keep my focus on the perfect time I’ve spent with her over the last several weeks, or I should say the last two years.

Ian

The smug look on Drew’s face doesn’t make me feel any better about the conversation I’m a
bout to have. She has to forgive me. Brynlee turns around at the door to what looks like a kitchen and ushers me in.

“I’m guessing this is where you bake?”

“This is it.”

“You
deserve more space.”

“Yes I do, but this works for now. What do you want to say? I need to get to work.” She’s never been upset with me, and I don’t ever w
ant her to feel this way again. I move toward her and take her hands.

“I’m sorry, Brynlee.
I’ve never lost it like that before, but I’ve never felt jealousy like that, either. It was the first time I’ve seen you two being affectionate. I snapped, and I feel terrible about hurting you.”

“Y
ou hurt him. He needed stitches but refused to get them. I had to doctor his head the best I could. You hurt me by hurting him.”

Now I feel as if my head was bashed into the floor of the van. I drop my head and run my fingers across my eyes until they meet at the bridge of my nose.

“I’m sorry. I intend to apologize to Drew. I really do feel terrible about it. I would never intentionally hurt you. I … I’m different with you, Brynlee, and I’m not used to it.”

I cup her face with my hands,
and her soft petal skin sends that tingling feeling throughout my body. As terrified as loving her makes me, it’s worth risking everything, even my whole heart.

“
I accept your apology. I can’t say Drew will, but I seriously doubt either of you care at this point. I still think he deserves one.”

The v
ice on my stomach loosens some.

“Oh, thank you, Brynlee.
” I can’t resist tasting those rosy lips of hers. I plant a couple of gentle kisses on them and pull her against me. She’s tense at first but finally gives, and in no time, she’s molding against me. I attempt to kiss her again, but she stops me.

“I’m sorry but not here. This is Drew’s space, and I … I can’t.”

“Brynlee, I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I only react when I see you. I’ve missed you already. Am I pressing my luck asking to still see you tonight?”

S
he interlaces our hands and rests her head against my chest. “I want to see you, and it’s important you meet my Gram. She’s not in good health.”

“What time can I pick you up?”

“I’ll be here until you come back but not before six.”

“OK.” I hug her fiercely
before I walk out. It pains me to leave her here with him, but at least it won’t be for long. I get in line to speak with Drew, and when I make my way to the counter, he tells the girl that was about to wait on me that he’s got it.

“Hey, man. I came
to apologize. I’m sorry I lost it.”

A grin spreads across his
ugly face.

“Don’t sweat it. You did me a huge fav
or. You might as well have walked away from her forever when you came after me. Now, what can I get you?”

I shake my
head and blow out a deep breath, so I don’t grab on to his shirt and flip him over this counter.

“I wouldn’t get ahead of yoursel
f. Her lips just said otherwise.” I watch the color and smirk leave his face. “I wouldn’t put it past you to try to off me with poison, so I’ll get my coffee elsewhere.” I stroll away with a grin. I only wish I felt as cocky as I appear.

Brynlee

It’s six o’clock, and I’ve finished cleaning up for the day. I’m about to leave the kitchen when Drew walks in. “Hi. I’ve barely seen you today,” I say.

“Sorry. Someone kind of soured my mood.” He frowns, and I realize he’s talking about Ian. I should’ve known t
hey’d exchange more words than “I’m sorry” and “thank you.”

He looks away from me. “He told me he kissed you. It was hard to hear after the great day and night we shared.”

“Drew, it wasn’t that kind of kiss.”

I would never cheat in a
relationship, but no matter which one of them I’m with, I feel like I’m cheating on the other. I approach him and put my palm on his cheek. He looks down at me, and I see the hurt.

“I’m sorry
. I stopped him and told him I couldn’t kiss him here. I don’t know what else to say other than I know I have to decide. The pain I’m causing the two of you is becoming unbearable.

“I shou
ld’ve laid stricter ground rules when this started, but you both were aggressive right out of the gate, and I admit that I haven’t been able to resist. Neither of you will refrain from touching me, so I don’t know why you expect that the other will.”

He kisses my forehead
ever so gently.

“I guess I have to live with it for now because I can’t not t
ouch you. It’s impossible,” he says.

My cell phone bu
zzes. I sent Ian a message earlier telling him not to come in when he arrived, so I have no doubt it’s him. I tiptoe and plant a kiss on Drew’s lips. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

He lets ou
t a hefty sigh and releases me.

“Please make a decision, Bryn
.”

I see the cast
of pain before he leaves the kitchen. He’s probably going to his office, and I can’t look at his sad face again, so I gather my things and march as fast as I can to the front door. Once outside, I find Ian’s car and get in.

“Hi,” I say before I give
him a swift kiss on the cheek. “Ready to meet Gram? I thought we could grab dinner after if that’s alright with you.”

“Absolutely.”
He grabs hold of my hand and brings it to his lips to kiss. We talk about his day at work as he drives us to the nursing home. I’m a little nervous. Gram is partial to Drew, and I think she assumes we’re an item.

Also, I haven’t had a chance to even mention Ian, so she’ll have no time to think on it. We get inside and thankful
ly, the place smells tolerable today.

“Since Gram hasn’t met you, let me go in first and make sure she’s dressed and situated. She’ll be upset with me otherwise,” I say as we stand outside her door.

“No problem.” Ian gives me a warm smile. Aside from his fit of jealousy, he’s always calm and collected, which is soothing for my nerves.

“Gram, how are you today?”

Her face lights up, but she doesn’t look well. Every time I see her, she’s frailer. She pats my hand.

“Other than a little tired, I’m fine, dear. How are you?”

“Busy. Work keeps picking up, but I still have no help so it’s tiring. Listen, I brought a new guy friend with me. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and I’d like you to meet him.”

“Oh, what happened to Drew? I’
ll still see him, right?”

“Of course, Drew will still visit you. He loves you, Gram. He’s also my dear friend.”

“But I don’t look the best today.” Gram runs her hands through her thin, grey hair. It doesn’t matter how old she gets, she’s still pretty, and it’s visible she was once a stunning woman.

“We won’t stay long, but I
really want you to meet him.” I leave the room and get Ian. He follows me in, and I see him lay his charming grin on her.

“Hi, I’m Ian.” H
e stretches his hand out to her and she takes it.

“Well, hello. Aren’t you a handsome
fella?”

“Why thank you.”

Gram smiles at me, her eyes brighter.

“Precious, you sure know how to find nice looking men.” I feel my cheeks warm.

“You’re dressed awfully fancy. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m an attorney, ma’am.”

“Oh, you’re a smart, hard-working man then.”

“I recently
graduated from Columbia, so I’m new to working, but I have no doubt I’ll be putting in the hours. I’m employed by my father’s firm, and he’s a tough one.”

“I’m sure he’s ve
ry proud and your mother, too. I’m very proud of my dear Brynlee here. She’s one special girl. She works hard to take care of herself.”

I see that
she’s still holding Ian’s hand. That man doesn’t have to do anything but flash a smile. Charm exudes from him without effort.

“I sure think she’s special. I could spend every minute with her and not grow tired of her co
mpany. I’d also like to help Brynlee not have to work so hard,” he says, now flashing me that wicked grin.

“She could sure use the help, but getting her
to take it is the difficult part. She’s always been independent that way. It’s time she have a partner to take some of that stress away.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“OK, you two. I’m right here. I can take care of myself just fine.”

Gram pats Ian’s hand again. “See what I mean. She’s stubborn just like her mother and grandmother. Don’t listen to her. You help her all you want.”

Gram winks at him, and I know my chin just hit the floor. Unreal. She’s flirting with my boyfriend. I do feel like I have two of them right now. I need to get off this topic.

“Gram, have your meals improved any?”

“No, dear. They said I’ve lost more weight. The food is still terrible.” She makes a sour face and lightly shakes her head.

“I’ll talk to the nurses again and see what we can do.”
We visit with her a little longer, and I get a list of some things she needs before we tell her bye and approach the nurse’s station.

One of the younger nurses looks up from the desk and does a double take when she eyes Ian. She bats her eyes, a flirty grin joining in on the action.

“How can I help you?” she asks him.

“Um, it’s about my grandmother,
” I say, trying to redirect her attention. She looks back to me.

“Oh, yes, right. Gram?”

“Yes, Gram. How is her infection doing?”

“
The antibiotics are still not clearing it up completely.”

“She’s
complaining about her meals again. She’s losing weight, and I imagine she’s not drinking enough.”

“Can a dietician meet with her?” Ian asks the nurse.

“I think one has but it’s been awhile.”

“The one here is
n’t helpful.” I shrug at the nurse. “Sorry, but she’s not. She seemed uninterested in helping Gram find any substitutions for things she didn’t like.”

“Why don’t we see if we could bring one in to talk with her?”
Ian asks.

I look to him.
“We can’t afford that. Due to insurance guidelines, we’d have to pay for it if we don’t use their dietician.”

“I’ll pay for it.”

I lower my voice to privy our conversation a little.

“Ian, I can’t let you do that.”

He tucks my messy tresses behind my ear and gives me the look that melts my heart. It’s not the heated one that makes it race but the one that says, “I want to take care of you forever.”

“
Let me do this.”

My heart is pounding from this
personal moment we’re having in front of someone.

“Can we discuss it later?”

He gives me a faint smile. “Sure.”

I give my attention back to the nurse.

“Thank you for your help. I’ll get hold of the nursing manager if we decide to bring someone else in. Please call me if her condition worsens.”

“Of course.” She looks to Ian as she says this, batting those las
hes again and grinning. Goodness, is this how it always is? I guess it would be. He sure had that effect on me the second our eyes met.

We leave the nursing home and grab some Thai food to take back to my apartment. We’re on the couch, and I’m
trying to pick up noodles with my chopsticks.

“W
e’re not officially a couple, and even if we we’re, I can’t let you spend your money on Gram.” He doesn’t say anything, so I finally look up. “Are we in agreement?”

“I’ll answer after I
watch you being so damn adorable. I think I could occupy every second of my day watching you do things. The faces you make are priceless. I’m really digging this look of concentration as you try to wear down those chopsticks.”

I reveal a smile before I lean over to kiss him. He notices the little things, too. It’s really sweet.

“Well, thank you. I’m trying hard
not
to focus on you too much.”

“Why?” he asks in the most pitiful tone
.

“I can’t take how sexy you are in dress clothes. It
’s a real turn on. There’s something about you in a tie.”

His s
tunning greens bore into me.

“Um ... you might want to hurry and eat. I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be able to keep my hands to myself.”

Heat spreads through me like a brush fire. Shit. I have no one to blame but myself for this one. I hear the door, and Andrea comes waltzing in, interrupting our stare down.

“How ar
e ya, chick? I had the craziest–oh sorry. I didn’t know you had company.”

“I’m glad you’re here. You finally get to meet Ian.” I peer at her over
the back of the couch. She strolls over with a grin, but the second she has a full shot of the gorgeous god, her mouths drops and she freezes.

“Um, um, I’m Andrea.” Ian stands and approaches her to shake her hand. I swear if I had something to launch at her to snap her out of her
drooling trance, I would do it.

She takes his hand a
nd finally comes back to earth.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ian. I’ve heard only great things about you.”

He gives her his charming grin.

“Likewise.”

“OK, well, I guess I’ll leave you two alone.”

“You don’t have to go
. Are you hungry? I’ve lost my appetite, so I have plenty if you want it,” I say.

“No, I’m
exhausted, actually. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Bye, Ian.” Andrea bats her eyes at him and heads to her room. Yes, tomorrow morning I’ll be hearing all about how hot Ian is. Like I need reminding. I can’t help but snicker as Ian takes a seat.

“What?” he asks innocently.

“You know what.” I grin and jab my foot under the ass of his dress pants. “Do you always have that effect on women? Gram found you charming and now Andrea.”

“Yes. It’s a huge burden.” He tries to hide his smirk, but it’s not working. He grabs hold of my foot and runs his finger up the middle of it, sending chills straight up my spine.
Sweet Jesus
. He can make anything sexual. I watch him studying me.

He begins undoing his tie, staring me down the entire time. That look right there is why I lost any interest in eating. He takes the box of foo
d from my hand and sets it on the coffee table before he completely removes his tie.

“I think it’s time I see your bedroom my sweet girl.”

“Oh you do?” I’m smiling but he’s definitely not. Lust is oozing from the man’s damn pores. I’m curious if he’s ever gone this long without sex.