I'm Over It (4 page)

We walk down a hallway where the bedrooms are. Each room is spacious. There is also a large bathroom.

At the end of the hallway is the master bedroom, which would be mine. It’s big. Not as big as my room in Mountain View, but
much
bigger than my small dorm room. There is even a balcony.

I also have my own bathroom, which is a must have. There is no way I could share a bathroom with two guys.

This place is perfect.

“I want it,” I tell the realtor.

“Do you want to know how much it will cost a month?” he asks.

“Her dad is paying,” Ty says.

“Oh, right,” the relator says. “Mark Evers. Well, he definitely won’t have a problem paying.”

“How much?” I ask, out of curiosity.

His answer makes my jaw drop open. I almost consider asking to see cheaper places.
Almost
. But I do really love this place. It’s perfect.

“Do you think Dad will mind?” I ask Ty. “That seems like a lot of money.”

“Your dad would do anything for you,” he answers.

“I know, but... this just seems like a lot,” I say. “It almost feels like I’m using him. If I tell my dad I want to live here, will he think I’m spoiled?”

“Kihanna, you are the least spoiled person I know,” Ty says. “This place is perfect. Your dad won’t even blink an eye at the price.”

I sigh. “Fine. Let’s do this.”

The realtor smiles. “I’ll email the paperwork to your dad and I should have an answer for you by tomorrow morning. I’ll be honest, I don’t think you’ll have a problem getting this place. I expect you to be moved in by Friday.”

I grin at that.

Because, really, Ty and Gabe’s dorm is small. I’m so ready to
not
be sleeping on their futon anymore.

I feel my phone vibrate. I pull it out of my back pocket and see a text from Micah.

Micah:
Hey, what’s up?

I am not sure how I am supposed to explain what’s going on right now, so I put my phone back in my pocket without replying. Really, how I am supposed to explain that I’m getting an apartment with two of my ex-boyfriends? I can’t, not without explaining what is going on with the whole Brian situation, and I’m not ready for that.

We leave the apartment and head back out of my car. I send my dad a quick text letting him know that I found the perfect place. I also let him know that if it’s too much money, I can pick a cheaper place.

Dad:
It’s not too much... not when it comes to you. Tomorrow, you should go pick out some furniture. Just use your credit card.

Me:
Thanks, Dad. I love you.

Dad:
Love you, too.

“Want to go furniture shopping tomorrow?” I ask Ty.

He laughs. “Maybe you should take Andrea with you for that.”

I don’t respond to that.

I totally
would
ask her to go with me, but I am scared to. I don’t want anything to happen to her.

“Crap, I forgot,” Ty says. “Sorry, Kihanna. I’d love to go with you.”

My phone vibrates again.

Veronica:
I am coming tomorrow to go furniture shopping with you. Kailee will be staying with Mark. What time is your last class?

I reply to her text, then turn to Ty.

“Veronica is coming, so I guess I don’t need you,” I say. “I should have known she wouldn’t give up an opportunity to shop.”

“Don’t let her pick for you,” he says.

“I won’t,” I answer. “If I don’t like something, I’ll tell her. But she will make the whole thing easier.”

The thought of going furniture shopping with Veronica excites me. In my head, I always pictured going with my mom. Of course, I also pictured that she and I would be going to thrift shops, and if I know Veronica, we will be going to really nice places. I miss my mom like crazy, but I’m so thankful I have Veronica to go with me.

“I’m just glad I don’t have to go,” Ty says.

I laugh.

Ty is such a guy.

Before we get back to the dorms, the realtor calls to let me know that we got the apartment. My dad wasn’t even done with the paperwork, but the second he told the owner who was renting it, he knew Mark would be good for the money.

So I move in Friday.

And Friday can’t come quickly enough.

7 p.m.

My feelings are complicated.

As Ty and I are about to walk into his building, Micah walks out.

Of course.

“Kihanna, hey,” Micah says, then looks at Ty. “Hey, Ty.”

Ty nods at him, then looks at me. “I’m just going to go up. I’ll meet you up there, I guess.”

“Okay,” I say awkwardly, and then watch him walk inside.

I look at Micah, waiting for him to say something. It’s obvious he feels just as awkward as I do.

“So... you and Ty?” he asks.

I shake my head. “No. No. It’s not what it looks like.”

“What is it, then?”

“Gabe, Ty, and I are getting an apartment off campus,” I explain. “Ty and I were just with a relator. We found a great apartment real close to campus. We are moving in on Friday.”

“That’s... cool,” he says. “I guess. I mean, it’s a little weird that you’re moving in with two of your ex-boyfriends.”

“It’s just because of everything that happened last year,” I explain. “My dad is over protective, and he wouldn’t let me get a place on my own. He wants Gabe and Ty there, because he knows they’ll look after me.”

“And you’re not dating either of them?”

“No,” I answer, honestly. “But I trust them. The three of us went through a lot last year. They will always be my best friends.”

“I don’t understand, because I didn’t go through it with you. But Kihanna, I like you a lot. I will accept them if that is what it takes to be with you,” Micah says. “I know we aren’t together right now, but I’d like to be.”

I don’t know what to say to that. The thought of being in a relationship makes me feel sick, because I’m not over Ty. Or Gabe and Brian for that matter. How am I supposed to explain something to Micah that I don’t understand myself?

“I know you’re not ready,” he continues. “And maybe you won’t be for a while, but you are the kind of girl worth waiting for.”

“But, what if you wait for me and I don’t reciprocate the feeling?” That is my fear, because Micah is a sweet guy. I don’t want to hurt him. At the same time, I don’t want him to go anywhere. I like him a lot. But I don’t like him enough. Not now. Maybe not ever.

“You’re worth the risk,” he says. “What’s meant to be will happen, no matter what you or I might want.”

“Between now and then, you might see that there isn’t anything special about me.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“I don’t.”

“Kihanna... in my world, it’s rare to find a girl who isn’t spoiled and stuck up,” he says. “I honestly never thought I’d find a girl I actually like and my parents approve of. I assumed either I would be happy or my parents would be happy.”

“You like me because your parents will approve?” I ask.

“No. No, that didn’t come out right,” he says. “I just mean it’s a bonus that my parents do approve. But that’s not why.”

“Your parents never would’ve approved of me as Kihanna Foster,” I say.

“Kihanna Foster?” he asks.

“Foster was my name before Mark Evers came into my life,” I explain. “I lived in a two bedroom house in St. Louis. My mom was a teacher. I was a straight A student who preferred to hang out with my mom on the weekends. I had never had a boyfriend, drank a beer, or been to a party. I was the girl everybody ignored at school. I sat at a table with other people, but we never talked. I always read a book or listened to music just to avoid talking.”

“That doesn’t seem like you,” he says.

“It’s not now. But then, that’s who I was.”

“I don’t think you were ever that girl,” he says. “I think that coming here forced you to come out of your shell. This is where you were always supposed to be.”

“Still, even if I was exactly the person I am now in St. Louis, you wouldn’t have given me a second glance. You just like me because I’m the daughter of the creator of
Staying Connected
,” I say. “I never would’ve dated Ty or Gabe.”

Maybe Brian.

You know, if he wasn’t crazy.

I think that’s why I liked him. He was
normal
. He reminded me of who I was before I came to California. Too bad that was all a facade.

“Your social status wouldn’t change how I feel,” he says. “Somehow, you and I would have met. It wouldn’t have been at your coming out party, but we’d have met. And it would have been magical. Meeting you was magical. Watching you walk down the stairs at your dad’s house, my heart literally stopped.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you’re beautiful,” he answers.

“It was the dress, the make-up, and the hair. If you had seen me on campus and not known who I was, you wouldn’t have looked twice.”

“I’m looking now,” he says. “I actually prefer you in jeans and a ponytail.”

I grin at his words, but I wish he wasn’t so sweet. The less people I have in my life, the better. Until Brian is behind bars, again, it’s best not to let people get close. It’s bad enough that Ty and Gabe refuse to leave my side. I hate the thought of putting them in danger, and I don’t want to worry about Micah too. I just need to figure out how to convince Brian that I don’t have feelings for Micah, which will be hard. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. He watched me for nine months and dated me for three of them.

“So, where should I pick you up on Saturday night?” he asks.

Oh, right.

Our date.

“I’ll text you my address when I know it,” I answer.

Even though I shouldn’t go out with him, I want to.

“It’s going to be awkward, isn’t it?” he asks.

“What will be awkward?”

“Picking you up,” he answers. “Both of your ex’s will be there.”

I laugh. “Maybe a little awkward. But Ty knows about our date. I told him.”

“What about Gabe?”

“Gabe knows I had sex with Ty after we broke up. I’m pretty sure that going on a date with you will be a lot less awkward,” I say.

“Is Ty okay with us going?” he asks.

“Define
okay
,” I say.

“I’ll take that as a no.”

“He will be fine. Eventually.” Maybe. I mean, technically we broke up one year ago, and he’s still in love with me. But, to be fair, I did kind of lead him on. And I’m not sure what my feelings are for him right now. I know that I like him as more than just a friend and ex-boyfriend, but I’m not exactly sure what that means. I also like Micah as more than just a friend.

But I don’t want to have sex with Micah.

I do want to have sex with Ty.

My feelings are complicated, and until I uncomplicate them, I shouldn’t be having sex with anybody.

“And you’re positive you’re over him?” Micah asks.

“I’m positive that Ty and I are absolutely wrong for each other,” I answer, avoiding his question. Because, truthfully, I’m not over him. But I want to be.

“I guess that’s good enough for now.”

It is all I can offer him.

And I thought the single life was supposed to be simple.

Thursday, November 4

8 a.m.

Game on.

I wake up early on Thursday morning because Gabe has an eight a.m. class. He’s not very quiet while he gets ready, and once he’s gone I can’t go back to sleep. I decide to use my free time to check my
Staying Connected
.

A few weeks ago, I deleted the app from my phone. I feel like I’m constantly getting messages and notifications on there. I hardly ever update my status, but that doesn’t stop people from going to my page and commenting on old stuff. I would delete it all together if my dad wasn’t the creator.

When I login, I have quite a few messages. I’m shocked when I see one from Olivia Asher. I click on it immediately.

Kihanna,

Hey. I am writing, because I hate how we left things last April. I’m sorry. I blamed you for what my brother did, and I know it wasn’t your fault. I think it helped to blame you and not him. My brother was sick and I didn’t see that then. I do now.

I miss Brian. There isn’t a single day that goes by that I don’t think of him. I wonder how I never noticed how screwed up he was. I wonder if there was something I could have done to help him. I know it’s not my fault, but I still wish I had seen it.

I also miss you. You were my best friend. I hate that I let what happened to my brother ruin our friendship.

I’m not ready to be friends with you again. Honestly, I’m not sure if I will ever be. I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry and that I hope someday I will find room in my heart for you once more.

Please don’t write back.

—Olivia

I read the message three times before I shut my screen.

For a moment, I feel like crying for Olivia. She’s been through so much, and she doesn’t deserve it.

But then, I feel anger. Anger towards Brian. How could he not tell his sister that he’s still alive? She deserves to know the truth. She’s grieving his death while he’s following me around. He’s sick.

Well, I knew that already, but still! This pisses me off. I will tell him so the next time I see him. This isn’t just about me. This is about his whole family.

I think about messaging Olivia back and telling her that Brian is alive, but that would probably hurt more than my silence. Plus, she would think I’m crazy. She will have to see it to believe it.

Screw Brian. I won’t let him dictate my life. Not anymore.

I pull out my phone and send a text to Andrea.

Me:
Me. You. My new apartment. Movie. Tomorrow night.

Andrea:
I’m so there.

Andrea:
But you forgot. Me. You. Your 2 ex’s. Hahahaha.

Me:
Don’t remind me.

More like three ex-boyfriends.

But she doesn’t need to know that.

I feel better already by sending that text. I’ll show Brian. And I will keep Andrea safe, no matter what the cost.

I just wish I could get a message to Brian right now, but I have to wait for him. I made my move, so it’s his turn.