Imperfections (14 page)

She lifts her head off my chest and I can see for the first time in a long time what I've been missing, her. I look deep into her eyes when I tell her.

"I'm sorry."

She licks her lips, staring back up into my eyes. I can barely hear, her voice is so low. It's barely above a whisper. "For what?"

"For letting you go."

Still looking at me, not blinking and with her lips parted, she says, "The car's here."

I back up and open the door for her. We don't say a thing to each other until the car starts moving again. She sits as far away from me as she can staring out the window. The partition is up in the car separating us from the driver. I roll it down and give him her address before I roll it back up. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You had two Long Island iced teas. I know you're not a drinker and those things can sneak up on you."

"I'm good. Do you think we can listen to something?"

"Sure, what do you want to listen to? My iPod is plugged into the speakers."

"Anything. I'm not picky."

"Good, because the only music you're going to get tonight is from my iPod. There should be something on it you'll like, you know I listen to a little of everything."

"I remember some of the stuff you listened to was really out there."

"You didn't give it a chance."

"I did. The only reason you even listened to most of that crap was to appease your girlfriends of the moment."

"I'll admit sometimes I did, but some of it was pretty good; it opened me up to a range of music."

"I'm sure they did open you up to a lot of things. Some of your choices in girls were questionable. The most was Tara the punk rocker chick. There wasn't one time I saw her and she didn't look like she was going to a funeral, all black from head to toe. You could have done better."

I haven't thought about Tara in years. She had a bad attitude and she smoked half a pack a day among other things. There was something about her no one else could see. She didn't give a damn what other people thought of her. She was wild and yet with all her bad habits and faults she still looked like a supermodel. We ended things the day I helped her check into rehab. I saw her brother a year later and he said she was doing well. Enrolled in college and everything. We were friends who hooked up once in a while but everyone assumed we were a couple. "Tara happened in my rebellious experimental stage." I flip through the music on my iPod.

"I remember that stage, it coincided with your skanky slutty phase that lasted into your college years."

"They were not skanky, they were sexually liberated and ahead of their time. We should not persecute them for that freedom and right therefore to be loose with their bodies," I say with all seriousness looking at her.

"Oh, gimme a break! You are so full of shit." She laughs and I laugh with her.

"Yeah, I am."

"So what range of liberating music are you listening to these days?"

"Mostly music that expresses the mood I'm in, like Mikky Ekko."

"Mikky Ekko? The guy who sang that song with Rihanna?"

"Stay."

"Yeah, that's a nice song. I didn't know who he was until I saw them perform it on the Grammys. I love his voice but I've never heard any of his other music."

"He sings more alternative music; you're not really into that. You're kind of musically oppressed unlike me who is more open-minded like my girlfriends of the moment. See what great talent you miss out on when you're not as liberated as the rest of us?"

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes. I roll my eyes back and we smile.

"I have a couple of his songs on here. Listen to this one since you like his song with Rihanna, you'll like it. It's called, "Pull Me Down." It describes the mood I'm in these days. I think you might be able to relate to it too."

"Really?"

"Really, just listen to it. It's a good song." I turn the volume up, go to my playlist and press play. I lean back and keep my eyes on her when he starts to sing, careful to watch every expression that's on her face to every word he sings.

When the song stops, she lifts her head up, looks at me and pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and slowly releases it. I wait for her to say something but she doesn't. I wish she would tell me what she's thinking.

"So what do you think?"

"It was beautiful."

"Can you relate? I know I can. He's saying all the things I want to say to you."

She closes her eyes, takes a breath, letting it out shaking her head.

"Cat, I'm sorry for not being able to show you how much I cared for you the way you cared for me all these years. For hurting you, for not making you mine when I had the chance. For caring too much about what someone else would think. You should have been the one. You are the one."

"Don't do this to me, Nick." She leans back opening her eyes slowly.

I reach across the seat to take her hand, turning it over and tentatively stroke the palm before I lace our fingers together, her skin is so soft. Closing her eyes she parts her lips. God, I want to kiss her and run my tongue across her lips. Take her inside my mouth, taste her with our tongues intertwined, dancing around each other in sweet, hot wetness. "I have to." I place the palm of my hand against her cheek. "Catherine, look at me."

I can't help myself, my lips slide over hers. She doesn't move; our lips fit together perfectly, full and soft. Her breathing speeds up and she parts her lips for me, my tongue glides between them into her warm mouth. My other hand travels down the side of her arm to find its way to the small of her back. She moans softly, on a sigh her lips move against mine and she tastes so good like gin and tequila mixed with lime, my own personal drink. I'm not going to stop till I'm drunk. I want to taste every last drop of her.

Her body presses against me and I can't think of anything but getting her closer to me. My whole body is instantly warm from her and I can't stop touching her. She places her hands on my chest to steady herself. I wrap my arm around her pulling her onto my lap so she's straddling me, her dress bunches up to the top of her thighs. Deepening the kiss, I suck her tongue into my mouth and my hand slides into her hair at the back of her head. She moans into my mouth and I feel it deep down inside of me, I need her, I need to be inside her. I press her down on top of me so she can feel my need for her.

"Nick, this is wrong. We shouldn't be doing this," she says against my lips, her voice sounding hoarse.

I brush the hair back away from her face so I can see her beautiful, warm, almond-shaped eyes and I can see she wants me as much as I want her. If there's a chance for me to have her and be with her just for one night before she finds out the truth and I lose her, then that's enough for me. I'll take that.

The music comes back on repeat and I vaguely hear Mikky Ekko's voice in the background. The only thought in my mind is making this woman I've cared about and protected for years mine.

I trail a path of slow, wet, rhythmic kisses from the corner of her mouth across her high cheekbone, underneath her chin, licking my way down to the side of her neck where I stop at the juncture of her delicately smooth collarbone. I hear her panting and gasping for air.

"Tell me you want me to stop, Cat, and I will. All you have to do is say the word and I will."

She runs her hands through the sides of my hair and pulls me closer to her telling me she wants more.

This is her way of telling me without words she doesn't want me to stop and I won't. I run my hands up the sides of her arms to the nape of her neck, undoing the clasp on the back of her dress, sliding it down her soft, flawless skin to her chest and stop before I uncover her. I raise my head and work my way back up to her sweet mouth. Feeling her soft warm body pressing against me I'm throbbing and hard, ready to sink into her but I want to take my time. I want to remember every moment of this.

She covers my hands with hers slowly letting the top fall down around her waist and watches me look at the glory that is her.

"You're even more beautiful than I imagined." I bend my head down drawing  her soft turgid nipple into my hot waiting mouth, arching her back, her hand on my shoulders; a long hard moan escapes her mouth when I swirl my tongue around her nipple making it rock hard before I move to the other one. I run my hand up her thigh under her dress to her bare ass. My finger slips into her thong and finds her so wet and ready for me I want to rip them off and bury my dick deep inside her damp, wet pussy.

"You're so fucking wet."

"Nick…Nick," she calls my name out of breath.

"Yeah, baby."

"Nick."

As she's moaning my name I slip my finger inside of her wetness and whisper in her ear, "God, Cat, you feel so fucking incredible, I want you."

She leans her head against me telling me what I need to hear. "Yes."

I slide my finger out of her and push two fingers into her, slowly swirling them around. She rocks her hips, pushing down against me before I slide back out to spread her wetness around her swollen clit.

"Don't stop," she whispers, panting against my neck.

"Baby, I won't." I slide my finger back in adding one more and she's so tight her walls clench around them. "Baby, I don't want you to come yet. I want to be inside of you when that happens, I want to feel your tight little pussy wrapped around me the first time I make you come for me."

She runs her hands down my shirt to my lap to undo my pants, kissing me, fumbling with the buckle on my belt. My hand leaves from between her thighs trailing her wetness across her skin to help her. My other hand finds its way to her breast to tweak and knead her already aroused nipple making her moan.

She eases me out with her fingers and I'm barely able to catch my breath when she strokes me. My head falls back and I moan her name deep in the back of my throat when she rubs her hand over the tip of my dick. She's invading my mouth and all my senses moving her wet frantic tongue over my lips, sucking me into her mouth.

"I want you inside of me, Nick, I need to feel you."

Stroking me up and down with her hand, I can't think with her squeezing and rubbing my pre-come around the head of my dick. I make a deep gruff sound; grasping her thighs, I jerk her against my chest with her knees on either side of me on the seat, straddling my thighs. Lifting her up, I slip her thong to the side, swirling the tip of my erection against her swollen flesh. I force myself to keep my eyes open watching her close hers and part her lips when the head of my dick enters her, I feel her wetness sliding halfway down my length. I can't think of anything beyond the feeling of warm silk flowing down over me, wrapping me up inside her, making me forget everything but us, it's fucking incredible beyond anything I've experienced.

"You feel so damn good." Gritting my teeth I slowly pull back out afraid of coming too soon.

"Put it in. Put it all the way in," she says with her voice dripping with the need I feel to claim her as mine.

"You want me to put it in?"

"Yes."

"Can I put my mark on it and claim it as mine, no one else's?"

"Yes."

"Is it mine?"

"Yes!"

"Only mine?"

"Hmm, yes, Nick, yes."

"I want to fuck you."

"Fuck. Me. Please, Nick."

"I lower her on top of me and ease into her. She's so wet, soft and fucking warm I stop halfway again before I lose it. "Baby, you feel so good. You're so fucking tight." I'm taking deep shallow breaths and she is too, her head presses against mine.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" I ask, knowing she's only done this one time before.

She shakes her head. "No. I need more."

"Good, I'm going to pull you down all the way. You ready?"

"Yesssssss, Nick."

I slide all the way up in her pulling her hips down on me. "Oh shit, you feel so fucking good, Cat!" I'm all the way inside of her stroking her and she's making these little noises that are driving me crazy. I start moving faster and she's rocking back and forth grinding against me. Her hair sweeps across her shoulders, her eyes fluttering. I can feel her body clench around me harder and harder, sucking me in deeper with her body meeting my every movement, thrust for heart pounding thrust. I swear to God, I have never felt anything as good as this in my entire life.

I don't want it to stop but I feel it building, I feel it coming. I hear her scream my name and taking her lips and her screams of release inside of me. Seconds later, I find my release, our moans and screams mingling with our lips and bodies locked together. It's unfuckingbelievable.

We're both out of breath, her arms are wrapped around my neck with her head resting on my shoulder. One of my arms is on her bare thigh the other on her back. We're still joined together like there's no beginning or end to us. I don't know how long we stay like this. Could be minutes could be hours, I'm not certain; the only thing I'm certain of is we're not moving anymore so we must be in front of her house.

We're quiet, listening to each other breathing steadily. I don't want to say anything and disturb the peace and calm we have, joined together as one. I know this is the calm before the storm and I'm going to have hell to pay for what we just did. No matter how incredibly amazing it was, there is no way around me not hurting her.

Even worse for her would be someone in her family finding us like this in front of her house.

"Cat?"

"Yes?"

"You okay?"

"No."

I run my hand over her hair and stroke her back. She shifts and I instantly feel myself start to grow. Shit.

"Baby, please don't move like that. You're going to have to ease off me if we're going to get any kind of talking done." She slides off me and winces a little.

"Baby, you okay? Does it hurt?" Worry creases my forehead.

"I'm fine, just a little discomfort."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. When you've only had sex once in your life, then years later for the second time—" She stops and takes a deep breath pulling her dress down to cover herself before she continues. "It's kind of uncomfortable but it doesn't compare to the pain of the first time at all."