Impossible Things (29 page)

Rosaline looked down at her daughter and pulled her hand away from Lucy’s. She rubbed one hand over Lucy’s hair and smiled at her. “I made my decision long ago, thirty years to be exact. I can’t walk away from that.”

Lucy pulled away from her mom’s hand and stood. “If you go home to him, then I don’t want to hear from you ever again.”

Rosaline jerked back as if she had been slapped and Lucy heard Rodrigo gasp. It was Isabella who said something, “Don’t you ever talk to your mother like that!” she said.

Lucy turned to look at her grandmother and she recognized that the anger on her face was reflected back at her from Isabella’s. “I’m not you Nana. I can’t sit by and watch her throw her life away!”

She turned and storm out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She grabbed her coat from the closet by the door and ran out of the house as if the hounds of hell were at her heels.

She walked the city streets for hours, as the night grew colder around her. Most of the streets were
deserted; normal people were warm and cozy at home with their families. She thought about going to Lucas’ but then realized that would be cowardly. This was her problem and she had to deal with it.

The Christmas lights were still on as she walked down Bond Street and she had the odd feeling that she was the last living person in London. More than once she heard laughter and music coming from houses that she past and she felt sad that she wasn’t with her family.

She hadn’t meant to say such a thing to her mom but her temper had gotten the best of her. She just wanted Rosaline to be happy and instead she was throwing her life away on a man who didn’t deserve it.

On a small, side street in a residential neighborhood she saw an open pub and went in to get out of the cold night air. There were only a few people in the pub as she walked up to the bar and asked for a glass of wine. She was sitting, lost in contemplation when a man came up and asked if he could buy her a drink. She declined and for a minute she thought
that he was going to give her a hard time but he didn’t. Instead he walked away quietly and left her to her thoughts.

After finishing her wine she used the pub’s phone to call a cab. She was in a different part of London and it was getting late; she didn’t want to take the chance of getting mugged.

In the cab she hesitated when he asked her where she was going but finally she gave Isabella’s address. When they pulled up she wasn’t prepared but not having a choice she paid the cabbie and went inside.

The tree, which had been bare when she left, was now fully decorated and the lights were still on. She stepped into the drawing room to look at it and realized that a fire was still burning in the fireplace. She was about to walk out when she heard a noise and turned around to see Rosaline, in her pajama’s
, sitting on the floor by the tree, with a mug in her hand.

“What are you drinking,” she asked her mom, uncertain if Rosaline would respond but she did. “Hot chocolate. Rodrigo made it for me before he went to bed.”

Lucy smiled and Rosaline must have seen it because she said, “He said it’s what father’s do for their daughters on Christmas Eve.”

They both laughed at that and Lucy sat down on the settee. “He’s never going to get tired of saying it,” she said and Rosaline laughed.

“Mom-,” she started to say but Rosaline held up her hand to interrupt. “Don’t say it Lucy. I already know what you think of me. You think I’m a coward and you’re right.”

“I don’t think that at all! I could never think you’re a coward!”

Rosaline shook her head. “Well I do. I am. Instead of standing up for myself all these years I gave in to him. I did what he wanted to shut him up because I didn’t want to argue. I didn’t want to fight with him. But I gave in so much that it became habit.”

“Mom, I don’t think you’re a coward. I just want you to be happy.”

Rosaline shook her head, “You’re the daughter Lucy. You’re not supposed to worry about me. I’m supposed to worry about you.”

Lucy held up her hand, “But I’m fine Mom! I’m fine. I have a job I love, I have Rodrigo and Isabella and I…have Lucas.”

Rosaline took a sip of her hot chocolate before asking, “Do you love him?”

Lucy took a deep breath and said, “I do.”

Rosaline nodded and looked at the tree. The multi-colored lights lit up her face and made her look younger than her years. “Have you told him?” she asked.

Lucy shook her head and then realized her mom wasn’t looking at her so she said, “No. Not yet. I will.”

“What’s your hesitation?”

Lucy looked at the Christmas lights. “It’s so much at once. I’m trying to figure out what I want,” she hit her chest with her left hand
, “What Lucy wants, and I don’t want to give that up again.”

Rosaline looked at her and their eyes met. “Will he make you give yourself up?”

Lucy thought about it and shook her head. Her words when they came were a whisper. “No. He makes me feel more like me.”

Rosaline nodded. “I don’t think you have to worry again Lucy. You’re strong and feisty and your grandmother is a good influence. She’s someone you can look up to. A role model.”

Lucy nodded. “Can you imagine saying that in front of dad?”

Rosaline smiled and shook her head. “No. He would never understand.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes and then, without looking at Lucy, Rosaline asked, “What would I do for money? I’m not good at anything. I don’t have a skill.”

It wasn’t Lucy who answered that question it was Isabella
. They turned to see her standing in the door, wrapped in a red silk robe. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. The money your father left you is still sitting in the bank. It’s been growing interest for over thirty years. You can live on that while deciding what you want to do with the rest of your life.”

She came in the room and as she passed Lucy she ran her hand lightly over Lucy’s hair. “My girls
, its Christmas morning and all children are supposed to be in bed asleep or Santa can’t come in.”

Lucy laughed and looked at her mom
before asking, “Oh No! Don’t tell me Rodrigo has a Santa suit?”

Isabella laughed and said, “No
. But he does have some red silk boxers that I’d like to see him in tonight. But that’s only if the two of you will go to bed!”

Lucy woke the next morning to the phone beside her bed ringing. Thinking that someone else would answer it she rolled over and buried her head under her pillow. Finally it stopped ringing but then started up again and with a groan she rolled over and grabbed it, “Hello?”

“Happy Christmas,” Lucas said.

Forgetting her aggravation she smiled at the phone. “
Merry
Christmas,” she answered.

“Sorry for calling so early but I wanted to hear your voice. I was sad when I woke up and you weren’t here with me this morning.”

He had invited her to stay the night before but she had declined. She had seen his disappointment and she felt bad but his mom was staying with him and Lucy felt it was only right to be with her mom and grandmother Christmas morning.

“I’ll see you soon. You and your mom will be here at one?”

He laughed. “If I can wait that long. I miss you.”

“I miss you too.”

He cleared his throat, “And you’re sure I can’t ask you that question today?”

She shook her head. He sounded exactly like a little boy who was being denied what he wanted. “No you can’t ask that. I’m not ready for that.”

“Fine,” he said, “But don’t be surprised if someone else comes along and steals me away from you. I’m a catch you know?”

Lucy laughed. “Lucas
, don’t forget that while part of me may be English the other part of me is American. If anyone tries to steal you from me I’ll have to kick her ass. Then yours.”

His voice was warm and full of laughter when he said, “So you do care?”

“Of course I care! I care very much. But I’m not ready for marriage. I just left one fiancée I’m not ready for another. But in all seriousness, I have to ask you, are you sure you’re willing to wait? Are you prepared to wait? I would understand if you’re not, I would be crushed, but I would understand.”

That wasn’t the whole truth but she wasn’t going to tell him that if he left her she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to recover. She knew that he was it for her. He was the one that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. But he deserved the chance to walk away because she wasn’t ready for more.

They talked for a few more minutes, he told her over and over again that he would wait and then they hung up. He was going to wake his mom and open presents and Lucy was going to take a shower and check on her family.

She was about to step into the bathroom when there was a knock on her bedroom door. She called out and Rodrigo opened the door and stuck his head in. “Are you coming or what? We’ve been waiting for you to wake up for an hour now and we can’t wait anymore.”

“I have to get dressed,” she told him and he shook his head and opened the door wider. “No you don’t. We’re all in our pajamas.”

He was wearing pajamas,
red linen ones, with a faint white stripe. She grabbed her robe and followed him down the stairs. “Those don’t really seem like something you’d wear,” she told him and he laughed and said, “These are the first pair of pajamas that I’ve owned since I was a boy but I didn’t think you and Rosaline would want to see me in my boxers.”

Lucy shrugged. They might have. It would at least have been a pretty sight first thing in the morning.

They got to the drawing room and before Rodrigo opened the door he and Lucy heard laughter coming from the room. They smiled at each other before opening the door and going in.

Isabella looked up, “There you are I thought you were going to sleep all day!”

Lucy looked over at the clock on the mantelpiece and saw that it was only a few minutes after eight, but she didn’t say anything.

Isabella was like a child as she handed out presents
. She made Rodrigo pass out hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls and Lucy was more interested in stuffing her face with the delicious cinnamon rolls than opening her presents.

S
he watched Rosaline and Isabella smiling and laughing with each other. Being here, with her family, was the best present that she could have wished for.

Isabella finished handing out the presents and then told them that they would take turns. Each would open
one a present at a time so that everyone could see what they received.

Rosaline went first and she opened her present from Rodrigo. It was a
shiny black envelope and when she opened it and pulled out the card inside she gasped. She looked up at Rodrigo and said, “I can’t take this.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be silly. Of course you can. They expect you on Friday morning.”

Lucy raised an eyebrow and looked at her mom. Rosaline handed the card over and Lucy saw that it was an appointment card for his family’s store and that Rosaline was to be fitted for an entire new wardrobe on Friday. She smiled at her mom and there were tears in Rosaline’s eyes.

“Are you sure,” she asked Rodrigo and he nodded. “Yes. Rosaline this is what my family does. What we’ve done forever. You are my family now, so it is part of you as well, and you deserve beautiful clothes that you love and that make you feel good. Besides if my daughter doesn’t wear our clothes that will reflect badly on
her papa!”

Rosaline laughed and went across the room to hug him. When Rosaline moved away Lucy watched as Isabella reached out and squeezed her husband’s hand. On her face was a look of pride.

It was Lucy’s turn to open her present from him but she realized that she didn’t have one. She looked at him and he shook his head. “You were hard. I thought of a hundred things to buy you and then dismissed them all. I wanted it to be something special, but I didn’t want to buy you jewelry. I almost went crazy. You’re as hard to buy for as your grandmother is. But then it hit me like a bolt of lightning and I realized what you needed.”

He stood up and came over to her and handed her a key.

“What’s this?” she asked and he smiled.

“Safety,” he said
, and went back to sit on the settee next to Isabella.

Lucy shook her head. She didn’t understand. “What do you mean?”

“You were with Sam because you had a desire to be safe. You left him and now you’re exploring this thing you have with Lucas, so you’re no longer safe. I worry about that. So I’m giving you safety. Not from him or from love but from the rest of the things that life throws at us.”

She looked down at the key in her hand. It was a large, old fashioned key.

She still didn’t understand.

             
Isabella asked for her, “What do you mean Rodrigo? What did you do?”

He looked from his wife back to Lucy. “I can’t protect you
, or us, from aging or sickness and I don’t want to protect you from love, or even from life, but I can make sure that you have a job, that you have money and that you have a safe place to live.”