Impossibly Love (10 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY

Branden

    
After my
consultation with Doctor Henderson,
Mom wanted me home. She said it was
better to be away from the stressful school environment. I knew it was simply
because she was scared; so scared that she wanted me close and on her radar.

     No one said
anything after leaving the hospital. Mom didn’t even comment on Dad finally
being present for my visit with Doctor Henderson.

     That night
we had dinner together, all four of us, and surprisingly, Mom started a
conversation in a rare tone of excitement. “Guess who I saw today at the bank?”

     Dad asked,
“Who?” pretending to be as enthusiastic as Mom was.

     “Samantha.”

     I looked up
from my plate. Mom’s pale blue eyes beamed at me in return. When I made no
comment, she continued, “Apparently, Sammie’s working part-time at Wesley Bank
while taking night classes at Colby-Sawyer College.”

     That sounded
strange. Samantha always said she was going to study at Yale. I wondered what
changed.

     “It was
rather odd,” Mom went on. “She seemed so flustered seeing me, as if I was going
to chew her head off.”

     Ashton
dropped his fork. “Well, she was kind of a bitch to Branden, so of course she’d
feel bad seeing you, mom. She should feel bad.” He was mad at Samantha for the
way she ended things between us.

     “Hey, I’m
over it. You guys should be, too.” I snapped, before taking a slice of my pork
chop.

     The look on
Mom’s face told me she didn’t want it to be over. After all, no one wanted
Samantha and I to be together more than Mom did. She had big plans for us. Why
was she asking about Moya, then?

     “Branden,”
Dad muttered under his breath, the sound of his stern voice disrupted my
contemplating. “Let’s you and I have a talk after dinner, okay, son?”

     I nodded. It
felt weird that Dad actually wanted to exchange words. He barely even looked me
in the eye in months since I got sick. I was glad, though, he’d started to come
around.

     After dinner,
I went out back to where dad was sitting, looking out at the still water. The
lights of the Naval Academy Bridge and Annapolis were barely visible in the
distance, but it was a good scene nevertheless.

     He heard my
steps and motioned me over to the chair next to him.

     “What’s up,
dad?” I asked. The anticipation made me uneasy.

     Dad cleared
his throat and sat out on the chair. “Your mom kept this from you, Branden,
because she's scared. But I thought it was important that you knew.”

     I shrugged.
“Knew what?”

     His eyes
watered briefly and he turned his head. “Doctor Henderson said the surgery may
be even more risky this time around, might speed up your death. But these…” he
trailed. “These meds you’ve been on could give you more time.”

     The chair
suddenly turned icy and I jumped out of it. “So, what’re you saying, I should
wait it out?” My stomach churned. How could there not be a way for me to
finally and freely give Moya all the love I’d been feeling in my heart the past
few days?

     Dad got up
from the chair and spread his arms apart as he approached me. That’s when I
realized I was shaking, and tears were fighting to pour out, because I was
starting to realize I’d probably never have the chance to be with Moya.

     It all came
crashing down on me: my feelings and my sickness. I couldn’t take it anymore. I
started to run. I ran so hard and so long that I ended up at the hockey rink
near my old high school.

     My heart was
beating uncontrollably as if it was about to rip out of my chest. I pressed my
forehead against the cold concrete and pounded my fist on the wall, unable to
hold back the tears as they burned my eyes.

     Shortly
after, I found a way inside and sat on one of the seats, slouching over as I hung
my head in the palm of my hands.

     Not sure how
long I’d been sitting there.

     After some
time passed, I heard footsteps coming toward me. I didn’t look up to see who it
was—a little embarrassed because my face was probably covered in tears.

     A firm hand
squeezed my shoulder and I knew who it was. Sitting up, I wiped my face as
Ashton settled in the seat next to mine.

     He rubbed
his eyebrow then took a long breath. “Mom and Dad are worried about you. I had
an idea where you were so I told them I’d come get you.”

     I cleared my
throat, like there was a frog stuck inside. “Sorry, I had to be by myself for a
while.” My voice was hoarse.

     Ashton got
up and stuck his hands inside the pockets of his sweatpants. “Look, Branden,” Ashton
started, the loose fabric of his sweatpants not hiding the way his hands balled
into tense fists, “…like Dad said, we’re all hurting, too.”

     He fell
quiet for a moment, his chest heaving with barely controlled emotion before he
offered me a frail, helpless smile. “You don’t have to hide from us, especially
not when you feel like you’re breaking down. No matter what, we’re still a
family. We’re still in this together.”

     Ashton
closed his eyes in a moment of vulnerability, the corners of his lips
struggling to remain in that faint smile before he found his voice again. 
“It’s okay, little bro.”

     I looked up
to meet his gaze and I could see the tears threatening to come out. As the
older brother, Ashton always wanted to be strong, but the memory of his
rebellious period was still hard for us to forget, especially Mom.

     “Why were
you so mad at them?” I had to ask, because he never spoke about it. None of
them did. It was swept under the rug, hidden from my ears.

     Ashton
furrowed his forehead. “What are you talking about?”

     I stood up
and pulled myself together. “During that time, when you started going out and
drinking, something triggered that behavior. What was it?”

     His face
cringed as he slanted and peered at the exit. “That…that was a long time ago
and I don’t think this is the right time—”

     “I wanna
know,” I interrupted, trying to force it out of him. “Something happened
between you and Dad. Then Mom made you more upset or…” I trailed, trying to fit
the puzzle together.

     Ashton spun
rapidly, clenching his jaw as he growled at me, “Alright, you wanna know what
happened, Branden? I’ll tell you. I found out something I wasn’t supposed to,
like our parents having separate affairs as if their marriage meant nothing. As
if our
family
meant nothing…” His voice faded when the moment flashed
back to him, staring vacantly at one of the seats as if I wasn’t there at all.

     He
continued, “I don’t even know why they’re still together all this time when
they obviously hate each other. It’s probably because of…” Ashton stopped once
his eyes met mine. Of course, our parents were stuck together because of me.
They were forcing themselves to stick it out in order to take care of their
dying son.

     Ashton and I
didn’t say another word to each other the drive back home. That was a good
thing because I had so much on my mind. Like how I was going to face the rest
of the days to come, whether or not I would take the risk and have surgery, if
I would have the courage to see Moya on Friday, and why I wasn’t affected at
all hearing my parents were cheating on each other.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Moya

     
I literally counted the hours all day
Friday
. I didn’t
realize how much I wanted to see Branden until he showed up outside my dorm in
the afternoon. Then I rushed into his arms as if we’d been apart for decades.

     Branden’s
eyes expanded at my dramatic reaction, and I wondered if he felt the same way.

     He laughed
as I finally composed myself and steadied on my feet. “It’s nice seeing you,” I
said softly. “I was having the worst day until now.”

     Lowering his
head, Branden kissed me passionately. Then nothing seemed to matter except for
that moment. We seemed enclosed within a circle, blocking everything out. I all
but melted like butter with his hot lips pressed against mine.

     When Branden
and I finally pulled away from each other, he gasped, then smiled
wholeheartedly and brushed my cheeks. “It’s nice seeing you too, Moya.” He took
my hand and led me off campus down the path to Severn River. “Why were you
having the worst day?”

     I shrugged,
“Failed a quiz this morning.”

     He squeezed
my hand and gave me a ‘don’t beat
yourself
up about
it’ look. I smiled in return. The way his eyes suddenly drifted from mine to
the ground made him seem as if he had a lot on his mind he wasn’t telling me.

     There was
something about his appearance. Branden’s body language was filled with
mystery. And the way he held my hand was almost as if he was preparing to let
me go.

     We got to
the river, and like all the evenings before, the fireflies were there. Branden
played with my fingers as we relaxed, quietly watching them. I kept my eyes on
him, trying to unravel his thoughts as he peered out to the still, dark water.

     “You okay?” 
I asked.

     He raised
his shoulders faintly. “I was thinking how you were so adamant at the start of
the semester; all in your zone trying to keep guys away from you. You never
even noticed me watching you.”

     “Watching
me, when?” I asked.

     Branden
snorted. “The first time I saw you
was
on that weekend
before classes started. You were hanging out in the courtyard near the dorms
with Vanessa. Then there was that one Tuesday when some guy brushed against you
on purpose, but you hissed and walked off. And, of course, can’t forget
Business Law or around the library.”

     I was
surprised. “I didn’t know you’d been watching me like that. Wow, not sure if I
should be flattered or frightened that I have a stalker,” I joked. The thought
occurred, once again, that now was the time to tell him how much I cared about
him. How much he had changed my heart.

     “Branden, I
think, I mean I know…” I exhaled then went for it, “I like you. I really like
you.”

     There I was,
chirping like a twelve year old who just confessed to her secret crush. But
Branden wasn’t replying the way I’d hoped.

     His face
went serious, dropping to the ground. “It was a good thing you were so
defensive before. You probably should have stayed that way with me.”

     Branden let
go of my hand and eased away a bit. I stepped closer and refilled the distance,
touching his arm as I asked, “What do you mean by that?”

     He slanted
his body, not looking me in the eye, as if he could no longer face me. “I’m sorry,
Moya. I can’t…I can’t return those feelings.”

     My heart
started to panic, my head spun. “What?” I asked nervously. “I just told you I
think I like you, Branden. Do you know how scary that is for me?”

     “I’m sorry.”
His voice sounded shaky. “I can’t be with you. I can’t give you whatever it is
you’re looking for. I…” He paused when his eyes finally met mine, realizing I
was sobbing over his words.

     He continued
spilling them once more as if it was important to him to push me away. “I can’t
give you the love you deserve. I can’t guarantee a thing, Moya.”

     Branden
pried my fingers away from his arm and walked away from me. I had no idea I was
gripping him so tightly.

     I hurried
after him and pulled on his elbow, bringing Branden to a stop. His eyes widened
as I stood before him, probably thinking I was going to beg him to retract his
words.

     I wouldn’t
do that. I’d never beg someone—a man—to love me.

     For the
first time in my life I wanted to give that thing called love a try, with
Branden. My feelings for him had been coming on so strong that I thought I
was
falling for him. But nothing could take away the pain I was feeling in my heart
at that moment.

     I lifted my
hand and slapped him across the face. I trembled afterwards, glaring at the red
fingerprints left behind on his cheek. It must have stung as much as my hand
did.

     Branden said
nothing, though. He kept his face in the direction I slapped him in, breathing
heavily. The veins in his neck looked as if they were about to pop.

     I wiped away
my tears harshly and mouthed, “Bastard,” taking off right after.

     Branden
better not chase after me again because I wasn’t going to fall easily under his
spell for a second time. It was over. I was going back to focusing on nothing
but school. I was returning to being Moya Douglas: the girl proven right after
years of believing that love truly was just a silly emotion, one that would
only leave you feeling sad. And that was exactly how Branden McCarthy made me
feel.