In a Fix (5 page)

Nighty night, asshole
.

*   *   *

I had a much easier go of it on the way back to the resort, sitting on the rear seat of the tandem and letting Trey do the steering, as well as ninety percent of the pedaling. Trust me, his legs were up to the task.
Glutes, too, from the look of them
, I thought, glancing down and enjoying the view between my handlebars.

Trey had thought it best to leave the Swede tied up at the warehouse, and phone in an anonymous tip to the police later. He didn’t want having to deal with the local cops to interfere with the rest of his and Mina’s vacation. Also, if the newshounds got wind of a rich American being kidnapped there’d be a feeding frenzy, so I could see his point. Given the sensitive nature of my own involvement, I wasn’t sorry to keep prying eyes away from us. Heck, I was just happy to have him back, so I could wrangle the proposal out of him. Once I handed the ring over to Mina, collected my fee, and paid off a few dozen creditors, I’d be breathing a whole lot easier.

After we were safely back at the Queen’s bungalow, and Trey’s hands had been seen to—they weren’t badly cut after all—I offered drinks, sure that Trey and Billy were as thirsty as I was.

“Sounds marvelous—here, let me help,” Billy said, squirming. Trey had kept “Mina” snuggled up against his naked torso since we’d dropped the bikes off, even as I’d put bandages on his fingers, and Billy apparently wasn’t thrilled with the situation.

Trey, proving to be as nice as Mina claimed, said, “No, babe. You sit. I’ll help Edith.”

Billy parked himself on the sofa, fine with waiting as long as it didn’t involve Trey’s flesh pressed against his. Trey followed me to the kitchen, where I set him to the task of getting the glasses while I checked the refrigerator to see what Edith had handy. A lot of beer, a few soft drinks, and a pitcher of lemonade. Thinking it to be in character, I chose the lemonade, and almost dropped it when I felt Trey’s manly body pressing up close behind me. I jumped. Trey didn’t have a thing for old ladies, did he?

“Easy there. It’s me,” he said, voice low.

Huh? “Er, yes?”

“Billy, cut it out,” Trey said. “We don’t have much time before I have to get back out there to Ciel.”

I stiffened. Trey knew Mina wasn’t Mina? And that Edith was supposed to be Billy? How did Trey know Billy? I turned slowly and looked up—far up—into his eyes. “Um, yes. Ciel,” I said, frankly at a loss.

“What’s the matter with you? I asked you to keep an eye on Ciel and next thing I know, her bungalow blows up.”

Mark!
Trey was Mark.

“The bungalow was hardly my fault,” I said, mind racing. “Hey, where is Trey, anyway? Is he all right?”

“Same place he’s been all week—on assignment. I would’ve filled you in earlier, but Trey thought he’d be back in time for this trip. Unfortunately for all of us, he got held up. Didn’t want to explain his moonlighting to Mina, so I’m filling in.”

“But that’s not Mina,” I pointed out.

“I couldn’t exactly tell Trey it wouldn’t be Mina with him on vacation, could I?”

“Right. I, uh, know that,” I said, still trying to wrap my mind around Trey working for the CIA. “I just wondered if Trey was still, you know, healthy.”

“Yeah, as far as I know. He’s pulling out for good after this job, going legit. Wants to start a family with Mina, the whole nine yards.”

“And he couldn’t just wait and propose for himself?” I couldn’t resist asking. Geez. Men.

“Mina was expecting it this week. He didn’t want to disappoint her.”

Ha. Shows how much he knew. Mina wouldn’t have hired me if she’d been expecting it. “Well, shouldn’t we tell Ciel what’s going on now?”

“Are you crazy? She’d blow up if she knew we’ve been keeping tabs on her, even if it is for her own good. And she’d never believe I’m just doing a favor for Trey.”

You got that right,
I thought
. And I can damn well take care of myself.
The main reason I started my own business was to get out from under the overprotective thumb of my family. And now I find out Mark is in on it?

“Yes, but do you really think it’s wise to keep something like this from her?” I elbowed him out of my way and set the pitcher on the counter. Trey’s six-pack deflected my jab with barely a flinch. Stupid muscles. “Sorry. I slipped.”

“If she finds out it’ll be that much harder to keep an eye on her in the future. Don’t worry—it’ll be fine. Ciel never needs to know.”

Oh yeah? Well, I’ve got news for you, buster …

Mina’s voice interrupted us from the living room. “Hey you two, do you need any help? You putting the moves on my man, Edith?”

I tittered as loudly as I could manage. “Oh my, no,” I called back. “Just borrowing a little of his strength to carry the drinks for me. You keep your seat—we’re on our way.”

Mark leaned down close to my ear. “Listen, you have to fill in as Trey for me later. I don’t think Ciel will let him get away from her again, and I need you to keep her occupied while I finish dealing with the Swede. Take her for ice cream or something.”

“Ice cream?” I pushed a smile across my teeth. So, now he was trying to treat me like some kid and keep me out of the grown-ups’ business?

“Yeah, or something like that. You know what to do. Be affectionate. Be cuddly, like Trey would. She’ll expect that. Anything short of sleeping with her—if Ciel ever found out that wasn’t the real Trey, she’d kill us both. So improvise.”

Oh, I’d show him improvise. I gestured for him to carry the tray of drinks. Once his back was turned I gave him another gesture. Yeah, I know. Childish. Ironic, huh?

I knew I should let them both in on the little farce we unwittingly had going. But the more I thought about it, the more pissed off I got. They could just stew in it for a while, as far as I was concerned. The kidnapper wasn’t going anywhere for a while; I had some time. Mark thought Mina was me, and Billy had no way of knowing Trey wasn’t the real Trey. They didn’t dare reveal themselves to each other.

“Trey” put the drinks on the coffee table and sat down next to “Mina.” He laid his arm over Mina’s shoulders, making Billy squirm. Interesting. Just how far would Mark take this charade if he didn’t get the opportunity to switch places? Would he follow through with it all the way to the bedroom? The panicked look in Mina’s eyes told me Billy certainly thought so.
Interesting
. Bet I could make Mark squirm, too, if he thought he had to, say, pretend Trey was impotent just to avoid sleeping with me. He wouldn’t relish explaining to his friend why he’d had to give him a sudden case of performance anxiety, would he? Because, thinking I’d be giving a full report to the real Mina, Mark would have to explain not rising to Mina’s expectations. So to speak.

Mina stood as Trey was about to pull her closer. “Excuse me. I have to use the restroom. Edith, could you show me where the spare soap is?”

“It’s on the vanity.”

“I already used that up.”

“There’s more under the sink.” I relaxed back into my club chair and put my feet up on the ottoman.

“Silly me. I looked there earlier and didn’t see it. Could you show me? Please?”

I sighed and got up. Billy made a beeline for the guest bathroom and was tapping his foot impatiently when I got there. He pulled me in and shut the door behind us.

“We have to switch back. Now.”

“We can’t—we don’t have time to trade clothes. Trey will get suspicious if I don’t go right back out. Besides, you’re just as good at Mina as I am. You can keep her.”

“No!”

“Why not?”

“Because Trey misses Mina.” He looked at me meaningfully. “A lot.”

I played dumb. “Yeah. So?”

“Cuz, I will do a lot in order to look out for you without risking your cover, but I will not sleep with Trey.”

“But you expect me to?”

“Hell’s bells, Ciel, you
want
to!”

“That was before I found the ring. Now it goes against my professional ethics. You, on the other hand, have no ethics, so it shouldn’t bother you.”

“I draw the line at sleeping with other men.”

“I have to get back out there to Trey. He’ll wonder what’s taking so long.”

“Ciel, by God, if you don’t make an opportunity to switch places with me before bedtime, I’ll … I’ll…”

“What? Pull my hair?” I smiled sweetly and left.

Chapter 5

My plan was simple: payback. Watching the two of them dance around each other, both trying to get me off by myself to make a switch, would be balm to my wounded pride. I might even let them spend the whole night together. It would serve them right. Who cared if the kidnapper had to spend more time tied up in the dusty old warehouse? He’d been planning to leave me there, so it served him right. I hoped the spiders were crawling all over his sorry kidnapper ass.

Billy’s behavior I could almost understand. Our sparring went back to childhood, and neither of us would miss an opportunity to jab the other. He was a merciless tease, but I knew he cared for me underneath it all. Just on general principle, though, I couldn’t pass up a chance to cause him a little discomfort.

But Mark. I couldn’t believe how easy it was for him to deceive me. Oh, not how easy in the capability sense. Any competent adaptor could pull it off. Easy in the not-a-twinge-of-conscience sense.
That
ticked me off.

After the lemonade was served, Mina immediately became concerned with Trey’s wardrobe, or lack thereof. “We have to find you something to wear, pumpkin. Edith was kind enough to take me shopping—maybe she and I should go out and get you a few things, too.” Behind Mina’s eyes, I could see Billy grasping for a way to separate himself from Trey’s bare skin.

Mark jumped at the idea, at least partially. “That would be great, babe, but don’t you think Edith has done enough for us already? Maybe you could run out and get me something while I keep her company here.” He looked at me pointedly. Getting a little anxious to make the switch, was he? Fat chance.

“The stores are all closed by now,” I said pleasantly. “But not to worry. You lovebirds are welcome to my spare room tonight. Tomorrow you can go shopping together.” Twin glares met my perfectly reasonable suggestion. You just can’t please some people, I thought with inner glee.

Ignoring the visual arrows, I moved the conversation forward, as any good hostess will. “I must say, Trey, we were all so relieved when Mina told us you were out at the time of the explosion. But, Mina, you must have been
horrified
when you found out he was kidnapped.”

Billy caught on. “Well, yes, of course I was—you know I was. I was terrified someone would hurt my pumpkin.” He looked at Trey, letting tears fill Mina’s eyes. However annoying Billy could be, at least you could trust him to remain in character on the job.

Mark narrowed Trey’s ocean-blue eyes at me, telegraphing mayhem at the Billy he thought I was, and pulled Mina closer to his naked chest. “I’m sorry about that, babe, but I’ll make it up to you.” He leaned over and whispered into Mina’s ear. I didn’t catch what he said, but judging from the way Billy jumped up when he was done, it hadn’t been well received.

“Are you quite all right, Mina? You’ve gone pale.” And I was loving every chalky bit of it. If I could make Mark equally uncomfortable, I’d be a happy old woman. How dare he try to foist the job of not sleeping with me onto Billy? If he didn’t want to sleep with me, he could darn well not sleep with me himself.

“I’m fine. Except … this is a little embarrassing to say, but I think I just started my, um, monthly. Since all my stuff blew up, I don’t have any, uh, you-know-whats. You wouldn’t happen to have any on hand, would you, Edith?”

Slick. Billy always could think on his feet. I pretended to be flustered at the forthrightness of the question. “Oh, my. I don’t know. I mean, I don’t … for myself it’s no longer … well. Perhaps there’s something in the cabinet under the sink?”

“Let’s go look, shall we?” Billy took me by the arm, none too gently, and led me back to the guest bathroom.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” I batted my eighty-odd-year-old eyelashes at him.

“You. Clothes off. Now.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“We are switching right this minute, or I swear I’ll spill the beans to Trey. Screw your business.”

“What on earth did he whisper to you?”

“He told me he bought some special supplies at the resort shop when he went back for his wallet earlier.”

“So?”

“The ‘special supplies’ are condoms. Fruit-flavored. Mina’s favorite.” A shudder went through him.

“F-F-Fruit? Oh, my gawd!” True, they were Mina’s favorite, but how did Mark know? Unless Trey told him. Guys do talk. And Mark was probably trying to pay Billy back for giving him trouble, not knowing it was really me. What better way than to have Mina entice Billy’s Trey persona with the condoms later, when Billy was under orders not to follow through? Hee! This was working out even better than I’d hoped. I doubled over and stuffed half my hand in my mouth to keep my howls of laughter contained.

“Ha-fucking-ha. Come on. Get those rayon rags off right now. Don’t worry—you haven’t got anything under there I’m not already intimately acquainted with.” He didn’t wait for me, but unbuttoned my blouse and yanked on my sleeve.

I sat down hard on the plush bath mat. I couldn’t help it—my legs stopped working. My hand dropped away from my mouth as I tried to steady myself, and I’m afraid some unqueenly guffaws may have escaped the confines of the room.

Within seconds the door swung open. Trey’s eyes widened when he saw us there, me splayed on the floor, one arm pulled upward by Billy’s attempt to disrobe me, and Billy bent over me, reaching down my back to unhook my bra. We froze.

“What’s going on in here?” Mark looked positively flummoxed. Mr. Unflappable himself. Not much, but it was something. I supposed it was time to come clean.

But first I had to enjoy it a little more. “Care to join us, big guy? The more the merrier.”

Billy was the first to recover. “Trey! Help me. I think Edith has had a stroke or something. She started talking nonsense and ripping at her clothes. I thought I’d better get her to lie down.” The boy was quick.