In Bed With a Stranger (14 page)

Kit stayed standing. ‘Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder? I’ve been in the army long enough to know plenty of soldiers who’ve suffered it, though I haven’t seen much of it firsthand since it only usually becomes apparent after they’re home.’ There was a little pause, and then he said, ‘Sorry, Randall, but at the risk of sounding rude I really need to be going …’

Randall smiled ruefully and picked up a buff-coloured file from on top of one of the piles. ‘Of course. You’ve been here quite long enough and you just want to know what the tests have shown up and get out of here.’

A kick of adrenaline squirted through Kit’s body, like a mini-electric shock. ‘You have the results already?’

‘Most of them.’ Randall flipped the file open and began to flick through the pages inside. ‘The bloods take a little while to come back from the lab, but I have the MRI and electromyography results …’

Kit turned away for a moment and took a deep breath. His heart was banging against his ribs.

‘So—’ Randall began.

‘I don’t want to know,’ Kit cut him off, his voice low but utterly calm. ‘Not yet.’

Randall looked up. His face was a picture of surprise and confusion.

‘I know it’s been hard for you to confront this, Kit, but—’

‘It was.’ Kit took two paces across the room, which brought him up against a filing cabinet where he turned and paced back again. ‘But I’m bloody glad I did because it made me confront other things too, and realise how stupid I’ve been.’ Finding himself back at the filing cabinet, he leaned his elbows on top of it and dropped his head into his hands. ‘God, Randall, I’ve made such a mess of everything I can’t tell you,’ he moaned.

‘You could try, if it would help?’

Kit’s laugh was edged with desolation. ‘Thanks, but there’s no time. I need to find her and try to put things right before it’s too late.’

‘Ah.’ Carefully Randall shut the file and put it back amongst the others. ‘I thought there must be a woman involved somewhere.’

‘“Somewhere” just about sums it up. I think she’s left Alnburgh and I don’t have the faintest bloody idea where she would have gone. And I have to find her before I know the results of these tests so I can stand in front of her and tell her, honestly, that Lewis was right. I’d rather have one year to live and spend it with her than have fifty years on my own.’

Randall rocked back in his chair, his expression unreadable. ‘Does she have a mobile phone?’

‘I’ve tried that.’ Kit clenched his fists against his temples, only just managing to stop himself from snapping at the obviousness of the suggestion. ‘She’s not answering.’

‘But it’s switched on?’ Randall said blandly. ‘In that case, may I suggest that you make a quick call to the boys in the Signals Corps?’ He gave Kit a conspiratorial smile. ‘Strictly speaking I suppose it’s not quite life or death, but …’

‘Thanks, Randall.’ Kit straightened up, a thin ray of hope breaking through the despair in his head. ‘It certainly feels like it.’

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

‘T
EA
, sweetheart.’

Sophie opened her eyes, only just managing to clamp back the groan of irritation at being woken. She didn’t want to wake up. She didn’t want to face the first day of her new Kit-free life, and all the implications that involved. Most immediately, she did not want a cup of Rainbow’s revolting herbal tea.

‘Thanks,’ she muttered, in a way that was meant to convey a desire to be left alone.

‘It’s a beautiful morning,’ Rainbow remarked calmly as she worked her way along the length of the upper deck, pulling back the curtains. ‘How are you feeling today?’

‘Not great.’

Sophie rolled onto her front and buried her face in the pillow. Her eyes hurt with crying, her back hurt from all the hours she’d spent driving yesterday and her heart hurt from knowing that she’d walked away from the only man she’d ever loved. The only man she ever would love, even if she lived to be a hundred, in a town full of handsome, single, charming men.

‘That’s understandable,’ Rainbow said sympathetically, ‘but just take a look at this beautiful view and you’ll feel much better.’

‘
I
doubt it.’

‘Really, you can’t fail to be cheered up by what’s out here.

It’s one of those perfect, crisp autumn mornings. The sun is up, the dew is sparkling on the grass …’

Sophie was seriously tempted to swear, but she bit it back. Her mother’s relentless positivity might be completely inappropriate, but Sophie admired her for it. It was what had got her through her own grim situation and helped her to start again. She might have to start taking a few tips from Rainbow.

‘… there isn’t a
single
cloud in the sky …’

Reluctantly Sophie sat up, pulling back the curtain behind her bed and screwing up her face against the brightness outside. It was so dazzling that for a moment she thought …

‘… and, look, there’s an extremely expensive-looking black sports car parked in the field. You don’t get many of those round here.’

For a second Sophie could only gape stupidly. She looked from the car to her mother and back again, to check that she hadn’t imagined it. And then she looked back at Rainbow again.

Her eyes danced. ‘I said you had to wait for a sign. And, look, there it is.’

It was a beautiful morning; Rainbow was right about that just as she’d been right about so much else. Jumping down from the bus, Sophie put on her mother’s purple wellington boots and walked across the field towards Kit’s car.

Her heart was pounding, hope beating against caution as she stepped through the long, wet grass, listening to the sound of birdsong and the heavy rasp of her own breath. The sun was glinting on the windscreen of the car, but as she got closer she could see through the glare. The driver’s seat was reclined and Kit was in it, his head to one side. He was asleep.

Love hit her like a tidal wave, knocking the air from her lungs. In that instant she wanted nothing more than to run to the car, pull open the door and kiss his closed eyelids, his beautiful mouth, and tell him that she knew how stupid
she’d been. But her mother’s words still echoed in her ears. Loving someone wasn’t about what you wanted any more. It was about what was best for both of you. And so she stood, perfectly still, in the middle of the field for a moment before turning round and beginning to walk very slowly away.

She was almost back at the bus when she heard the car door slam behind her.

‘Sophie!’

She spun round. He had got out of the car, and was coming towards her with quick, angry strides, shielding his eyes from the sun. Sophie’s heart turned over. For a moment she didn’t move, but it was as if she were being pulled towards him by invisible forces. They both slowed and halted a few feet apart, gazing at each other in a mixture of fear and wonderment.

‘I wasn’t going to wake you,’ she said awkwardly, tearing her eyes away. ‘I wanted to, but …’

He gave an impatient jerk of his head. The morning sun shining in his face showed up his grey pallor, the shadows of exhaustion beneath his eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I drove all night.’

Frowning, Sophie wrapped her arms across her chest. ‘But how did you know I was here?’

‘I pulled strings in the Signals Corps.’ Kit sighed, dragging a hand through his untidy hair. ‘They traced your phone to an area of about eight square miles. Once I was here the rest was guesswork.’

That didn’t begin to convey the frustration of the last twelve hours, or the bone-deep tiredness that had ached through him as he came up against another dead end, or turned around after taking the hundredth wrong turning. He had found it just as the sun was rising over the downs and knew he’d arrived at the right place by the large Routemaster bus standing incongruously in the middle of the field. In its way it was as much of a beacon in the surrounding country-sideas Alnburgh, and the fact that it was painted with flowers and peace symbols made it doubly obvious that this was Sophie’s childhood home.

‘I’m sorry,’ he said wearily. The sun was shining in his eyes, surrounding her with an aura of gold but making it impossible to read her expression or see anything beyond the length of her bare legs and the flaming glory of her hair. ‘I had to talk to you, and when you didn’t pick up the phone at Alnburgh I knew you must have left. I tried your mobile, but …’ He trailed off, knowing that he couldn’t justify what he’d done. Looking away, he briefly covered his face with his hand. ‘You’d probably be within your rights to press charges if you didn’t want to be found.’

‘I did,’ she whispered, so softly that he wasn’t sure if he’d heard properly. ‘I’m so sorry, Kit,’ she went on, taking a step towards him so he could see her face clearly for the first time. ‘I had no right to lay down rules and issue ultimatums. If you’re ill, you have to deal with it in your own way. I’ll respect and support you in whatever you decide.’

Her lips were bee-stung and beautiful, her eyes glittering with fierce tears. It took every atom of will power Kit possessed to resist the need to close the remaining distance between them and kiss her until the sun went down again. He stood his ground, gazing at her with eyes that felt as if they were being pricked by a thousand hot needles.

‘I had the test,’ he rasped, then gave a painful, twisted smile. ‘In fact, I had a lot of tests. All yesterday afternoon—electrodes and wires and needles and scans.’

She took a tiny gasping breath, as if she’d touched something hot. ‘And—what did they show?’

He hesitated, gritting his teeth as he struggled to keep his voice from cracking. ‘They showed that whatever’s wrong with me could never be as bad as losing you. Hour after hour all I wanted to do was tear off the wires and walk out of there
to find you and confront the thing that scares me more than anything.’

‘Which is?’

Kit closed his eyes. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides. ‘Being without you.’

He heard the soft sigh of the grass as she came towards him and the next thing he knew she had taken his face between her hands. Her kiss was infinitely tender, but also full of strength and certainty, and before he could stop himself he was kissing her back, his hands sliding into the warm silk of her hair as his tired body throbbed and sang at her nearness. When they parted his face was wet with her tears.

She gazed up at him, dazed and pained and breathless. ‘All my life I’ve been trying to distance myself from who I really am and where I came from,’ she whispered, ‘but when I came back here yesterday I saw straight away how …
irrelevant
all that is.’ She glanced towards the painted bus and the group of camper vans behind it. ‘This is my past and I’m not ashamed of it any more. But the present and the future are what really matter now.’ She paused, a flicker of pain crossing her face as the tears welled and fell. ‘I love you, Kit,’ she said, reaching up to touch his cheek. ‘That’s who I am. It’s in my heart, my blood, my brain, and nothing—
nothing
—can take it away.’

Kit raised his hand, capturing hers against his face and holding it there. ‘I don’t know if I have Leo’s condition or not,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I wouldn’t let them tell me until I’d told you that I’ll love you whatever the outcome.’ He took a breath, summoning the strength and courage to be completely honest. ‘When I found out about Leo, I was so terrified by the thought of being dependent on you that I pushed you away. What I didn’t take into account was the fact that it’s too late.’ He shook his head helplessly. ‘I’m there already.’

Reaching up, Sophie hooked a hand round the back of his neck and pulled his head down so she could kiss him again.

‘We’re there together,’ she murmured in the second before their lips met.

When they went into the bus a little while later, Rainbow was sitting at the table, eating toast and turning over cards. She smiled up at Kit, completely at ease, as if she’d been expecting him too.

‘Hi, I’m Rainbow, Sophie’s mum.’

Sophie realised it was the first time her mother had called her by her proper name—her original name—maybe since the night she’d got on that train to Newbury.

‘I’m Kit.’

He bent to kiss her cheek, putting one hand lightly on her shoulder and making it look like the most natural thing in the world. Her cheeks were a slightly lighter shade of pink than her hair when he straightened up again. Sophie had never seen her mother blush before.

She finished the last of her toast quickly and stood up. ‘I was just going to, er … return the bowl that soup came in to Hilary, actually, so if you’ll excuse me …’ Brushing the crumbs from her fingers, she picked up the cards and headed for the door. ‘She wanted me to do a reading for her so I might be … you know, a while …’

Sophie waited until Rainbow had closed the door and begun to hurry across the grass before letting out a snort of laughter. ‘My mother isn’t the most subtle person you’ll ever meet. She clearly thinks we’re about to rip each other’s clothes off in an orgy of uncontrollable lust.’

Kit trailed a finger lazily down her cheek.

‘It’s a tempting idea …’

Ripples of desire shimmered up Sophie’s spine, but she caught hold of his hand and pulled it away. ‘Later,’ she said huskily, smiling up into his eyes. ‘Phone call first.’

Kit gave a rueful smile. ‘OK, OK … Any chance of some coffee?’

‘You’ll be lucky.’ Sophie laughed, opening the doors of the little row of cupboards above the sink. ‘Herbal tea in various flavours of grass is the house speciality here.’

Kit looked around. ‘I like it,’ he said slowly. ‘Not the herbal tea perhaps, but the bus. I like it a lot.’

Sophie stretched up to reach into the back of the last cupboard. ‘I suppose it
is
kind of cool …’

She gave a squeal as Kit’s hands closed around her waist. His lips brushed the side of her neck, making goosebumps of pleasure rise on her arms.

‘And a lot more convenient for hauling you off to bed than Alnburgh,’ he murmured, kissing her ear lobe and reducing her to a quivering ache of desire.

She twisted around in his arms, so that she was facing him and could kiss him back, properly. As their mouths met she slid her hands into the back pockets of his jeans and pulled out his mobile phone. Laughing, slightly breathless from the kiss, she broke away and held it up.

‘Nice try,’ she gasped, tossing it to him. ‘Now … phone.’

She lit the gas and set the kettle on the stove, unscrewing the lid of a pretty ancient-looking jar of instant coffee she’d discovered hidden by a packet of flaxseed and a large jar of Black Cohosh capsules. Behind her, Kit sat down at the table and dialled. Then, laying down the phone in the centre of the table he activated the speaker function so that the ringtone echoed through the small space. Sophie found she was holding her breath as a brisk female voice answered. Quickly she took the kettle off the boil before its wheezing whistle could build into a full-blown shriek. A male voice came on the line.

‘Mike Randall.’

‘Morning, Randall, it’s Kit Fitzroy.’

‘Kit—I was just thinking about you.’ The coffee smelled
surprisingly good as Sophie poured hot water onto it. ‘Do I gather you found her, then?’

‘How did you know?’

‘It’s obvious from your voice. You’re smiling.’

Sophie carried the mugs of coffee over and set them on the table. ‘OK. I found her,’ Kit admitted, catching her hand and holding it tightly. ‘Thanks to you. She’s right here, and I’m ready to hear whatever it is you have to tell me.’

Their gazes locked as Sophie sat down in the seat opposite. Time seemed to stand still and the rest of the world melt away so that there were just the two of them in the warm, sunlit space. And the innocuous-looking mobile phone on the table between them, through which they were about to discover their future.

‘Thank goodness for that.’ Randall’s tone was dry, and in the background they could hear the rustle of paper as he opened a file. Kit’s face was ashen but completely without expression. His silver gaze held hers, unblinking. Unflinching.

‘Look, I won’t beat about the bush, Kit,’ Randall said, more certainly now. ‘It’s not Motor Neurone Disease. All the tests show that there’s no sign of any kind of neuromuscular breakdown—in fact, it’s obvious that your muscle function is way above average.’

Sophie couldn’t stop a little gasping cry escaping her—partly from the momentary increase in the pressure of Kit’s grip on her hand, partly as the breath she had been holding escaped her in a rush. Kit’s head rocked back for a second as if against a physical blow.

‘That’s good,’ he said in a voice that was taut with suppressed emotion. His eyes found Sophie’s again, a slow smile dawning in their luminous depths, like the sun rising over the field outside. ‘You’re not about to tell me that it’s something just as sinister, are you?’

There was a pause.

‘No,’ Randall said. ‘But remember yesterday I asked you about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?’

Sophie felt the jolt that went through Kit’s body in the moment before he let go of her hand. ‘You’re not saying you think that’s what this is?’ he said sharply, turning away from her and looking out of the window. ‘I thought that was a mental condition?’