In Embers (The Ember Series Book 3) (24 page)

~ Let Me Go: Avril Lavigne ~

Friday sunset - 7:18 p.m. - July 19
th

Asia:

The island air filled my lungs as I drove over the wet and humid hills of the mountainside. It’s thick scent almost choked me. I had spent almost my whole life on these islands and it seemed I had forgotten just how intoxicating their beauty really was. I can thank Max for the renewed love of my home. Since his death I had noticed every detail that I used to take for granted.

Slowly, I drove my Jeep onto the overgrown pathway to our spot. Our hidden lookout. I still remembered sharing my secrets with him here. Max’s handsome face watched me from behind his dark bangs as I hoped with all my might that he would see over my emotional walls. I prayed he would tear through them and save me from my cursed isolation. I yearned for his touch, his breath, his kiss. But most of all, I just wanted him to see the true me. The scared little girl who was afraid to love anyone. I wanted him to end my curse.

He did.

Today was my birthday and I was having a difficult time being with anyone, even my girls. Star, Lennon, King and Pepper had made me breakfast in bed and showered me with handmade gifts. All of them amazing, but I needed to be alone. They didn’t understand my need to get away at first
, but when I told them that their Uncle Asher would be babysitting them today, they changed their minds. My secret younger brother had just recently come back into my life, courtesy of some much needed soul searching. I blamed that on Max’s influence too. He spent his whole life trying to catch the ghost of his fallen sister, Mia, and I had spent mine ignoring Asher’s existence. My parents kept us separated for a good reason, but that would be a story for another time. He was back in my life, and things were good again. I guess Max’s greatest lesson to me was how to love again…even family.

As my Jeep pulled up to our hideaway I lost my breath. Something was very different now. Stretching in all directions of the cherry blossom tree were its branches covered in hundreds of fresh blooms. They looked as if they had just opened moments before my arrival. The tiny pods slowly stretched their petals with a little help from the rushing wind. My hand reached for one of the buds and caressed it gently.

“Impossible…”

Just days ago there was not even a sign of their beautiful bulbs
.
How was this possible
?
I snapped one off into the palm of my hand and the thunder helped welcome it to my hand. As the sound of my storm rolled along the lookout the bulbs seemed to open wider. I stared down at the blossom and soaked up the brilliance of it. The flower was white with a vibrant pink center. The petals were soft as velvet and radiating a warm heat. The ends of each petal were painted in glowing red and fiery orange, just like a flame.

“Max.”

I quickly fell backwards into the soft grass surrounding the trunk of the tree. Tightly I squeezed the fire blossom in my hand, trying with all my willpower not to cry. It was useless though. Huge tears sliced down my cheeks and into my hair that was fanned out along the grass behind my head. I sobbed for only a few moments, forcing myself to get control again. I had cried enough lately. As a matter of fact, I had cried enough for ten lifetimes. Staring up at the impossible tree above me I felt peace cover me like a blanket. I set the crushed blossom onto my stomach and outstretched my arms to my sides, and fanned the overgrown grass like a snow angel.

Minutes passed with me staring up into the tree of fire, lost in haunted daydreams. My familiar thunderclouds rolled over the top of me, sending the lookout into a dusty gray shade. I let out a long breath and closed my eyes as the first sprinkle of rain fell upon my arms and neck. In my mind I could still see Max and I. Intertwined like the roots of an old and withered cherry blossom tree. The image was too powerful and I had to open my eyes again. When I did I saw the same image outlined in the clouds above me. Flustered, I squinted at the clouds and they changed into something less devastating. Another familiar looking cloud replaced the last one, this one in the shape of a heart with smoke trailing from the tops of it. I waved my hands in front of me and the scene changed again as if I had wiped away an old school chalkboard.

With a nervous sigh, I mumbled, “Hmmm…”

I stuck out my index finger and began tracing the open air before me but when I was done, I was stunned. In the dark and rolling clouds was Max’s eyes. They stared down on me, alive with the white fire of the storms lightning sliding through them. I took a long moment and let him look at me. It was silly, I know, but I didn’t want it to end. Holding my breath, I finally let the image slip away, and it made me upset and depressed. It was becoming clearer with each passing day that this sadness would be with me forever. That I knew for a fact.

“If only you were still here, Max,” I said to the sky, and sat up in the wild grass. As I let my head rest upon my knees that were tightly tucked to my chest, I exhaled a long and painful breath. Just then the clouds pulled apart just enough to let the faintest of light peek through. The warm rays of sun washed over the lookout covering my flesh in warm goose bumps. Suddenly, the wind slithered around the fire blossom tree and all the flowers began to fall, one after the other. Each one spun slowly toward me as if in slow motion, and just before they reached me, the fiery colored petals ignited into flickering flames. Dizzying sparks twisted before my eyes and onto my open palms. The fire was hot but did not burn me at all. Each stunning blossom greeted me with its enchanted kiss before crumbling into a fine ash that faded inside the wind like magic. I stood up, holding my arms outward and danced in a slow circle trying to catch every last one of them.

My heart raced and I felt safe. I felt like Max was right there spinning with me, holding me, loving me…saving me. After an hour of this
, the final blossom spun into my hand. I held it as if it were made of the most fragile thing in the world. It sat peacefully in my palm burning away, but never disappearing. The biggest smile I’ve had in months cut along my face. This was my birthday gift from Max. His elemental heart still burned for me. I laughed out loud with tears welling up again, but this time they were tears of joy. Max was here with me right now in this moment, our moment. I took another deep breath and leaned my face into the palm of my hand and whispered…

“I love you too.”

With a soft puff of air from my lips I blew out the final blossom and sat it at the base of the bare tree. In the distance the sunset lit the sky on fire with every possible color created, and my heart soared. Slowly, I walked to the edge of the cliff and absorbed the view until the sun disappeared behind the horizon.

My beautiful fire-starter had saved me again.

“Aloha, Max.”

* * *

~ Mirrors: Justin Timberlake ~

Saturday morning - 8:45 a.m. - July 27
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Sam:

“How are you doing, Vivian?” I asked, somberly. Max’s mother stared through me, her eyes still puffy and bloodshot. Obviously from the month of tears and nightmares that came with the loss of Max. If I didn’t have our daughter Madi to chase away the never-ending depression, I’d look the same. Who was I kidding, I still couldn’t sleep more than an hour a night.

“I’m hanging in there. And you?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

It had been an unbearable month. I never fixed things with Kai and he went back to Seattle by himself. It killed me to move on from him, but I had to. It was the right thing to do.

Vivian’s question hung in the air as I chased old demons in the back of my mind. Finally, I just tried my best to smile and be strong.

She nodded my way with a faint smile. “And Madison?” she inquired, looking over my shoulder.

Just then, Madi came walking into the living room. She carried a small flower in her hands and handed it to me. It was the same kind of hibiscus flower that Uncle Frank had given me years before. She probably plucked it from the very same shrub out front.

“Here, Mommy.”

Trying my best to not start crying, I said, “Thank you, Sweetie.”

“I brought you one too, Nana,” Madi said, and pulled another flower from behind her back.

“Aww
…my favorite. Thanks, baby girl.” Vivian finally smiled.

Madi frowned when she saw how tired and distraught her grandmother was. She gently wrapped her arms around Vivian and squeezed tightly. Vivian’s face lit up and I could tell instantly that Madi had exactly what her nana needed to get through this pain.

“No more crying, Nana…I’m here,” Madi said, wise beyond her years. The way she said it reminded me of Max completely.

“I’ll try.
” Vivian smiled. “I’m already feeling better, thank you, my little ray of sunshine.” Vivian patted Madi on her back and leaned down with a kiss to her forehead. Madi wrinkled her nose.

“All right, ladies, this stuff isn’t going to put itself away,” I said, trying to motivate myself for the impossible task of packing up Max’s things. In that exact moment I caught myself daydreaming of Max and I in the kitchen doing the dishes together after a very eventful barbecue. I probably would have stayed that way for another hour if Madi hadn’t tugged at my arm.

“Mommy, we don’t have to do this today. We could go to the beach instead. It’s a beautiful day, ya know,” she said, trying to turn my attention away from the inevitable heartache coming. I wasn’t sure how she was able to keep her sadness at bay so easily. I knew she missed her dad something fierce, but ever since the moment Max saved her life, she’s been different. Different in a good way, but still, something had changed. I think she carried a piece of her father’s soul inside her. And if I knew Max, he would never let her feel alone. Never let her be sad or regretful about his passing. Max still burned on…inside of her. Forever with our beautiful daughter.

“No, it’s okay, Madi. I’m going to be okay.” I stuck
out my pinky finger and winked. “What did we promise each other?” She quickly wrapped her pinky finger around mine and a familiar heat spun along my skin.

We both said in unison, “No more tears!”

“Only smiles,” she added.

“That’s right,” I agreed, but deep down it was a lot harder to keep that promise than I let on. Madi carried a piece of Max’s light with her always, but all I had was the memories. And depending on the moment, some of them were unbearable. Still, I promised to try harder, and I would.

“Vivian, where would you like me to start?” I looked around the house. She immediately looked down the hallway toward Max’s old bedroom but said nothing. I walked up to her and placed my hand along her shoulder. “It’s okay, I’ll handle that room.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, relieved.

“No problem.” I smiled, but a giant pit opened in the bottom of my stomach. “We can start with the kitchen stuff,” I said, chickening out.

She nodded, okay.

After a few hours of packing up most of the unimportant things throughout the Valentine residence, Vivian sat down on the couch exhausted. Madi jumped onto the cushion beside her and leaned her overheating body against her.

“Nana,” she chirped.

“Yes,” Vivian said, softly.

“I’m hungry.”

With a much needed smile, Vivian leaned in closer to Madi and whispered, “Ice cream?”

Madi launched her skinny frame into the air, fists first. “Yes!”

We all laughed and it filled the empty house with a much needed lightness.

“Mommy, can we?” Madi asked, wide eyed. Max had the same expression. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay,” I agreed. Vivian stood up with Madi close behind.

“Come on, Mommy! I want two scoops!” she almost screamed with joy.

“Actually I’m not very hungry at the moment. You two go ahead. I’ll get something a little later.”

“I’m buying…” Vivian said, enticingly.

I politely shook my head no.

“Are you sure, Mommy?” Madi asked.

“Positive. You and Nana go. Have a scoop for me while you
’re there,” I said, giving her a small hug.

“Score!” she said, in a little grunt.

I smiled down at her silliness, but inside I was laughing wildly.

“Come on, pretty girl,” Vivian said, and swept up Madi’s hand.

Quickly, they disappeared out the front door and within moments the sound of Vivian’s vehicle faded away to nothing, leaving me standing in the middle of Max’s house listening to the sound of silence. There I stood for almost five minutes just watching the suns afternoon light stretch itself down the hallway. My eyes locked onto Max’s bedroom door and I froze.

“All right, Samantha, time to put your big girl panties on…” I sulked. Slowly I made my way to his room. I placed my hands on the wooden door and held my breath
.
Was I ready for this
?
Gently I pushed the door open and waited. One of Max’s guitars greeted me first. Then the sight of his bed and some clothes strung along it. I pushed inside and settled myself as best as I could. Looking down at his guitar I almost ran out of the room. I wasn’t sure I could handle this. Maybe I better wait until Vivian got back with Madi.