In Hiding: A Survivors Journal of the Great Outbreak (15 page)

So
we showed them the store and offered them something to eat. My first impression
of them, well they seemed trustworthy enough and they didn’t appear like they
would cause us any problems or steal from us. They were happy to be safe and I
didn’t think that any one of them would do something to jeopardize that. They
had been hiding and fighting for days and I think Jacob said it best when he
told me that he had done some terrible things along the way to survive. I think
at that point they were just happy to put it all behind them for a little
while.

We
spent that evening sharing stories of where we came from and how we got here.
Ray updated them on almost a weeks worth of news while others explained who we
had lost and how it happened. It was the first time in a few days that our
entire group sat down together. There was a part of me that actually began to
wonder if their arrival would be the thing that would bring us all together
again and lift our spirits. We could see how much they appreciated the safety
we had and I think it made me fully understand just how lucky we were.

While
on my way up to the roof to take my turn on watch I overheard Anne and Paul
arguing. He was trying to explain to her that it was too dangerous to try and
drive to the coast and that we were already safe where we were. Anne was angry
and I heard her questioning his leadership and referring to him as a coward. I
didn’t stop or intervene. I couldn’t be bothered to get in the middle of that.
I agreed with Paul and unless someone had some kind of amazing plan that they
weren’t sharing with everybody, it was all wasted energy.

Truth
is we had no idea if the Navy was still taking in refugees. We didn’t know
which ports they were at, or if they had moved. There was nothing about it on
the news so we didn’t even know if what Jacob and Amy had heard was true.
Besides, it would be incredibly dangerous just trying to get to the cars and that
was if we could find two cars that were spacious enough to transport all of us
with all the necessary supplies.

So
I sat up on the roof and took a look around. The news that most of the city was
just as bad as what I could see was discouraging. My world had shrunk and had
been limited to inside the store and what little of the city I could see from
the roof. I guess a small part of me always imagined that it wasn’t all that
bad out there. That just beyond what I could see there was a place that had been
untouched by the outbreak.

Discouraged I remember searching
for Hal and I found him in his usual place just in front of that store. I was
well prepared to spend the rest of the night watching him, but that was
interrupted when Derrick came and found me on the roof.

Cody
had told him that I was up there, but more importantly he told him that I had
beer and cigarettes. So over a couple of beers we discussed the horrors that he
had seen at the hospital, the terrible scene that was the city and how this
could have all happened. I felt bad for Derrick. He had been through a lot. He
had lost his wife and his daughter and then was forced to fight for his own
life for over a week. Yet he seemed to be holding up better then most of us.
The way he appreciated that first beer brought a smile to my face. Hell, he had
earned it.

Once
he left, I finished my cigarette and said good night to Hal. Trevor came up and
replaced me on watch and I went downstairs to find Jacob and Amy had already
fallen asleep. The three of them would sleep through the night, which I found
incredible. But I am sure they must have been absolutely exhausted.

That
night I would actually manage to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep. But
all of the excitement and good feelings that came with our newest arrivals
wouldn’t last forever. People had found a new hope of sanctuary out east and it
would be the subject of much debate. We had new people and new personalities
and we were all trapped in an impossible situation. It would all catch up with
us again, it was only a matter of time.

It
had been a full week since I had found myself trapped inside the store. In that
time I had grown closer to those who shared this prison with me but after the
loss of Bruce and Scott I had realized that it was dangerous to get too close
to anyone. I could see the divisions starting to take shape and the tension
that seemed to be in the air was growing. Different people had different
opinions on what to do next and the lack of sleep and the stress of it all had
emotions running at an all time high.

The
three new comers were happy to have joined us, but I had the impression that
they were struggling with whether or not they could fully trust us. Most of us
were irritable and sometimes quick to anger so it only made sense that we came
across as being a little off.

Trust
me, I was no different. My mind had been going to strange places, dark places
and more and more I seemed to struggle with facing people and forcing
conversations. I knew that the alcohol wasn’t helping matters. Trying to numb
my mind wasn’t exactly working and only adding to the depression and grief. My
head felt cloudy, my body was heavy and my energy was all but gone. I did
enough to fit in, to make sure that others felt comfortable around me but that
was pretty much it.

That
morning I barely found the energy to get up and start moving. I had a terrible
headache and I could tell that I wasn’t in the mood to be around the others. So
I told Paul that I would take his turn on watch, just so I could get away from
everyone and clear my head.

Thankfully
that was what I chose to do because I would later learn that while I was up
there the fighting and arguments of whether we should stay or go were in full
swing. Some wanted to try and get to the coast while others felt we were safe
where we were. Even those who wanted to leave were fighting over which
direction we should go. A select few felt that heading west was a far better
idea because there were areas that hadn’t been fully hit by the outbreak yet.
Heading east was heading into the heart of it and chances were that it would be
extremely dangerous.

Me,
I was against leaving all together. I agreed with Paul and why not because him
and I seemed to see the situation pretty much the same way. In a way we had
almost become friends. But that wasn’t why I thought staying was our best
option. We had food and water. We had safety and if we were smart about it I
knew we could hold out in the store for a really long time. But that morning I
didn’t share my opinion with anybody. I just sat up on the roof enjoying some
air and watching Hal.

He
hadn’t moved very far but that morning it looked like he had found something
that had drawn his attention. He had started banging his fists on the wooden
boards that barricaded the front door of that same corner store he had been
roaming around the front of. Funny thing was that he was the only one doing it.
I found that surprising because usually when I saw a Zed go after a door or
start chasing something others followed. But Hal was alone at the door like he knew
something that the others didn’t.

I
couldn’t see any signs that the building was occupied. The door and all of the
windows were boarded up. But the way he was acting had me thinking maybe
someone was in there, I mean there had to be a reason why Hal was working so
furiously at getting through that door. But what I couldn’t understand is why
he was the only one or why none of the other Zeds had followed his lead.

That
was when I became conflicted about the whole situation. If someone was possibly
in there I started asking myself if I should do something about it. The hunting
rifle was still up there, all I would have to do is pick it up and take the
shot. If someone was in there I could at least stop Hal from drawing attention
to the doorway or even breaking down the wooden boards. Thing is, I couldn’t
bring myself to do it. Maybe it was because I doubted that I could even make
the shot if I tried, but I could have easily told Paul about it and he would
have taken care of him. What it really came down to was that I didn’t want to
stop Hal. There was just something about him and I was curious to see where it
was going.

By
the time my turn on watch came to an end I was at least feeling a little bit
better about the idea of having to be around the others. I chose to go and
visit Ray first because I never felt like I needed to force small talk with
Ray. We always had plenty to discuss, besides I had started to worry about him.
He had watched the news far too much in my opinion and from the looks of things
it was starting to take its toll on him. The footage was usually brutal, the
news was seldom good and it seemed like it was progressively getting worse.
Spending as much time as he did following the constant flow of information must
have made the situation feel utterly hopeless.

So
I sat with him and tried to get a conversation going. I tried to pull him away
a little because I knew that we needed him. I knew that I needed him. Ray had
been a voice of reason through all of this and I knew what was coming as we
made our decision to leave or stay. I knew we would need his mind, his voice of
reason. If Ray didn’t snap out of the funk that he was in, I was worried we
would loose that voice.

My
attempts to get him to focus on anything but what was on television had failed.
He was busy watching what had happened in Texas that morning and it didn’t take
me long to get sucked in with him. The entire state appeared to be one giant
battleground. The virus had struck in several of the major cities and in the
southern part of the state a new threat was emerging along the border with
Mexico.

Waves
of Mexican citizens were fleeing the country and seeking refuge in America. The
Mexican military had been unable to contain the outbreak just like most
countries in the world. So thousands of people raced to the U.S. in hopes that
things were better here. They weren’t. But that didn’t stop them from arriving
at the borders in Texas, Arizona and California in huge numbers. Those states
just didn’t have the resources to handle it.

Finding
them shelter and food weren’t the only issues that they needed to deal with
however. In every group that arrived at the border their were infected hidden
in the crowd. In some instances they even tied up family member that had turned
and brought them with them. Maybe they thought we had a cure here. But what
they didn’t bring with them followed them. Large groups of Zeds sometimes
dozens deep would follow the refugees to the border and what followed was
usually a massacre.

The
National Guard, Army and armed volunteers had tried to help as many as they
could early on, but now they were trying to turn them all away. They didn’t
have the manpower or the supplies to help them. They were having a hard time
weeding out the infected from the large crowds and it was just easier to not
let anybody in. Sometimes a refugee would try and shoot his way past the guards
along the border. They were just trying to save their families because they
thought it was safe on our side of the border. It didn’t matter because the end
result was always the same.

That was what was happening in the
south that morning, but in the north it seemed to be the exact opposite. Canada
and the United States had mutually blocked all border crossing thinking that
they could prevent the spread of the outbreak. But reports were coming out that
American’s were rushing into Canada after hearing rumors that the country had
only seem limited outbreaks of the virus. People seemed to buy into the thought
that with such a large landmass and a smaller population that Canada could
offer plenty of places to hide from the virus. Truth is Canada had been hit
just as hard as us and it was no safer then anywhere here.

Even
with the borders blocked and barricaded, the largest undefended border in the
world was wide open to refugees and the Zeds that followed them. It wasn’t just
Americans running to Canada in search of safety. Their citizens were sneaking
into our country and putting their faith in a stronger American military to
protect them. People ran to their neighbors searching for safety and they were
bringing the outbreak with them.

Ray
and I just watched it all happen on the news and I couldn’t help but wonder how
I ended up where I did. I had no idea why I waited as long as I did to try and
get out of town or find some place safe. If only I had left a few days earlier
I would have made it to my parents cottage in Northern Michigan far away from
all of this. For all I knew that part of the country could have been untouched
by this catastrophe.

Unlike
Ray, I needed a break from watching the news. It was difficult to process
everything that was going on and how the world was on the verge of falling
apart. Once they started showing the cruise missile and air strikes that were
taking place in several areas I got up and left. I needed a break from the
carnage and instead chose to go back up to the roof and check on Hal.

When
I got up there I found Derrick, Jacob and Amy along with Cody. He was showing
them all the work we had done and was going over the plan we had come up if
something were to go terribly wrong. I joined them and pointed out the
obstacles that stood in our way of leaving and the challenges that we would
face if we tried. I told them about those first days and that woman and child.
To my surprise they didn’t seemed shocked by it or surprised. I guess nothing
was shocking anymore and everyone had a story to tell.

I
did ask them about my condo and if they had seen my neighborhood in their
travels. They hadn’t. I took notice of the world around me and how it had
changed. That was the first time I had noticed how quiet it had become. The
sound of gunshots and cars had given way to the sound of the horde below. The
air had a faint smell of death too it and black smoke still filled the air.
With that I realized that staying was our only choice. I didn’t tell Cody or
the others about the conclusion I had drawn, I just hoped that they would
eventually realize that leaving was impossible just like I had.

While
we were standing up there Cody came up with the idea to do something special to
celebrate the arrival of the newest members of our group. He wanted to have a
barbeque on the roof and even though I thought it was a stupid idea at the
time, it really did seem to bring everyone together. I mean as he went around
and told everyone about his plan, people seemed to get generally excited about
the whole thing. So we gathered a wide variety of frozen meats from the storage
freezer and assorted canned vegetables and snack foods and decided to throw a
party. We grabbed beer and wine from the caged area in the back. Hell, it even
pulled Ray away from the news for a while. He picked out a nice bottle of
bourbon and told me that I needed to have a drink with him.

The
whole experience was surreal. There we were drinking, laughing and acting as if
it was just an average Saturday in the middle of an average summer all the
while a horde of zombies surrounded us just below. But as strange as it seems,
for at least a couple of hours we weren’t thinking about what the next day
would bring or what the next tragedy would be.

We
all tried to avoid talking about the outbreak or those we had lost. Instead we
discussed movies and television shows and sports teams that constantly let us
down. Cody ran the grill and Anne whipped up side dishes with whatever she
could find. Amy offered to help but she didn’t let her. She didn’t let anyone
help because she wanted everyone else to just relax.

Ray
was sharing horror stories about teaching. Derrick spent most of his time
trying to convince a few of the others that some movie from the eighties that
nobody had heard of was the greatest movie ever made. I spent most of my time
talking to Paul about hockey and football and every so often Cody would throw in
his two cents.

The
barbeque seemed to be going well, but a few hours into it something happened. I
was standing next to the barbeque talking to Cody and Kerri when out of the
blue I heard two people begin to shout. I looked to see Anne and Paul yelling at
one another and the two of them appeared as mad as I had ever seen them.

I
didn’t see how it had started or who said what first but I could tell they had
both been drinking and that didn’t help matters. Through the name calling and
the vulgarity I was able to make out what they were fighting about. It was the
one topic everyone had tried to avoid all evening, whether we should try for
the coast or not.

They
went at each other like I had never seen before and neither one of them was
holding anything back. They were vicious and unlike their previous arguments,
that one didn’t look like it was going to end well. Tanya and Shannon tried to
pull Anne away and Adam, Cody and me grabbed a hold of Paul. He was more
hostile that time and I was afraid of what he might say or do. After we managed
to separate the two of them they wouldn’t speak to each other until the
following day when they both gave empty apologies as if to appease the rest of
us.

That
brought an end to the festivities and once everyone finally left the roof I
chose to stay up there and volunteered to take the night’s first watch. The
first reason I decided to stay up there that night was to avoid the awkwardness
of the fallout of Anne and Paul’s fight. The other reason I stayed up there was
too check in on Hal.