In my Arms Tonight (NYC Singles Book 2) (30 page)

It was never going to come to fruition, but she didn’t feel like shattering his happiness.

They lay side by side, quietly, for a few breaths. The silence wasn’t awkward or oppressive. It was magical. In this moment, the reality seemed far, far away from their perfect universe.

In this place, there was no possibility of losing him, hurting him or letting him down. Conflict of interest and an overactive conscience didn’t exist.

“Do you want me to sing you a lullaby?” Kat asked, a sudden desire to nurture him springing into her.

Alex’s elbow nudged her hip. “Not today, I’m too tired. By the way, you don’t snore, do you? Noise wakes me up.”

Kat chortled. “If I told you I did, what would you do?”

“Buy earplugs.”

“You won’t leave me?”

“I don’t think I’m capable of that anymore.” The end of his sentence blurred into a yawn. “Good night, darling.”

Alex rested his head on the crook of her neck, left her a goodnight kiss on her collarbone and dipped into slumber.

Kat couldn’t sleep with so much running through her head. She was going to destroy him the day after tomorrow. What right did she have to be sleeping with him and deceiving him in this manner?

The minutes felt long and strained as his breath labored over her skin.

Restless, she tossed around, then finally removed herself from beside him after checking that he was asleep. He stirred, but stilled.

Dispassionately, she dug around her fridge for leftovers. She wasn’t hungry but eating took her mind off difficult thoughts.

She mixed Pineapple yoghurt in the cup with a spoon for five minutes. But she couldn’t eat it. So, flinging it into the bin, she floated back to bed, dissatisfied.

The bedside lamp was on when Kat got back. Alex was up with his chin on the pillows, scanning his surroundings like he was in a fog.

“I started to worry when I found you missing.” His bedroom eyes made her want to give in and have sex for the last time. But she couldn’t have that on her conscience, too. It’d be horrible to sleep with him today and stab him in the back in a day. She had more consideration than that.

“I was hungry,” she lied.

“Did you bring something for me?” He frisked her.

Pain ate up her insides as Kat caught his smiling face for the last time.

God, how much she loved him. How much she wanted this night to stretch on past dawn. How much she wished she was a different woman, in a different profession, so she wouldn’t have to hurt him in order to stand her ground.

Though she’d always believed that doing the right thing would feel good in the end, this time she wasn’t sure.

“Alex, I want to tell you something.”

This was the only window of opportunity she had—the only opportunity to tell him to be prepared for what she was about to do. The day after tomorrow, things between them would be destroyed forever. Her horrible betrayal would come to light and she’d lose his trust. She’d lose him.

But she was selfish. She wanted to keep him today. She didn’t want to destroy this last night they had together.

“I love you, Alex.” The words were sweet, simple, unembellished and unexpectedly, they set off her tear glands.

Folding her into his protective embrace, Alex planted a kiss on her head. “I know. I love you too, darling. I’ve loved you for some time.”

Those were precious words she’d cherish for the rest of her life. Words she’d use to put her lonely, broken heart to sleep when she was raw and hoarse from sobbing. Words that would never be uttered again after daybreak.

It was an effort to squeeze out the next sentence from her painfully swollen vocal cords. “Thank you for loving me, Alex. Thank you so much.”

He smirked. She burned that sunny smile into her memory, so she could call it up to illuminate her dark moments. “You don’t thank someone for loving you, darling.”

“I’m not easy to love,” Kat croaked out.

“I’m not easy to love either.” He played with a strand of her hair, kneading it between his thumb and index finger.

Wandering off-course, Kat let herself envision how things could have been. How enchanting Paris could’ve been with him by her side. How warm Thanksgiving could have been with him being part of her family. How sexy Christmas could’ve been, making love under the Christmas tree.

Lost fantasies. All of them.

“I could hurt you,” she rasped, mad at herself for being so indecisive.

“You wouldn’t be doing anything I haven’t done.” He made a sly U with his lips. “I’ve already hurt you. Remember what happened after we got a little too rough in the sack?”

She couldn’t smile, because she felt so horrible, so she smoothed her tongue over his lips, melting into the unique, incomparable taste of Alex. She should have more self-control, but she didn’t. Knowing she was never going to be able to have this wonderful taste in her mouth again, Kat ran her tongue over his teeth, his tongue, the roof of his mouth in desperation. She soaked up every texture, every heady feeling and locked it away in her memory.

When the kiss ended, she said, “I can hurt you worse.”

Alex mulled over that for a pause. “Oh, yeah? We’ll see.”

He didn’t understand the magnitude of what she’d said. But he would know better the day after tomorrow.

A
lex woke up at eight am to a loud beep. Multiple beeps. Why was security pestering him so early in the morning?

There was a knock on his door, but the sound only carried through faintly to his bedroom.

Alex turned in bed, then started to sit up. The heaviness of his head dragged him back to sleep when he tried getting out. He was so tired after last night. He’d been unable to fall asleep until three.

With effort, he pushed himself away from the foamy mattress. Getting the sand that had accumulated in his eyes overnight, Alex set the phone against his ear.

“Hello.” It was crackly.

“Sir, it’s security. There’s a commotion in the lobby. There are reporters who’re saying that they want to talk to you. I believe one of them has made their way up to your apartment. We’re trying to get them to leave. In the meantime, please don’t open the door for your safety.”

“Got it. Thanks.”

Reporters. To see him. That didn’t sound like good news.

Before he could make sense of those words, his phone rang. Nobody called him on his landline, but he figured his cellphone must’ve died, because otherwise somebody would have woken him up at six.

Sure as day, when he punched the buttons nothing came up. He’d been hazed with exhaustion last night, so likely he’d let something as mundane as charging his phone slip his mind.

“Hello.” Alex’s greeting corresponded with a knock on his door. Oh, God, they were here.

“Alex, where are you?” Jane’s words flew like bullets into his ear.

“In my apartment.” He made a trip to the front door, where the knocking was growing loud.

“Whatever you do, don’t open the door—”

Alex didn’t let Jane finish, looking through the peep hole to check on the scene in the corridor.

One? The hallway outside was a fucking convention of reporters. Cameras, noises, and accusations floated around.

Scuttling back to his bedroom, he drew the doorknob until the door rattled in its frame. “You were saying?”

“There’s a whole bunch of rabid journalists outside your door waiting to tear you apart.”

“I saw,” he remarked sarcastically. “And what are they here for?”

“Regarding the news that broke this morning, obviously.”

“What news?” From the tone of her voice, it sounded serious so Alex threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt. He had the premonition that he might be going somewhere soon.

“Have you been living under a rock since morning?” she spat.

“Pretty much. I slept in and my phone’s out of power so I’ve been disconnected since last night. But tell me.”

“We don’t have time. I’ll tell you what happened later. Pack up immediately. You’re going to the Hamptons for a few days until David and I can find a way to tackle this.” Jane lost focus and barked out some orders to someone. “Senator Hoylman has kindly agreed to let you stay at his house. He wanted me to tell you that the Jacuzzi there is very therapeutic.”

Alex crushed the phone between his angry fingers. “It’s a month before the election. I don’t need a vacation in the Hamptons. I need to win.”

“I want you to win too.” The doubt in Jane’s voice confirmed his hunch. “So follow instructions. I’ll see you outside your apartment building as soon as the security in your apartment building manages to do something about the reporters. Come with your luggage and a strong stomach. Oh—and come in a disguise.”

“Wow, Kat, you’re something else.” Nick’s words were as inconsequential as the sound of the CPU droning under her desk. “Where did you get that scoop on Summer from? Nobody saw that coming.”

Poking her mouse, Kat deleted a few emails she wouldn’t have if she was actually concentrating.

She had resolved to throw herself into work with hell-bent determination this morning. Her decision was made and she’d made it with a sound mind, so she wasn’t going to let it hurt her. The Alex chapter was closed in her life. Now she was moving on. Not all endings were happy, nor were they satisfying. Some endings were painful, incomplete and full of remorse.

But she was doing what she loved the most in the world. That was surely capable of healing the pain inside her, wasn’t it?

She had so much work today, she’d probably not even think of him. There was the… er… what was it again?

Checking her calendar, she spotted it. Right. The press conference about… her mind drew a complete blank. Why couldn’t she remember what it was about? This was so unlike her.

Reading the letters on the screen one by one, like a pre-K kid, Kat collected them into a comprehensible sentence.

That awful burning of her heart should have gone away. She’d done the right thing. She’d stood by her ideals. By herself. She’d chosen herself, her work, her conscience. She should be proud.

Instead she was struggling to keep her mind on the job.

Work was the only pill she had. It was the only medicine that could make her feel better after what had happened. But she had to take the damn medicine for it to show its effects.

Then there was the issue of wanting to call Alex every other minute.

She wanted to apologize. She wanted to be forgiven. Which wasn’t going to happen.

It was silly, if not outright delusional, to destroy somebody’s dream and expect them to love you. But somehow she still expected him to understand her, to love her for having had the strength to be herself.

Alex must be seriously pissed. She could almost imagine what was running through his mind.

That slut slept with me to get a scoop. She betrayed me. She took advantage of me.

It made everything inside her shrivel up to even entertain the possibility that Alex wouldn’t love her anymore.

Growing weak under the assault of her emotions, Kat stopped procrastinating and called him with no idea of what she was going to say. Any delay was only going to make her more anxious.

As expected, he didn’t answer. She called again. Then again. Alex could be stubborn, so she had to keep at it if she wanted him to answer.