In the Wind (16 page)

Sawyer

Tuesday's Gone

Jace watches me in the darkness. He's studying my reactions. He needs to know I still sigh when he touches me this way or I groan when he fucks me that way. The man needs me to enjoy the sex more than he enjoys it himself. I used to find this quality irresistible. Now I hate him for it.

How can he care so much about my pussy's happiness, yet treat my heart so poorly?

Or maybe he does care now. Or maybe he never stopped. Or maybe I'm just fucking fooling myself because I can't let him go.

I tell myself this night is my way of saying goodbye. We ended too quickly like ripping off a Band-Aid. I need more time and tonight I have it.

Jace comes inside me, but I'm not ready for our time together to end. My pussy teases his softening cock until he nips at my lower lip.

We refuse to speak. I can't hear his voice without remembering him telling me goodbye. Silence allows me to forget, but he wants to know if I want more. Tugging gently at my lips with his teeth is his question. I answer him by caressing his face.

Jace lifts me up before leaning back, so I'm riding his now hardening cock. He's asking me to show him what I want. I stare down at him in the dark room and roll my hips. His hard chest is hot under my fingertips as I work his erection into a hard rod.

Watching me, Jace lazily rolls my nipples in his rough fingers. I fuck a bit faster, wanting to come. His hand reaches for my hair, pulling me down to where his lips wait. His kiss isn't leisurely or tender. Sucking hard at my tongue, he wants me to let loose.

I think to say something to him, but my words burn up from my gut to my chest until I can barely breathe. Unable to speak, I move my hips while he watches me again.

Not trusting him enough to let go, I remain in control. I still find pleasure. Jace's body might be different in some ways, but he's the same in all the best ways.

My pussy refuses to care about my mental problems. She isn't bothered by him breaking my heart. This man has a cock she knows too well to worry over small things like feelings and the future. Yeah, a pussy's needs are immediate and primal. Besides, he never did my pussy wrong, so she really has no reason to hold a grudge.

My orgasm has a weird sedated quality. I find pleasure, yet feel unsatisfied. Jace stares up at me in the dark, and I sense he's bored. Irritated, I stop moving my hips.

Suddenly, he sits up and wraps me in his arms. His lips devour mine, stealing my breath. Jace slides his hands under my ass and guides me. Up and down, he instructs without saying a word. I wanted silence and he's giving it to me. He's also making me come again.

No longer passive, Jace twists on the bed, so we move to the edge. Then he's over me, cock still deep inside my desperate pussy. Fucking harder, he takes charge. Despite my resentment towards Jace, I'm forever grateful to have him in the driver's seat. My pussy immediately thanks him with a much-improved orgasm.

Smiling again, I decide for tonight I'll forgive him. Tomorrow, we can go back to complicated.

Jace drives his cock into my body as if on a mission. He strikes a sexy dark figure against the moonlight from the window. I reach for one of his hands and place it against my throat. His touch feels perfect against the soft skin.

I meet his rhythm, wanting him to come. I need him to fill me. I crave the power to make this strong man go weak. I hear his breath quicken. My joyful pussy tightens around his cock, sucking it steadily. I want him to lose control, even if I can't.

Our silence is broken when Jace groans my name while coming hard. I pinch his nipples, and his hips buck against mine. He groans again, coming so hard I wonder if he'll pass out from the pleasure. He says my name again while his hips thrust wildly.

The pressure is too great for my pussy. Crying out Jace's name, I'm surprised by how sudden my orgasm hits me. I swear I'm coming for the sheer fact that I made him feel this good. A reward for a job well done.

Jace leans down against me, still thrusting while his lips suck at mine. His tongue enters my mouth, tasting me as hungrily as his cock still looks for pleasure. I don't think he'll stop fucking me ever.

This idea both excited and saddens me. Tomorrow, the sun will rise, and we'll return to the people who can't trust each other.

Jace

You Don't Even Know Who I Am

Even with her wrapped tightly against my body, Sawyer bails on me. I sleep right through her escape. Just before nine, the sun wakes me to find her gone.

The pillows smell like peaches from her shampoo. I caress the fabric and think about the night before. Sex with Sawyer felt good but cold. A few times, she let go enough for me to feel the woman I love.
That Sawyer is mine.
The rest of the night, she felt like a damn stranger.

Finally crawling out of bed, I find Sawyer downstairs in the living room, ready to leave for breakfast. The twins are somewhere nearby, yelling at Zane.

"Last night," Sawyer whispers, "was a great way to say goodbye."

I want to tell her she's full of shit. I know Sawyer loves me. I love her too. Our feelings might be all over the place, but lying isn't the solution.

Zane enters the living room before I can say anything to Sawyer. She backs away from me, desperate to focus on anything else. Zane shows no reaction to our presence. Instead, he ducks as a pillow flies over his head.

"Women, am I right?" he says to me, walking into the kitchen.

He isn't waiting for a response, so I keep my mouth shut. The twins arrive in the room looking like hippies.

"Why?" Sawyer asks them.

"Why the fuck not?" Colbie says, hugging Sawyer. "You smell like sperm."

"It's my new shampoo."

Snorting, Colbie looks at Bodie. "Oh, honey, I hope the spermy hair thing doesn't give you flashbacks to your first sloppy romp in the sack."

"I love everyone," Bodie growls and picks up a chair to use as a weapon.

Colbie pulls Sawyer out of the room before the chair can go flying. Once they're out of range, Bodie sets down her impromptu weapon and glances at me. I want to ask for help, but sense she isn't interested in playing Morpheus.

"Fine," she says when I stare at her for too long, "but no crying and only minimal feelings. I had a long night."

"What happened?"

"My dog got into the chili. You don't even want to know."

I smirk at her expression. "Sorry for your suffering, but I don't know what the hell to do with Sawyer."

"If you're looking to dispose of her corpse, I have a few ideas. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to protect her, right? Man, today is already starting off with some tricky shit."

Zane appears suddenly, startling me. The guy is like a damn cat with his skulking. He hands his sister a beer before disappearing down a hallway.

"It's five o'clock somewhere," she says, taking a swig. "So what's the problem, Neo?"

"She came to my room, and we had sex. Now, she's claiming last night was us saying goodbye. What's a nice way to tell a woman to pull her head out of her ass?"

"First, you start by asking if she's lost weight. When she's babbling about how she
has
been exercising more, you mention she's your woman now. Next, you explain you're willing to hit her on the head with a club to make her submit. Finally, throw flowers at her face and make a run for it."

"That's horrible advice," I balk, laughing since I'm too frustrated to do anything else.

"Well, to be fair, I've never been in love with a bitch before," Bodie says, downing her beer. "Especially not one with curly hair. I'm kinda guessing here."

"You've dated though."

"Oh, yeah. Hundreds of guys."

"Hundreds?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

"Hey, a free dinner is a free dinner. Anyone who asks, I say yes." When I frown at her, she shrugs. "Sorry I didn't meet my Prince Charming when I was five or thirteen or whenever Sawyer said you two met. To be honest, I have a deal with Colbie that I only listen to you while she only listens to Sawyer. If we were forced to listen to you both, I don't know if anyone would survive."

"You're not helping. Not even a tiny fucking bit."

"Did you miss the part where my damn dog ate chili? Give me more than five minutes to devise a solution to a problem you idiots created months ago."

"Fine, five minutes," I say, walking into the kitchen. "I'll eat fast while you use your big brain to solve my shit."

Bodie glares at me, but I know she's thinking up something smart. At least, it'll be something smarter than I can come up with.

I eat fruit salad for breakfast since I can't find anything else. By the time Mama May Dee appears and asks me if I want her to cook, my stomach is too full of fruit to say yes.

While I wait for Bodie to magically fix what I fucked up months ago, I sit outside and sweat in the hot Texas morning. After a few minutes, Sawyer appears on the back deck, gets awkward upon seeing me, and hurries back inside. Watching her flee, I think about the first time I kissed her. I'd been waiting for years for Sawyer to grow up enough to think of me as more than a friend. Hitting puberty first, I didn't even view her as a woman until she emerged from the pool one day and sent my teenage hormones into overdrive.

Months later when she was fourteen, Sawyer ordered me to kiss her. I obeyed. Our first kiss was awful. All gnashing teeth and way too much spit swapping. I laugh now, remembering how lame we started out. Our first kiss was so awful we swore never to do it again.
That pledge clearly stuck.

An hour after saying she needed five minutes, Bodie emails me on my cell. The message orders me to get dressed for the gym and meet her downstairs.

Sawyer apparently received the same message. Wearing sweats, she's standing at the top of the basement stairs.

"What is this?" she asks, angry now.

"I think it's a stairwell leading to the basement."

Sawyer blinks twice before laughing. "Asshole."

We walk downstairs to the gym, only to find it empty.

"This way, lovers," Colbie says from farther down the hallway.

An irritated Sawyer grunts, thinking this situation is my fault. She's right, but I don't plan on admitting anything.

Wearing camouflage gym shorts and a tee, Bodie waves us into the large boxing ring in an all-white room.

"This place is creepy," I say. "Why is it in the basement?"

"No space upstairs. Dad underestimated how big to make the house."

"Gloves," Colbie says, handing them to Sawyer and me.

Sighing dramatically, Bodie pulls on her gloves. "People often ask me how I can spend all my time with Zane and Colbie, yet never murder them violently. I always tell those people to fuck off because I don't share my private shit with strangers."

Glancing at Colbie struggling with her gloves, she continues her story.

"Since I'm in a giving mood, allow me share my secret to dealing with inner demons without the boredom of therapy."

"Boxing!" Colbie says, nailing Bodie in the back of the head with her gloved fist.

Bodie doesn't react to her sister. "You two have issues to work out, so let's have at it."

"I'll represent Sawyer," Colbie says, bouncing around. "I'm angry and sad and have all kinds of feels. Prepare for me to unleash those mutherfuckers!"

"I'll be Jace," Bodie says, joining me. "I've hidden my feels all my life. Now, I'm going to use those feels to kick ass and inspire people to shit themselves in fear."

Sawyer glares at me as if I'm to blame. Fuck it, I glare back at her. We put on our gloves and continue to stare angrily at each other.

"How do we start?" I ask.

Sawyer punches me in the arm with her gloved fist. "There."

Bodie grunts. "Less punching. More confronting with words and wild accusations. I'll start." Focusing her glare on Sawyer, Bodie speaks in a deep voice as if imitating me. "You came to my room to fuck last night, and now you act like we're over. We both know that's crap. Stop the lies."

Enraged at how I shared our night together with Bodie, Sawyer takes a swing I easily dodge. Yet she won't yell at me, so Colbie joins the battle.

"You dumped me!" Colbie yells more at her sister than me. "I loved and trusted you, but you treated me like trash!"

The twins look at us, but Sawyer's frowning mouth remains closed. She refuses to admit our problems. I'm not doing much better though. Accusing Sawyer to her face feels cruel, and I don't want to hurt her again. Yet, I feel Bodie getting annoyed.

"I hid from you for years," Bodie says to Sawyer, ignoring Colbie bouncing around the ring. "You knew I was hiding too. We were friends before lovers. We talked about marriage and kids, but I kept hiding, and you kept letting me. You and I were more real than anything was in my life. How could you be okay with me hiding? Why are the lies always better?"

Bodie's words hit me. I think back to the day I ended things with Sawyer. We'd spent time with our families, and everyone was happy and smiling.
Everyone except me.
Sawyer never seemed to notice though. I knew everything about her, down to her most embarrassing secret. We were in love, but I was only showing her what I thought people wanted to see. Nothing we had was real, and she was okay with that fact.

"Yeah," I say quietly, and Sawyer's frown turns weird. "You never understood me. Your life was too easy to understand all my fucked up issues."

"Easy?" Sawyer yells.

"Before your pop died," Bodie continues, knowing I'm working through shit, "what was so hard about your life? You had parents that spoiled you rotten. When you didn't get along with people at school, they homeschooled you. When you wanted something, they gave it to you. You didn't know real suffering."

Sawyer shakes her head, but I know the panicked look in her eyes. She hates when someone nails her with the truth. Occasionally, Bailey will point out Sawyer's mistakes and cause the same shocked look.

"I loved you," Colbie says, nudging a speechless Sawyer. "I would have loved you no matter what. If you showed me your ugly side or your stupid side, I would have loved you. If you wanted to move to France to live out your dream of being a mime, I would have gone with you."

"Idiot," Bodie says to her sister.

Grinning, Colbie keeps babbling. "If you wanted to follow a hippy band around the country, I would have stopped shaving my pits and learned to love shitty music. I was devoted, you fucking slut hag!"

No longer interested in playing referee with my problem, Bodie tackles her sister. While they laugh and punch each other, I focus on Sawyer.

"I had the choice of living a lie forever or showing you the real me and running the risk that you'd leave. When my parents were killed, I hid and ran. Running has always saved me. That day with you, I ran because I couldn't pretend with you anymore. With everyone else, I could be fake Jace, but you're Sawyer. You're the only person I wanted to be real with. Except what if I showed you something wrong?"

"Idiot Colbie isn't wrong," Sawyer whispers. "I would have followed you anywhere."

"Why?"

"Because I love you. I know you better than you think. I know you disappear into your head when shit gets too real. When people freak you out, you put up your walls and act like you don't care."

"I feel like a fucking fraud," I say quietly, throwing off the boxing gloves. "I don't even know if I want to be in the club some days. The day I left you, I realized I don't know if I like riding a Harley or I just think I do. I don't know who I am. How can I expect you to love someone who's a fucking lie?"

Sawyer pulls off her gloves before tossing them at the twins sitting nearby. "You hate Tex Mex. You say you like it, but I know you don't. I see it in your eyes. It's subtle, but I see it."

Stepping closer, I search her face for the truth. "What else do you see?"

"You hate Tucker," she says, taking one of my hands. "You feared him as a kid, and you grew to hate him."

"I don't think I hate him."

"You do. He was loud when you were little, and you'd flinch around him. When you got older, you stopped flinching. You still hate him though."

"What else?" I ask as my free hand caresses her cheek.

"You love fireworks. Your eyes always light up when you see them, even when you try to act like you don't give a shit."

"I want to show you the real me, but I don't know who that guy is. What if he sucks?"

"I already know him, and I never wanted to let him go."

Feeling the hurt of waking up alone this morning, I whisper, "You said last night was goodbye."

"I say a lot of shit. I have a big mouth."

I force a smile. "What if I get in touch with my feelings and turn into a crybaby?"

Colbie laughs at my question, causing Bodie to punch her in the nose. They stand and circle each other. Rolling my eyes, I walk with Sawyer out of the ring and leave the twins to fight.

"Or what if I get in touch with the crap inside me and turn into a rage monster?" I ask once we're in a hallway. "What if I become a fucking loser? What if I can't control what comes out of me?"

"Are you asking if I'll leave you?"

"No, I'm asking if you'd still love me."

Sawyer sighs painfully. "The day you dumped me was the worst day of my life until Pop died. I hated you so much that I wanted to hurt you. Even under all that bad stuff, I loved you and hoped you'd come back. I didn't want anyone else because I wanted you. Loving you isn't a choice. I just do, and I feel like I always have."