In Too Deep (33 page)

The cup in her hand trembled, and ridding herself of the cold coffee, she breathed deep and allowed a feeling of triumph to overcome her anger and hurt. The forensic evidence had finally come back, and it seemed things were going their way. On the strength of it, Ruiz had agreed to keep the case open and had given the order to bring her in. Patricia couldn’t wait to let Liz know she wasn’t as smart as she thought.

She thrust her shoulders back and entered the small room. As she rounded the table, Liz looked up and smiled coyly. Rage threatened to erupt and Patricia nearly let it show as she stared at the woman she had grown to hate. Liz had hurt her on so many levels and now, it seemed, she was doing it again by tainting what Patricia truly wanted. Erin.

Her hands itched to fly across the table and strangle the shit-eating grin right off that exquisite face. Patricia kept them at bay by folding her arms over her chest, and instead started in on the questioning, relishing the fact that they finally had some hard evidence against Adams.

“You were there the night of the shooting,” she stated, refusing to sit down across from the suspect.

Liz looked surprised. “Where?”

Patricia took a step closer, loving every second, loving that the forensic evidence backed her up. “You bled all over my bedroom carpet, and we have the DNA to prove it.”

The expression on Liz’s face changed, but only slightly. Patricia knew her words had penetrated, she could see it in the icy flash of her eyes.

“I don’t think so,” Liz responded.

Patricia saw the jumping vein in her neck and nearly laughed. She had waited for this moment for so long. Too long. “We also found something else of interest.” Liz stared off in silence as she spoke. “A fingerprint. Several, actually. All of them belonging to a single, unidentified source. Who is it, Liz? Another one of your loyal followers? Someone else who was stupid enough to believe your lies?”

“You mean like you did?” Liz finally looked at her, the smile gone. Her face was stone, her jaw set. “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? You, getting your revenge?”

Patricia wavered slightly, the words getting to her. She had interrogated hundreds of hardened criminals, heard horrible, evil things creep from their mouths. But nothing compared to what she was hearing now. Liz could still get to her. She forced her shoulders to relax and reminded herself she was holding all the cards. “It’s in your best interest to talk,” she said evenly.

“Somehow, I don’t think you have my best interest in mind.”

Patricia laughed, her body inwardly quaking with anger, jealousy, and the thirst for revenge. Tired of the game, she decided to be truthful. “You’re right, Liz. Don’t talk. Don’t help yourself in any way. We have enough evidence against you to send you away for a long, long time. With or without your cooperation. And frankly, I can’t wait to see you go down.”

She smiled then and allowed the vengeful feelings to warm her body. It felt good. Ice blue eyes held hers for a long while before Liz looked away. Patricia waited another moment, still relishing her victory, then said, “Have it your way,” and started toward the door.

“Wait.”

The word came from thin air and it was said so softly Patricia almost thought she had imagined it. Her hand dropped from the door handle. “Excuse me?” She turned and studied the back of Liz’s head.

“I’ll talk,” Liz said, louder this time.

Patricia walked slowly to the table, her heart leaping in her chest. Liz was caving, it was finally happening. Something she thought she would never see.

“I’m listening.” She slipped her hand in the pocket of her slacks.

“I’ll talk, but only to Detective McKenzie.”

Patricia laughed, completely taken aback. Was Liz trying to get to her again? Yes, that must be it. “No fucking way.” Her voice was as hard as her heart.

“Then I believe we’re finished, Detective.”

Resentment boiled through her at the look on Liz’s face. The bitch was messing with her. Somehow she knew how Patricia felt about Erin and was trying to interfere.

“Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?” she seethed, hating the woman, now more than ever.

Liz merely looked at her, no readable expression on her face. “I’m trying to cooperate.”

“The fuck you are!” Patricia slammed her hand down on the table.

“I said I’m willing to talk, Patricia. But only to McKenzie.”

“Why?”

“Do I really have to explain? I think your present behavior explains it all.”

Patricia’s mouth felt dry and her ears rang. “You can’t talk to her. It’s out of the question. And if it’s me you have a problem with, then I’ll go get another detective.” She moved then to go back to the door.

Liz shrugged. “It’s McKenzie or no one.”

“Then I guess it will be no one.” Patricia spat. No way was Liz going to see Erin again. No way.

“Then you won’t have the answers to your questions.” Liz spoke with a bland unconcern that seemed calculated to insult. “And I know you still have plenty of questions. Because I am innocent. And if this goes to trial, I will talk. And I’ll make a mockery of you and this whole department.”

Patricia’s pulse raced. She didn’t want Erin anywhere near Adams. But Ruiz was listening, and she knew exactly what he would do. He would bring in Erin. Ultimately, that decision wasn’t up to her. Liz had called her bluff and she was going to have her way, as she always did.

White-hot with anger, Patricia turned on her heel and stormed out of the room.

*

Patricia sat in her Blazer for a few minutes after killing the engine. She stared at her house, knowing who was inside and what needed to be done. Ruiz wanted Erin at the station to talk to Adams. Somehow it had all come down to this.

She exited the vehicle and headed inside. She and Erin hadn’t really spoken since the night they’d been intimate. Now she wondered now just how intimate it really had been. Looking back, she viewed their encounter as one between two ravenous, horny teenagers, tugging at each other’s clothing in order to quickly obtain some release—not the way she had intended things to be. She had foreseen a very different way of making love to Erin, a way she now knew would never happen. Not even if Erin really wanted it. And Patricia doubted that she did.

She dreaded the conversation they were about to have and wished she could put it off. But what had happened at the station with Adams was undeniable. Patricia had lost control, nearly exposed herself. Her feelings for Erin had undermined her judgment and all for what? They were almost certainly one-sided. The realization hurt, but it was forcing her to get things straight in her mind, once and for all.

She found Erin reading on the couch, looking like she hadn’t slept.

“Hi.” Erin placed the book down in her lap. “Are you okay?” Her eyes ran over Patricia’s face.

Patricia sighed and dropped down on the couch. Her hands trembled and her body felt hollow inside. “Not really. We need to talk.”

Erin sat up a little straighter. “Okay.”

Patricia stared down at her shaking hands for a moment, terrified at what she was about to do. She didn’t think she could take any more pain, but she knew it would eventually hurt worse if she let things continue on their present path. With a trembling voice she asked, “Are you attracted to me?”

“Yes.” Erin met her eyes before she looked away, seemingly a little embarrassed.

A brief flutter of hope moved in Patricia’s belly. But it wasn’t good enough. “Is that all it is, then? Just physical attraction?”

Erin didn’t look directly at her. “I don’t understand,” she said softly. Her face had reddened in response to the questioning

Christ, this was hard. But she had to know. “Do you have any other feelings for me, other than the physical attraction?”

“Of course.” This time Erin met her gaze squarely. She looked troubled, possibly even hurt by the insinuation. “I care about you a great deal.”

Patricia thought for a moment, searching for a way. There was only one question left. She had to ask if Erin felt the same way she did. “Is it…love?”

She clenched her hands, hoping, praying that by some miracle it would be. But as Erin looked away from her, she knew the answer. And while it was no real surprise, the crushing of her hopes and dreams still stung, painfully so.

“I’m sorry,” Erin said softly. “I don’t think it is. I mean, I would know for certain if I was in love, wouldn’t I?”

Patricia fought back hot, biting tears. “Yes, I think you would.”

Erin searched her face. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I care about you, I’m attracted to you…I wanted you so bad…”

Patricia held up a hand, unable to hear anymore. She understood what was happening to Erin. Understood it first hand, having gone through it herself. “Erin, I think what you’re feeling right now is normal,” she said gently. “When a woman is first awakened, so to speak, to her sexual attraction to women, she often…”

“Feels like she’s going to die if she doesn’t have sex with a woman again soon?” Erin finished for her.

Patricia nodded and couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the choice of words. “Yeah. I think it’s safe to say you’re having those feelings, then.”

“I guess it’s pretty obvious.”

Patricia glanced away, deep in thought. It had been obvious, but she had refused to see it. She had been determined to have Erin, determined to live out her dream with her.

“It doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you,” Erin added quickly.

“I know. But I don’t think it would be wise for us to act on our mutual attraction again.” It pained her to say the words, but she knew that she was saving them both some future heartache.

“So you’re telling me in a nice way to keep my lips to myself.” Erin smiled slightly at her from across the couch.

“Just from me, yeah.” Patricia swallowed some jealousy once again. She couldn’t bear to think about Erin with anyone else. Especially Adams. But she didn’t want to hurt her feelings either. Erin was confused and going through a rough time. “It’s not easy resisting you, you know. I care about you too, which is why I have to do this.” She dropped her eyes, feeling extremely exposed.

“I understand.” Erin reached out and took her hand. “You’ve done so much for me. If there’s one thing I’m sure of right now, it’s that you care. Thank you for that.” In a transparent attempt to lighten things up, she added, “That still doesn’t change the fact I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t have a woman again soon.”

As ridiculous as the words sounded, Patricia knew they were true. She’d felt that way herself long ago, after having her first lover. But the woman who was invading Erin’s mind with powerful lust and emotion was poison, and Erin was obviously under her heady spell. Now that she knew Erin had been with Liz, Patricia knew it had been Liz, not she, who had ignited such a fierce fire in Erin. The flame was still burning bright in her eyes. She was hungry, wanting, needing…Liz.

Patricia longed to rescue her, but in a flash of insight she understood that Erin was in some ways a surrogate for the self she failed to rescue a long time ago. The younger woman had to figure out who she was and what she wanted all by herself. Even though it pained her to do so, Patricia had to back off, had to let her find her own way.

With a stab of grief, she lowered her eyes, protecting herself. Her feelings were too potent. She would have to distance herself somehow, keep her desires to herself, locked away deep inside.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Erin teased, patting her hand, trying to bring her back from the dark place to which she had gone.

Patricia knew her emotions must be written all over her face. She felt dead inside. An awkward silence stretched out between them until finally, she forced a shrug and said, nonchalantly, “Find some hot babe with an insatiable sexual appetite and screw your brains out.”

Erin scoffed and flushed slightly. She looked taken aback by this blunt, almost crude, response. “Yeah right, easier said than done.”

“Are you kidding me?” Patricia patted her hand as playfully as she could. “With your looks and charm, you’ll be beating them off with a stick.” Her words were true and she smiled through her pain, suddenly very determined to do what was right for Erin, whatever the cost to herself.

“Are you sure you’re up for this, Mac?” Sergeant Ruiz stood next to her, placing a soft hand on her shoulder.

Erin didn’t bother to glance over at him. Instead, she kept her eyes forward, focusing on the dark hair of their main suspect. She couldn’t see her face from where she stood behind the two-way mirror, only the back of her head and the uncharacteristically slouched shoulders and strongly muscled back.

“I’ll be fine,” she responded, sounding cold and indifferent.

She was beyond exhausted, her nerves strung out. The fact hadn’t escaped her that the very department that had deemed her unfit for duty just a short time ago was now insisting and counting on her to save their ass. She folded her arms as the resentment rose up to bite at her throat.

“I don’t know if it’s such a good idea,” Patricia said.

Ruiz pushed his wire-rim glasses back further on his nose. “We don’t have much choice.”