Indigo Nights: A Sexy, Contemporary Romance (29 page)

The check-in woman pretended she didn’t notice my fingers tapping against the desk. “How many bags are you checking in today?”

“None.”

“Carry-ons?”

“I don’t have any,” I replied. Perhaps I should have brought Beth’s luggage with me. No, I wanted her to come home with me. I didn’t want her getting on that plane.

Finally, the clerk handed me my boarding pass and invitation to the lounge, and I streaked off through security, clinging to the hope that when I saw Beth she’d understand.

I needed things between us to be back where they had been.

In a short space of time she’d become my whole world. Her openness and vulnerability had drawn me to her—my heart ached that I’d abused that and not been as forthcoming with my own emotions.

I didn’t bother checking the faces in the lounge. I knew where she’d be hiding. I rounded the corner to find three empty tables.

Shit.

I was certain I’d find her there.

How had I been so wrong? Perhaps she wasn’t planning on making her flight. Nausea floated in my stomach. I shook my head. I couldn’t think like that. Not yet.

I spun around and headed out of the lounge and toward her gate. The flight wouldn’t be boarding yet, but if she was going to fly she’d have to come to the gate at some point. I’d wait until the last passenger boarded, at least that way I’d be sure that she was okay.

I dialed her number again.

Voice mail.

I shoved my phone back in my pocket, trying to find the correct gate.

There were three people seated nearby the desk. None of them were Beth. I sat in the seat nearest the door to the gangway, determined not to miss her, and waited.

People filled up the seats around me. Not one of them was Beth. Eventually they started to call people to the aircraft. First class was up first. No Beth. Then business class and then economy. Still no Beth. I checked my watch. Twenty minutes until they were due to take off and the queue had disappeared completely.

The thought of never seeing her again crawled up my throat and made me choke. I couldn’t lose her. It just wasn’t possible. She’d changed me forever and I knew that my love for her would last the rest of my life, whether we were together or apart.

Fuck. She wasn’t flying.

I felt her before I saw her. My heart surged in my chest, and I stood as her beautiful red pout came toward me.

“Beth,” I said, a mixture of relief, love and sadness in my tone. She looked so broken. She glanced at me and then looked away as she handed her boarding pass to the flight attendant.

I couldn’t have lost her, could I?

I just had to explain, make her see, remind her how much I loved her.

Beth

I half expected him to show up at the airport, but I’d thought I was safe when I got through security. Of course he had managed to get through somehow. He probably owned the airport as well. No doubt he’d heard about the
Sun-Times
article and had some spurious excuse about how come I’d been the last to know he owned the company I’d been working for.

I didn’t understand why he hadn’t told me, but I wasn’t about to ask him for an explanation. I needed space. He was so seductive, and I wanted not to be feeling like this so badly, that I didn’t trust myself to stop and hear an explanation.

There was no point; whatever my heart might want, my logical brain couldn’t be convinced. I’d caught him in several lies, and after I’d told him how important honesty was to me. My heart twisted—walking away would be the hardest thing I’d ever done, but was exactly what I had to do.

I couldn’t be the woman I was with Louis, grasping for explanations, holding on to the impossible because I had to hold on to him at any cost. I would never be like that with a man again. I’d never be such a fool.

“Beth, please just wait a second,” he said as I handed my boarding pass and passport to the flight attendant. “Alicia came to the office and refused to leave unless I went to lunch with her. It was entirely unexpected, and I would have told you as soon as I saw you. I wasn’t hiding anything.”

Unable to digest what he was saying, I glanced up at him. I shouldn’t have. I could drown in those indigo eyes. They were misleadingly kind. I looked away, desperate to have some distance so I could keep my clear head. I needed to be in London. I’d debated going to a meeting before I left Chicago, but called my sponsor instead and cried for thirty minutes solid before I could explain to her what had happened. It’d felt surprisingly good to tell someone about it. How betrayed I felt. How much I loved him. How stupid I felt. How much I wanted it to have never happened. I didn’t say any of that when I’d called Jake after to tell him I was okay and on my way home.

I
was
going to be okay. I wasn’t going to drink, and I didn’t want him to worry if Dylan did something stupid and called him before I did.

My first instinct wasn’t to bury my feelings with alcohol, which was both shocking and comforting. What I wanted was to run home, not to get shitfaced. I guess that was what people called progress. I clung to that feeling as Dylan kept talking.

“Beth, please look at me. I need you to understand how sorry I am. I can explain it all. Can you just stay?”

I wanted to sink against his hard body and feel his arms smooth over my back, but I knew I couldn’t think about that, not now.

The flight attendant handed me my boarding pass and passport. I smiled and turned to Dylan.

“I believe you’re sorry that you got caught. At least I found out who you were before I got in too deep.” I walked way. It had been my turn to lie. It hadn’t happened before I got in too deep. I was way out of my depth and drowning.

Dylan shouted after me, “Beth, don’t say that. Don’t pretend you’re not in this as deep as I am. Please don’t leave.”

When I knew I was out of sight, I stopped. I couldn’t take another step. Crashing sideways into the wall, I slid to the floor, sobs shaking my body.

I cried because I felt foolish and I was embarrassed for having been so easily taken in. But most of all I cried because I’d never see him again.

I loved him. And I knew I’d love him for the rest of my life.

How long would it take for that to pass? I’d never fallen for anyone like I’d fallen for Dylan. He’d made all my previous encounters feel so meaningless. If only he could have been the man I thought he was.

When I heard footsteps behind me, I pulled myself up. Just a few more steps and I’d be on my way home and able to start rebuilding myself once more.

“I just got through security, and I can’t face public transport. I look like I’ve been crying for nine hours straight.” I wore my sunglasses despite the fact that it was the middle of a gray winter’s day.

“I could have come to get you. I’m sorry, I didn’t think,” Jake said.

I headed toward the taxi line. “Don’t be. I’m not in the mood for company. I just want to go home, shower and go to bed.”

“And you’ll come over for dinner tonight? You know if you don’t Haven will just come to you. If you come here at least you can leave when you want to.”

It was the last thing I wanted to do, but Jake was right; Haven would insist on coming over and I knew my brother would only worry if I stayed home and felt sorry for myself. “Okay. I’ll come to yours, but I’m not bringing anything. There’s no way I’m baking.”

“No, that’s fine.”

“Can you make sure you have cake? And ice cream?”

“You’ve met my carboholic wife. We have both at all times. We just never tell you about the store-bought cake in the fridge.”

I managed to smile slightly. “Okay, I’ll see you later.”

The journey to my flat passed in a nanosecond. Whether it was warp speed or sleep, I wasn’t questioning it. I just needed a shower and my duvet.

As I opened my purse Dylan’s scent hit me. The woodsy, masculine smell that his skin had, which was always so comforting. I couldn’t stop the tears as they rolled down my cheeks.

I stripped off what I was wearing and set the wash to hot, naked as the day I was born. I loved how comfortable Dylan was naked and how his attitude encouraged me to be more accepting of myself.

I needed a shower so I scooted into the bathroom, covering my chest with my crossed arms just as Dylan hated me to do. A good shower could cure almost anything.

I let water cascade over me, taking with it my tears. God, I’d not expected to come home like this. I’d let myself imagine that Dylan and I might have something special, something long term. How could I have been so wrong?

I turned off the faucet and wrapped myself in a towel. Someone was banging on my door. Haven?

I opened the door and stood, open-mouthed, as I came face-to-face with Dylan.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. I was pretty sure he hadn’t been on my flight.

“I need to talk to you. To explain.” His jaw was clenched and he looked tired.

I just wanted him to hold me and tell me it had all been a horrible dream or something. I wanted to rewind and pick up in the moment just before I left his brownstone, when my heart only ached at the thought I wouldn’t see him for three days. I didn’t want to be here, standing here in front of him, my heart in pieces.

I shook my head. “There’s nothing to say. You need to go.” I started to close the door but he put his hand out, stopping me. “Really? You’re going to force yourself into my apartment?”

He let go instantly and I shut the door, resting my forehead on the wood as I turned the lock.

“Beth, please. I’m so sorry. You have to believe me. I’ve seen Alicia twice since she called off the wedding. The first time was with you, then when she turned up to my office about thirty minutes before you came to the restaurant. I’m not making this up.”

I started to cry again. I so wanted to believe him. “What about Raine Media, Dylan? Why didn’t you tell me you owned it?”

I heard him sigh. “I don’t have an answer for you. Not a good one, anyway. Raf and I have some history with business and my exes, and I hadn’t told him you were involved in WCIL. It didn’t seem important, at first because we weren’t that serious, and then I never found the right words. Things were so perfect; I didn’t want to ruin it. I should have said something, but we were thinking about selling and I just didn’t want to complicate things, with him, with you. In the end I’ve just made things so much worse.”

He sounded sincere and I so desperately wanted to believe him. I wanted to hear about the business issues with his ex. Did he mean Alicia? But I didn’t want to give in to him. I didn’t want to be the weak woman I’d been with Louis. The woman who believed every lie because I didn’t trust myself. “Dylan, I can’t . . . I don’t know . . . You should go.”

“I love you, Beth.”

My heart urged me to tell him that I loved him, too, but my head wouldn’t allow it.

“I don’t think so. I need the people in my life to be completely honest with me. To be gentle with me. To act like they love me, not just use the words.” My heart felt like someone was ripping it into shreds. I’d finally opened up to someone and it was as if history was repeating itself.

“I know. I fucked up. I’m not good at this, but it’s new. And you don’t tell me everything, either. Can you tell me you’ve shared everything about your ex?”

He was right. I’d never mentioned my pregnancy and the way Louis had told me to get rid of it.

“You don’t talk to me about your meetings or your sobriety.”

I couldn’t argue with him. Jake was the only one that really knew the ins and outs of my struggle to stay sober. Partly because it wasn’t much of a struggle anymore, but also because he’d seen me at my worst and loved me anyway. I knew he wouldn’t judge, or reject me. But was that comparable with what Dylan had kept from me? My head spun. I wanted him to be right, for us to be able to work through this, but I didn’t want to be made a fool of.

“We don’t know everything about each other. Not yet, Beth. But I want to hear all your stuff and I want to tell you all mine. I want all of you, and I want you to have all of me.”

“Please, Dylan, I can’t. You need to go. I need time.” I didn’t want him to go. I wanted to stay close until the pain passed.

“Can we talk tomorrow?” His voice was small and sad. Despite how I felt, I hated that.