Indiscretions (12 page)

Stop it! Just stop it!
she scolded herself.
He wouldn't do that to me. I just know he wouldn't. There has to be a perfectly reasonable explanation, and I know as soon as I talk to him, he'll clear this up.

She held onto that fleeting hope as the evening hours slowly slipped away. The sun was just peeking over the horizon when total exhaustion finally seduced her, enveloping her in the total silence that had kept her company throughout the long night.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Khendra sat behind her desk sifting through the assortment of notes and transcripts she had to review prior to her afternoon court appearance. She tried to push aside the throbbing headache from her lack of sleep. Her headache, combined with the thoughts of yesterday's events, made it impossible to concentrate on anything.

Restless, she exhaled an exasperated sigh and walked to the window. It was nearly noon, and she had not heard a word from Sean. He had been out of the office all morning and was not expected back. Yet he hadn't called to say a word about having missed their rendezvous.

As the minutes ticked by, her feelings of insecurity became more intense. Maybe it was a mistake to get involved so quickly, she thought, her misery deepening. What did she actually know about him other than he took her breath away whenever she looked into his smoldering black eyes? But how many other women did he have the same effect on? She had been a fool from the beginning with him. She should have followed her instincts.

But he had awakened another side of her that she couldn't deny, a forced more powerful than any emotion she had ever experienced. Her thoughts of what he had aroused in her led her to toss her doubts aside. She would let her heart be her guide. Whatever happened, they would work it out, she decided with finality. She had to believe that.

Standing over the kitchen stove, Khendra prepared a light meal of broiled red snapper and a tossed salad. After a long, tedious day in court, she wasn't in the mood for anything too heavy. She placed the plate of food on a tray, along with an ice-cold glass of cranberry juice, and headed for her bedroom.

A cool evening breeze caressed the sheer white curtains, giving the room a tranquil atmosphere. Khendra slipped out of her shoes, sat on the bed with her legs folded, and placed the tray on her lap. She turned on the television and leaned back against the overstuffed pillows, ready to catch the evening news and enjoy her meal. She had just put a forkful of salad into her mouth when the doorbell rang. A brief frown knitted her brow. Now who could that be? She placed the tray aside and padded to the door.

When she glanced through the peephole, her breathing stopped short, and her stomach did an Olympic somersault. But then she caught herself and nonchalantly opened the door, leaning against the frame with a look of total indifference,

“I'm sorry,” he said softly.

Her heart almost melted, but she turned the ice back on. “Oh, are you? About what, exactly?”

A devilish grin lit his face, and the glacier that had formed around her heart began to melt. “Are you going to let me in and blast me out, or let me have it out here in the hallway for all the neighbors to hear so I can be totally humiliated?”

“Get in here,” she said, fighting to keep a straight face as she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

As she gently tugged him through the open door, his eager mouth swept down onto hers, leaving her weak and wanting as the kiss quickly fanned the fires that were barely held in abeyance. He pulled her to him, his own need for her blinding him to the impropriety of their situation. As his desire bloomed hard and swift, he molded her supple curves against him as he stroked her with sure fingers. She clung to him, wanting to rekindle the intimacy she felt she might lose, the intensity of her own need leaving her breathless and trembling in his embrace.

Yet, even as the heated contact between them charged the very air they breathed, a tiny corner of reality clung to the edges of her consciousness. She couldn't let him cloud her thinking with his intoxicating kisses and tantalizing touch. She had to maintain some control, she thought dizzily, as his hot fingers slid underneath her blouse and gently caressed her breasts, which grew rigid with his touch. But all thought of control was quickly extinguished when his hungry mouth captured the bud his fingers had released.

Her soft cry of surrender was tenderly swallowed up in his kiss, as his sugar-sweet tongue plunged into her mouth, sending a jolt of electricity coursing through her body. All doubts and sanity flew out the window when he skillfully shut the door with the tap of his foot and swept her up into his arms in a single motion, his lips never leaving hers.

He lowered her to the carpeted living room floor and lay on his side next to her, his desire radiating out of his coal-black eyes. His mouth descended on hers again, while his fingers opened the button of her skirt and slid it down over her hips. With the agility of a black cat, he eased on top of her, threading a muscled thigh between her yielding ones.

Once again she felt herself slipping under his magical spell, and she knew deep within that she couldn't let it happen. If she allowed him to master not only her body, but her mind, she would be lost forever, and she couldn't let that happen again.

“No, Sean!” she cried, pushing him off with all of her strength. Quickly she sat up and fixed her clothes, avoiding his stunned gaze.

“What's wrong?” He tried to touch her, and she pulled away.

“We need to talk, Sean,” she answered quietly. He stood and walked over to the sofa, then turned to face her. “All right, talk.”

“Isn't there something you want to tell me?”

“About what, Khen?” he said, an edge of annoyance tingeing his voice.

“About yesterday for starters.” She stared at him hard, her warm brown eyes now cold with doubt and frustration.

Sean took a deep breath, jammed his hands into his pockets and walked out onto the terrace. Bracing his palms against the railing, he contemplated how he could get around what he knew had to be said. It would change everything. Khendra was still so fragile emotionally. He was afraid to risk having her not understand. There had to be another way. At least until he was sure she felt more secure with him.

He turned to her and inwardly cringed at the cold look of disdain that filled the eyes that had just so recently held nothing but warmth for him.

“Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday, Khen,” he whispered sheepishly, reluctant to look her in the eye.

“Sorry! Is that all you have to say?” she sputtered, unable to believe her ears.

“I know I should have called you, but things got so busy, and before I knew it, the day had flown by. I knew you would be gone for the day and angry,” he rambled on, “so I just figured I'd get some sleep, let you cool off and then I'd try to explain.” He looked at her with his easy, award-winning grin, and took a cautious step forward.

“Don't even think about it, Sean!” she ground out between clenched teeth, her hands planted firmly on her hips. The slap of her words stopped him dead in his tracks.

He knew instantly, by her no-nonsense stance and the chill of her words, that she wasn't about to settle for any crap from him. He had to think fast.

“All right,” he said in a defeated tone. “I was wrong. There was no reason not to call. I guess old habits die hard. And you deserve better than that.”

“What kind of wishy-washy explanation is that? Is that supposed to make everything all right? You've got to be kidding. Where were you last night, Sean?” she asked, her question more of an accusation.

A tightness gripped him in the gut, and for a split second his first thought was to jump on the defensive and walk out, but he knew that tactic would never work with Khendra. She was just as stubborn as he was. She'd never come running after him, feeling that she owed him the apology, like all the other women. He would have to tell her something—and fast.

“I told you. I went home…and went to bed.”

“Alone, of course.”

“What are you—”

She held up her hand to halt any further conversation. “Don't insult me with your lies, Sean. I saw you last night.” A cold knot of fear twisted in his stomach. “The least you could do is have the decency to tell me the truth!” She turned on her heel and stormed off into the kitchen, burning tears of anger brimming in her eyes.

She felt him come up behind her, and her insides tightened. She wouldn't let him sweet talk her. Not this time, she reaffirmed silently. She held her arms akimbo, her back rigid with determination.

He gently placed his hands on her stiff shoulders and felt the muscles tighten under his fingertips.
I'm not going to lose you, Khen. Not now. Not over this.
He hung his head and sighed deeply, knowing there was no point in keeping secrets from her any longer, not if he wanted the relationship to work. And he knew deep in his soul that he wanted her more than any other woman he had ever known. “I guess it's about time I told you everything,” he said slowly. He took a deep breath, and turned her around to face him. “The woman you saw me with…was my wife.”

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

She felt her whole body become infused with a kind of pain she had never experienced. Her breathing seemed to halt somewhere between her chest and her throat. The impact of his words was like a vise that had gripped her heart and had begun to slowly and painfully pull it to shreds. She looked at him through eyes that didn't quite see, and for one hysterical moment, she didn't know him any longer.

“Khendra! Khen! Listen to me,” he pleaded, seeing her drifting away from him. “It's not what you think. I said was.” He shook her. “Did you hear me, I said was!”

A frown of confusion masked her face. “What are you saying?” she asked weakly, a glimmer of hope lighting her eyes. The urge to knock him out for scaring her half to death released the grip that had wrested her heart.

“We've been divorced for about a year now. Last night was the first time I've seen her in nearly six months.” A wave of relief flooded through him once the words were finally out. Now, he just had to assure her there was nothing going on between he and Carol, and never could be again.

“Let's sit down. I think we have some talking to do.” He put his arm around her shoulder and felt her relax against him. He briefly shut his eyes, trying to find the words to explain.

“…her drug habit nearly destroyed her and me.” He sighed, the memories rushing back in waves. “Then her last suicide attempt was the final straw. The newspapers ate it up, and me with it. It nearly ruined my legal career.”

She reached out a hand to touch his face, as if to wipe away the reawakened pain. “You don't have to talk about it anymore,” she said softly. “I know it had to be hard on you.”

“But it's over now,” he said with urgency. “You have to believe that. Carol is weak. She always has been. I guess that was part of the attraction.” He gave a humorless chuckle. “I thought I could be her strength. But she had other ideas.”

“Why is she here? What does she want after all this time?”

He briefly looked away from her probing eyes.

Do I dare tell you that she has an apartment and plans to stay?
He couldn't tell her that—not yet. There'd be plenty of time later. “She says she was in town for a few days and she just wanted to see me. I said okay.”

The next question burned in her throat, but she had to know “How did you feel…when you saw her again?” Her heart skittered in her chest.

He looked at her, then looked away, his eyes sweeping the room as though searching for the answer. Then his eyes rested on her face, steady and clear. “I…still care about her, Khen. But I'm not in love with her.” He shook his head as he spoke. “We went through a lot together. She says she's clean now, but it doesn't matter. I don't believe in going back. She knows that.” He took her hand in his and gently squeezed it.

The flickers of a smile tugged at her lips, as a sense of relief slowly crept through her veins. “You could have told me, Sean,” she said without rancor. “I would have understood. I spent too many years with secrets and misunderstandings. I don't want that to be the pattern of our relationship, too.”

“You mean Tony,” he said softly.

She nodded. “I never really knew what he was thinking or what he was thinking about me.”

She took a deep breath. “When I did find out, it was too late to change anything. We let too many outside forces and misconceptions come between us. I never had the chance to—” Her voice broke.

“Shh. It's okay. That won't happen to us. I swear to you it won't,” he said, praying that his words would remain true. He pulled her from her seat on the sofa and onto his lap, cradling her head against his broad chest. “I swear it won't,” he whispered against her mouth.

She gave herself up to the pleasure of his lips, letting his persuasive fingers, once again, unleash the well of desire that lay just beneath the surface. It was going to be difficult, she realized, as her fingers traveled over his chest. She was going to have to learn to trust again, to open her heart and love again, and Sean was the man she wanted to experience those things with. But most of all, she had to let him know he could trust her as well, with all of his heart.