INDISPENSABLE: Part 2 (11 page)

Not that they needed to be billionaires, Sarah had never wanted the life of a rich person. She just wanted enough to get by comfortably on. Even though her salary now put her in realm of millionaire, she wasn’t going to rush out and spend big. She’d get some good savings behind her, because if she and Brock couldn’t work together in the future for any reason, she’d have enough to live on until the next opportunity presented itself.

She didn’t want to get out of the shower, but she did. Dressing in a floral sundress and sandals she’d bought in Paris, Sarah went out to see about going to get the wicked dessert he’d mentioned earlier. She was starving now, and a hit of creamy, chocolatey goodness sounded perfect.

She heard him talking as she walked out. He sounded upset. Must be Jason on the phone. What had happened now?

Brock did nothing but think about what Sarah had said to him back at the beach. If only it could be true, but forever wasn’t for him, and she needed to find happiness. He wished it wasn’t that way, and maybe he should suck it up and try it, but the thought of the pain he’d have and he’d cause Sarah bogged him down.

The fact remained, Sarah wanted marriage, and he was already married.

The phone rang. Where had he left that? He could hear it. He scrambled inside his beach bag he’d left inside the doorway. There it was. “Jason, what’s up?”

“You aren’t going to like this.”

“Just tell me.”

“Rick has been spouting off his mouth to the media again. He’s saying that Sarah has slept her way through law school, and before that she was prostituting herself for drugs.”

“What the fuck? He’s gone too far this time. I’m coming home. Defamation of character. I’ll knock his head off his shoulders when I get there.”

“It might be best if you just talk to Sarah about it and lay low, let us handle it.”

“No. This is personal now. I can’t stay away any longer. Sarah won’t want to either, and I can’t keep it from her.”

“Keep what from me?”

Brock looked up and saw Sarah wrapped in a robe, fresh from the shower, standing there. “Jason, I have to go. I’ll call back soon. Just say nothing at all to the media until I get there. Make sure no one does, especially Bella.”

“What’s going on?”

“Rick is spreading vicious rumours about you.”

“What’s he saying?” She had a stillness about her that he’d never seen before.

“Does it matter? He’s just dredging up lies to upset you.”

“What’s he saying?” Her voice demanding and insistent. Her eyes burned with seriousness.

Brock swallowed, and he knew he had to tell her. “He says you’ve slept your way through law school.”

“Okay. Anything else?”

“He’s said that before you went to law school you prostituted yourself for drugs.” Brock watched the color drain from Sarah’s face. “I know, it’s a terrible thing to say. We’ll sue for defamation.”

Sarah never spoke, she just looked stricken. She looked panicked. Her breathing began to quicken and panic filled her eyes.

“Sarah. It’s okay. We’ll fix this. He can’t lie about you like this.”

“Brock, you don’t understand. I can’t guarantee it is a lie.”

“What do you mean?”

Sarah began to cry. “I had dark days, Brock. A terrible addiction to drugs after my brother committed suicide. I cannot guarantee I never sold my body.” Sarah voice rose in pitch, and she hated herself so much right now.

The sobs just wouldn’t stop. Brock didn’t come to hold her. He never tried to make her feel better. He stood and stared at her in disbelief. It was probably disgust. She wouldn’t blame him if it was. She was disgusted in herself.

She was so ashamed of that time in her life. So out of it, just looking for the next hit, who knew what she would’ve done for satisfaction.

She knew she’d stolen to support her habit. She’d lied, cheated, and even threatened others to get her needs met. She never openly contemplated selling her body for drugs or drug money. In her mind, once that happened, she could go no lower.

But did it happen? She’d woken up many times in strange places with strange people all passed out around her, sometime wearing very little. How hard would it have been to agree to do anything at all to make sure she got her hands on what she craved so much? She had an addictive streak.

It was obvious now. She’d let drink and drugs be what she’d craved before. Then, study and work took over her life. Now, she was practically addicted to Brock. Could she even do anything without needing some sort of crutch to support her? Why would anyone trust her to be their wife and mother of their kids?

The tightness in her chest began as the anxiety grabbed at her mind. The pain so horrendous, she clutched at her heart thinking this was really it this time. She would die and she’d had nothing, no one. She’d never have a family of her own. Never see the joy of her own child’s eyes looking back at her. She left nothing behind that was of any use to anyone.

Brock surged forward; he seemed to only just notice the distress she was in. Sarah fell into his arms, and he spoke his soothing words and stroked her hair. He didn’t hate her. He didn’t despise her.

He cared for her; he really did. Sarah’s breathing eased. The pains lessened just a little. Enough for her to know she wasn’t going to die today. But one day she would. Everyone was headed in the same direction, and no one was getting any younger. She needed to sort her life and go out and get what she really wanted.

If she didn’t stop sulking over the past and make a life for herself, she really would leave this world with nothing. But Sarah decided right here and now, she would go for what she wanted. She strived for the happiness she’d seen other people get.

No longer would she be afraid to live, afraid to love. She wanted a huge wedding, babies, and a big table at Christmas to cook dinner for. Her mind swirled with a million thoughts, a million memories, and a million glimpses of the future all at once.

Brock was speaking to her. She hadn’t really heard what he’d said.

“Sarah. Are you okay? God, please be okay. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters.”

“I’m okay.” Sarah held her head. She tried to breathe normally and remind herself that everything would be okay. “I’m not okay, not really. But I will be.”

“Rick is an asshole.” Brock put his arms around her. “He’s desperate.”

“I don’t care about Rick.” Sarah gripped Brock’s hands. “I thought you hated me just then.”

“What? No. I’d never hate you.’ He squeezed her hands tight and let go. “I was angry, and I was thinking about how I was going to get great satisfaction in breaking his nose.”

“But what if I did do what he says, Brock. What if someone out there remembers something? I thought I could just get clean and walk away from that life. But it never lets go, does it? It’s impossible to get away from. It just chases me down.”

“Sarah, you weren’t yourself. You know that. As if anyone would believe anyone from back then. Even if you did, well, we all make mistakes. No one is perfect.”

“This isn’t just a little mistake, Brock. My choices were deadly.”

“But you are okay. You can’t just keep punishing yourself over a past that wasn’t your doing. Your parents should’ve been there. Look what you’ve done since.”

Sarah was safe in his strong arms now. He didn’t hate her. He’d tried to understand her. She’d said she’d loved him last night, even though he hadn’t heard her. But she’d admitted it. It wasn’t possible of course; she’d only known him a few of weeks and life hadn’t been exactly normal since.

“Brock?”

“Yes?”

“Last night. The past twenty-four hours. How has it been for you? Tell me honestly.” She moved away a little so she could look at him.

“It was a whole lot better than I imagined.”

“But is it something you’d want…more than once?”

“With you, yes. But, Sarah—”

“Why can’t we then? Why can’t we be together and just do a little of both ways?”

Brock shook his head. “Being a Dom, it doesn’t really work that way.”

“But it could…couldn’t it?” Sarah was sure he was still protecting her. “If you wanted it too?”

“Not for me, Sarah. I just can’t change who I am like that.”

“You wouldn’t have to. I’d like to try. I think we could do it.”

“You think that now. But when we get back home. When you get back to the office, you’ll think differently.”

“I see.”

“Sarah, don’t do this to yourself. It’s a kneejerk reaction to a romantic getaway and some awful news. Sure we could try, but I’d only hurt you. I couldn’t bear it, Sarah.”

“How do you know?”

“I just know.”

Sarah looked at him. What was wrong with him? Well, she’d made the offer and he wasn’t interested. He was probably right though. It had been fun. But this wasn’t meant to be forever. To be honest, she’d always known and had told him the same many times.

She’d go home and deal with Rick. Regardless of what had happened in her life, he had no right throwing it up. It had nothing to do with her job or how good she was at it. It didn’t matter. What mattered was how she moved on with her life.

What she needed was to find a husband. Find a man who could love her the way she needed. A man who wanted to love her that way. A man who wanted her to love him like that. If she’d learned nothing else since meeting Brock Devlin, it was that.

She was worth so much more than growing old alone. Why should she settle? But before she did all that, she had to give Brock the chance to be that man.

“Brock?”

“Yes?”

“Last night. It was more than awesome for me, and I know it was for you, too. I just wanted you to know, I told you that I loved you.”

He looked at her sharply, and then his eyes softened. “I thought I’d dreamed that. I mean, I was asleep…”

“Yes. You’d fallen asleep, but I didn’t know that until after I’d said it.”

“I really thought it was a dream.”

“Look. It’s fine. I’m not here to wait for you to say it too, or whatever. But, I know I can’t keep doing this cat and mouse thing. I want to settle down, to love and be loved and have a family.”

“I know, Sarah. I know that. You deserve all of that.”

“It wouldn’t be right, if I went and did that, after what we’ve shared. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t at least ask you…do you want to be that man for me?”

“God, Sarah…why do you have to ask?”

“Because, if I don’t ask I don’t get a straight answer and I need one. I need to know so I’m not left wondering if I may have missed out on the greatest love of my life, or if he’s still out there somewhere.”

Brock frowned at her. She could see his mind was in turmoil. But she had to know.

“Can you ever love me, Brock? Can you be the father of my children? Might you one day ask me to marry you?”

“Fuck…why do you have to know right now?”

“I’m worth more than waiting around for something that isn’t ever going to happen.”

“You are. You surely are. And no, I’m not that man. I’m sorry.”

“Be very sure, Brock, because I won’t ever ask again. I’m going to go home, work hard, and find the man who can make me happy. I don’t expect you to stand in my way because of what we’ve shared.”

“I won’t.” Brock sank down into a chair. “Go. Go find him. Be happy. Just go and do it.”

“I don’t get it. You clearly hate the idea of me with another man. Yet you will let me go marry another.”

“Sarah. I can’t marry you. I just can’t.”

Sarah was feeling the anger burn inside her now. “Why? Aren’t I good enough? Won’t I be the little slave you need? What is it Brock? If marriage to me is so abhorrent to you—”

“I’m already married.”

“What!”

“Sarah, I married Heather’s mother almost fifteen years ago, and I’m not asking her for a divorce.”

Sarah felt nauseous. The shock hit her hard, and she stepped up to him and slapped his face. Her hand stung. “You cheating bastard.”

~~~