Inevitable (10 page)

“
So, this
is
about my mum?”

“
That’s not what I-”

Before I
could continue I felt her on my lips. My brain told me to push her
away but my body refused to listen. So I kissed her back. I balled
my fists into her silky soft, strawberry-scented brown hair and her
lips parted at my tongues request. Damn, she tasted sweet – like
cherries. I explored her mouth with my tongue, licking and stroking
and allowing her to return the favour.

She let
out a soft moan which instantly made my pants feel too tight and
then her arms wrapped around me, her hands clutching at my shirt. I
never wanted this moment to end. Nothing had ever felt so right my
whole life. No one had ever felt so warm, so soft… smelt and tasted
so delicious.

She teased the hem of my t-shirt up with her fingers and
f
or the first
time ever, being utterly consumed by her closeness, her smell, her
taste… I forgot to bat the hand away that caressed the bare skin of
my back. Then she pulled away abruptly, concern flooding her
beautiful face.

She’d felt my
scars.

Fuck.

“
I have to go,” I said quickly and turned away from
her.

“
Blaine, wait…
”

“
That was a mistake, Maddie. I’m sorry,” I uttered without
looking back.

As I ran away
from her I pulled my cell from my pocket and text Matt.

Dude, Maddie
needs a ride home. She’s out front.

That’s the new
chick right?

Right.

Then, being
the selfish bastard I am, I did what I always did when things got
tough; I winked at the nearest brunette, took her to the back seat
of my car and fucked her brains out – probably shattering the few
cells she had left.

Then I felt
like shit about it.

Maddie

“
M
addie, right?” a boy I recognised from my economics class
asked as he strolled towards me. I nodded weakly, ruffling my hair
around my face in an effort to conceal my tearstained
cheeks.

“
I’m Matt, your driver for this evening, ma’am,” he teased,
offering his bent arm for me to take. I eyed him up warily. Why
would I ride home with some guy I don’t even know?
Because you don’t
have another choice…

“
Don’t worry I’m not a murderer, I swear,” he said with a wink,
running his free hand through his shaggy blonde hair. “Blaine sent
me.”

Blaine?
What so he gives a crap again now?

I nodded at
Matt, accepting his offer to drive me home and followed him to his
car. I was grateful he didn’t push me for idle chitchat on the way
home. I suspected it was because he could tell I’d been crying and
probably felt uncomfortable. I got him to drop me a few houses away
form my door, seeing as I never knew what kind of show my mum would
put on lately.

Thankfully,
she was fast asleep in bed.

I took a quick shower and changed into some purple pyjama
bottoms and a pink cami before climbing into bed and curling myself
up in my quilt. Despite my shower I could still smell Blaine on my
skin – he smelt of jojoba and some kind of expensive, masculine
cologne. I ran my tongue over my lips, remembering the taste of him
– beer mixed with mint
and tobacco and something raw and manly that I
couldn’t place. But then he left me.

Again.

I woke up
feeling like I’d had no sleep at all after spending most of the
night tossing and turning and trying to think of anything that
wasn’t Blaine. That didn’t go too well. I wondered if it was my
kiss that annoyed him. But when I replayed it in my mind, relived
the way he twisted his hands in my hair, the way he pulled me
tightly into his body, the way he groaned and invaded my mouth with
his tongue… No. There was no way he didn’t want that as much as I
did.

He said he would make all my problems worse. What the hell
did that mean? Maybe he thought people would shun me because of his
reputation. Newsflash: everyone hates m
e anyway! Besides, surely that was
for me to decide.

That kiss, that deliciously perfect, wonderful kiss, played
over and over in
my head whilst getting ready for school and all the way
through breakfast. I thought back to how I snuck my hand under his
shirt – expecting him to bat it away like he did the redhead. He
didn’t. He didn’t flinch as I smoothed my palms over his toned,
warm flesh, tracing the curves of his muscles with the pads of my
fingers.

And then I
felt them.

What
felt like hundreds of tiny raised scars splayed across the entire
width of his broad back. That was the moment he pulled away. That
was when he ran. Realisation slapped me across the face.

Dear
god that was
why
he ran!

Did he
think I would judge him? Me of all people! My home-life has been
front-page news since my first day here which hardly puts me in a
position to deride anyone – not that I would anyway. Maybe he
thought I would use what I discovered to turn the unwanted
attention away from me. Did he think I would tell people? Give them
something else to gossip about besides me and my screwed-up mother?
I struggled to believe, it hurt too much to believe, he could
actually think that little of me.

I’d developed an utterly nonsensical, completely
unreciprocated infatuation with Blaine Elwood, and when it hit me
that I didn’t know him at all, I start
ed to cry pathetically into my Cheerios.
What a stupid cow I was…

“
I’m sorry, Maddie.” My mum
’s voice startled me and I quickly wiped
my tears away on the sleeve of my grey jumper and busied myself
with the task of clearing my breakfast dishes, hoping she didn’t
notice.

“
What for?” I asked without looking at her, rinsing my bowl
through in the kitchen.

“
You know what for. I’ve not been myself lately. I’ve put too
much on your shoulders.” Reluctantly I turned to face her – she
needed me.

“
I just don’t know what to do anymore, Mum. I’m just not sure
we can do this alone anymore. I think you need to see somebody –
somebody who knows what they’re talking about,” I admitted
honestly. Her body stiffened and she backed away a few
steps.

“
No way, Maddie. You know damn well what’ll happen if anyone
finds out what kind of shit I’ve put you through.”

I shook my
head fiercely at her.

“
I’m eighteen in two months, Mum. Nobody is going to take me
away from you. And I think you know that. I think you’re just
scared,” I accused. “But you don’t need to be, Mum. I’m here. I
always have been and I always will be. I just want you to get
better.”

“
I will, I promise. Please, Maddie, give me another chance.
This move has been such a big step - there’s been so much to get my
head around. I’ve just not dealt with it very well. But I will! I
promise I will! You’ll see, Maddie. I’ll make you proud of me I
swear.”

She grabbed
hold of my hands, squeezing them, pleading with me.

“
I’m going to look for a job today. A
real
one, an honest one. I can do this,
Maddie. We both can.”

I knew full
well my mum was too mentally unstable to get a ‘proper’ job, and if
by some fluke she did – she’d never keep hold of it. But right now,
my head was mashed, and so selfishly I didn’t have the heart or the
strength to argue with her.

“
Okay. Well, I’ve got to get to school. Remember my number is
by the phone – ring if you need me,” I said, knowing damn well that
she wouldn’t.

In that
moment I was saved by Lori’s horn sounding outside. I leaned over
and gave my mum a quick peck on the cheek, wondering what mess she
could get herself into today, then practically flew out of the
door.

“
You’ve been crying?” Lori immediately greeted me with as I
slid into passenger seat of her Mini.

“
Good morning to you, too.” I tried to force a smile but the
muscles framing my mouth refused to work.

“
What’s happened? Is it your mom?” she asked, wide-eyed and
concerned. I shook my head.

“
No. My mum is fine… for now. It’s-” I stopped myself from
saying what was really troubling me. Not only was I embarrassed but
I wondered if this was exactly what Blaine had been fretting about
– the fact that I’d open my mouth to the first person I ran
into.

“
It’s?
” she pressed.

Oh, balls to it.
I needed to tell someone and even though I’d only
known her for a couple of weeks, right now there was no one I
trusted more in the world than Lori.

“
I kissed Blaine last night,” I confessed shamefaced, the words
lighting a fire in my cheeks.

“
You what! Oh my god was that you in the back of his
car?”

My stomach
churned and I felt serious worries for the safety of Lori’s
upholstery. I swear I could feel every single cheerio working their
way back up my throat in turn.

“
He had someone in his car?” I asked, even though I was almost
certain I didn’t want to know the answer.

“
Oh. That
wasn’t
you. Shit.” Lori bit at her bottom lip until it turned
white under the pressure.

“
No worries,” I shrugged, aiming for nonchalance but knowing I
was failing desperately, “I guess that proves why he ran
off.”

“
Jeez, Maddie, I, um, I don’t know what to say.
Sorry?
” I shrugged again and closed my eyes, trapping the tears
inside.

“
You know what… screw him,
” she said, steadfast and determined. I
raised an eyebrow at the double meaning which couldn’t have been
more inappropriate to the situation. And then we both burst into
violent fits of laughter.

“
You know what I mean! Christ, you have a dirty mind. In
fact, I would’ve thought you’d be exactly his type.”

“
I love you, Lori.” And that was the moment I realised, I
really did. Her eyes shot wide open, like she was surprised. She
really didn’t have a clue how great she was.

“
Love you too, girl. Hell, who needs boys when we’ve got each
other?”

“
Jesus, you’re not coming on to me are you?” I
teased.

“
Only if you want me to.” She winked and again we both laughed.
By the time we pulled up at school my ribs ached. Lori was just the
medicine I needed this morning.

I didn’t whether to hug him or punch him when I saw Blaine
blocking my locker. He was ripping what looked like a post-it note
from it
. My
first instinct was to walk in the other direction but I fought
against it. Curiosity took over and I stormed up to him wanting to
know what the hell he was doing.

“
What’s that?” I barked, reaching for the small yellow note in
his hand. He batted my hand away and screwed the paper into his
fist.

“
It’s nothing,” he retorted and then turned to walk
away.

“
Give it to me!” I snapped, pulling him back by the sleeve
of his football jacket. “If it was on my locker, that means it’s
mine!” He tried to shrug away but I clutched his jacket tighter.
For a minute I thought he was going to slip his arm out and leave
me holding it in mid air. “Blaine! Give me the fucking
paper!”

“
Fine.” He shoved the paper into my hand and stalked off
without looking back.

I straightened
it out with my fingers and started to wish I’d listened to my
instincts and walked the other way.

Just been
diagnosed with herpes. Tell your mom I want a refund!

I ripped the note into four and tossed it in the bin at the
end of my row of lockers. It was then I noticed a whole handful of
other similar little yellow notes, all scrunched into
untidy little balls.
My hand reached inside of its own accord and plucked them out one
by one.

Are you and
your mom a Buy One Get One Free deal?

Do I get a
discount if I make you come too?

I’d read
enough. I threw them back where I found them and swallowed back the
bile burning the back of my throat. Did Blaine get rid of these so
I wouldn’t see them? I idly wondered how many more, if any, he’d
gotten rid of, and then I wondered why?

He liked me
then he hated me. He made me feel fantastic, then he made me feel
like shit. He liked me again then he hated me again. He made me
feel fantastic, then…

I swear his
mood swings were getting almost as difficult to handle as my mum’s.
What the hell did he want from me? Any why was I more determined
than I’d ever been about anything in my life to want to give it to
him?

The day passed relatively quickly. No more notes appeared
on my locker, Sky was absent so the rest of Lori’s friends actually
chanced talking to me and the best part was – I didn’t see Blaine
for the rest of the day.
Alright, so that was a big fat unadulterated lie.
Blaine’s absence was absolutely the worst part of the day. I spent
every minute of every hour wondering where he was and peering over
my shoulder hoping to catch a glimpse of him.