Infraction (12 page)

We didn’t talk about what happened; we were both there, we knew.

We didn’t touch the rest of the night; though I did see his fingers twitch toward
me more than once.

Nathan’s normal casual caresses and kisses had died down a bit in the days to follow,
but picked up once he felt he was safe, in control of himself again.

I, on the other hand, couldn’t stop the wetness that gathered or the fantasies that
sprung up from nowhere. Somehow, my body had forgotten what his felt like. Now that
I had a small taste, the spark was reignited and my body craved him to the point of
insanity.

It was very difficult to find any alone time since he was always around. I was climbing
the walls for relief.

Besides my hormones taking over, making me want him every moment of the day, my insecurities
were creeping back in. I knew it was due to him trying to get hold of himself, but
I couldn’t help the loss I felt.

That was how I ended up sitting at the table with my hands wringing in my lap while
he heated up the dinner Sarah brought over. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath to
center myself and spoke the corny words Dr. Morgenson told us about. “I…I need lovey
hugs.”

Nathan turned and cocked his head, giving me a curious look. I supposed he was wondering
why I was using such a silly phrase. He began to smirk, and I could tell he was going
to tease me before recognition dawned. His eyes widened, and in a flash I was out
of the chair and in his arms.

I sighed and relaxed against him. “I miss you,” I whispered into his chest, doing
as Darren instructed and telling him why I needed affection from him right at that
moment.

Nathan’s arms tightened around me as he kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Honeybear,
I was trying to cool down. I promised you we wouldn’t be intimate like that until
I let go.”

“I wouldn’t label that as intimate.”

“No, but it was about to be,” he said and nuzzled my neck. His tongue peeked out,
licking at my neck. “I want you so bad, baby.”

I shivered at his declaration and reveled in the comfort I felt, cocooned in his strong
arms. I wasn’t sure how long we stayed wrapped in each other’s lovey hugs, but we
had to reheat dinner.

A few days later when Nathan went off to make dinner, I was free to take a shower
by myself. Showers were difficult for both of us in the last few weeks, though Nathan’s
arousal was much more noticeable than my own. It was torture to watch his cock salute
me, innocent brushes against my skin leaving a trail of fire that settled between
my thighs. He begged me not to mind, but all I wanted to do was lean forward and take
him into my mouth.

I was so happy, getting ever closer to being rid of my cast. I was tired of donning
the blue rubber boot to shower and not being able to walk on it.

Once I was ready I stepped into the shower, with the help of the dozen or so handles
Nathan added, and sat on the tile seat. The water felt good against my skin, and my
body relaxed as I washed the grime of the day away. My hands ran over my body spreading
the water around as I rinsed the suds away. I grabbed my razor and, well, trimmed
the hedges. Something I’d felt weird about doing in front of Nathan.

Once complete, I moved on to washing my hair. I was rinsing the conditioner from the
strands when my fingers brushed over my nipples, and tingles zinged through my body.
Thoughts of Nathan in the shower, his cock at full attention, filled my mind. My hand
slid down and teased my clit, my fingers sliding against my newly shaved slit.

“Taste me,” he begged.

I could imagine wrapping my lips around his head, his fingers tangling in my hair.

“Feels so fucking good. I’ve missed my little cock slut. So good at sucking me off.”

His hips thrust forward, pushing his hard cock down my throat. I imagined my fingers
I were his and began pushing them into my pussy.

“So fucking tight. Going to feel so fucking good wrapped around my cock. You’d like
me to fuck this tight little pussy, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, please!” I cried out to my vision.

“Do you want my cock, baby? Tell me, tell me how much you want my cock in that tight
snatch.”

My fingers were pumping faster and faster. “Please, oh, I need your cock, Nathan.
Please, fuck me!”

“That’s my good girl. God, baby, I need you.”

“Take me. Take me so hard I can’t fucking breathe.”

I moved four fingers into my pussy and began pumping at a furious pace; all while
imagining it was Nathan. My body was tensing as I approached the ledge.

“Come for me, baby. I want to watch you fall apart.”

I did as my fantasy requested. I let go, my body shaking as I came for the first time
in weeks. Wave after wave of pleasure crashed over me. It was one of the most intense
orgasms I’d ever experienced.

Stepping out of the shower, I felt relaxed and refreshed. I toweled off my body and
hair, and then wrapped the towel around my torso. I hobbled through the door, but
didn’t get far when I was assaulted by one of the most sensual and sexy sounds I’d
ever heard.

I turned to find Nathan standing next to the bathroom door, his hand wrapped around
his hard, weeping cock, pumping with all his might. His eyes were dark, heavy, and
clouded; his breath was coming out in pants between his curses.

It was at that moment I realized he’d heard me, my voice echoing off the tile bathroom
walls. He’d been listening to me through the door.

I stood there, watching him, and found myself right back where I was before my shower.
I should have known it would do no good. He was a sexual creature and my body was
always drawn to his.

I noticed that his left hand gripped the door frame so hard he was leaving indentations.
Probably to keep himself from doing something he thought we would both regret.

Wanting to help him out, I opened up my towel, exposing my naked body. The reaction
I received had me panting for him. His movements sped up; groans and moans slipped
passed his lips along with the dirty words I loved to hear.

“Touching yourself in the shower, my horny, dirty girl? Making me so hard I can’t
think straight!” he hissed, his hand furiously pumping his cock. “I want to shove
my dick so deep, baby. My little fucking cock tease.” He licked his lips and took
a deep breath, then steadied himself with his hand on the doorjamb. “You’re dirtier
than anything that can be washed off, that’s how much of a filthy little slut you
are for me. Only for me. Need another shower? Huh? Too bad. You’re not getting one,
not after what you just did to me. You’re going to watch me and drip. That’s what
my girl gets. That’s what I’m going to give you – a throb, an ache so deep it never
goes away.”

His jaw was tight, and his face wild with lust, his body almost shaking as his urges
took over.

Heat moved through me, my face hot, lips parted as my breathing became more labored.
My nipples tightened from the air and from his eyes as they greedily devoured me.
It was intoxicating to watch his fist move up and down his shaft, twirling a bit at
the head. My pussy ached with how much it wanted him.

He threw his head back, curses streaming from his lips, as hot streams erupted from
the head of his cock and landed on his shirt. His body relaxed against the wall, breath
coming out in heavy pants. I’d never watched a man do that, and it was so sexy I couldn’t
take my eyes off him or the moisture seeping into his shirt.

My heart raced in time with my throbbing pussy. Fuck, he was going to kill me. I’d
have a heart attack soon if he didn’t take me.

He dropped his head and gave me a look of relief mixed with his cockiness since I
was gaping at him, and then he moved to the bathroom to clean up while I headed toward
the bed. I sat down on the edge and fanned my face in an effort to cool down, but
it didn’t help as my whole body was in flames.

I lay down on the bed and shut my eyes in an attempt to concentrate on something other
than the imagery of Nathan coming, but it wasn’t working.

I heard a groan come from somewhere near the bathroom, then a click sound before I
felt the soft breeze of the fan.

“Dinner’s almost done,” he said in a gravelly voice before his footsteps retreated.

The fan helped. His fuck-hot voice did not.

C
HAPTER
12

I
t was a session of epic proportions. One sentence I thought seemed so innocent blew
up.

“I understand it’s in his nature to be dominating and in control, but I can’t let
someone else control me and what I do.”

I had no problem when Nathan wanted to control in the bedroom. It was outside that
I had a problem. I’d been controlled growing up; I wasn’t going to stand for it as
an adult.

Nathan became very defensive when his control issues were brought up. He didn’t think
he was doing anything wrong, but he couldn’t differentiate it in his head.

I mentioned Andrew when he asked for an example. That also did not go over well.

“Andrew is just a friend, he knows me, understands me, and I trust him. He’s helped
me a lot.”

“Oh, here we go.” He rolled his eyes. “The always perfect, shining Andrew on the pedestal
comes to play. You need more female friends and fewer dicks chasing you around like
a fucking tool.”

“You have a problem with my past, but I have to deal with yours? I thought you were
friends with him now. You
know
he’s just my friend. You have no right to tell me who I can and can’t be friends
with.” My arms crossed over my chest.

“So, you’re saying because I don’t like you spending so much time with Andrew, I’m
controlling?” he asked, twisting my words, his lawyer showing through.

I was having a difficult time sitting still, my spine so rigid it felt like it was
about to snap. My legs were coiled tight, either to kick the shit out of him or run
away from the conversation – I couldn’t tell which one was the stronger reaction.
“You told him to keep his fucking hands to himself when all he was doing was helping
me out of the wheelchair!”

“Yes,
and
? That’s my job. And did you see his face…he was fucking enjoying touching you,” Nathan
said between clenched teeth. “Is it wrong I hate seeing another man touching you?
Is it wrong for me to want to protect what’s mine? I love you, and I don’t want to
lose you. What do I have to do to make you understand?”

I felt like he’d shoved a knife in my chest, the pain of his words cutting me so deeply.
My body slumped back against the couch and my gaze moved down to my hands that were
twisting in my skirt as I fought the tears in my eyes.

“That’s good, Nathan. You told her how you felt instead of shutting her out like you
tend to do,” Darren said with approval. “He’s putting himself out there, Lila, but
in turn he’s also trying to push you away. Because he’s afraid if the Marconi doesn’t
take you away, Andrew will. He’s dealing with some serious insecurity issues here.”

“I don’t think she’ll leave me, I
know
she will.” Nathan was fumbling for his cigarettes. He pulled out the pack and fished
one out. “I need some air.” Nathan left with a huff out the door.

I sat there blinking at Darren, unsure of what to do. Did I go after him, or let him
stew?

“Sounds like we hit some nerves.” Darren turned to me with a reassuring smile. “This
is good, though. You can’t put a puzzle back together without all the pieces.”

We ended the session there since it was clear Nathan wasn’t in a listening place.

Darren hated to send us home in that state, but if Nathan wouldn’t cooperate, there
wasn’t much we could do. He reminded us of our need to communicate before we headed
out the door.

We didn’t talk on the way home, mostly because we were both still heated from our
session and thinking things over. When we reached my condo, I headed to the shower
while Nathan went to make dinner. I couldn’t wait for my cast to be off so I could
go back to morning showers. My hair was always still wet when I woke up, but it took
too much time, thanks to my limited mobility, to do it in the morning.

“Can I help?” I asked as I hobbled into the kitchen, fresh out of the shower, a few
minutes later.

“Yes, you can make yourself comfortable in that seat right there,” he said, directing
me to the table.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I want to help make dinner.”

“I have it covered. Please just sit down.” His voice was tight, the tension quite
thick.

He turned back to the spaghetti, while I set one crutch against the wall and hobbled
toward the fridge where I knew a bottle of wine was sure to still be hiding. Spotting
it in the back, I pulled it out and placed it on the counter. I felt his eyes on me
as I located the corkscrew and opened the bottle. I then moved over a few feet and
pulled down a wine glass from the cabinet.

He closed the gap between us, stopping right in front of me. “What the hell to you
think you’re doing?”

“I’m having a glass of wine—what’s it look like?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. You’re still on some meds and you can’t have it.” He took the glass from my hand.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do? I want a glass of wine after the day
I’ve had, and I’m going to fucking well have it!”

He hit his boiling point; his arm swung back and threw the glass against the wall.
It shattered into tiny pieces before falling all over the tile floor.

I quirked my brow, my eyes locked on his. I stretched out my arm, grabbed the bottle,
tipped it back, and took a large sip. Nathan stepped back and dug his fingers into
his neck in agitation as he paced in front of me.

I took another sip.

Mmm, good wine.

I stared back in defiance when he stopped in front of me, taking another sip. I set
the bottle down and reached up again for another glass.

Before my hand reached the stem, Nathan’s hands were on my waist. In seconds I was
seated on the counter. Once my disorientation cleared, my hand reached up and slapped
him across the face. Our eyes locked and my body was buzzing, electricity radiating
off him. It felt like I was coming alive in our fight.

Without warning his lips were on mine, hard and so delicious, but I knew it wasn’t
what either of us needed. I pushed back against his chest, creating space between
us. He stared back at me, and we continued our battle for control. My hand connected
with his cheek again.

“Again,” he said when he brought his face back to me. I did. “More.”

My hands switched and my chest tightened as I repeated, then I lowered my hands and
began pounding on his chest. His hands grabbed my wrists, halting my movements as
tears slid down my cheek.

He pulled me close to where his chest was flush with mine. “I’m sorry, baby.” He pressed
his lips to my neck. “So sorry.”

My hands fisted into his shirt. “I’m sorry.”

“I love you, Lila,” he said, his lips trailing up my neck to my lips.

“I love you, too,” I replied against his mouth, saying it to him for the first time
since I’d said it while doped up in the hospital.

He froze, his lips still attached to mine. He pulled back, the look on his face intense,
grave as he realized the magnitude of my declaration. His eyes darkened and then he
kissed me again.

His hands roamed under my shirt, setting my skin on fire, grabbing me, pulling my
body closer. My fingers tangled into his hair, body arching into his, loving the feeling
of him mashed against me.

My head was clouded, lost in my lust for him. I never wanted him to stop, never wanted
to have his hands leave my skin, his lips abandon mine.

A fizzing sound filled my ears, and I turned to find the pot of pasta spilling over
onto the burners.

“Shit!” He released me and rushed over to remove the pot from the heat.

The distraction brought us back, clearing our heads. He helped me down from the counter,
and I moved to sit at the table as he finished preparing dinner.

We were getting so close to having what we wanted. I could see the proverbial light
at the end of our twisted tunnel.

I sat out on the patio of Nathan’s condo, enjoying the sun and the scenery. He really
did have a spectacular view of the city, much better than mine. Erin picked me up
from work and wanted to show me the progress that was made on Nathan’s…remodeling.

I was shocked when I clamored in to find one half of the entry with smooth, white
walls and the other showing the studs. I was told a little more about the destruction
he caused, but I was
not
prepared to see the results. The pain he was in was almost palpable weeks later;
it was evident in the few sparse pieces of drywall that remained.

Erin had been none too pleased when she showed me the mess he had created in the living
room about a week prior. The destruction I witnessed was the evidence of Andrew’s
offer to stay with me that night. The only night Nathan wasn’t with me since the accident.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Erin asked as she handed me a glass of lemonade and sat
in the lounge chair next to me.

I sighed. “Just, thinking about Nathan and me.”

“I think things are going well.”

“You do, huh?” I asked with a small smile before I took a sip of the sweet, tart drink.

“Yes. Nate was brighter this past week. I don’t know what happened between you two,
but the air seems…clearer around you both.”

“Clearer?”

“You know what I mean.” She waved her hand in the air. “There’s been so much pain
and hurt, it made a constant tension, a static, since your accident. Now, though,
I don’t know how to describe it. It feels…lighter.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. And, to an extent, things are lighter. We’re both trying,
but it’s rough. I’ve never felt so much for someone, it’s disorienting.”

Erin shrugged her shoulders. “That’s love.”

Two words, one simple sentence, equaled a truth that rocked me. I was not only in
love with Nathan, but Nathan loved me in return.

It was hard to believe six weeks had passed since my accident. So much had changed
between us in that time. I still didn’t know what to call us or our relationship.
It was all a bit confusing, but only if I thought about it. Doing it, being in it,
loving him, was simple and easy. It was all the baggage we both came with that caused
the greatest hurdle. We were both struggling, with Dr. Morgenson’s help, to get better,
and we were making progressive strides through the muck.