Inherit the Sky (Lang Downs 1 ) (28 page)

Now he just had to figure out how to come out without making it a bigger deal than it needed to be.

M
ACKLINwasn’t in the canteen when Caine came in for breakfast, but some of the other jackaroos were already heading out, so Caine figured Macklin had come and gone and was already busy somewhere around the station. Caine would see him or not as the day went on. Caine hoped to catch a glimpse of him, maybe even time for a kiss or two, but if not, they would have their evening beer, not that they drank a beer very often these days.

Caine was grateful for his new long underwear when he headed out to the barn. He didn’t see Macklin, but a glance in the stalls revealed a definite need for attention. “He told me I’d be shoveling shit,” Caine said with a chuckle as he grabbed a pitchfork and the manure cart.

He’d finished three stalls and was starting the fourth when he heard the barn door open. He poked his head out to see who was there. “Hey, Neil.”

“I heard a rumor when I was down at Taylor Peak yesterday picking up hay.”
Caine sucked in a deep breath, but he remembered what Kami had said and refused to back down or let his nerves show. “Rumors are nasty things.”
“Taylor says you’re a poof.”
“Not the word I’d choose to describe it,” Caine said, surprised when the words came out without a stutter. “But if you’re asking if I’m gay, then yes.”
Neil’s face twisted with disgust. “Fucking pillow biters,” he spat. “Go back to Sydney or to America where you belong.”
“What does me being gay have to do with me being here?” Caine demanded, leaning the pitchfork against the wall and coming out of the stall. He hoped it wouldn’t get physical, but he wasn’t going to let Neil’s comments pass either. The men respected strength, Kami had said. Caine would show them strength. “I either do my job or I don’t, no matter who I fantasize about when I’m alone.”
“There’s no place for sissy-arsed poofters in the outback,” Neil insisted.
“Why not?” Caine demanded. “I might not know everything, but I’m pulling my weight around here now. You weren’t complaining when I helped with the breeding or when I gave you a break from the cold.”
“I didn’t know what you were then,” Neil retorted.
“I’m the same man now that I was before you knew,” Caine pointed out. “The only thing that’s changed is your perspective, not who I am or how I’m going to act.”
“It better not change how you act,” Neil said, advancing on Caine. “If you try anything, I’ll put you flat on your arse.”
Caine looked Neil over from head to foot. The man wasn’t unattractive, other than his attitude, but he wasn’t Macklin. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he said with forced nonchalance. “You’re not my type.”
“What is your type?” Neil demanded. “Prissy nancy boys? Some flaming shirt lifter?”
“What’s going on here?”
Macklin’s voice broke through Neil’s tirade. Caine was tempted to tell Neil that was his type, a shaggy, sexy foreman who’d made love to Caine like no one else ever had, but he didn’t think Macklin would appreciate being outed that way.“Neil and I were just talking.”
“We weren’t bloody talking,” Neil said. “You say things like that, you’ll have everyone thinking I’m a poof like you.”
“If that isn’t the most ignorant thing I’ve ever heard,” Caine said with a shake of his head. “Get back to work, Neil. The sheep won’t feed themselves.”
“And remember who you’re talking about before you go spouting off,” Macklin said, his voice hard. “That’s the boss you’re talking about. If he decides to fire you because you’re an ignorant bigot with not enough sense to keep your opinions about him to yourself, you’ll have no one but yourself to blame.”
“You knew about this?” Neil spat.

“And you didn’t think to tell the rest of us?” Neil demanded. “What business is it of yours?” Caine interrupted, drawing their attention back to him. “I already said you aren’t my type, so it’s not like I came on to you when you didn’t want me to, and even if you were my type, I’m certainly not going to come on to you now. If I make

a bad decision, it’s because I’m still learning my way around here, not because I’m gay, and if I make a good one, it’s because Macklin’s taught me well, not because I’m gay. The only person who has any reason to care is the person I’m interested in, and since that
isn’t
you, I don’t see where this is coming from.”

Macklin alone.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“He said some n-nasty things,” Caine said, cursing silently at the

“I told you it could be rough if the men found out.”
“T-taylor told him,” Caine said with a shrug. “I’m not going to deny who I am, Macklin. I chose to come out when I was fourteen, and I’m not going back in the closet for anyone. I’ll be discreet, but I won’t deny who I am.”
“He’s going to tell the others, and every time you turn around, someone will make a comment,” Macklin warned. “They’ll make your life hell.”
“They can t-try,” Caine said with a shrug. “I d-didn’t stutter once the entire t-time I was talking with Neil. Not once. I couldn’t have done that before I came here. I might have said all the same things, but it would’ve been broken up. They can say whatever they like. I’m stronger than that now.”
“For how long?” Macklin asked seriously. “How long before you decide it’s easier not to have to listen to them? How long before you leave?”
“Are we back to this?” Caine asked incredulously. “After last night you can ask me that question?”
“Keep your voice down,” Macklin said, his voice a sharp hiss.
“I thought you were g-going to g-give us a chance,” Caine said.
“You saw how Neil reacted,” Macklin said. “Do you really want to live with that?”
“I’m going to live with it one way or another,” Caine replied. “It would be worth living with if you were there with me.”
“If we’re lucky, most of the men will stay out of loyalty to me and Michael,” Macklin said. “If we aren’t lucky, they’ll leave. We can’t risk damaging that loyalty.”
“Fuck that,” Caine said. “You’re scared. Macklin Armstrong, unshakable rock of a foreman, is scared that people will look at him differently if they know he’s gay.”
“I know they will,” Macklin repeated. “You saw Neil’s face. You heard what he said.”
“He’s one man,” Caine said. “One prejudiced man. That doesn’t mean everyone else will have the same reaction, and even if they do, that’s their problem, not ours. Not unless we let it be.”
“It’s our problem if the station goes under because they leave.”
“It all comes back to the station, doesn’t it?” Caine said.
“It’s all I have,” Macklin protested.
“No, it’s not all you have,” Caine replied. “You have me. Or you could if you’d stop fighting me at every turn.”
“You’re asking me to risk everything I’ve spent twenty-five years building for a few nights of sex.”
Caine recoiled as if Macklin had struck him, the words so sharp and painful he would have preferred a fist to his face. “Is that r-really all it w-w-was t-to you?”
“That’s all it can be out here.”
Caine nodded once, gritting his teeth to keep the emotions racking him off his face. “Then I guess there isn’t anything else to say. I’ll expect an update on the breeding at the end of the week. Good day, Mr. Armstrong.”
Keeping his head high, Caine pulled the shreds of his dignity around him and left the barn. He’d come back later for the pitchfork, but he couldn’t stay where Macklin was a second longer. He wouldn’t beg. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t let anyone, not even Macklin, see what those few words had done to him. They wanted strength? He’d give them strength.
He made it as far as Uncle Michael’s office, shutting and locking the door, though he had to struggle to get the latch to fall into place, before he slumped into the chair and buried his head in his hands. He

didn’t cry, but he let the despair wash through him. He’d been so certain that Macklin’s tenderness and attention to his pleasure had been signs that the other man was coming to care for him. He’d obviously been wrong.

“What do I do now, Uncle Michael?” he asked the empty room. “You lived with a stubborn Aussie foreman. You obviously convinced him it was worth the risk. How do I do the same when he won’t even acknowledge we might have something worth taking a risk for?”

He ran his hands through his hair, noticing that it had gotten long since he’d arrived. If he’d thought about it last night, he’d have asked Macklin to cut it for him, but that wasn’t an option anymore. Maybe Jason’s mother would cut it for him if she was still talking to him after Neil spread the news around the station. He hoped she wouldn’t forbid Jason from seeing him, but he’d live with it if she did. He’d live with it the same way he’d live with Macklin’s choice: this was his life now, and he wouldn’t let their prejudices run him off.

Firing up the computer, he went back to searching for sources of organic hay in their area so they could move forward on the organic certification while they were looking at producing their own feed for the sheep.

C
AINE worked right through lunch, a fact he excused by reminding himself that a lot of the jackaroos choose not to come in from the fields for lunch. He couldn’t ignore dinner, though, and not merely because his stomach wouldn’t let him. He was sure Neil had told the entire station about his sexuality by now, and if Caine didn’t show up for dinner, they would view that as a sign of weakness for sure. He might spend the entire meal at a table eating by himself, but he would be there.They would see he wasn’t ashamed of who he was or cowed by their opinions of him.

Kami had a rare smile for him as he handed him a plate, making Caine wonder just how bad it really was if Kami was trying to be supportive. He took a seat and started eating, not really looking around. A moment later, Jason plopped down next to him.

“Hi, Caine. I didn’t see you working outside today.”
“I was working on the organic certification application,” Caine explained. “I didn’t get a chance to come out and see what you were up to.”
“Schoolwork as usual,” Jason said, “and pretending I couldn’t hear my dad arguing with Neil.”
“What were they arguing about?” Caine asked, sure he knew the answer.
“You,” Jason said. “Dad told Neil to keep his mouth shut because if he was too mean to you, you might leave and sell the place and we could all end up working for someone like Devlin Taylor.”
“And your dad thinks working for someone like Mr. Taylor would be worse than working for me?” Caine asked.
“Oh, for sure,” Jason replied. “You care about Lang Downs. You might not know everything about sheep, but you’re trying to learn and trying to make improvements. Mr. Taylor doesn’t care about anything but the money in his pocket, and that’s not good for any of us. Have you seen Taylor Peak?”
“Excuse me, boss.”
Caine looked up to see Ian, another of the jackaroos, standing in front of his table, hat in hand.“Yes?”
“One of the rams busted out of the pen this afternoon. We rounded him up, but we’re still missing a few of the ewes. We searched for them, but we haven’t found them yet.”
“Thanks for telling me,” Caine said. “Have you told Macklin?”
“We haven’t seen him all day,” Ian replied. “What do you want us to do about the missing sheep?”
“It’s getting dark,” Caine said. “Searching for them now isn’t going to do any good. We’ll look again in the morning. If you see Macklin, make sure to tell him as well.”
“Will do, boss,” Ian said, walking away with a nod of his head.
“Ian thinks you’re a better boss than Taylor would be too,” Jason confided in a whisper. “Dad said Neil was a stupid Galah and I shouldn’t listen to him.”
“I hope he’s not the only one who feels that way,” Caine muttered.
“Being gay doesn’t have anything to do with how you run the station,” Jason said with a shrug. “You’re a good boss. Even I can see that.”
“Does that mean your dad’s okay with me being gay?” Caine asked.
“I don’t know about that,” Jason said, “but he said it wasn’t any of his business as long as you didn’t go bothering him or me or anybody that didn’t think the same as you. I told him you weren’t like that.”
“No, I’m not like that,” Caine agreed. Since Jason was willing to talk, he took a deep breath and asked, “Are there others who feel like Neil?”
“I don’t know,” Jason said. “I don’t get why it matters so much. I mean, sure, if you were trying to do stuff to me, I could understand people being upset, but you wouldn’t do that. Who cares who you fall in love with?”
“I don’t know why Neil cares,” Caine replied honestly. “Some people say it’s against their religion and that makes it wrong. Some people say it’s unnatural and that makes it wrong. I say God doesn’t make mistakes and it doesn’t feel unnatural to me,so it obviously isn’t wrong as long as I respect the preferences of the people around me. That includes other gay men who might not be attracted to me, not just straight men.”
“Well, duh,” Jason said. “That would be the same for me if I liked a girl. If she didn’t like me back, I’d have to deal with it and move on.”
“Exactly,” Caine said. “The only difference is that I’m going to look for a cute guy to like instead of a cute girl.”
“Dad’s right. Neil’s a Galah. Don’t listen to him.”
“I won’t,” Caine assured him. “I just hope nobody else listens to him either.”
“I don’t know about that, but nobody’s making anyone stay here. I mean, if someone doesn’t like you, they can just leave, and you can hire someone who won’t care to take their places.”
“I sure hope it’ll work that way,” Caine said.
“Boss? Did Ian tell you about the sheep getting loose?”
“He did,” Caine said, looking up to see Kyle standing on the other side of the table. “I told him we’d look for the stragglers tomorrow.”
“That’s not the only problem. I was fixing the pen where they busted out. I think they might have had help.”
“Did you get the pen fixed?” Caine asked. He hated to think someone had deliberately sabotaged their fences, but he had to think about the sheep first.
“No worries about that, boss,” Kyle said. “We completely replaced the broken section. They won’t get out through there again.”
“Okay, then let’s go look at what you found,” Caine said, standing up and putting his plate with the other dishes to be washed. “Jason, are you coming with us?”
Jason stacked his plate with the others and ran after Caine and Kyle, his face so joyous that Caine ruffled his hair affectionately.
“Can’t get a real man, boss?” Caine spun around at hearing Neil’s accusation. The jackaroo stood on the veranda of the canteen with a couple of other men.
Before he could answer, Jason flew at Neil. “How dare you say something like that? Caine has been nothing but nice to me since he got here, and he hasn’t ever done anything inappropriate.”
“You’re wasting your breath, Jason,” Caine said, dismissing Neil completely. He could argue with someone like that until he was blue in the face, but nothing he said would register. It wasn’t worth the effort. “He isn’t going to hear what you say. Your parents know we’re friends and they don’t mind.Neil can think what he wants.”
“That’s really low, Neil,” Kyle added.“Just because he’s a poof, it doesn’t make him a pedophile.Get over yourself.”
At least one hand besides Jason’s father didn’t seem to care about his sexuality. He hoped there would be others, but he didn’t have time to worry about that now. He needed to see about the potential sabotage.
“Show me the damage to the fence,” Caine said to Kyle, leading Jason away from where Neil and his cronies stood.
Kyle led Caine to the outmost pen where the ewes had been separated for breeding. They grazed peacefully, oblivious to the excitement they had caused earlier in the day. Kyle pointed to the far side of the pen. “This is the section we repaired. You can see the slats are new. These are the slats that broke.”
Caine examined the wood Kyle handed him. The boards showed all the ragged edges to be expected when wood cracked under force. “I obviously don’t see what you’re seeing.”
“Look here,” Kyle said. “The wood broke, but do you see that hole? It looks like something bored through it. That could have weakened it enough to break. And they all have marks like that in the same spot. On one slat, maybe it was a hungry insect, but the same spot on four boards is suspicious.”
“I agree,” Caine said. “I’m going to take this one with me. Any idea who would have done something like this?”