Innuendos (It Had 2 B U Book 1) (20 page)

I’m sweating bullets. This conversation can be taken so out of context, and I’m pretty sure Walter is thinking horrible things on the other side of the curtain. I accidently scratch Breezy with my fingernail, and she howls out seductively. My cheeks flame when I realize again that people can hear us.

“Holy shit,” another male voice exclaims.

“You’re telling me,” Walter says, agreeing with the other man.

“God, Max you need to be more careful with your fingers. I’m delicate. You need to save the scratching for later when I really need it. You always know how to hit my right spots.”
Max, focus. She means when her back itches, not sex.

Finally, I get the clasp together, and she responds excitedly. “Oh god, Max, you’re amazing. I don’t know how I can thank you for this.” She grabs her boobs and pushes them up. I notice a hint of nipple appearing behind the fabric, and I have to force myself to look away because all I want to do is push her bra down and suck that nipple straight into my mouth. Magic fingers? She hasn’t even seen how magical my fingers can be. I shake the naughty thoughts from my head before I say something that makes me lose the bet.

“Seeing your boobs in that underwear is thank you enough,” I mumble, opening the curtain. I see two male heads peeking around the corner; they both disappear once they see me. I’m almost giggling again, until I realize I have a raging hard on and the onslaught of blue balls.

A few minutes later Breezy hollers for me. “Max, I’m having troubles again. This time my holes are even smaller. I really need your magic fingers.” I see a head pop around the curtain, and an older man probably in his late thirties is staring at me. He raises an approving eyebrow, winks, throws me a thumbs up sign, and smiles before disappearing back behind the curtain.

Reluctantly, I get up from the chair, knowing damn well what’s sitting behind that curtain and how much trouble it’s going to get me in. When I pull the curtain back, there stands Breezy with another bra and panty set.

This time it’s a red thong with a see-through matching red bra.
That’s it; shows over. I lose. Fuck me, she’s beautiful.

She grins purposely, standing there for two minutes before turning around and showing me her perfectly rounded ass. Holy . . . one . . . two . . . three . . . I have to internally count to calm myself down. She has a tiny heart tattoo right on her left ass cheek that I never noticed before. For some reason this makes me even harder. How did I not know she got a tattoo?

“Why haven’t I seen this tattoo before?” I ask. My finger briefly skims the skin of her tattoo, and I hear her take in a deep breath.

“Because this is the first time you’ve seen me from behind.”

“Holy shit,” one of the men outside yells.

“Now will you hurry up and stick it in the holes. I want to make sure that it’s the perfect fit.”

Again my hand is quivering. I can’t help myself as my fingertips graze her porcelain skin. I want to touch more than the middle of her back, but I stop myself. Unfortunately, as I try my best to clasp this bra together, I realize it’s not going to fit.

“It doesn’t fit, Breezy. I’m sorry.”

“Max, try harder. Push harder.”

I try to manhandle the bra together, but it won’t even come close the clasps. “It’s useless, Breezy. It’s not long enough to get the job the done.”

“God damn it, Max. I’m counting on you to get it into one of my holes. Now give me what I want,” she screams a little too loudly.

“What the hell?” A female voice says. “Come on, Walter we’re leaving.”

I give her bra one last try and finally get one damn clasp to fit in through the hole. Immediately it suctions to her skin, practically cutting of her air.

“Crap, it’s too tight; it’s hurting me, Max. Take it out now.”

“I’m trying,” I yell as I try to unclasp the bra. “It’s stuck, maybe we need some lubrication.”

“Max, we don’t need lubrication. Now take it out of the hole. It’s hurting me.”

“Bend over and relax,” I tell her.

I can hear numerous voices outside, one of them sounds like Walter’s wife, but right now I’m doing my best to unclasp this stupid bra for Breezy. It’s already digging into her skin, making her groan.

“It hurts, Max. Hurry up and take it out.”

Why aren’t my fingers working properly? Every time I hook my finger under her bra, the stupid thing won’t cooperate. I’m ten seconds away from breaking the whole damn thing. Breezy backs up into me; her thong-covered ass is perfectly situated right at my front. If anyone were to walk in right now, they would totally thing we were fucking, not trying to unlatch a damn persnickety bra.

“Oh god, Max, please don’t stop now. I think you’re almost there.”

I’m all thumbs as I work that stupid clasp. By some miracle I’m finally able to release it. The moment Breezy is free, she moans and starts breathing deeply. “Oh, that feels good,” she moans.

“You have two seconds to come out of the dressing room before you’re both arrested,” A woman calls out.

I don’t have time to cover up Breezy, so I poke my head out and smile. Standing there are two security guards, an older woman who I’m guessing is Walter’s wife, Walter, and two store associates. The store associate makes a grab for the curtain and tries to open it. Breezy screams and immediately covers herself up, maneuvering behind me so she can use my size as a shield.

“We’ll be out in a second,” I tell her.

“I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to ask you two to leave,” one of the security guards murmurs. I’m making sure the curtain stays closed, but the stupid store associate is practically fighting me for the curtain.

“We weren’t doing anything. Her bra got stuck, and I was trying to help her out of it.”

“I heard you,” Walter’s wife argues. “You were plugging up her back hole.”

“No he wasn’t,” Breezy counters, peeking over my shoulder. “Trust me. My ass is a virgin.”

“I’m sorry. We have a strict no sex policy when it comes to our dressing rooms. We run a very clean business here, and right now you two are disturbing our other customers,” says the store associate.

“Look I’m fully clothed,” I remark, still covering up Breezy.

“If you don’t leave, we’ll be forced to have you arrested for indecent exposure and sex in public.”

“Technically, no one has been seen naked. You won’t be able to arrest us for indecent exposure. If you continue to try and take this curtain from me, the entire place is going to be getting a show, and you will receive a law suit.”

The store associate drops her hold on the curtain and sighs.

I step out from behind the curtain and make sure to keep it closed behind me. “Get dressed, Breezy,” I order her. “We need to go.”

“You have two minutes to get dressed and exit the building,” the other security guard instructs Breezy. “Sir, you will need to come with me.”

I follow the two security guards out into the store. People are whispering and staring at me. Honestly, I don’t care because that was seriously the most hilarious experience I’ve ever had in my life.

When Breezy comes out, she’s clutching the yellow bra set and is so red, she almost matches that stupid bra she was trying on that caused all of this ruckus.

She walks up to the counter, slams down her card and the underwear set, looks the cashier straight in the eyes and says, “This bra makes my tits look amazing, and the underwear makes my ass look
bootyfull
. I’m not going anywhere until you allow me to buy them.”

I have to cover my giggles with my hand. She looks like a crazed lunatic who is obsessed with underwear.

The cashier looks at her manager who nods. The cashier rings up the bra quickly, and then Breezy and I are escorted from the building and asked never to return.

Once in the car we both burst into laughter.

“Holy shit, that was funny,” she laughs.

“I know; I’m still laughing over it.”

“I was hoping to win the bet today.”

“It looks like you’re going to have to wait for a puppy. You almost got us arrested.”

“Sorry about that,” she grumbles.

A knock on the window startles us both. It’s Walter. I roll down my window in confusion.

He grins. “I just wanted to say thank you for making this old man’s day. You truly are a lucky man.” He winks at Breezy before taking off after his wife.

“Oh god, people really did hear us, didn’t they?”

“Yes, I’m pretty sure you’ve just been added to his spank bank.”

She punches me in the arm. “Ass, I guess next time I shouldn't purposely grab a bra two sizes too small, huh?”

“Wait, you planned that?” I ask her in amazement.

“Of course I did. How else am I supposed to win the bet? I just didn't plan on the audience that came with it.”

“You're a genius.”

“I would only be a genius if it worked. All I got was my picture on the do not return wall. Now, how am I going to spend this gift card?”

“They do have an online site,” I tell her

“Oh, I know. It just won't be as much fun,” she says and winks at me.

“Trust me. Anytime you want to model underwear for me, I’m totally available. I will even pencil you into my schedule.”

“I will probably take you up on that. I’m determined to get my puppy. Modeling underwear seems to get me closer to my goal.”

“Good luck with that. You’re going to lose.”

“Nope, I’m pretty sure I’m going to win,” she says confidently.

“What makes you think that?”

“Well, twice now I’ve dazzled you with my tits. I’m thinking that third time’s a charm.”

“Those damn tits. If they weren’t so pretty, I’d hate them.”

She giggles. “Shut up and drive, Max. I have some online ordering to do.”

She gives me a simple squeeze to the leg. I must have a nerve down there that is directly connected to my dick or something, because the minute she squeezes my leg, I’m hard. She doesn’t notice because she starts singing a Britney Spears song and ignores me.

Almost arrested or not, this has been the best day of my life.

Chapter Twenty-One

Max

Breezy’s birthday—my favorite time of year. It’s the one time, besides Christmas, that I get to shower her with gifts, and she doesn’t even think twice about it. I spend months planning this shit: the perfect place to celebrate; what little things I should get her. Sometimes I surprise her with flowers and singing telegrams. I always give her everything she wants. I think it’s partly due to the fact that she gets upset around her birthday or any holiday for that matter. Since her parents died, I’ve taken it upon myself to take care of Breezy—to make her feel special and show her exactly how much she really does mean to me. Why do I do this? I guess because I’m hopeful that one day she will open her eyes and see that I’m the perfect guy for her.

This birthday though, is a little different. Not only is she turning twenty-seven, but it’s also right smack dab in the middle of our bet.

What better way to celebrate Breezy’s birthday, than to play an old fashioned game of Twenty Questions with a dozen of our closest friends? I have it all planned out. Everyone has to get her something that vibrates and takes batteries . . . IT CANNOT BE A VIBRATOR OR SEX TOY! The plan is to get Breezy to guess her presents, but she can only ask each of us twenty questions. If she doesn’t guess it correctly, she doesn’t get the present! What better way to wage an innuendo war than to assault my beautiful best friend with lame vibrator jokes and fantasies?

I called everyone. Now we’re all crouched around the living room of the house waiting for her arrival: Maggie and Dashawn, Carter and his wife Sen (they are friends from Breezy’s last job), Tony and Emma, my Mom, Dad and Breezy’s cousin Greta. I invited Sheena, Tawanya, and Monique, three of Breezy’s best friends from high school. I thought about inviting one of her ex-boyfriends named Orlando, but he was overly enthusiastic about attending, and once he told me had seven kids and a wife, I hung up on his ass. Only an asshole would want to attend a birthday party of an ex-girlfriend. There’s absolutely no way I’m going to subject Breezy to that kind of awkwardness; there will be no polygamy in her future.

Everyone has hushed voices as we listen for the doorknob to turn. At exactly five, Breezy enters the house to the biggest, “SURPRISE!” that has ever been said. Breezy jumps three feet into the air and right into my awaiting arms.

“You asshole! You know I hate surprise parties.” She’s smiling way too big to be angry. After a few seconds of glaring, she plants a kiss right on my cheek. “Thank you,” she whispers.

Breezy floats around the room, making sure to give each person a hug for joining us.

“Okay, Breezy, it’s time for presents!” I shout, pushing her towards the couch. I’m too eager to get this party started.

I sit Breezy down and wave everyone over. “Breezy, in honor of your twenty-seventh birthday, I decided it was the perfect time to play twenty questions! So, if you want your presents, you better guess what’s inside. Greta, you’re up first.”

Greta, bounds up to Breezy and throws a medium-sized package on her lap. When Breezy goes to open it, I scold her and tell her that she needs to guess what it is first.

“Do I have to play?” she whines.

“Yes, now start guessing.”

“Is it an animal?” She asks.

“Nope,” Greta says giggling. She looks over at me and smiles brightly. I’m glad everyone is on board with this; otherwise, it could go south quickly.

“Is it hard?”

Everyone laughs.

“Yup,” Greta grins.

“Can I play with it?”

There’s another round of laughter. This is beyond perfect.

“Yup, you can even play with a group.”

“Hey, no
hints!” I scold Greta. Breezy must not understand the craziness in her words, because she doesn’t hear the innuendos laced within them.

“Is it a game?” She asks.