Insider (Exodus End #1) (10 page)

Trembling, Toni let out a breath of relief. It was only Logan, and she now realized she was sleeping on the sectional in the back lounge of Exodus End’s tour bus. All that had happened sounded like something she would dream about, not actually experience. No wonder she woke up confused.

Logan scooted along the sofa, took her pillow away, and shifted his thigh beneath her head. His fingers stroked her hair as her head rested on his lap. She couldn’t help but relax and be overjoyed that he was with her. Talking to her. Apologizing to her. She couldn’t be mad at him. She’d tricked him into taking her virginity, and she was sure the sex
hadn’t
been very good for him. She had no idea how to please a man. She was miffed that his entire band knew she sucked in bed, but other than that, she was just glad he was speaking to her. Touching her. Maybe he’d teach her how to rock his world and she could redeem herself.

“I’m sorry too,” she said.

His hand paused. “For what?”

“Misleading you. I know you wouldn’t have slept with me if you’d known I was a virgin.”

He chuckled. “You underestimate your appeal. I told you, you’re exactly my type.”

“Then I’m sorry I wasn’t any good.”

“And I’m sorry I’m a fucking liar. It was fantastic, Toni. You, you are fantastic.”

Did he really mean that?

“So are you going to be okay?” he asked. “I feel like a complete asshole. I would have done things differently if I’d known it was your first time.”

The hand stroking her hair was so soothing, so tender, she could almost imagine being his. She wanted that far more than she should. “Yeah, I’m fine. Really. I’m not just saying that. I wanted you to take my virginity.”

His fingertips brushed her neck, and shivers chased goose bumps to the surface of her skin.

“Shouldn’t that be something you save for someone you love?” he asked.

She chuckled. “Maybe a few women still think that way. I’m not one of them.”

“How old are you?” He stroked a spot behind her ear, and her nipples tightened into hard buds. The flesh between her thighs, which had been tender and sore when she’d fallen asleep, was now hot and achy and embarrassingly damp.

“Are you going to ask my weight next?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“Two things you should never ask a woman: her age and her weight.”

“Well, however old you are—”

“Twenty-five,” she supplied.

“A twenty-five year old woman with this face . . .” He placed a hand over her mouth and squeezed her cheeks in the most unromantic fashion imaginable. “And these fantastic tits . . .” He reached for a breast but paused an inch from taking it in his hand. Her belly clenched, wanting him to close the narrow gap between their flesh, wanting his fingers against her breast, her throbbing nipple. “Has no business being a virgin unless she’s purposely saving herself for marriage or something.”

He dropped his hand to the sofa near her arm, and she stifled a moan of frustration. Why wasn’t he touching her more? She wanted him to touch every inch of her. “It just never happened,” she said. But lord how she wanted it to happen again. She wasn’t sure how to convey that to him. Should she just blurt it out? If she did, surely he’d think she was a raving whorebag. “It’s not that big a deal, Logan. I’m sorry you found the experience so traumatic.”

“Me?” He snorted. “You’re the one who should be traumatized. I fuck you—hurt you—then freak out and leave you bleeding on the sofa. That was a very shitty thing to do.”

“I’m fine, Logan.”
Touch me. Hold me.

“So you’re really cool with it? You’re not upset or hurt?”

“Why would I be?”
I don’t know how to tell you what I really want.

He released a long relieved breath. “So we can be friends?”

She stiffened. That was definitely not what she really wanted.
Now
she was upset and hurt. She’d heard the “we can be friends” line from a dozen too many men in her past. And none of those men had ever been inside her.

“Yeah, sure,” she said around the knot in her throat. “Friends. What else would we be?”

“You’re a sweetheart. I thought you’d bust my balls over this for sure. I’m glad we talked this out,” he said. “Sam and the guys would have been royally pissed at me if my perpetual horniness messed up this book experience or whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Like I said,” she said, glad it was dark enough that he wouldn’t be able to make out her shell-shocked expression, “no big deal.”

He replaced his lap with a pillow and stood. “I owe you some flowers,” he said. He bent over her and kissed her cheek. Paused. Kissed the tip of her nose. Hesitated. Covered her mouth with his and kissed her with that deep, devouring hunger that had gotten her so quickly out of her panties in the first place.
Yes, this. This is what I want. Not flowers and friendship. I want passion. You.

He tore away after a moment, his breathing raspy. “Damn, woman. How am I supposed to keep my dick in my pants if you kiss me like that?”

Before she could respond that she didn’t want him to keep his dick in his pants, he left the room and slid the doors closed. She stared into the darkness, a jumbled mess of hormones and emotions and thoughts guaranteed to keep her awake all night.

Six

Logan hadn’t slept for shit. First he’d lain wide awake in his bunk for hours feeling like the biggest asshole on the planet. After everyone but the driver had fallen asleep, he’d finally found the balls to apologize to Toni for taking advantage of her inexperience. Then after he’d smoothed things over with her, he’d let his attraction to her get in the way of his judgment and he’d kissed her. After that stupid move, he’d lain awake in bed the rest of the night thinking about her. Dick half-hard. Stomach in knots. Mind tangled with thoughts of her. He surprised himself because only about half of those thoughts had been sexual in nature. He found himself wondering about her life. Her family. Her past. Her likes. Her dislikes. Strange. Maybe he’d try to get to know her a little better. They were supposed to be friends now. Friends talked about boring shit like that, didn’t they? Except he didn’t think it would be boring in the least. He actually hoped it was boring. Maybe then he’d be able to think about something besides her gentle brown eyes, sweet smile, soft hair, those enormous tits, and that oh-so-tight pussy that had never been filled with any other cock but his.

Logan groaned and tossed his bunk curtain aside. Locking himself in the bathroom, he shaved and then took a long shower, which was sure to catch him grief. They had only a limited supply of water on the bus, and he’d used more than his share. When he emerged from the bathroom in his towel¸ he felt as human as a sleep-deprived zombie could feel.

A startled inrush of breath came from the open door of the lounge. Those wide brown eyes—now hidden behind a pair of unflattering glasses—took in every exposed inch of his flesh. Sometime during the night, Logan had convinced himself that Toni had given her virginity to him because he’d been available, but there was definitely an attraction there. And it wasn’t one-sided. Logan couldn’t resist tormenting her. He loved to make her blush. He tugged his towel free and used it to dry his hair. He gave her plenty of time to get an eyeful of his naked body, and then he dropped the wet towel to hang around his shoulders.

“Good morning, lamb,” he murmured.

She lifted her eyes to meet his and they widened, as if she just suddenly realized she wasn’t invisible.

“Put some clothes on,” Butch complained as he fumbled through a cabinet to start a pot of coffee brewing. “No one wants to see that first thing in the morning.”

“I wouldn’t say no one,” Toni said, her cheeks pink. The wide grin on her face was self-indulgent rather than embarrassed. “It does look smaller than I remember.”

Logan laughed. “I’m sure you can fix that problem if you try.” And by try all she had to do was stand there looking sweet and ruffled.

“I would, but you said you want to be
friends
.” She slid the lounge door closed.

“How about friends with benefits?” he called loud enough that she had to have heard him.

“The coffee better be fuckin’ ready,” Steve grumbled from within his bunk. The man didn’t function before ten a.m. without half a pot. “Or Casanova is going to get his face rearranged.”

“I think he’s more of a John Holmes,” Max said as he flipped his body out of his bunk. He froze when his gaze landed on Logan. “Butch is right. No one wants to see that first thing in the morning.”

“I’ll save it for later then.” Logan pulled out the drawer under his bunk to find clean boxer shorts. He decided on a pair of black silk ones. They reminded him of Toni for some reason. Probably because they felt so silky against his flesh. Like her supple, untouched skin.

Deciding that the guys wouldn’t want to have to stare at his tented boxers either, he put on a pair of jeans as well.

“Breakfast ETA ten minutes,” Cade, their overnight driver, called from the front of the bus.

Butch reached for the clipboard, pulled off the top page—yesterday’s schedule—and consulted the page underneath. He checked his watch and scowled. “Fifteen minutes behind schedule. You’ll have to eat fast,” he told the guys. “We have to be at the radio station at ten.”

Logan went to dry his hair before the rest of the guys started fighting over the bathroom. If he didn’t take proper care of his longish waves, they became curls, and then an uncontrollable mass of tangled frizz that put 1970’s afros to shame. Max in particular was a bathroom hog, and with the brace on his wrist, it took him ten times longer to get his hair just right. They didn’t much care if they looked like shit most days, but when they had a public appearance, they were expected to look presentable. Sam was a real stickler about image. And Logan had been bashed a few too many times by the tabloids for going to events with Brillo-Pad bed hair. He looked forward to the days in their schedule when they didn’t have public appearances. On tour, those days were few and far between.

“Is Sinners having breakfast with us?” Dare asked with an exaggerated yawn.

Butch consulted his clipboard again. “Not this morning. I think they have an appearance in the next town over. Sam says we need to spread the awesome around a little.”

“What about the radio interview?” Dare asked. He obviously wanted to hang out with his brother. Logan hadn’t seen his own brother in over a year, and he was okay with that. They didn’t exactly get along. Or even tolerate each other.

“Nope, no Sinners on the radio. And you’re on your own at the meet and greet too.”

“Stupid me thought I might get to spend some time with Trey on this tour,” Dare said with a sour frown.

Logan switched on the hairdryer, calculating how much free time he’d have that day to spend with Toni. He’d definitely make sure he was sitting next to her at breakfast. Then in the limo between their various engagements. Maybe he could hang out with her backstage—or would she be working on her book while they did their events? Perhaps he’d see her more than he thought. He wasn’t sure how much they’d get to interact, but as long as she was in sight, maybe he could concentrate on what he was supposed to do instead of wondering where she was and what she was doing.

Hair dry and mostly under control—it was so thick and wavy, it had a mind of its own, and sometimes he had a mind to shave it all off—Logan left the bathroom and knocked on the closed door of the lounge. He figured someone should explain to Toni how the day was going to go, and he volunteered himself before anyone else thought of it.

“Just a minute,” she called.

She slid the door open and gaped at his bare chest. Logan was doubly glad that he’d yet to don a shirt and that he’d worked out extra hard the day before. He gave her a moment to stare—because, hey, he liked the attention. The bus engine’s pitch lowered as it pulled off the interstate and began to slow.

“We’re going to stop for breakfast and then we have a live interview at a radio station. Are you going to tag along and see what that’s like?”

She smiled, her wide brown eyes sparking with excitement. “Yep. Can’t wait.”

He grinned at her like an idiot for a long moment. She really did seem fine this morning and not mad at him. He didn’t understand why he felt such relief. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected. That she’d hide away and refuse to show her face. Cry for days. Send him scathing looks of hatred.

“You’re beautiful,” he blurted.

She rolled her eyes and shuffled around him to enter the corridor. She went to talk to Butch, asking him about how the schedule worked. Who set it up? Who enforced it?

“If it wasn’t for me,” Butch said in his gruffest, most self-important tone, “these four guys would scarcely find the stage, much less tend to all their other responsibilities.”

Toni looked impressed, which won Butch over instantly. She was a sly one. Butch knew more about Exodus End than any other person on the planet. If she wanted real dirt on them, she’d charmed the right person. Logan chuckled and rummaged around in his drawer to find a T-shirt. A woman had once told him that blue was his color as it drew attention to his gorgeous eyes. He wasn’t sure why that thought crossed his mind or why he had a powerful need to wear blue.