Insider (Exodus End #1) (40 page)

“Even little things can make a big difference,” Reagan said.

“But what if he doesn’t feel as strongly about me as I do about him?”

“Just keep being marvelous, sweetie. He’ll come around.”

She sure hoped so.

“So are we going to do this interview or what?”

“Can I ask you something first? Completely off the record.” Toni’s curiosity had gotten the better of her. She couldn’t keep this question to herself for another second.

“Sure.”

“Are you cheating on Trey with your bodyguard?”

Reagan gaped at her. Toni couldn’t tell if she was shocked because her secret had been discovered or because someone thought she was capable of being unfaithful.

“No,” she said flatly.

Either Reagan was lying or Toni’s power of observation was less honed than she realized.

“I’m sorry if I offended you.”

“I dated Ethan before I met Trey.”

“So I guess Ethan still has feelings for you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” She’d also seen the way he looked at Trey, but she was obviously reading that incorrectly. Though she had been around enough gay guys to recognize attraction between two men and there was definitely attraction between those two men. Unless . . . “Wait,” Toni said as something overtly sneaky occurred to her. “Are you a cover for a relationship between Trey and Ethan?” But that didn’t explain all she’d seen either. The intimacy she’d witnessed between Trey and Reagan was obviously not fabricated.

“Wrong again.” Reagan grinned. “Can you keep a secret?”

Toni’s heart thudded, and she nodded eagerly.

“What am I saying? Of course, you can’t keep a secret,” Reagan said. “You’re a fucking journalist.”

“Except I’m not,” Toni said. “At all.”

“And that’s why you’re doing interviews and recording footage and sticking your nose in everyone’s business.”

Toni shouldn’t have felt hurt that Reagan didn’t trust her—she completely understood why Reagan would have reservations about sharing personal information—but she wanted Reagan to feel that she could confide in her and believe that Toni would keep her promises. Her integrity was worth more to her than a few lines in a tabloid or a few dollars for an incriminating picture.

“I don’t mean to be intrusive,” Toni said. “I’m just trying to get an inside look at the lives of the members of Exodus End and share that look with the world. I absolutely do not want anything in the book that could hurt any of you. I haven’t known you all long, but I consider you my friends, and I would never betray a friend’s trust.”

Reagan eyed her warily and then sighed. “Normally if a member of the media spouted that kind of nonsense in my direction, I wouldn’t hesitate to call them a liar—”

Toni cringed.

“—but for some reason, I don’t think you’re capable of being a vindictive bitch, so I’ll tell you, and you can either affirm my faith in humanity or get the shit beat out of you for betraying my trust.”

Toni swallowed hard. She wouldn’t betray Reagan’s trust, not because of Reagan’s violent threats—fabricated as they seemed—but because to be counted among the back-stabbing bitches of the world would eat Toni alive from the inside out.

“Trey is my boyfriend,” Reagan said.

Oddly, Toni was relieved that the truth wasn’t any more scandalous than that.

“And he knows that Ethan is my lover,” Reagan continued.

Okay, so maybe it was more scandalous.

“Because Ethan and Trey are lovers too.”

Jaw meet floor.

Reagan let out a deep sigh.

“I don’t know why, but it feels kind of good to tell you that,” Reagan admitted while Toni tried to remember how to blink. “I wish the world was open to polyamorous relationships. It’s becoming more open to homosexual ones, so maybe, given time . . .” Reagan tilted her head at Toni. “Are you going to pass out?”

Toni shook her head and took her first breath in over a minute. Questions began to race through her thoughts.

“So you have sex with Trey. And with Ethan. And they’re both okay with that?” Toni asked. Why was her voice so squeaky? She sounded like a mouse huffing helium.

Reagan laughed and crossed her legs, looking surprisingly at ease. “Well, yeah, since most of the time they’re both there.”

More questions bombarded Toni’s psyche. “And they do each other in front of you?”

Reagan laughed. “If I’m lucky.”

The logistics were completely out of Toni’s grasp. She had a hard enough time figuring out what to do with one cock; she’d have no idea how to keep two satisfied. But even more than the mind-bending sexual positions, Toni was struggling to grasp the emotional connection. If Logan had sex with some other woman—or man—she’d be heartbroken. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to move past infidelity, no matter how much she loved him. But not everyone had the same ideas of sex and love as she did, and she was okay with that. She didn’t have to participate in a certain lifestyle to accept it. “So you’re in love with Trey and Ethan’s just there as a sex partner?”

“You know, it started out that way,” Reagan said, chewing on the end of her finger thoughtfully. “But nope, we’re all emotionally invested now.”

“That’s wild,” Toni said for lack of anything more poignant to add.

“It just feels natural to us. But the rest of the world doesn’t get it. They might never get it. So that’s why I try to hide it.”

Toni nodded. She didn’t get it, so she was sure plenty of folks out there were unable to grasp the concept. She didn’t hold their unique lifestyle against them—love was love—but she knew there were a lot of people in the world who
would
hold it against them. And try to destroy what they had. So Toni completely understood why Reagan was keeping the truth about her complicated love life a secret.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Toni said. Though she would like to discuss it with Logan, her sex instructor. Maybe he could explain some of the sexual parts of a polyamorous relationship to her. “Does Logan know?”

“Yeah. All the guys in Sinners know and all the guys in Exodus End know, but no one else.”

“Not even Butch?”

“Of course Butch knows. He helps us hide it more than anyone. But no one else knows. Well, except Myrna and Jessica. Um, and Rebekah Sticks and Jace’s fiancée, Aggie.” Reagan cringed. “And a couple of the security team. Shit. I didn’t realize how many people know about us. It’s kind of scary, you know?”

Toni nodded. She didn’t plan to talk about it in front of anyone—with the exception of Logan—but it was good to know who was privy to the information, just in case something slipped or the trio needed help covering their trail. Toni would do her best to help Reagan keep her secret.

“What does your family think about it?”

Reagan paled. “My family definitely doesn’t know. And I hope they never will. My father would die. And he’d take me with him.”

“He’d probably freak out at first, but I’m sure he just wants you to be happy.”

Reagan shook her head. “Nope. He wants me to be like you when I grow up.”

Toni tilted her head, wondering what she meant by that. “Like me?”

“A sweet and charming
good
girl.”

Well, that didn’t sound very fun. Toni scowled.

“Who has been irreparably damaged by a very, very bad boy.” Reagan laughed. “Don’t look so glum, sweetie. Same thing happened to me. I just happened to be fifteen at the time.”

“I’m a late bloomer,” Toni said and laughed.

“Those bad boys are an addictive adrenaline rush. Once you’re hooked, you’ll keep going back for more.”

“Until it takes two to feed your addiction?”

Mouth open, Reagan blinked at her in astonishment. But before Toni could utter the quick apology on her tongue, Reagan burst out laughing.

“I never thought of it that way, but I think you might be right.”

The door slid open. “That doesn’t sound like making out to me,” Logan said, peeking in at them from between the doorframe and the edge of the sliding door.

“Privacy!” Reagan tossed a pillow that hit him square in the face.

“We’re stopping for sandwiches, and Butch told me to ask Toni what she wants.”

Steve’s head appeared over the top of Logan’s head as he stood on tiptoe to peer in at them.

“He means Butch was headed back to ask Toni what she wants, but at the mention of her name, Logan tackled Butch to the floor and sprinted to the back of the bus because he’s obsessed.”

Logan frowned, turned to shove Steve off his back, and then smiled into the lounge again. “So what would you like?” he asked Toni, his gaze so intense she could almost feel it against her skin.

“Oh my God, he
is
obsessed!” Reagan shouted.

“Shut up! The woman has to eat.”

“What do they have?” Toni asked, trying not to grin at the way Logan’s bandmates were teasing him.

“Cold cut subs.”

“Turkey on wheat with extra jalapeños.”

“You won’t want her to suck your dick tonight,” Steve joked. “It’ll burn so bad, you’ll need a fire extinguisher.”

Logan covered Steve’s face with his splayed hand and shoved him out of view again.

“Oh.” Toni nibbled on her lower lip. She hadn’t considered what effect eating jalapeños would have on Logan’s anatomy. “Hold the jalapeños.”

Logan grinned and winked at her before turning away. “Guess who’s getting his dick sucked?” he said to Steve as he slid the door shut. “Again.”

Toni’s face flamed much hotter than any jalapeño that had ever existed. “Are guys always that embarrassing?”

“Pretty much.”

Toni lifted her recording device. “I’m going to turn this on now,” she warned, “so anything you say is fair game for the book.”

Reagan nodded, and Toni pressed the record button.

“How did you get picked to play guitar for Exodus End?”

“Their manager, Sam Baily, thought it would be good publicity to do a contest. So hundreds, maybe thousands, of hopeful guitarists sent in demos of their work. I actually entered on a dare. Anyway, the top five were selected by Sam—which I didn’t realize until recently. Have you met Sam yet?”

Toni shook her head.

“That would explain why you’re still here.”

Before Toni could ask what Reagan meant by that, Reagan continued her story.

“The top five had to audition live for the band, except the guys couldn’t see us. They had to base their pick solely on our sound.”

“So I’m assuming you won?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe it. And neither could Pyre Vamp, apparently.” Reagan’s lip curled and she lifted a hand to cover her throat.

“The guitarist for Hell’s Crypt?”

“Yep, that’s the guy.”

“Didn’t they unexpectedly pull out of the tour last month?” Toni had run across that tidbit when she’d been preparing for her trip. The details of Hell’s Crypt leaving the tour had been vague.

“They sure did. Because of this.” She traced a faded yellow mark on her neck.

“Is it that a bruise?” Toni had no idea how a bruise would lead to an up-and-coming band pulling out of a career-changing tour with Exodus End.

“It’s almost gone now. You should have seen it a week ago.”

Toni leaned in for a closer inspection. The fading mark completely circled Reagan’s neck.

“How didn’t I notice that before?” Toni asked. It was faded, but hard to overlook.

“I’ve been putting makeup on it to cover it. Is it still noticeable?”

Toni nodded. “It looks like you tried to hang yourself.”

“Dude tried to strangle me with a guitar string. Pyre did this.”

“No shit?” Toni blurted. “You must have been terrified.”

Reagan shrugged. “I was unconscious for most of it. Anyway, his band got fired from the tour, obviously—your lead guitarist tries to kill someone and that’s bound to happen—so lucky for us Steve is close with the guys of Twisted Element. They’ve done an awesome job filling in with no time to prepare a show.”

“I had no idea that’s why they were on tour with you guys. How did I miss that story? I scoured the Internet for news about the band just days ago. I didn’t read anything about this.” Reagan wasn’t a pathological liar, was she?

“Sam said it would be better if we kept the controversy under the rug.”

“Seriously? That guy could have killed you.”

“But you can put it in the book,” Reagan said. “It won’t come out until next year, right?”

“Right. Why is that important?”

“I won’t be under Sam’s ridiculous contract anymore. So I can’t make a stink about this now without getting my ass sued, but you better believe I’m going to shout it from the rafters after that contract expires.”

“What do the guys think about you being hushed?” Toni couldn’t imagine they’d side with Sam, but she didn’t know Sam or how tightly he ruled the bands he managed.

“They think it’s better not to expose this incident to the press for my sake. I guess they think Pyre Vamp is in jail for thirty days, so he learned his lesson. When it comes to their image, it’s like Sam has them brainwashed. I don’t know why they listen to him.”

“Maybe it’s in
their
contract.”

Reagan’s eyes widened. “I didn’t even think of that. You’re probably right. You know, Sinners basically manage themselves. They have a manager, but he’s very hands off, not like Sam at all. If I ever form my own band, that’s the kind of manager I want. The mostly absent kind.”

“But look at Exodus End’s success. You don’t get as big as they do without a good team to back you.”

“Maybe,” Reagan said. “But at what cost?”

“Do you think Sam’s control stifles their creativity?”

“I hope not. I haven’t been with them long enough to know.” Reagan pondered quietly for a moment and then patted Toni’s knee. “We got way off track on your interview question. So yeah, contest. I won. I was so excited I signed a beast of a contract without reading it. But I’m touring with Exodus End, so I’ll grin and bear it.” Reagan grinned so broadly, Toni feared her face might crack in half. “You’re a little too easy to talk to, you know? You’re going to get me in trouble.”

Toni tucked her hair behind her ears, smiling to herself. She was glad she was easy to talk to. That made her job so much easier. And maybe she was doing it right, even though it still didn’t feel like she knew what the hell she was doing. She decided her toughest undertaking would be sifting through all the information she was collecting for material she could actually use in the book.