Intangible (18 page)

How could she tell him she couldn’t see him anymore?

Cleaning out and packing up her dad’s things had been brutal. So many memories. Though she’d been surprised that they had actually laughed through part of it too, at funny things their dad had done. But the end result—his empty, hollow apartment—had been devastating. He was gone. He was really, really gone.

And Marc had been there when they were done. He hadn’t said much more than a quiet “Hey,” and then went straight to carrying stuff out to the moving truck on the street. There hadn’t been any more laughter or funny stories then.

But there had been tears. Silent tears as they carried away pieces of their dad’s life and put it in a truck. And through all this Marc just kept quietly working, staying out of the way. At one point he’d placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder and Luke had turned, shook his head, and bear hugged Marc. Sera fled back into the apartment, unable to meet Marc’s eyes. Unable to forget that she was to blame for all this.

For all that his presence was a reminder of her guilt, she was still inexplicably drawn to him. Her heart wanted to be with him even as her mind balked. And she couldn’t reconcile the two.

Or, more accurately, she couldn’t convince her heart to stop caring, to stop yearning. She knew her heart was wrong, her mind was right. She couldn’t be with him. She couldn’t date him. She couldn’t fall in love with him.

If only her heart would listen.

“Hey,” she said as she unlocked her door and tossed her bag inside.

“Hey, yourself.” He had the most beautiful grin, and looked goofy-happy to see her. Oh, boy, this was not going to be easy.

“What are you up to this afternoon?” he said, and her heart felt as if it were trying to break free it was beating so hard.

“Marc…” She’d been practicing this speech, but now that he was here, standing so close, she was at a loss. How was she actually going to do this? Her heart didn’t want to. She wanted him. Wanted to be with him.

“Uh-oh,” he said, and his face fell.

“Yeah,” Sera said. “About my dad. Do you remember that I was supposed to meet him that afternoon? The afternoon we went for coffee?” He nodded. “Yeah, well, that’s when he died. And if I’d been with him—” Instantly tears choked her. She couldn’t speak. She hadn’t said this out loud to anyone, not even Luke, she’d just lived with it herself. The horror of what she’d done.

“Hey.” He was suddenly right there in front of her with open arms. She leaned into him and his arms closed around her, cutting off the rest of the world. She felt cocooned. Sheltered. Secure. The wall of his strong arms and body hiding her from everyone, everything. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressed her head against his chest, and listened to the slow, steady thumping as she held on. Marc gently stroked her hair, rested his chin on the top of her head, and just let her cry.

It took several minutes for her to breathe normally again. She stood there, in the circle of his arms, and it felt so good to be there. Too good. She didn’t deserve this kindness. But she didn’t move. She wanted this moment to last forever.

“Boo-hoo-hoo,” Naomi called out from several cars away as she unlocked her door and tossed her backpack inside.

Sera stiffened, turned her incredulous face toward Naomi.

“You’re milking this too much.” Naomi slid into her seat, closed the door. She started the engine and rolled down the window. “Run while you can, pretty boy. She’s not normal.” And she drove off.

Sera couldn’t move.

“Hey.” Marc stroked her cheek with one finger. She turned to look back up at him. “Don’t listen to her. I’m here,” he said. “And I’m not going anywhere.”

Sera buried her face in his chest again and closed her eyes. Naomi could go to hell. She had Marc.

Except she couldn’t have Marc. She placed her hand on his back and pushed a feeling into him.
You don’t want to be with me.

“Yes, I do,” he said.

Sera froze. She hadn’t said it out loud. Had she? She was almost certain he’d responded as if he’d heard her say it.

Her mind raced and her breath came in gasps. She thought back and wasn’t sure. Maybe she’d accidentally spoken the words out loud. She was stressed and upset—it was possible.

When she found her voice it was a whisper. “I can’t do this,” she said into his shoulder. “My life feels like it’s spinning. There’s just too much, and I just can’t do this with you right now.”

His voice vibrated in her head when he spoke. “You don’t want to?”

“I do want to. But I can’t.”

“Maybe I can help?”

Sera shook her head, still holding on to him. “I should have been there, Marc. He wouldn’t have died if I’d been there.”

“You can’t know that for sure,” he said, leaning back so he could see her face. He looked like he was waiting for her to disagree.

She looked away. “No, I can’t. You’re right.” God, she hated lying to him. Another reason she needed out. Now. “But, still. I know it. In my heart.”

He gazed at her in silence for a few moments. “Can we be friends, then?”

Sera breathed. Friends. That was likely to lead to the same problem of being distracted or tempted away when she was needed elsewhere. Although not, she supposed, if he simply tagged along when she was with Luke and Fey after school and on the weekends. If he wasn’t asking her out, then perhaps it would work okay.

But then there’s the lying she’d have to do. She wasn’t thrilled with that. She wasn’t sure she could handle anymore guilt right now. But still, she wanted him around.

She didn’t know what to say to him and looked up into his face. He looked so sad and she almost thought she saw a touch of panic in his eyes. She placed her palms on his chest and immediately felt the healing light flow down her arms and into his body. He relaxed and seemed to brighten—which made her happy and sad simultaneously. She was glad to make him feel better, but there was something nice about being pined for.

She let go and took a couple of steps back. Already she missed the feel of him, but she knew she was better off out of his reach, out of his arms. She watched his hands, watched as he rubbed his thumb up and down his index finger, as if he were nervous. She looked up at his face, and he didn’t meet her eyes for any length of time. He kept scanning around her, behind her, in the trees, around the other cars.

“I’d like to be friends,” she said, which was honest without promising anything. Then Sera spotted Fey crossing the parking lot toward them. She’d never been happier to see her.

M
arc watched Fey cross between him and Sera as she put her backpack into Luke and Sera’s car. He caught the look they exchanged, but he had no way of knowing their thoughts. Not even Fey’s when she was standing this close to Sera. Fey eyed him with suspicion, and he grinned amiably back at her. Maybe if she thought he were an idiot she’d hate him less.

And now he needed to figure out how he was going to get the information the Shadows wanted. He
needed
to be in there. He
needed
to be trusted. If he was going to prove without a doubt that she and Luke were the ones they sought. He needed them if he was ever going to be free of the Shadows, free of the headaches, free of the noise in his head. He needed them if he wanted a life.

He did.

But at what expense?
He cursed his little inner voice that kept asking him that question. The little voice that didn’t seem to recall the debilitating pain and torturous racket in his head.

Stupid little voice.

“Oh, there’s Josh,” Sera said. “I forgot to ask if I could borrow his notes. I’ll be right back.” She headed across the parking lot and waved him down.

Marc looked back at Fey, leaning against the side of Sera’s car watching him. Now that Sera was out of range, he should have no problem hearing Fey’s thoughts—though he shuddered a bit in anticipation of what rotten things he was sure she was currently thinking about him. But he’d get more input about Sera since she and Fey seemed to be tight. An opportunity.

He couldn’t help himself and grinned at her again. She crossed her arms over her chest.

“You seem awfully cheerful for someone who just got dumped,” Fey said.

He shrugged, relishing his big break before jumping in. “We’re going to be friends.”

She snorted, but didn’t say anything. He took a quick glance at Sera to be sure she was still out of range. She was about fifty feet away. Plenty of distance for Fey to be outside her protective field.

He figured it was as good an opening as he was going to get and reached out his mind toward her. He could feel tendrils of his power snaking through the air toward her mind, and—

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

He stared at her. She had this skeptical look on her face, so she was very obviously thinking something he probably didn’t want to hear. But even if he
did
want to hear it?

He couldn’t.

He looked back at Sera. She hadn’t moved. And Luke was nowhere to be seen. She didn’t have their proximity to protect her thoughts from him.

He tried again. Nothing. He couldn’t hear her thoughts.

And then he noticed it. The silence in his head. The same silence he experienced when Sera, Luke, or the Shadows were near him. He couldn’t begin to comprehend what it meant that he’d found three people whose thoughts he could not hear, who silenced his mind. He’d never come across this before.
Never
. Not once in eighteen years. And yet, right here. Three people who knew each other well.

She’d said something, he realized. She’d said something and was waiting for a response.

“What?” he said.

She sighed, and spoke loud and slow. “I said, Sera doesn’t need a friend who lies to her.”

He opened his eyes wide. “What makes you think I’ve lied to her?”

She looked at him. Really looked at him, and he had the sense that she could see right through him. See exactly who he was and what he was doing. Man, that was an uncomfortable feeling. “I have a sixth sense for it.”

“For lies?”

“Yes.”

“Cool. You do party tricks?”

“Marc, I think you should stay away from her. From both of them.”

“You don’t like me.”

Fey laughed. “I don’t know you well enough to dislike you.” Her features hardened. “I don’t trust you.”

“Okay, then why don’t you trust me?”

“You mean besides the lying?”

He just looked at her, waited.

She studied him for a moment. “Because there’s darkness around you,” she said. “Like a dark shadow.”

A Dark Shadow? Marc spun around so quickly that his feet got tangled beneath him. He lost his balance and toppled backwards to the ground. He didn’t breathe for a moment as he scanned where he’d just been standing.

But nothing was there. He closed his eyes and let his head fall to the ground.

A roar of laughter from about twenty feet away grabbed his attention, and he turned to see Luke walking over. He started laughing as well as Luke reached a hand down to help him back up.

“Spider? Bee?” Luke said.

“Much scarier than that. Fey.” Marc nodded in her direction, and Luke turned to her.

“Ah, yes. Fey. Much scarier than a spider. Frightening. Terrifying. Intimidating.” Luke went over and put an arm around her shoulders. “And that’s when you’re on her good side. You don’t want to see her bad side.”

Fey raised one perfect eyebrow at Luke, smirked, and poked him in the ribs. “You have no idea,” she said. Luke laughed, but as Marc watched Fey he knew she meant it.

Who were these people? They were like everyone else. And yet they were like nobody he’d ever come across before. A part of him was thrilled. A slightly larger part was seriously spooked.

EIGHTEEN

“I
s this good?” Fey said, holding up a book for Sera to see.

“Yup. Very dark. You’d love it.” Sera browsed down the row and Fey watched her. Something was up. It had been hard on her, Fey knew, this first day back at school. But it seemed like it was more than that. Sera was even quieter than she’d been for the past two weeks since her dad died.

Fey put the book back and turned toward the shelf as if she were still browsing, but kept her eyes on Sera, who was engrossed in a back cover write-up. She checked around for Luke, but didn’t see him nearby. One step into the wide aisle of the bookstore and Fey found him pouring over the science fiction and fantasy shelves across the way. A quick scan around the rest of the store let her breathe easier. All human. No one else to worry about.