Into the Blackness (Blackness Series Book 4) (45 page)

“You’re my super hero, Mom,” he says quietly turning his big brown eyes to me.

“I love you, Jake.”

“Love you too.”

“I know you won’t be able to call much, but you better call me. I’ll fly to the farm and kick your ass if you don’t,” I threaten weakly.

“I promise, I’ll call when I can,” he reassures me with a squeeze of my hand.

“And you’ll come home when you’re done,” I state plainly.

“I’ll be a little old to be livin’ at home,” he says through a snort.

“What about basketball?”

“I figure I’ll go to college once I’m done. Try to walk-on a team,” he says with a shrug.

“I like that plan,” I respond with a grin.

Jake and I continue to hold hands as the abandoned air strip comes into view. Two jets are waiting for us, one to take my family to our new home and one to take my son to heal. I stroke the back of Jake’s hand with my thumb as I come to a stop behind Nick’s car, Dylan parking their rental car behind mine. Several DCA agents pile out of one of the jets to clean and dispose of our vehicles. There will be no trace of the Johnsons by the end of the day.

Goodbyes are going to be quick because it’s below freezing and a storm is blowing in. All of us huddle near the jet stairway that will take Jake back to the farm. Dylan claps Jake on the back in a manly embrace before passing Johnny off to Jake. Jake nuzzles into the baby’s neck whispering sweet words as he does. Before tears begin to flow, Jake passes Johnny back to Dylan and they climb into Shannon’s jet.

All three boys converge on Jake, squeezing him with all their might. They each make him promise to call. Cole and Dane peel away and rush onto the jet, each wiping tears from their cheeks as they go. Sawyer tugs Jake into a rough hug as his shoulders shake with sobs. My heart feels like it’s palpating from the force I’m using to maintain any semblance of calm.

“Swear to me you’ll come back,” Sawyer demands, locking their brown eyes in a pointed gaze.

“Sawyer, I don’t wanna promise something I’m not sure of,” Jake says quietly.

“Don’t fuckin’ do that. You don’t get to run away! You’re my brother damn it. Jake, you can’t just take off. We’re a family now. Family sticks together. Promise me you’ll come back!” Sawyer finishes his plea with a crack in his voice.

Jake studies his brother for a few breaths before closing his eyes and whispers, “I’ll come back when I’m better.”

“Swear,” Sawyer demands.

“I swear,” Jake responds strongly.

“I’ll take dibs on this baby. You can have the next one,” Sawyer assures Jake.

Jake’s face pales and my resolve fades into tears streaming down my cheeks. Nick pulls me roughly into his side, pressing his lips to my wooly cap. Jake won’t be here when I have the baby. He probably won’t even meet the baby until it’s almost a year old.

“It’s okay, Sunshine,” Nick murmurs into my neck.

Jake doesn’t respond to Sawyer other than to offer him a sad smile and a clap on the back. With that, Sawyer starts to climb the jet stairs before stopping and looking down at Jake.

“I love you,” Sawyer calls out.

“Love you too,” Jake says back with a giant smirk on his lips.

Sawyer finishes his ascent with a big wave.

Cara takes a small step toward Jake before halting her progression. Her green eyes are full of hurt and agony as she pulls her winter white beanie a little tighter over her auburn hair. She stares him down for a few moments before speaking.

“Thank you for bein’ kind to me. I hope you find whatever you’re lookin’ for,” she says coolly before running up the stairs of the jet, removing any chance of Jake responding.

I see Dane pull her into his arms when she gets on the plane, crumbling into tears. Jake watches her for a while before facing us again. Shannon approaches Jake, grabbing his face in her sable grey colored mitten covered hands.

“You take all of your pain, all of your hurt and all of your fury and you channel that shit into your skills. You use that to motivate you to be the best sniper you can be. When you breathe through your shots let the things that haunt you bring you calm. Let the memories that torture you steel you against any future harm. Release the demons through every bullet, every target. When you think you can’t go on, remember you’re a survivor and nothing can beat you. If you’re alive, you’ve won. You’re the center of your strength. Always trust your gut, Jakey. Your instincts will never lead you astray,” Shannon finishes with a small hitch in her voice.

I know she was speaking those words, but I swear it was through someone else. It’s like she was channeling another person. Jake roughly rips Shannon into him as his body trembles with emotion. She grips him fiercely, smashing the twins between their bodies.

“Why do you call me Jakey?” Jake asks in a shaky voice as he pulls back, still remaining in her arms.

“My dad called me Shanny. It’s how I show love to change names the same way. You’re a piece of me and every time I call you Jakey you’ll know it means I love you. You go do your eighteen months with the DCA and then you come and give me six months to fix whatever they fuck up,” she commands, switching from sweet to serious. Nick and I chuckle quietly as Jake beams a smile at Shannon.

“You’ll be busy, Aunt Shanny. I think the DCA’s got it under control.”

“You wanna go to training after gettin’ your ass kicked by a fat pregnant lady?” she questions sternly.

“No thanks.”

“Do your eighteen months and come to me. It’s not a question, Jakey.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

She hugs him once more before kissing his cheek and releasing him from her grip. She climbs the stairs with the calm that only that woman possesses.

“Fuck, she scares me,” Jake says through a ragged breath.

“Me too, bud,” Nick agrees, tagging Jake behind the head and crushing it to his shoulder.

“I’ll miss you, Dad,” Jake whispers.

“I’ll miss you too. You need anything, you call me. I don’t care if it’s something small and inconsequential, you call me. If you’re struggling with anything I wanna know. If you’re kickin’ ass and takin’ names, which is what I think you’ll do, I wanna know. Once a month, you call,” Nick demands.

“All right.”

“I love you, Jake. I’m proud of you.”

“Love you too.”

Jake squeezes Nick one last time before Nick lets him go with tears shimmering in both their eyes. Nick places a soft kiss on my cheek before climbing on the plane with one last wave to his son.

I lock my hazel eyes with his big browns and release a small sob. Jake moves to me, almost knocking me off my feet with his force. He curls down into my chest as we both cry, quaking with emotion.

“I love you so much,” he stutters out.

“I love you too,” I whimper. “I don’t want you to go. I understand why you need to, but I need you to know that I want you with me. I wanna see your face every day and hold you in my arms whenever I want. I want you Jake. Do you understand me? You’re wanted in this life. Never question that.”

“Thank you…for everything. I wanna be with you, with all of you. But I’ve gotta do this. I need to be better. I’m not leaving you, Mom. I promise you, I’ll come back.”

Jake squats down and holds my hips before he talks to my parka covered stomach.

“Be a good, baby. Go easy on Mom, she deserves that. Sawyer’ll watch out for you until I get back. Love you, baby.”

I’m crying so hard now I feel like I’m going to puke. How am I going to live without him with me? I don’t know how parents do this. I feel like someone’s ripping a piece of my soul from my body.

Jake swipes his thumbs across my cheeks when he climbs back to his feet.

“I’ve never had someone love me as much as you do. I’ll carry that with me while I’m away. I’ll use your love to get better. You’ll help me escape the blackness,” he murmurs against my face before pressing a long kiss to my wet cheek.

I can’t say anything so I nod and hug him one last time.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Jake.”

He lets me go and climbs the stairs to the DCA jet, waving one last time before the flight crew pulls up the stairs and closes the door. I try to regain my composure as I climb onto our jet, but I lose the battle as Nick pulls me into his arms. He places me in a seat and buckles me in as sobs wrack my body. As our plane taxis, I fight the urge to vomit and curl into Nick’s side as closely as I can get.

“I’m so sorry, Sunshine. Love you,” Nick mutters into my hair as he cradles me as best he can.

“Love you, too,” I whisper back allowing the emotional exhaustion to pull me into a deep sleep.

I dream of Jake’s smiling face, free from torment. It’s a good dream even though it hurts. This anguish won’t go away until he’s back with me. I’m sad.

Nick

“Wake up, Sunshine,” I whisper into Kat’s golden hair as the flight crew lowers the stairs. The kid—he can’t be older than twelve—that flew our plane has turned an unusual shade of red as Shanny smiles at him.

“Kiddo,” Kellerman growls at her flirtatiousness.

“Oh, stop it,” Shanny says, rolling her eyes with a delighted smirk playing at her lips.

It should be noted now that we’re in Shannon’s world everyone that talks to her will call her Kid. She got that nickname when she was seventeen and it’s stuck.

Kat stretches and flutters her bright red-rimmed hazel eyes open.

“Sorry,” she croaks.

“You needed the rest. Let’s get back to Shanny’s and you can get some more sleep.”

“’Kay.”

I help her to her feet and follow the boys out onto the snow-dusted tarmac where two black SUVs are waiting for us. One, with Shanny’s bodyguard, Thomas—a mountain of a man who’s not to be fucked with or questioned—behind the wheel. I was pretty surprised he wasn’t with Shanny in Connecticut until she told me Thomas isn’t a fan of flying.

“Quick trip?” Thomas grumbles, walking up to Shanny with a furrowed brow.

“I called. We got held up, Thomas. Don’t get your panties in a wad,” Shanny admonishes.

Thomas lets out a
humph
before a small smile cracks his usually rigid face.

The other SUV is just idling with no one behind the wheel. I offer Thomas a chin lift and lead Kat and the boys to the empty SUV. Thomas helps load in the Kellerman clan and we take off toward the fortress that houses a unique brand of crazy.

“Holy shit!” Dane exclaims as we pull in Shanny’s gated driveway. Yeah, it’s a lot of house.

“I second that,” Kat says through a smirk.

“Prepare yourselves for the world of Shannon Kelly, boys. This should be…educational,” I inform them as we come to a halt in the driveway. We all pile out and follow everyone through the garage and into a kitchen twice the size of the one we just left in
Stepford
. It’s part of a great room meant to hold an NFL team. This house was big to start, but it’s a monster now that Kellerman has more than doubled its size.

We move past the gleaming white marble topped counters and stop as the men in Shanny’s life descend upon us. Kavanagh is the first to make his way to Shanny.

“You’re lucky you’re fuckin’ pregnant, Kid,” he growls, wrapping her in his giant python arms. He’s built like a linebacker, about six foot one and as wide as a refrigerator, capped off with a cocky attitude…I like Kav.

“Kavy, don’t be such a little girl,” Shanny admonishes him squeezing him back.

Brian O’Sullivan rips Shanny away from Kav grumbling in her ear, “Where you go, we go.”

“I’m fine, Sully,” she reassures him. Only Shanny gets to call him Sully. To the rest of the world he’s O’Sullivan and nothing else. He was a fighter all through college and still carries the swagger associated with it. He’s Kieran’s cousin and they grew up fighting together until Kieran went with the criminal life and O’Sullivan made his way into criminal law. They’re still close even though they live on two separate sides of the criminal coin.

His chocolate eyes shimmer with mischief as he runs his hand through his dark brown hair.

“Pain in the dick,” he huffs, passing Shanny off to Ryan Callaghan.

The man is a gentle giant, six and a half feet of sweetness. Callaghan has dreamy (yes, I said dreamy) bright blue eyes, shiny blond hair and dimples that look like they hurt. He’s a man of few words, but always in the action with this crowd.

“No more of that shit,” Callaghan reprimands Shanny, scooping her off the ground in a tight hug.

“Cally, I was with Kel. You worry about me too much.”

“Uh huh,” he grunts, setting her back on her feet.

“Cara, come over here and meet the guys,” Shanny calls out kindly.

Cara’s hiding behind me huddled into her own posse of boys. I’m in some sort of space time continuum looking at Shanny and her guys mirrored by Cara and my boys….it’s weird. Cara holds her position, not complying with Shanny’s request.

“You want us to go with you, sweetheart?” Sawyer whispers behind me.

I turn to see her nuzzled into his side, holding hands with Dane while Cole hovers at her back. She’s found her safe place. A small smile plays at the corner of my mouth as I lock eyes with Kat, who’s grinning right along with me.

“Yes,” Cara murmurs. Slowly, Sawyer and the boys lead Cara past me into the view of the guys who let out audible gasps at the sight of her. Her body goes rigid at their reaction, causing Sawyer to clamp down on her harder and Dane to squeeze her fingers.