Into the Deep (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Desma’s waiting when I return and one glimpse of my bed has me realizing how utterly exhausted I am. It’s been a long, crazy day, but I’ll feel guilty if I let Galina down by blowing off Xander.

She helps me clean up and is unnaturally quiet. I assume she’s aware of who I’m eating with and does a good job of avoiding me as I try to catch her attention.

Finally, I gently grab her wrist and she glowers at me. “I promise this isn’t what you think. My grandmother set it up.”

Her scowl softens at my sincerity. “I assumed so, but it’s exactly what I was afraid of. Does Nerio know?”

I slump down on the bed. “No, I tried but didn’t get a chance. We went to visit your family and had an argument on the way back.”

“You went to my home?” she asks in shock.

“Yes, I met your parents and Damian. They’re great. I really enjoyed them.”

She moves to perch beside me. “He’s never done that.” For a few seconds she’s quiet and I shift under the weight of her observation. “And you aren’t interested in Xander?”

“No, he is just a friend,” I explain. “Galina seems to think I should keep my options open.”

“What did you argue about?” A small smile plays on her lips.

“Are you aware of his opinions on humans?” She nods, her lips dipping into a frown. “He doesn’t recognize how tethered I remain to the surface. It’s impossible for me to agree with him about how evil they are without betraying my mom and all she’s taught me. He’s not one to mince his words.”

She rubs my shoulder in comfort. “He wouldn’t speak so passionately unless he has deep feelings. He’s said he hopes to find a mate who challenges him. You’re definitely that.”

“Is that good or bad?” I gape at her.

“Unfortunately, it’s good. While I may continue to disapprove and worry, I do acknowledge your earnestness. Be patient with him.”

She departs, leaving me with only a fraction of relief. What about the part where his mom said he won’t want me once I’m queen? If that ever happens.

There’s a knock at my door and Xander bobs there with a huge grin. Suppressing my concerns about Nerio, I coach myself to be open-minded and polite. He did surprise me yesterday and Galina set this up for a reason. I respect her opinion and I may gain a new friend in this strange, wonderful place.

“The tradition on land is to bring the girl you’re taking out a trinket, so I brought you this.”

He uncurls his fist. Nestled inside his palm is a glistening black pearl on a twine string, long enough to fasten around my neck.

“It’s beautiful. Help me put it on.”

I lift my hair and turn from him. He talks as he ties it. “They’re rare, like you.”

Heat creeps into my cheeks and I turn back when he finishes. The pearl nestles in the hollow of my throat along my collarbone.

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He offers me his arm and I take it without hesitation. “I have a special evening planned.”

We swim down the hall and, same as when we danced together, everyone we pass greets us with excitement. In my mind, I have a glimpse of us together—the young mermaid princess and the gallant, handsome merman. Except when I picture the face of who escorts me, it’s Nerio and not Xander.

We enter one of the smaller courtyards. A large stone statue of Poseidon commands the space. It depicts the powerful merman cresting a wave. A trident is in his grasp, a crown sits atop his wavy hair, and a starfish shaped amulet dangles from his neck. He has the same lines and features as Stavros and I wonder if Poseidon has ice blue eyes.

This particular courtyard is located on one of the upper levels. We have a view of the lower atrium and a passageway travels through the wall of the seamount in a wide, low tunnel. An unobstructed view of the ocean floor spreads out before us. On the surface night has fallen and it only adds to the moody, romantic atmosphere.

Next to the edge of the opening, a table and chairs is set up with food and a couple jars of the luminescent fish. It’s not what I expected. It’s too intimate.

Taking a seat, I strive to keep the mood light. “I bet you do this for all the mermaids, even Eustacia.”

“No, especially not her. Only you.” He ducks his head at that last part. “I realize what she expects, but I don’t see her in that light. She’s a difficult person to like. I’ve known her since we were kids and she hasn’t changed a bit.”

“From what I’ve witnessed, difficult is an understatement.”

He smiles and then sobers. “You’ve been spending a lot of time with Nerio.”

I shift in my seat. I hate being put on the spot and decide to tell him the truth. Xander’s a decent guy and he deserves honesty. It’s only fair and I want him to recognize that Nerio is in the picture…the only one.

“He’s been showing me the kingdom. Stavros thought it would be safe as long as I have a guard with me. I requested Nerio because he brought me here. We’ve been through a lot.” I pause, reflecting on the argument we had this afternoon. “We disagree on some very fundamental issues, but he’s special to me.”

“He’s a lucky merman then.” His expression clouds over slightly. “I’ve always been jealous of Nerio. Now I have another reason.”

“Why be jealous? You live here, in the palace.”

“Life in the palace is not what it’s built up to be. I crave adventure and he has freedoms I don’t. Our family is second only to yours. The expectations are limiting and I tend to be cold toward others. I’m not ready for an entire kingdom to rely on me. Nerio’s trained to fight, not to play and be diplomatic. He’d never shy from duty.”

“Don’t you know how to fight?”

“I do, the basics, but to him, it’s second nature. Granted, I’ve worked with a few of the guards to hone my skills, it’s not the same. I’m more scholarly. I love reading about our history.”

I squint at him. “You hardly seem like a bookworm.”

“I don’t exactly flaunt my hobby. It wouldn’t fit the image and that’s what it’s all about most days, isn’t it? The image?”

It hits me how restricted the duties of a royal really are. To a newcomer it’s elegant, an envious approach to life. I’d rather be a leader who has adventures, who explores the world instead of just observing it.

“Just think, if Eustacia marries a merman from another ocean, you’ll be off the hook.” I cringe. “Sorry, bad word choice there.”

“Yeah, don’t let too many people hear you talking about hooks. And you’re right. I will be free if she marries someone else. Unless there’s another princess out there who requires a strong and slightly good-looking king.”

He says it lightly, but I tease him to deflect the flirtation. “Let me know if you find a merman who fits that description.” I am intrigued by him. He’s definitely someone I want as a friend. But that is all. “Have you had a chance to speak with the historian?”

“Not yet. I’m going tomorrow and, if it goes according to plan, I can take you the day after.”

I put my elbow on the table and rest my chin in my palm. “What do you expect to learn from her?”

“If anyone has information about you and your abilities, it’ll be her. I hope we can learn what it means for you, most importantly, but also what it means for the kingdom. And, of course, how we can use it against Calandra.”

A shiver jolts through me. “The idea of being the only one who can battle against her scares the crap out of me. If, and that’s a big if, I can do it.”

“I believe in you, Zoey. Besides, let’s wait and see what this woman says. No matter what, I’ll be there for you in whatever form you need.”

“Even if I’m half-human?”

“Why should that matter?” He appears confused.

“Forget it.” I smile shyly at him.

Xander gets up, offering me his hand, and we float out over the edge of the balcony, gazing at the dark water. I shift to the side, putting distance between us. Away from the lights, suspended in the darkness, it’s easy to imagine we’re the only ones here.

Xander turns and locks his eyes on mine. He reaches up and plays with a piece of my hair. “You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met, Zoey.”

“That’s because I’m unusual. Once you know me better, I’m actually pretty boring.”

“I doubt it.”

He draws closer. I know what’s coming and a flutter of panic stirs in my chest. Clearly my hints weren’t strong enough. Xander is not who I want to kiss, but I’m too slow. He presses his lips to mine.

It catches me off guard and I’m stunned, sluggish to move. Somewhere, on the edge of my mind, I hear my name being called, full of hurt. Dazed, I break the kiss only to discover Nerio watching us with a betrayed expression. Over his shoulder, Eustacia smirks triumphantly.

Nerio darts off and I react, cutting a glare at Xander. Chasing after Nerio, I shove Eustacia to the side as I dart past, ignoring her startled squeal. From behind, I hear Xander yelling at her.

I catch up to Nerio outside the palace entrance. “Nerio, please wait. Let me explain. I didn’t mean for that to happen.”

He spins on me so quick I flinch. “No, I should thank you. Instead of telling myself I’m a fool for believing I have a chance with you, now I understand the reality of the situation and who you really are. I guess you’re more human than I thought.”

His passion piles the guilt on heavier. “There is nothing between him and me except friendship. Galina set up this dinner and I was trying to make her happy.”

“By kissing Xander?” he says incredulously.

“No, it just happened. He surprised me. I didn’t plan it. Am I attracted to him? Absolutely not, but he’s a good guy.”

He doesn’t answer and I’m worried he’s slipping from me. Panic clings to my skin.

“Why can’t you get it through your thick skull how strange all this is to me? I’ve only been a mermaid for a week. Am I not allowed to make mistakes?
He
kissed
me
.” I cross my arms. “Is that what you’re really upset about or are you still thinking about this afternoon? I can’t ignore my human roots.”

He grabs me. “This is how you should be, a mermaid. You’re magnificent in this form. You don’t owe them anything.”

“See? There, the disgust in your voice when you say
them
. Do you understand how that makes me feel? I won’t compromise a single part of myself to fit into this image you have of me. That’s not who I am. Remember that. Can you respect someone who changes on a fundamental level to please you?”

Some of the rigidness goes out of his spine as he says, “I’d never ask you to change to please me, but it works both ways. Can you accept my prejudices?”

I bite my lip, wishing I can show him my other form, that it’s not as horrible as he imagines. Then, an idea forms. I
can
show him.

“Take me somewhere. The nearest island.” He starts to object and I put my hand up to silence him. “No questions, just take me, now.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

Anticipation turns my muscles to stone and my swimming is jerky. I really hope I’m making the right decision. The idea of losing Nerio scares me to death, cementing the reality of how important he’s become. There’s a distinct possibility I’m about to ruin it.

Following along the broad mountain range near the palace, he guides me a short distance. As he turns, banking up toward the surface, I notice an old seamount, or volcano, reminiscent of the one that camouflages our home.

We break through the waves not far from an island with steep slopes and a narrow, sandy beach. Night has turned it into a hulking dark shadow, but a full moon sits high in the sky, illuminating the waves with its otherworldly silver light, lighting a million tiny candles.

Rather than waiting for him, I swim into the shoals. Once the water is about a foot deep, I turn to speak to him. Nerves steal my words until I finally spit it out.

“I-I am going to show you what I look like,” I swallow the panic bubbling up my throat, “in my other form.”

It’s a huge risk. I’m terrified of how he will react, or how I will, having his eyes on me, my body representing everything he finds loathsome and everything I am uncomfortable with.

The realization dawns and his mouth goes slack. He peers at me with anguish. “I won’t see you that way.”

“I want you to accept I’m still me, even in that form.” I reach out and lace my fingers with his. “Please.”

He nods reluctantly so I turn for the beach, dragging myself once it’s too shallow. I sense him behind me, keeping his tail submerged. My body shudders in fear and I can’t shake how deeply personal this is, as if I’m baring the most private part of myself to him.

The second I’m on the rocky, dry land the transformation begins. I lock my gaze on his, which flickers to my tail as it shimmers and glows. The exquisite pain rips through me and steals my breath. It’s more intense, probably because I’ve been a mermaid for so long.

Suddenly, I’m hit with embarrassment. Once I’m changed, I won’t have any underwear on.

“Wait, wait! Only turn when I tell you.”

He fights to avert his stare, but he nods absently and faces the other direction. He has yet to glimpse what’s missing.

Uncertainty blasts through me and I have second thoughts. Before I can change my mind, I’m staring at a familiar leg and stump. I’ve kind of missed them, but they are so foreign to me now. Slowly, I push myself to my knee and scoot over to the dense vegetation edging the sand. I locate a thin branch about three feet long that will work as a crutch. It’s weird to stand again and vertigo sweeps through me as I relearn balance and search for any material to fashion a skirt.

I find a broad, thick leaf pliable enough to be tied awkwardly around my waist. It’s not strong and may not hold too long, so I keep one hand on it and another on the branch. A vine filled with exotic purple flowers catches my attention. I pluck one and tuck the long stem behind my ear. It’s a silly impulse but looking good for him is important in spite of what he’ll see.

Hesitation freezes my movements. I can’t stop my leg from trembling, my hands are jerky and my stomach is flipping and somersaulting, similar to Kona. Can I do this? I’m about to say I am not ready, but I study him in the moonlight—his muscled back, the wet hair curling around his ears. Realization dawns on me that he’s worth the risk.

Lurching toward him, I suck in a deep breath of warm, humid air and say, “Okay.”

He twists to me and his expression changes from shock to wonder. For minutes neither of us speaks, but the weight of his stare caresses every inch of my body. My breathing speeds up and my skin flushes. I hadn’t anticipated it being this intimate. Finally, he peers below my waist, drawing in a shocked gasp.

“What happened?” His features are filled with anguish and I struggle to remain calm. In as steady a tone as I can muster, I tell him about the accident and his expression returns to awe.

“You’re amazing,” he whispers, “and still so beautiful.”

Careful not to break the spell, I hop closer and perch myself on a flat rock jutting into the water. A gentle breeze rustles the jungle behind me, scenting the night with the fragrance of flowers. I sit, attempting to be modest with the super short leaf-skirt, and he follows.

I’m almost eye level with Nerio as he tentatively reaches up to touch my shortened leg and my throat clogs with emotion. He stops a couple inches from me and asks, “Is this okay? Does it hurt?”

There’s a slight tremor in his voice and I shake my head. I’m completely caught up in the moment and the electricity coursing through me. I manage to explain, “There used to be what the doctors call phantom pains. Sometimes I get a shooting pain in my foot, though it wasn’t there anymore. It hurt when I was near the sea, a different phantom ache. The stump also hurts, if I’m on it too long.”

“May I?”

“Y-yes.” I tense, waiting for his contact with my skin.

When it comes, a tingle shoots up my leg and it twitches. Alarm crosses his face and he snatches his hand back, terror mixing with curiosity in his expression.

“No,” I say breathlessly, “it’s fine. It was pretty awesome actually.”

Awestruck, he does it again, starting at the ankle of the whole leg and running his palm up my calf to the knee and higher. He rests it on my thigh, his breathing rapid. My mind is empty of everything else, except Nerio. I’m so close I notice the shadows the moonlight casts of his long lashes on his cheek.

“I,” his voice cracks so he clears his throat, “I never thought you would be this magnificent. You take my breath away, Zoey.”

Blowing out a sigh of relief, I’m certain I made a smart decision. It sweeps through me, warm and comfortable.

I place my hand on his, pressing it to me. “This is who I am. Underneath my tail, this is who I will always be.” My free hand reaches out to cup his cheek. “You can’t look at me as if I’m one of those fishermen, to be held responsible for the evil deeds of my kind. I am not them. Human imagination and engineering let me walk again, to grow up with some semblance of a normal childhood. It put me back together again.”

“I respect that.” He swallows thickly. “I swear I will try harder to understand and be open-minded. I’ll never hurt you, if I can help it.”

An idea hits me. “What do you do during your Sojourns? One week a year you transform and walk on land. It has to bother you.”

He frowns, never taking his attention from my stump, but the scrutiny only fills me with acceptance. “The past couple years, I haven’t done it. It’s a choice to participate. As I watched the conditions deteriorate, my discontent grew and I refused to share that form with those I blamed. I simply chose not to.”

I digest this and decide to leave it be. Tonight I won a small battle and got him to see and accept me. That is a huge step, a first step.

“How does it work? The Sojourns? Do you select the week?”

He shrugs. “It’s the week of our birthday and we can change forms anytime, as much or as little as desired. It’s convenient when lovers desire to be uh, adventurous.” He reddens. “Or when we mate.”

“Mate?” I hadn’t really stopped to consider the logistics involved in that.

Nerio is reluctant to share, so I keep quiet and wait him out. Eventually, he says, “We conceive as human, carry the child to term in mermaid form, and give birth on land.”

“Wow, not what I expected.” I smother a grin. “You don’t enjoy being human, so did you ever worry about having kids?”

His fingers twitch on my leg. “When the time came, if the time came, I’d deal with it.”

The answer is typical Nerio, a simple solution to a far more complicated question. I let it slide. Between the moon in the sky and the deserted island, I’m killing the mood. I can’t believe how happy I am in this moment. Excitement dances along my skin, increasing my breathing.

“Will you show me?”

Surprise shows as he answers, “It’s not special.”

“It’s only fair. I showed you how imperfect I am. I promise not to call you names.” I tease.

“I deserve to be called names after how I behaved.” He grimaces. “And you are absolutely perfect. I apologize for accusing you of being heartless. You are warm and brave and,” the corner of his mouth tips up, “exactly my type.”

Then his fingers slip into my tangled hair and he pulls me forward, locking his lips on mine.

The kiss obliterates my thoughts and I’m lost in the cascading emotions crashing through me like the pounding surf. I press closer, longing for contact with his skin, with every part of him. I’m on fire. No one has ever accepted me this completely besides my parents.

He breaks for a moment and in his face I glimpse the same emotions bursting to life inside of me.

“You realize this changes everything, right?” Nerio says.

“I hope so.” I laugh and pull him in for another kiss, slower, just as devastating. Even with our world in danger, all I can think is how I never want to stop kissing him.

A while later the sound of tinkling laughter drifts over and interrupts us. I glance at the source and spot three heads sticking out of the water—Eustacia and two other young mermaids.

“Please, don’t let us interrupt.” Her snarky tone travels across the air.

Nerio positions himself so he’s shielding my lower body and barks out, “What do you want, Eustacia?”

“I was coming to warn you to return to your post, but now I’m here to check out the freak with legs.” Her friends snicker. “Or should I say with one leg. How embarrassing.”

It isn’t shame burning to life inside me, it’s rage. The urge to hop down there and rake my nails across her face is incredibly strong. “Haven’t you caused enough drama for one night?” I ask, beginning to shake at her audacity. I’m practically naked and very vulnerable. She’s the last person I want to catch sight of me, to know my secret. Now, thanks to her, soon everyone will know.

She lifts a dainty shoulder. “Probably not. You don’t look like a princess, Zoey. You look like a wanton human with no regard for your lover’s duty. Of course, Father will be very interested to hear about this.”

With a wiggle of her fingers, she dips below and disappears with her minions. I struggle to dive in the water and chase after her, hoping to maybe change her mind, or just smack her, but Nerio restrains me.

“It wouldn’t be smart to go after her. You’ll only be giving her what she wants which is a confrontation.”

I whirl toward him. “Aren’t you worried? If she reports you, you’ll be in trouble. And what did she mean you left your post?”

He sheepishly avoids my gaze. “I was on duty when Eustacia came to me and said she saw a dark creature pass by outside the palace. She’s the princess. I have no choice but to obey her. That’s when she took me to where you were with Xander.”

My shoulders fall. “And then I dragged you off. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he says as he lifts my chin. “I’m not. You’re a princess, same as her, so by rights I was following your orders too.”

We kiss again and I slink down into the water. I hold his hand in mine during my body’s change, loving how it captivates him. “I guess we better return to reality. She’s going to tell everyone.” I sigh.

He locks me in his gaze. “Even if she does, it won’t change their opinions. They’d be stupid to perceive you as anything other than special,” he kisses my forehead, “amazing,” he kisses the tip of my nose, “and admirable.”

His argument wins me over. He made a valid point. If they can’t accept me, it’s their problem. My newfound bravery and self-confidence feels good. And I owe a majority of it to this wonderful merman.