Into the Light (Untwisted series Book 3) (20 page)

Frowning, I sat up and ran a shaky hand through my hair as I clutched the sheet to my chest and looked around his huge, unfamiliar bedroom. This should have been a monumental moment, the first time being officially allowed in his bedroom, but instead all I felt was complete confusion mixed with a desperate need to get out and back to the familiarity of my comfy little flat.

Deciding to double check if he really had gone out – perhaps there was a note explaining his actions – I headed cautiously through towards the lounge. Glancing around my breathing halted as I came to a sharp stop in the kitchen doorway as my eyes spotted something on the counter which crushed any remnants of hope I might have had, and made me realise with sicking finality that it definitely was well and truly over with Nathan – my submissive contract lay ripped in half on the kitchen counter, with my beautiful silver choker thrown carelessly next to it.

Closing my stinging eyes my mind immediately flashed back to my first meeting with Nathan at his house when we had discussed our contract and my throat tightened as I recalled his words – 
‘If either of us wishes to end our agreement we can simply say so and tear up the contract, end of
’. So that was definitely it, was it? End of? My hand instinctively went to my empty neck; it felt so bare as I clutched at the skin with trembling fingers.

After everything that had been happening recently; the shower together, the gentle sex, the walk in the park, his confessions … I’d really thought we’d turned a massive corner. But obviously that wasn’t what Nathan wanted, he’d been clear about his ‘no strings’ expectations from the start, and now after letting myself get carried away with romantic visions yesterday, it was all over.

Not wanting to get caught looking like an emotional wreck if he returned I wasted no time in dashing back to his room and pulling on yesterday’s discarded clothes and then heading straight to my room. I spent several minutes gathering every one of my belongings from the space so I wouldn’t ever have to return. My head was fuzzy, my chest hurt in a way that I didn’t even want to consider at the moment, and tears kept leaking down my cheeks, but I had my plan of escape ready – clear all evidence of my stay and then head towards the door to get the hell out of here as quick as my legs could take me.

Checking under the bed for any more stray clothes I cursed as I dragged my laptop bag out – thank goodness I hadn’t forgotten that – but was suddenly filled with horror as I realised it was Monday morning.

‘Shit.’ I muttered thickly, pausing to close my eyes and grimace. I had to go to work now right after being dumped, what a frigging nightmare that was going to be.

Hoisting the bag over my shoulder I left the room, and then the apartment without even bothering to look back. My neck felt horribly, oddly bare without the necklace and as I stood in the lift my fingers repeatedly traced the skin where it used to lie. Talk about a shitty way to finish things. I couldn’t believe Nathan had taken such a cowardly way out and not even spoken to me in person. And to do it on a Monday morning when I had to go to work just made his actions even more fucked up.

Chapter Eleven – Stella

Blowing some wayward hair out of my face I searched in my bag for my house keys before finally unlocking the door. A huge breath of relief flew from my lungs as the familiar scents and sights of my flat surrounded me, unfurling my tense muscles and letting me relax at last. Today had certainly been one day at work that I didn’t
ever
want to repeat – I’d literally never been more pleased to get home in my entire life.

Dumping my work bag down, I stepped over the holdall containing my things from Nathan’s that I’d dropped here before work this morning. Giving it a hateful glance I grimaced, I seriously doubted I’d ever want to wear or use anything from in there again. Way too many painful memories attached.

After the mornings shock of Nathan leaving and dumping me in the most crappy way possible I’d been a complete mess by the time I got to the office – complete with red-rimmed eyes and snivelling nose – and had had to endure a multitude of pitying looks from my colleagues as I’d walked through the agency to my private office. Initially I’d been tempted to take a day off, but in my stubbornness I’d forged on – there was no frigging way I was going to let a man disrupt my life like that. Even if the man in question was Nathaniel Jackson. Besides, what good would a day off have done me? I’d have sat around the flat moping and feeling sorry for myself, when I was perfectly capable of doing the exact same in my office and getting paid for it.

Of course none of my colleagues knew why I looked like hell, but I’m sure the office gossips had already made up several juicy possibilities by the time my door had closed shut and I’d snapped the blinds together. I did discover one benefit to arriving at work with a miserable, blotchy, snot-covered face though – no-one dared bother me all day – so at least I had been left alone to stew in peace and chastise myself for falling for Nathan. Why hadn’t I had a better grip on my heart? Falling for Nathan was beyond pointless, the man was so controlled and unfeeling that he practically needed a written contract to sneeze for God’s sake.

Grabbing two bananas I dug my fingernails through the skin, peeled them almost violently, and then shoved them in the blender, before adding half a pint of milk, a shot of vanilla syrup, and slamming the lid on. I pressed the ‘on’ button just as the front door opened again, signalling the arrival of Kenny home from work, and in a spilt second I was covered in a syrupy, banana mess as the bloody blender lid flew off mid-whizz.

In front of me there was a fountain of banana milk flying everywhere and spattering onto the ceiling and walls. ‘Fucking hell!’ The words flew from my mouth as I desperately struggled to find the off switch amongst all the milk pouring down the side of the blender like Niagara frigging Falls. I’d always hated this stupid machine. ‘Stupid bloody thing!’ I very rarely swore out loud, but the combination of being dumped and now soaked had obviously brought out the worst in me.

‘Here …’ Kenny braved ruining his shirt – his turquoise shirt, might I add – and turned it off for me. Of course he would know where the stupid switch was, he always made his horrible diet drinks using it.

Casting an unamused glance around the splattered kitchen I shook off my sodden arm, sending a thick, oozy trail of milkshake spraying across the lake of banana milk already residing on the counter. ‘So … what’s up?’ Kenny asked knowingly, standing back and gazing at me intently as he wiped his hand on a tea towel. It would take more than a tea towel to sort me out, I was drenched. Not to mention put off bananas for quite a while; the smell was all over me and suddenly quite revolting. I looked up at him from under furrowed brows, a bit of banana-vanilla milk dribbling down my nose, and sighed heavily. I was dumped, depressed, and drenched, what wasn’t up?

‘We’re going out to get drunk,’ I replied, avoiding his question completely.

‘We are? But it’s Monday night.’ The confusion in Kenny’s voice was obvious as his brows dipped lower.

‘Yeah? So?’ I huffed grouchily. My foul mood probably wasn’t making the prospect of going out with me for a drink the most appealing thing ever, so I sighed again and confessed my woes. ‘Nathan finished our agreement this morning.’ I plucked a piece of banana from my hair and flicked it in the bin, but it missed and slid down the wall instead. ‘I wasn’t ready for it to finish,’ I added softly feeling fresh tears prick at the backs of my eyes. What an understatement. I had fallen for Nathan hook, line, and sinker and now he’d finished it I felt like a chunk of my heart had been chewed up, spat out, and trampled on.

‘Fuck,’ Kenny winced supportively, ‘So, what are you waiting for then? Clean that sticky crap out of your hair and let’s go drinking,’ he said, coming forwards and pulling me in for a special Kenny-style squeeze regardless of the state of my clothes. God, I loved Kenny so much sometimes.

‘If your plan for the night was to get drunk, then why were you making a milkshake?’ he enquired, leaning back from our embrace and eyeing the blender cautiously.

‘Lining my stomach,’ I mumbled, burying my head in his chest again.

‘Ah, I see. That kind of defeats the whole drinking thing doesn’t it?’ he teased, giving me a little tickle on my lower ribs – my most ticklish spot.

‘Shut up, Kenny,’ I mumbled against his shirt. ‘Take me out and get me drunk.’

If I’d looked like crap going into work on Monday, then I must have looked like crap warmed up going into work on Tuesday – with a hangover from hell after ‘Mojito Monday’ at Mojo’s cocktail bar. Turns out that Kenny was right, Monday night drinking was not a good idea. Actually, it possibly goes down as the most God-awful decision I’ve ever made. Apart from joining Club Twist and seeking out a dominant sexual partner of course – now that really
was
the worst decision of my life.

The remainder of the week dragged by horrendously slowly. I did barely any work and the more I mourned the loss of my ‘relationship’ with Nathan, the more my mood progressively worsened. I’d been such a super bitch at work in the five days since ‘the dumping’, that I think my colleagues were actually scared to approach me by Friday.

No calls had come from Nathan either, not that I’d really expected them to. After the cold way he’d ended things he’d made his feelings pretty clear. I still shuddered when I thought about my ripped up contract and discarded necklace. Jeez, even with all his fucked-up-ness I’d have thought Nathan would at least have had the guts to finish with me in person. I’d been tempted to call him on several occasions to give him a few lessons in break-up etiquette, but thankfully this was usually after a few drinks and Kenny had always been there to talk some sense into me.

When all was said and done, Nathan had been my contracted dominant, certainly not my boyfriend, a fact that I bitterly reminded myself of daily. Regardless of his strangely affectionate behaviour last Sunday, feelings and emotions weren’t supposed to be part of our agreement, he’d made that perfectly clear from the start.
I
had been the one to break the rules and develop an affection for him, so
I
was the one who needed get a wriggle on and get over him.

Chapter Twelve – Nathan

I’d had a full week away with work, staying in a bloody hotel and even with my determined effort the source of the mystery company that was plaguing my bids was still no clearer. I’d left Gregory on the case in Manchester, where the mystery PO Box was listed, and now finally it was Saturday morning and I was on the road. I hated hotels and the lack of privacy that they afforded you – there was always some busy body cleaner knocking on the door every five minutes. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed tonight, but topping that, I couldn’t wait to get home and see Stella.

Whilst I’d been away I’d made the monumental decision to lay my feelings out on the table with her. I might not like talking about emotional stuff – in fact just the thought of it was enough to make me shudder – but some things just needed saying in words and after our amazing weekend together I needed to hear Stella say that she wanted to be with me, that she wanted to try a relationship with me. Christ, talk about a shocker. I literally never thought I’d see the day when I, Nathaniel Jackson, dominant, moody arsehole, was actually hoping with every fibre of my being that a woman wanted more than just sex with me.

Shaking my head I smiled at my thoughts. Despite the ongoing work issues, I’d been feeling quite light-hearted all week, something I was giving Stella the credit for, after she had made me feel so alive last weekend.

My final meeting yesterday had run on and on, eventually finishing well past two in the morning, but undeterred I’d driven through the night to get home for the weekend, hoping that Stella had stayed at mine last night as I’d suggested. Smiling, I thought back to last weekend. Being more open around her had been far easier than I’d expected, and seeing her thrilled response to my simple actions like hand holding and eye contact had made me feel far more contented than I’d ever thought possible.

Me, turning into a sappy nice guy, who’d have thought it eh? Although ‘nice guy’ was a bit of a stretch given the dark thoughts and sexual depravity that often loitered in my head, perhaps ‘deviant developing a conscience’ was more accurate.

Thinking of nice gestures I made an on the spot decision to stop off on the way home to grab some breakfast for us both as a surprise. Hopefully Stella would still be in bed – nah, scrap that; hopefully she’d be
naked
and in
my
bed.

As I waited for my freshly baked croissants the waitress poured me another glass of orange juice and I settled back with a paper from the counter. Immediately I found myself raising an eyebrow as a photograph in the paper caught my eye.
Nicholas
. More precisely Nicholas and Rebecca at some charity function they’d attended last night. I chuckled to myself and shook my head, my brother hated the semi-famous status he had from his piano career, but to be honest he looked pretty damn happy in the photo as he gazed lovingly down at a resplendent Rebecca.
Lovingly
. Wow, it really was clear in my brother’s eyes, but also in Rebecca’s too, that they shared a very special bond. Was that something I could have with Stella? Christ, I hoped so.

Instead of heading straight home to Stella with the croissants, I decided to pay another quick visit to my brother for a bit of last-minute advice from his endlessly supportive girlfriend. Normally I hated asking for assistance from anyone, but if Rebecca had managed to tame Nicholas maybe she could give me some final words of wisdom too that would bolster my courage and help me in my talk with Stella.

Fifteen minutes later I realised that I really needed to start wearing a watch, because as I stood on Nicholas’s doorstep for the second weekend in a row I checked my phone and noticed once again just how early it was. Damn it. Well, I wasn’t going home without speaking to Rebecca first so I may as well use the key Nicholas had given me to let myself in and get some coffee going.