Invincible (A Kingpin Love Affair Book 3) (17 page)

How had we gone from making love and being one just the night before to being so far apart?

She laughed right in my face, an angry scowl spreading across hers. Fear showed in her eyes, and I wondered why.

“I would rather die than have to go through the heartache again. I would much rather be put out of my fucking misery than to know you’re out there living while I wallow in my own fucking sorrow. My heart belongs to you, no matter what the fuck you do. No matter what the fuck you say. So, no, I’m not willing to let my emotions go for that. I’m not willing to let anything go. You can try to convince yourself all you want… tell your heart you’re doing the right thing, but we both know what it’s like to not have each other. How can that agony be right?”

Her voice faded out as my mind registered what she had said. Was she contemplating putting herself in the line of fire for this?
For us?
Did she wish for death? Anger like I had never felt surged through me.

I gripped her by the back of the neck applying light pressure as I pulled her face into mine. “Death isn’t going to make it easier. I have seen death, I have killed, and it isn’t something that can be undone. I will do anything and every fucking thing to protect you. Get yourself together. I’m done talking about this. There isn’t anything else to say.” I released her, shoving myself away from her before I did something I would regret. I wanted to shake her, to wake her the fuck up so she could see this was not a game.

She didn’t even realize everything that was at risk. Or maybe she did and just didn’t give a fuck.

“There is plenty to say, Devon. You’re just too much of a fucking coward to do so. I was stupid to ever believe anything that ever left your lips. To think what we experienced last night would change things. Maybe one day you will grow some balls and actually fight for what you want!” She stood stripping herself of her clothes right in front of me. I had to force myself to not look, to not let the temptation get to me.

The bathroom door slammed closed with a thud and I heard the creaking of the pipes. It was then I broke down. My chest heaved with anger as I ripped my phone out and texted Zerro.

D: How do you protect something that doesn’t want to be protected?

I stared at my phone for a moment wondering if he would even text me back. I had been lying to everyone recently, working undercover off the clock.

Z: You don’t. Some things can’t be protected.

What the fuck did that even mean? Was he pulling some physiological reasoning out of his ass or something?

D: What the fuck, man? What are you saying?

Z: I’m saying, maybe whatever you think or feel you need to protect maybe it doesn’t need protecting.

I read the text over and over again. Is that what I was doing? Was I so wrapped up in trying to save Tegan, I didn’t realize maybe she didn’t need me to save her? Maybe she just needed me to be there for her. Had I let my thoughts of death overrule everything good in my life?

D: Thanks, asshole. You’ll make a great therapist someday.

Z: Shut up, asshat. I have a wife, a daughter, and a heart, even if it’s black and cold 99.9% of the time. What’s going on?

He was concerned for me and he had a reason to be, too. I was breaking the law in more ways than one, and I didn’t even tell him about it. Over the years, we had grown close. We relied on each other. In all honesty, he had become my best friend, my only friend, and here I was lying to him.

D: Nothing. Just reflecting on the past with all this free time that I have. What’s up? You
miss
me?

Z: Fuck off. No one misses you. Out on a job, undercover right now. Gotta go though. Wish I had my partner in crime with me to fuck some shit up.

D: I’m pretty sure you fuck shit up all on your own, but know I’ll keep my phone on so when Frank calls me to clean your shit up, I’ll be ready.

Z: Yeah, yeah, asshole.

D: Think smarter, be smarter, asshat. Ttyl.

I slid my phone back in my pocket. I was one man going in on a suicide mission. I had to tell myself this was the right thing to do simply because I had no other options. It was the right thing, and years from now, I would know so.

 The pipes in the bathroom creaked, signaling Tegan was done in the shower as my stomach filled with anxiety. I had to get over it. I had to look at her as if she wasn’t my one reason to breathe.

* * *

THE LAST TWO days had been like living in hell. I would much rather put a bamboo shoot under my nails than to be forced to endure another two days of silence with her. One day in, and I had almost broke and gone back on my word. I wanted her closeness, her love so fucking bad. By day two, I wanted to jump out of the nearest window if it meant getting away from the evil looks and smart comments being made under her breath.
Fuck, her breath. The way her chest rose with each intake.

You did this to yourself.

Now I was sitting in the Tahoe next to her while she sat there looking sexy as fuck. I swear she did it on purpose. She fucking had to have.

I pulled the truck into the parking lot, finding a space in the back that wouldn’t draw a shit load of attention.

“Let’s just get the info and get out. That’s it. Socialize and have a good time, and I’ll do the digging,” I commanded. Her blue eyes turned on me, and my cock grew hard as the heat in them flared.

“Okay, Captain Devon,” she mocked me as she open the door of the Tahoe, jumping out without a backward glance, leaving me to follow suit. We walked under the huge drive-thru awning. It reminded me of a hospital’s entrance. Lights were all over the place, blinding me in more than one way. As we walked through the entrance, we were greeted by a group of half-dressed women with their tits, pussies, and asses barely covered by fake jewelry and skin tight clothing.

Those women drew the attention and admiration of every man except me. My attention was solely on
her
. Her red hair reminded me of fire as I stared at the back of it while we maneuvered throughout the Diamond Royale Casino. She was angry, livid even, and for a second, I wondered if she would turn my knife on me. I had given her a small pocket knife that could be easily concealed but used in case she was cornered. I didn’t know if she would use it or not, but I was running off hope. Hope that if she had to take someone out, she not only could but also would. She didn’t say a single word to me. She just took it out of my hand and slid it into the waistband of her jeans.

The place oozed money; after all, it was a casino. Lights flashed in every direction. I watched Tegan with amazement, as she seemed unfazed by it all. As if none of the glitz and glam of this place bothered her.

Carpet with intercut designs woven through it lined the floors. Gold, black, red, and white painted the walls from floor to ceiling. Smoke filled the air as I held back a cough that so desperately wanted to escape. In the center of the room was an abundance of every table game known to man, but it was the craps table that caught my attention. They were surrounded by people three rows deep dropping chips on every square available. Laughter and clanking of glasses surrounded me, breaking through the overwhelming sound of coins hitting metal as people tried their luck at the slot machines.

I couldn’t pull my eyes away. I was in a trance, the flashiness of the casino putting me under its spell. A glimpse of a fiery red mass in front of my eyes yanked me from the lure of this place as I realized Tegan was walking away
. Oh, no she didn’t.

“Where are you going?” I all but yelled in Tegan’s ear as I pulled her back toward me, gripping her by her arm. She glanced at me, an irritated look etched upon her face, before she headed toward a room off to the side. A nervous quake developed in my stomach. I hadn’t been in this town for years, let alone seen any of my old classmates, and now I was about to see most of them, including Caroline.

I had changed so much. I wasn’t who I used to be, and I didn’t know if people would realize that or not. I was already here and there was no way around it now. That didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous, though.

“The ballroom is over here.” She trudged forward, not even caring that I still had a grip on her. She was on a mission, the anger in her eyes far more dangerous than I thought, and in all honesty, it scared the ever-loving shit out of me.

“How do you know that?” I said accusingly. She turned to me staring at me blankly as she pointed at one of the bright signs with an arrow pointing in the direction we were going. The sign read BALLROOM in bright red letters, Caroline’s Birthday Bash written underneath it. “Sorry.” I shrugged, automatically feeling like an ass and hating I was the reason for the distance between us. She sneered, pulling away from me as I walked a ways behind her, watching the carpeted floor turn to white elegant marble.

The vibrations of the music thumped through the floor as we grew closer and closer to the ballroom. Servers came in and out of the room like a revolving door as I glanced at every available entrance and exit surrounding us. Doors lined the hallway on both sides that matched the doors at the end of the hall. I wanted to investigate, find out what or who was behind them but couldn’t leave Tegan alone yet. Her safety was a priority rather she wanted it be or not, so I needed to make sure she would be fine once inside the ballroom.

My eyes trained ahead as we made it to the door. With one single glance back at me, Tegan pushed through the doors. Music blared around us, strobe lights shown on us as my senses heightened. Everything going on was too fucking much and caused irritation to run wildly through me. The noise. The lights. All distractions that only made it harder for me to focus further pissed me off.

“I don’t see her,” I said in Tegan’s ear. She shuddered against my chest, and I couldn’t tell if it was because of the situation we were in or because I stirred something so much more in her.

“That’s because you aren’t looking hard enough.” Her voice was neutral as she slightly turned her head before walking over to the bar. There was a parade of people staring at her, at both of us. We looked out of place—or at least I did.

As I followed her, my eyes landed on a chick who was dancing on the bar. Her ass was swaying to Jay Z’s Holy Grail, and as she turned around and smiled at Tegan, I knew right then Caroline had in fact turned into a stripper. Her hair was flowing down her back, which, might I add, was completely exposed. She was covered in a sheen of sweat as she stepped off the bar and down onto the ground.

“Well, well, well. What do we have here? I see running off once wasn’t good enough. Had to come back and finish her off, huh?” That was Caroline’s best insult. Hell, it was probably her only one, and if that were the case, not much had changed.

“Nice to see you, too.” I ignored her comments and smiled. I wasn’t here for her. I was here for Tegan. Whatever happened to her and her party didn’t matter to me. I didn’t give one fuck.

“I missed you. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to talk to you much.”

Tegan chimed in, sending a death glare over to me. I dismissed her look as if I didn’t see it at all and took a step away from her and Caroline, the sweaty stripper. I couldn’t help but chuckle at that—Caroline was one hot fucking mess. Glancing back for good measure, I could see Tegan smile and her eyes twinkled under the lights as her conversation with Caroline grew longer.

This is what you can’t give her. You’ll never be this kind of man.
God, my fucking conscience was a major pain in the ass tonight.

Forcing myself out of my own thoughts, I scanned the floor. There were men and women everywhere. People I thought I knew and people who I had never seen before.
I guess, even when you are a stripper, you tend to have a lot of ‘friends.’

“Fancy meeting you here.” His voice was like acid to my skin. I would much rather drink it than have to deal with him. Turning around, I looked at Tony dead in the eyes before taking him in. He was wearing a suit and tie. This shady motherfucker was in a suit and fucking tie. Who the fuck wore a suit and tie to a function like this?

I looked around, apparently every fucking male here.

“Likewise,” I simply said, averting my eyes back to Tegan. I wouldn’t lose her tonight. Losing her could put her in danger, and no way would I let that happen.
I couldn’t.

“You know she was in all kinds of trouble before you came along. Hell, I think she’s in deeper now that you’re here.” He laughed sharply, but it wasn’t like he found something funny. He was
mocking
me.

My jaw ticked as I found myself clenching my fists. I had to tell myself it wasn’t worth it, that he wasn’t worth the pain I wanted to deliver to him. That at the end of the day, he was one of Tegan’s friends, and that no matter what I thought about him or how I felt about her, beating the ever loving shit out of him wouldn’t be good for either one of us. It would only show how much his fucking comments were getting to me.

“The trouble she is in has nothing to do with me at all. Her trouble and I, we don’t connect in any way, shape, or form.” I had to force myself to have control. To keep my voice calm and my hands to myself. To keep my eyes on her, trained on her pink shirt, and dark faded blue jeans that molded her ass just right.

“Not what I have heard. Caroline told me all about you. Why don’t you just go back to wherever it is you came from? None of us want you here. It’s obvious that you didn’t even want to be here until you found out about
her
.”

He talked about Tegan like her being here was a secret. Like it was something I hadn’t expected and only served to push me a little further into losing control. Losing control and smashing his fucking face in for thinking he knew anything about me or Tegan.

“Caroline has never liked me, so her talking shit about me doesn’t really faze me. Secondly, whatever my past is with Tegan doesn’t concern you.” I narrowed my eyes at him and kept my voice firm. I didn’t give a fuck who he was, he wasn’t going to get away with playing this fucking game with me. Friend to Tegan or not, I would end him.