INVITING FIRE (A Sydney Rye Novel, #6) (20 page)

When we got back to the villa I was dirty and sweaty and smiling. Whatever would be would be, and no matter what, I'd be me. Going somewhere alone with Robert Maxim and facing him without pretense that I was anything but an avenger for the weak, a fighter to the death, hungry to hurt, was an exciting prospect. And maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to kill him.

I showered and put on clean clothes. Brushed my hair, slicked back to my head like a helmet and then sat on my couch waiting for Merl to come and tell me my fate. After about ten minutes of that I started to get annoyed. I went into my room and picked up Bobby's watch, where I'd left it sitting next to my thumb drive. It had been over an hour since I'd left them in the conference room. What were they talking about? It occurred to me that there were other items on the Joyful Justice council agenda they may have chosen to discuss.

This thought made me angry, so I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, scanned the meager contents and closed it without taking anything out. "Maybe I'll read a book," I said to Blue. He sat on the couch, watching me as I moved around the room nervous and annoyed. "Where is Mulberry at least?" I asked Blue. "I thought he recused himself. Shouldn't he be here by now?"

Blue did not respond. I went back into the kitchen and noticing some dishes in the sink, I washed them quickly and angrily, splashing the soapy water around. When still no one had come to my door, I dried the dishes and put them away.

Blue hopped off the couch and went over to the patio door. I followed him and opened it for him. He went out and, finding a spot of sun, lay down on his side, all four legs extended out straight. He closed his eyes and within seconds was snoring. I stood over his resting form and thought:
What an asshole. Doesn't he know what's going on here?
Blue looked up at me raising his head and lifting his lids just a bit, keeping them mostly closed to protect his eyes from the bright sun. "Fine," I said. "I'll leave you alone." He sighed and laid his head back down.

I went back into the house and picked up a book off the coffee table. It was one Merl had loaned me, a detailed summary of sword forging techniques. I sat on the couch, resting the heavy volume on my lap and opened it. I'd never had much interest in sword forging and feeling as though I was being ignored did not change that. I slammed the book shut and threw it onto the coffee table. It overshot and fell onto the ground, the pages splaying, the spine bending. Blue came in to check on me. He ran over to the book and sniffed it ,then looked over at me.

I shrugged. "I'm starting to get pissed off," I told him. Blue came and sat next to me and rested his head on my lap. I played with one of his ears, but could feel myself growing slowly angrier and more outraged.

A half hour later I was livid. Mulberry didn't knock.

"My life isn't even at the top of the agenda?" I asked as he stepped through the door. "How much shit do you guys have going on?"

Mulberry didn't answer me, just closed the door and headed into the living room.

"If I survive this I'm going to join that council," I said, pointing at the door, anger coursing through me, outrage at the indignity. "And I am going to fuck some shit up."

Mulberry smirked, he tried not to but that damn little twinkle jumped right into his eye. I was being ridiculous. He held his palms out. "You asked us to make the decision," he pointed out.

"Fine," I said, straightening my shoulders, "you're right. What is it?"

"Oh," Mulberry looked a little surprised. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I recused myself!" he yelled.

"Well, which side would you go for?" I yelled back.

"I wouldn't let you out of my sight if I had my choice," he said, taking two steps toward me. I jumped up off the couch, standing, ready to face him. He grabbed my arm and pulled me close. "I wouldn't—"

"Don't," I said, but he kissed me. His stubble bristled against my cheeks, his smell filled my brain, fogging it over, filling it with trust and happiness and I pushed him away, falling back onto the couch. He looked down at me. "I can't," I said.

"Why not?" he asked, his breath heavy.

"Because I love you," I said, looking up at him. His eyes widened and shined. I shook my head. "I can't," I said. "It can't be like that for me." I looked away from him. "Because that means—"

"Means what?"

I thought about the dream. The need. The death machine hiding in me. "I just can't," I said, standing up and walking away. He grabbed my arm and I looked back at him.

"Do you really love me?" he asked, his voice quiet. I nodded, tears burning in my eyes.

A knock brought our attention to the door. I stepped away from Mulberry and he let me go, his hand still hanging in the air where he'd been holding me.

Merl was waiting on the other side of the door with his dogs. I invited them in and he made his way to the couch. Mulberry and I sat across from him on the other couch. Merl's dogs lay down on the floor at his feet. Blue sat on the floor next to me. Merl's face was serene, but his fingers tapped against his leg a little too fast. "Come on, let's hear it," I said.

Merl raised his eyebrows and nodded, pursing his lips together before speaking. "We think you should go."

"Okay."

"What kind of negotiating powers can she have," Mulberry asked, "if she doesn't know about our operations?"

"We think we should hear out what he has to say. We don't think he's going to kill her or try to ransom her. He had that opportunity and decided not to."

"But, what kinds of concessions should I make?" I asked.

"We're leaving that up to you."

"What do you mean? How can I decide what we will and will not do when I don't know what we're doing?"

"It's really quite simple," Merl said. "You know what we stand for and what we will stand for, so you know," he trailed off.

"Know what?" I asked.

"You know how to act," Merl said. "You will know what to do."

"It's that simple?" Mulberry asked.

I nodded, understanding. "Yes, it is that simple."

"Barry is expecting you," Merl said. "He is getting a pack together for you. Robert has asked to meet you in a very remote part of the jungle. You'll need to be prepared."

"Okay, I'll go over there. When do I leave?"

"Tomorrow morning."

B
arry was outside smoking on his front porch. He waved when he saw me come around the bend. "Sydney," he said as I climbed up the few steps to his front door. "Good to see you."

"You too," I said, falling into his embrace.

"So you're headed into the jungle," he said.

"To face my own demons," I said with a smile.

Barry raised his eyebrows. "Whatever you want to call it, honey. I just want to make sure you're prepared."

He put out his cigarette and led the way inside. This time we went to one of the smaller bedrooms. Barry had a hiking pack out. It was empty, but a load of supplies was laid out on the floor next to it. "First of all," Barry said, "Merl stopped by and dropped this off for you." He held out three syringes. "I've sewn spots for them on your belt."

"Those might come in handy," I said. "Same stuff that's in the guns?" I asked.

Barry nodded and put them back down. "He brought you this, too," Barry said. Then he held up a knife in a pale leather sheath. I recognized it as one of Merl's favorites, a gift from his father many years ago. "I think it's got sentimental value. But you couldn't get an emotion out of Merl with electrical shocks."

I smiled thinking about chasing him across the roof. "It's not easy," I agreed.

"Right," Barry said, handing me the knife. I held it, comforted by the slight weight. Barry pointed out the array of pants and shirts I was taking with me, the food supplies and sunscreens. I felt like I was in a fog as he showed me where the signal beacon was sewn into my clothing. The satellite phone hidden in the padding of my pack. Feeling that none of this mattered. The basics of survival suddenly felt wholly unimportant to me. The only thing that mattered was the knife in my hand.

T
hat night Mulberry brought me a glass of wine out to the deck. We sat in silence looking out into the jungle. I could feel tension building in Mulberry. "Don't get lost out there with him," he said.

"I won't."

"He is a very persuasive man. Remember he convinced me to do a lot of things I now regret." I didn't say anything, not wanting to dredge up mistakes from the past. "He can make anything sound like the right decision. Even if in your gut you know you shouldn't," Mulberry said.

"I'll keep that in mind," I promised. Whatever was giving me that dream, the want to kill, the want to hurt others, whatever it was that made me dream of Robert Maxim almost every night, I was going to let that loose and see what happened. But I didn't tell Mulberry that. I couldn't tell anyone. Blue nudged me and I place my hand on his head.

"You know I was married," Mulberry said after a long pause.

"What!"

"Shhh," Mulberry said. "Calm down."

"I can't believe I didn't know that."

"You never asked."

"What was she like?"

A small smile in the dark, just a twitch around his eyes, a flash of the great happiness that had once lived there. "She was beautiful, and strong, and fun."

"What happened?"

"It didn't last long," he said. "She left me."

"Why?"

"Because I was too obsessed with the job. She was never sure if I was coming back alive. Couldn't take it." He pushed up his shirt sleeve and pointed to the scar from a bullet on his shoulder. "That's when I lost her." I reached up and ran my fingers over the ghost of the wound. He reached forward and ran a thumb across the scar under my eye. "This is when I realized how brave you are," he said. "And this," he dropped his hand to my bare thigh and ran it along the scar where a bullet had grazed me two years before. "This is when I realized how I felt about you." He looked at the scar. "I guess I knew before," he said, tracing it lightly with his fingers, the touch raising goose bumps across skin. "But when I saw you go down..." He looked up at me. "I guess I understood my ex-wife a lot better all of a sudden."

"Sometimes it is selfish to put ourselves in danger."

"Yes," he admitted.

"But if we are not on the front lines, how will they know who to follow?" I asked him. He just shook his head and turned back to the jungle, but he left his hand resting on my leg.

M
ulberry walked Blue and me to the helicopter in the morning when the sky was violet and the howler monkeys roared. Merl was waiting for us. Daniela too. She was smiling but looked tired at that early hour. Merl embraced me. "Good luck," he said.

"I guess I'll need it," I said with a smile.

"Nah, you've got Blue," Merl said, looking down at my boy.

"I thought I was too dependent on him," I said.

"You are, but he can take the weight. Listen to him while you're out there." He paused looking into the jungle surrounding us.

"What?" I asked.

"Just be careful with Robert Maxim. He can be very persuasive."

"That's what Mulberry said."

"Yeah, well," Merl squeezed my arm. "You're really persuasive, too."

"You think it's a trap?" I asked.

Merl frowned and shook his head. "Not saying that. I think Robert Maxim is a very strong person who has gotten his way a lot. I wonder if he is serious about a compromise. It would make some sense. Save everyone time and money if we can come to some sort of agreement. I don't think of Robert as someone who wants war."

"It's good for business," Mulberry said. "I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to start a war."

"Then why blow up
Goldilocks
?" I asked.

Mulberry shrugged. "Good way to try to convince us he is not up to what he is actually up to."

"Okay," Daniela said. "Let's go." She was frowning at clouds in the distance when she took my bag.

Merl gave me a hug. "I look forward to your return," he said.

"Me too," I said, stepping away from him.

Merl went and joined Daniela by the helicopter and I turned to Mulberry. He smiled and reached out for me. I let him hug me but I held my breath. Refusing to take in his scent, knowing I couldn't take any piece of him with me. That was the shit that got you killed. I pulled free of him and turned away before he could speak. I climbed up into the helicopter, Blue in the back, Daniela at the controls.

Merl and Mulberry stepped back and the rotors whirled, slowly lifting us off the ground. Merl's ponytail whipped around behind him. Mulberry held a hand up to cover his eyes from the dust that rose off the helipad. I put my hand against the glass and watched them get smaller and smaller as we flew away. Soon we were over a world of green, the treetops so far below that our wind didn't disturb them. The sky looked like a big dusky blue dome over the green undulating sea.

"Don't forget," Daniela said through the headphones, her voice sounding like it was coming from far away, "to put on your blindfold."

"No reason," I said. "Robert knows where our camp is."

"Really?" She sounded calm about it, probably because she didn't believe me.

"Yes."

"Put it on anyway. I don't want to get in trouble."

"I won't tell."

"I'm not good at lying," Daniela said.

"Fine," I said, pulling the eye mask over my headphones. Light leaked in the sides but I couldn't see where we were going.

"You worried?" Daniela asked through the headphones.

I shrugged.

"You seem calmer than usual. Like suddenly you're not afraid of flying."

I smiled. "Yeah," I said, realizing she was right. "I guess I used to be afraid because I had no control. And now," I thought for a second, my eyes closed, the light leaking in making it a little orange behind my lids. "Now I get that there is no such thing as control."

"Cool," Daniela said.

About an hour later Daniela told me to take off the eye mask. "We're almost there," she said. The landscape had not changed much. A never-ending sea of jungle still rolled away in all directions. The sky was a deeper blue and a few white clouds hung at the horizon, like the final strands of hair left on a balding scalp.