Is the Bitch Dead, Or What? (6 page)

Edwin had nervous energy most Sunday mornings, but it was mostly excitement. He would prepare his sermons during the week. But Sunday morning, standing in the pulpit, he may be overcome with the spirit and everything he had written would be out the window. It was the unpredictability, the unexpected that may happen on any given Sunday. He might look out and see a face in the crowd and be inspired to preach about something totally different than planned. He may hear someone at the altar call out for prayer for a particular thing that might inspire Edwin to preach about that. With all of his scholarly learning and preparation from Drew University, what went on in the pulpit on a Sunday could not be taught or anticipated. Pastors are made and broken based on their ability to make that magical moment happen on Sunday. This Sunday would be perhaps the most unpredictable of
his career. It was Edwin's first sermon since his life was upended. In just one afternoon, everything he worked for, everything he was born to do was thrown into jeopardy. His entire life— his family, his ministry, his world— was changed forever. Thanks to Ritz Harper. It was on her show that a man he once knew long before he was Pastor Edwin Lakes, head of one of the biggest churches in New York City, and growing into one of the biggest in the country, revealed that he was in love with Edwin. This man said that he had a relationship with Edwin and that Edwin left him abruptly without so much as a good-bye. The man had been harboring these feelings for years and just had to let it out.

Actually, the man's story was masterfully pulled out of him by Ritz Harper, whose entire career was built on ruining lives with rumor, innuendo, and gossip. But this story happened to be the truth— truth that would be better served untold. But it was a truth that also needed an explanation.

Edwin debated addressing it at all. But he had to. His ministry was built on the Word. And the Word was rooted in truth. His church family deserved that much. They deserved it as much as his wife deserved to hear it from his mouth instead of from some stranger on the radio. Edwin had very few regrets in life, but he regretted not telling his wife about his experiences in Miami, Florida, where for a few glorious months he had more fun than he could ever imagine and had had a relationship with another man.

How could he have explained it to her? What would he have said? How would he even have brought it up? He
decided that the Miami affair had no impact on his life. It was over. He never looked back and didn't reminisce about that time. Not one moment. He loved his life and he loved his wife. Why burden her with doubt?

No one ever believes that you can have a homosexual experience and completely walk away. Pastor Donnie McClurkin admitted that he used to be a homosexual and he couldn't stop being the butt of some comedian's jokes. It just seems impossible. But it's not. Edwin completely walked away from that life. But he didn't trust Patricia to believe him. Not telling her the truth was not only a mistake, it was un-Jesus-like. Whether Patricia believed him or not, he had an obligation to tell her the truth. He had to know that their love could conquer all. Now, as he prepared to go it alone for the first Sunday since he got married, he wasn't so sure if their love could conquer this.

Edwin missed his family dearly. They made his Sunday mornings less hectic. He would start with a lovemaking session with his beautiful wife. Morning sex was the best, he always thought. It was a perfect way to start a day. Even though that was their routine, it was never routine, it was never mundane, it was never rote. It was always loving. It always hit the spot— both their spots.

Then, afterward, the banter of his children around the breakfast table— not to mention the nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and turkey bacon with whole-grain toast— is what gave Edwin's life meaning. Edwin loved his life. He loved the order of it.

Not having his family this particular Sunday left such a hole in his spirit, but somehow it seemed appropriate.

“When Jesus was about to be crucified, he brought his disciples with him and they all fell asleep,” Edwin said to himself. “I guess the lesson is when you have something tough to face, sometimes you'll have to face it alone. I have to handle this situation by myself.”

Edwin's mother and a few other members of the church tried to come around to comfort him. But he ignored them. They were just distractions and crutches, and he needed neither.

He would have to face his entire congregation and explain to them why their pastor had a homosexual relationship and he'd have to tell them why he was still worthy of being their pastor.

He sat at his huge wooden desk in his inner sanctuary, lined with rich oak paneling and oak bookcases, filled with Bibles from all over the world and the spiritual writings of many different faiths. The floors were wall-to-wall with plush crimson carpeting. Edwin studied his sermon. It was filled with passages about forgiveness and judgment. Would this get through to them?

He did what he always did right before going out to the pulpit. He kneeled at a small altar in the corner of his office and he prayed. He prayed.

“Heavenly Father, thank You for giving me another day on this earth to do Your will. Grant me the eloquence You gave your servant Moses. Grant me the wisdom You gave

Your servant Solomon, and grant me the strength of the Lord Almighty. Encamp Your angels around this church and open the minds and hearts of everyone who hears my voice, Lord. Let the truth be ever present. In Jesus Christ's name I pray. Amen.”

Edwin took a deep breath and headed into the sanctuary, not knowing what to expect. The organist was playing something that Edwin couldn't really hear. The choir was singing something, too. But Edwin was caught up in his thoughts. He took his seat next to the pulpit. It was a big wooden thronelike seat, where his father had once sat. Edwin remembered being in the front pew, looking up at his father and thinking he looked like a god. He was larger than life. Edwin used to wonder what he would look like up there one day. But this day he didn't care what he looked like.

When the music stopped, Edwin got up and stood behind the pulpit. He stood there for what seemed like an eternity, not saying a word. It was as if he wanted to look into the eyes of each and every one of his congregants. The church was packed, more packed than usual. It was full of not just members, but also curiosity seekers and about a dozen news reporters standing in the back. There wasn't a seat available. It was standing room only. Edwin had never seen so many people in one service. But there was one person whom Edwin wanted desperately to see— his wife.

Since they had been married, not less than four hours passed without them speaking. Now it had been two days since Edwin had heard from his family. Patricia's mother had
given Edwin an update, telling him Patricia needed more time. He understood. Everything she believed in had been ripped from her. Edwin wasn't just her husband, he was her pastor, her connection to God. That, too, was hanging in the balance, but Edwin was going to make it all right again, he hoped.

Edwin steadied himself and placed his hand on the side of the pulpit. With his other hand, he unbuttoned his collar, then unzipped his robe and let it fall to the floor. He stood there with his crisp, white dress shirt and royal-blue tie with silver specks. It was a tie Patricia had picked out for him at Brooks Brothers, and it was his favorite. He loosened the tie, cleared his throat, and began to speak.

“I took off this robe because I am here before you naked. I am not your pastor this morning. I am one of the flock. I am just a man. I have always been just a man. I know many of you are here today more out of curiosity and the desire to know something that— quite frankly— is none of your business. Some of you are here out of glee, hoping to see a fallen man, and you want to see whether or not that fallen man can get up again and walk again. I see that our church is filled to capacity, with many new people here.

“Maybe we should have sold tickets and charged our new friends a hundred dollars for admission. No, make that five hundred. On second thought, make that a
thousand
dollars a pop. They would have paid that, gladly. And think of what all that money could do for our annual Help the Homeless campaign!”

The congregation— as one— gasped.

Most of them were expecting Edwin to do a Jimmy Swaggart, forgive-me-lord-for-I-have-sinned routine, complete with bended knees and crocodile tears, like when the televangelist got caught in a motel room with a two-dollar-an-hour hooker, whom he paid to watch him masturbate.

“Well, I hate to disappoint you. But this sermon today is only for people who love God and who serve him. Turn with me if you will to the Book of John, Chapter Eight. We will start with Verse Three. The New International Version reads:

“Now, most people stop there. And I am going to talk about the throwing of the stones, but the meat of this scripture comes a little later. After Jesus tells those without sin to cast the first stone, He continues to write with his finger on the ground. I guess he was writing out the sins of those before

him, just in case someone decided to lie and stone her anyway. Each one of those men walked away one by one. I also found it interesting that if the woman was caught in adultery, where was the man she was caught in adultery with? And why wasn't he brought forth to be stoned? But Jesus deals with this directly when He is left there alone with the woman to be stoned. In Verse Ten, Jesus stands up and asks her:

“Many of you are here today to throw stones at me. And it would be easy for me to stand before you and tell you that whoever is without sin can do so. I'm sure there will be a few toddlers sent up here carrying rocks too big for them to handle.”

A wave of chuckles carried throughout the church. It was the first time the church members were able to release any energy. Usually when Edwin started his sermon, the Amen Corner started early. You have those folks in every church who want to be heard agreeing with everything the pastor says, amening and mmm-hmming throughout the whole sermon. On this morning you could hear a pin drop until Edwin broke the ice with his little joke. Edwin's style was very different from his father's. Pastor Lakes Sr. was serious— an old-style-religion type. He was dignified and scholarly in his
delivery, using big words and breaking down the Greek and Aramaic words in scripture.

Edwin was more down-to-earth. His style was simple, homey, and appealed to folks in the street because he didn't preach down to people. He made the Word understandable. He, too, knew the Greek and the Aramaic translations, but when he sprinkled that in he would also throw in a “Holla if ya hear me” every now and then, too. Faith Baptist had one of the youngest new memberships of any church in the city. Edwin was proud of his youth ministry because it meant something: It meant that people who might not ever get the Word of God were receiving it. They weren't waiting until they had one foot on a banana peel and the other foot planted in a grave. They were willing to change their lives early. They were the people that Edwin served.

“No, there will be no rock throwing today. We're going to talk truth. We're going to keep it very real today. Many years ago, before I even wanted to stand up here in front of this church and lead, I had a life. It wasn't a life I was looking for; it was a life that found me. Now, I'm not going to get all sanctimonious and talk about how ‘the devil tempted me' and ‘I was too weak,' because, while that may be true, it's not real. I wanted the life that found me. I enjoyed that life and that experience. And I wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world.”

More than a few gasps rose throughout the church, and a couple of mumbles could be heard near the back.

“Yes. I said I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in
the world. Because that experience made me the pastor and the man I am today. I know temptation. I know what it is to fall. I know what it is to sin. I think it's important to know sin if you're going to serve the Lord. You have to know what you're dealing with. There's a reason why the police hire former thieves to help them crack a burglary ring. Sometimes you need a thief to catch a thief. It takes one to know one.

“Jesus may have been perfect, but none of his disciples were. The men Jesus chose to lead his church were all flawed, sin-filled individuals. Some were fishermen. But among them was a tax collector, one of the most vile people of Jesus' day. Among his flock was Mary, called Magdalene. In Luke, Chapter Eight, she is described as a woman from whom seven demons had emerged. Seven demons. A demon-possessed woman was one of his disciples!

“There is a book— a big bestseller— called The Da Vinci Code, that claims she was Jesus's wife and bore him children. Now, y'all know I don't believe any of that, but think about that for a minute. Jesus and Mary Magdalene were so close that people spread rumors about their relationship. And Jesus would still be Jesus if he were married, because last I looked that wasn't a sin. But the Bible does describe a close relationship between the two. She washed his feet with perfume before he was crucified. The point is, she was possessed by seven demons and Jesus chose her to be among his flock.

“Now, look around you. Who in here is without sin? And can any of your sins be worse than being possessed by seven demons?”