It Had to Be Him (21 page)

“Not with a woman who’s just had her life turned upside down.”

She slapped her hands on her hips, feeling rejected by him all over again.

Standing before him in her underwear, humiliated but pretending not to care, she said, “You don’t want to have sex with me? Your loss, pal. Maybe Toby will be interested.” She turned and retreated as fast as she could toward the house in her matching pink bra and panties, drowning in embarrassment.

“Dammit, Meg.” Josh’s footsteps followed behind her. When he caught up he said, “I want to make love to you, but not like this. I want it to
mean
something.”

She couldn’t let it mean anything, couldn’t let him in all the way so he could hurt her again. She just wanted to be close to him for a few minutes. Was that too much to ask?

When they reached the bedroom, she turned around and said, “What it’ll mean is that it’s been a helluva long time since I’ve had sex, so I’m overdue. That’s enough of a reason for me.” Wait. That hadn’t come out right.

She was just about to correct herself when his jaw clenched, and Meg suddenly realized the seriousness of her mistake.

Moving toe to toe with her, he towered over her and barked, “So I’m little more than a convenience for you? I have sex with you, then instead of leaving money on the nightstand, you just take it off my rent? No thanks!”

Anger flashed in his eyes.

Startled by the intensity of his outburst and feeling like a jerk, she whispered, “I’ve never seen you this mad, Josh.” She reached out to lay a hand on his arm, intending to soothe and apologize, but he jerked it away.

“Damn straight. You want Toby? Go for it!”

He turned and headed for the kitchen, grabbing his keys off the kitchen counter on his way out.

She followed behind. “I’m sorry, Josh. I shouldn’t have said that about Toby. I was upset. I didn’t mean it.”

He spun around and faced her. “You need to figure out what you want from me, Meg, because I won’t be THAT GUY you just use for sex!”

She hadn’t meant it like that; she had feelings for him. She wasn’t the type to just sleep with any convenient guy.

Before she could figure out what to say to make things right, he beeped the locks on his truck, got in, and tore out of her driveway.

And maybe out of her life. But this time it was she who’d pushed him away.

Way to go, Muck.

Not sure where he’d go, Josh started his truck and took off.

He’d been patient, hadn’t he? Making it clear he wanted more than just sex from her, but maybe Meg wasn’t ever going to wake up and realize how much he loved her. Maybe the woman wasn’t
capable of forgiveness and trust. Look at the example her father, or whoever he was to her, had set for her.

As he hit the highway, he let out a long, slow breath. No. That wasn’t fair. What did he know about parents and setting examples? Hell, what did he know about relationships? Meg was the only woman he’d ever had a real one with, and he’d screwed that up good.

He needed to look at it from her perspective. It was his fault she didn’t trust him. He’d just up and left her. Then stayed away for three years, without sending a dime to help raise Haley. He was probably expecting too much, too soon. Maybe when he could tell her the truth they could start over.

But he hoped to God she hadn’t been serious about sleeping with frickin’ Toby!

After hours of aimless driving, he was so tired all he wanted was to flop face-first into bed. But overwhelming concern made him aim his truck down Meg’s grandmother’s driveway. He parked next to Meg’s car and got out. She’d had a crappy day and their argument couldn’t have helped.

He’d probably get shot again if he wasn’t careful, but he needed to be sure she was all right.

After softly closing his truck’s door, he tested the handle on the guesthouse. It was locked, for a change. He got some tools from his truck, quickly picked the lock, then stepped inside. Walking toward the open door to the bedroom, he pulled up short. A sliver of moonlight shining through the mostly closed curtain showed the bed was made and empty. Haley was spending the night with Casey, so had Megan decided to spend the night with Toby after all?

A whole new wave of anger surged through him. Not caring if Grandma heard him, he slammed the front door, and then his truck’s door, before peeling out of the driveway.

He’d been willing to grovel, do whatever it took, but he drew
the line at Meg sleeping with other men. If she wanted Toby then she could just damn well have him.

Whatever.

Hope she had a good time.

Not bothering to keep his speed in check, he circled the lake and then pulled into the driveway of the lodge.

He got out, cursed the unlocked front door, then stepped inside the darkened home. Not bothering to turn on the lights, he went into the kitchen and yanked the refrigerator door open. He needed a damn beer. Or three.

He grabbed a bottle, twisted the top off, and drank half of it in one pull before heading for the living room to watch ESPN. Hopefully box scores would remove the image of Meg and Toby going at it that was etched on his brain.

A small lamp in the living room cast its glow on Meg, curled up in a tight ball on the couch. She’d fallen asleep still clutching a candy wrapper in her hand. A pile of tinfoil on the coffee table next to her head indicated she’d been there for a while. When upset, chocolate was her go-to cure.

Her bare legs peeked out from beneath one of his T-shirts. Why her wearing his shirts was sexier to him than any of her fancy underwear was a mystery he’d yet to solve.

She must’ve been trying to wait up for him like she used to do whenever they needed to talk.

Relieved she hadn’t slept with Toby, Josh put his beer bottle on the coffee table, switched off the lamp, and lifted her into his arms. He’d let her have his bed and he’d sleep on one of the twin beds down the hall.

Her eyes slowly blinked open. “Hi. Are you still mad?”

He nodded as he carried her toward the bedroom. That she’d asked him to be nothing more than an end to her sexual drought still pissed the shit out of him.

“I’m sorry, Josh.” She laid her hand on his cheek. “I thought you didn’t want me so I was embarrassed. I’d never just use you, because I care about you.”

“Okay.” He pulled the covers back and tucked her in much like he’d done with Haley the other day. “Night, Meg.”

He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand and tugged until he sat on the bed beside her. The last thing he wanted to do was stay and discuss his damn feelings. Telling her that wouldn’t do any good. She’d say her piece anyway.

“In the past when I’ve annoyed you, you’d grumble and maybe even growl at me, but you’ve never yelled at me. My father has yelled at me my whole life and I hate it. That you never did was one of the things I used to love about being with you.”

He’d been trained to hold his temper, especially under duress. It was the one time he’d failed. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I’m glad you did. You’re so even-keeled I sometimes forget you can be hurt too.”

“You agreed to give me a second chance, Meg. That can’t include other men.”

“I haven’t been with anyone else since you, Josh. So we’re good there.” She squeezed his hand. “After you left earlier, I realized what I really needed from you was . . .” She stared into his eyes for a moment, then looked away. “Never mind. It’s late.”

No one else since him?

Slowly tilting her chin so she had no choice but to look into his eyes, he said, “What do you need, Meg?”

She bit her bottom lip, blinking back tears.

Meg wasn’t a crier. Her almost-tears destroyed him.

She finally whispered, “Would you hold me? Just until I fall asleep?”

That’s what she’d struggled to ask for? He’d thought she was
about to ask for his left kidney. His anger with her totally vaporized. “Absolutely.”

He stripped to his boxers, then slipped beside her and pulled her against his chest. “Will you do something for me now?”

“Depends. You’re sneaky.” She snuggled closer. “I’m not agreeing to anything in advance.”

“I want a date this weekend. A real one. Just me and you.”

“Can’t. I already have plans. Friday, Pam’s hosting a girls’ night. And Saturday is the annual Anderson Butte Founder’s Day celebration. All Andersons are required to attend.”

He waited to see if she’d connect the dots, but wasn’t going to do it for her.

She sighed. “Oh. That’s right. I’m not an Anderson, am I?” Meg turned in his arms and faced him. “But I guess I always will be, on paper. I’d like it if you went with me and Haley.” She laid a quick kiss on his lips. “I don’t usually put out on the first date, but I might make an exception in your case.”

“Does that mean you’re willing to give me a real chance now?”

“I’ve been thinking about that all night. Of all the men who have hurt me . . . you wield the sharpest blade, Josh.”

He rolled on top of her to drive his point home, and stared into her pretty eyes. “That I yelled at you shows your blade isn’t a dull one either. But for me, I know it’s because I love you, Meg.”

She closed her eyes and huffed out a breath. “Even though I’m probably going to regret this, I’ll try. To forgive you and have a relationship. But you should know that my grandmother will shoot you dead if you hurt me again.”

No doubt she would. A few others in town might too. “Not going to be a problem.” She’d understand why he had to lie to her when the truth came out. He hoped.

“We’ll see.” She gave him a squeeze. “Night.”

“Night.” He flipped their positions and tucked her head under his chin. How he was going to keep things G-rated with her hot body so near his all night he didn’t know, but he’d finally gotten a real commitment from her.

A big step in the right direction.

Meg blinked her eyes open, spotting a steaming mug of coffee on the nightstand. But the sound of the shower running a few feet away was more tempting than even her beloved first hit of caffeine in the morning. Josh was naked and wet in there.

When she’d woken a few times in the night, Josh’s arms had still been wound around her.

Because Josh was pretty much a twenty-minute-cuddle kind of guy, she’d only asked him to stay until she fell asleep, never expecting him to hold her all night long. Her heart glowed warmly at that, but her body ached for him.

She opened the nightstand drawer, hoping Josh had thought ahead and bought condoms. When she spotted a mighty Trojan warrior she smiled and scooped up a package. Reconsidering, she grabbed two.

After throwing the covers back, she drew Josh’s big T-shirt over her head and then slipped out of her panties. The shower was a small one, but they’d make it work. Josh had always been inventive in tight spaces.

Just the side of Josh’s head was visible above the shower door, but the outline of his big, muscular body through the frosted glass sent heat pooling between her legs. His head swiveled in her direction just as she pulled the door open and slipped between him and the stream of water.

When the arctic spray hit her back, it stole the air from her
seizing lungs. “What . . . the . . . ?” She turned around and reached for the hot water handle. It was completely off, so she turned it up all the way, unable to draw a full breath until the water warmed. She tossed the condoms in the soap dish, then faced him again, annoyed by his big smirk. “Jeez, you could’ve warned me!”

“It was more fun this way.” Still chuckling, he drew her against his hard, wet, freezing chest, sending a chill racing up her spine. It was probably how Bella felt when Edward the vampire held her in that movie. Although Edward didn’t have all of Josh’s big, sexy muscles.

When his cold skin hardened her nipples, Josh groaned. “You being here is defeating the purpose of my cold shower.”

“That was the plan.” As her mouth found his, she pressed her needy, aching breasts harder against his chest and slipped her arms around him. Her hands moved lower and found his perfect ass, giving it a soft squeeze. God, she’d missed his fantastic body.

Josh’s eyes darkened as he pressed her against the cool, lime-green tile at her back. The desire in his gaze as he checked out her body from head to toe set her on fire. He palmed both of her breasts and grinned naughtily.