It Must Be Magic (23 page)

Karen? Or Lili? Neither of them had ever listened to reason. He’d already blown a gasket and told his father a helluva lot more than he’d ever intended. Tanner held on to his thread of control and asked, “What compromise is there in leaving a two-year-old for six weeks?”

“What if you’d flown out there with Erika every weekend?”

“I had a job. I had to work a lot of weekends in the beginning. I was building a career so I could take care of my family, Roscoe.”

“You still work weekends.”

“I’m home every night.”

Roscoe heaved a great sigh that shivered through his thin frame. “You’re right. You are here every night.” He rubbed his temple, stared at the floor, then raised his eyes to Tanner’s. “What happened ten years ago is long gone. I know I don’t say it much, but I do believe you’ve done a wonderful job with Erika. I’m not trying to find fault. I just hoped Lili —” He cut himself off.

“We’re fine the way we are, Roscoe.” Fine. He remembered how Lili hated that word and something inside him cringed, but he plunged on. “We were fine before Lili moved in, and we’ll be fine now.”

So why did the thought of Lili make him feel as if his heart were splitting open and his guts spilling out?

O
N THE DRIVE OVER TO THE
condo, Lili told Kate everything, from Lady D. to Hiram to Tanner rescuing her. She did it without blubbering, too, not even once. She was proud of her composure. After putting Lili’s things in the spare room, Kate made them both a cup of hot, sweet tea. As usual, she didn’t have a lot to eat in her refrigerator. Lili should have thought about bringing over some treats. Like ice cream.

Lying across the back of Kate’s flower-print sofa, her front paws and head on Lili’s shoulder, Einstein didn’t stir. Lili had left food and water for the others back at the house, but Einstein, she couldn’t leave.

Kate tucked her legs beneath her on the love seat. “So, are you in love with this Tanner guy?”

“No.” Lili didn’t mind lying, not for a good cause, and this was a good cause. If she talked about her feelings for Tanner, she’d start crying again. She’d shed enough tears, and now she was on the mend. Talking about him wasn’t going to do a thing. Really, she wasn’t so upset about it anymore.

Einstein snorted softly.

Lili
was
fine. Oops, she remembered she hated that word when Tanner used it. She was marvelous. In a tomorrow-will-be-a-better-day kind of way. She was proud she hadn’t let Tanner browbeat her.

“Thanks for letting me stay over.” Lili hadn’t asked. Kate had offered. News traveled fast, and she’d already heard about Hiram. The whole town had heard everything. Lili didn’t want to venture into the Coffee Stain for at least…a week. Maybe longer. But how would she live without her mocha and Danish for a whole week?

Kate’s condo had hardwood floors, plush Persian carpets — Lili had no idea if they were real Persian or fake Persian, but they were beautiful — cushy flower-print sofas, one big, one small, and a million plants. In large tubs, medium-size planters and small pots were placed all over the living room. She had plants in the bathroom, along the hallway, on the kitchen windowsill. Violets, fuchsias, begonias, philodendrons, you name it, Kate had it. She’d installed a special drip system to make sure they all stayed watered, because no one, not even a marvel like Kate, could water all this stuff by hand.

Lili sipped on her hot tea. “Are you going to tell me why you were dressed like a floozy last night?” It was best to talk about something other than murder. Or Tanner.

Kate smiled, but there was an odd dreamy quality in her gaze until she finally raised her eyes to Lili. “Insect repellant.”

Aah. “Did it work?”

Kate put her thumb and index finger a centimeter apart. “It came this close to repelling.”

Ooh. “And?”

“I’m seeing him again on Sunday.”

Then Kate did a very strange thing. She touched her lips and got all dreamy again for long seconds, then abruptly, as if she suddenly came back to herself after being in another dimension, she unfolded from the corner of the sofa and stood. “Let’s get pizza.”

Lili gaped. “You don’t eat pizza. You only eat things like Gorgonzola salad.”

“I splurge once in a while, and I want pizza. With the works.” She set her tea on the table. “And while we’re eating all that gooey cheese and spicy sauce and pepperoni, we’re going to talk a little strategy.”

“Strategy for what?”

“For how you’re going to get this Tanner Rutland to see what a fool he is for letting you go.”

“He didn’t —”

Kate cut her off with a look. “It’s written between the lines in what you told me. And —” she pointed her finger at Lili “— you lied big-time when you said you weren’t in love with him.”

“I didn’t lie.”

“Lili, I saw how you were looking at him last night. I also saw how he was looking at you. If you hadn’t whacked Joe in the face when you did, you would have ended up in each other’s arms.”

He’d been feeding her cotton candy. Or she’d been feeding him. Or something. “But —”

Kate wagged her finger. “No buts. It’s got to be done. You’re never going to be happy without him.”

Lili stared at Kate, and she knew her heart was shining in her eyes. “I’m so miserable,” she whispered. She’d put on such a good show, she’d even fooled herself.

“Then let’s go.”

Einstein jumped from the back of the sofa to the cushion to the floor.
I want to make sure you realize that I’m not giving up my spot in the middle of the bed. He’ll have to compromise.

Lili’s eyes widened. “I thought you hated him.”

Einstein merely blinked.

“And another thing, Lili,” Kate said as she sifted through her purse for her keys, then gave a pointed look at Einstein. “We’re going to have to talk about your cat-whispering business.”

“Kate —”

“Don’t ‘Kate’ me, Lili. You have a gift. Use it.”

Some gift. Tanner had thrown her out because of it. She was a laughingstock in town. But at least she wasn’t crazy like Lady D. “Talking to animals isn’t always a good thing. Look what it did to Lady Dreadlock.”

Kate tipped her head. “Did you ever stop to consider that the two of you actually have a lot in common?”

Lili frowned. “I’m not sure that’s a compliment.”

“You’re right, it’s not.” Kate set her purse on the coffee table. “When are you going to stop thinking of yourself as a sideshow freak?”

“
I
don’t.” Lili frowned. “Other people do.”

Kate folded her arms.

“I react to how other people react.”

Kate’s foot started to tap on the Persian carpet. “The truth is you anticipate and prepare for the worst reaction.”

“That’s not —” Lili stopped. “Okay, it’s true. But only because of past experience.” Look at Tanner’s reaction from the moment she’d tried to tell him about Fluffy.

“Have you helped lots of animals?”

“Of course.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

“Of course.”

“Then why do you care what other people think? If they don’t want your help, screw them. If they don’t believe, they don’t have to bring their animals to you. The only thing that matters is that you’re doing a lot of good for a lot of people. You should be proud of that, not ashamed or embarrassed.”

“I’m not ashamed.”

“Your Lady Dreadlock let herself go crazy, and you’ve let yourself feel ashamed.”

An immediate denial came to Lili’s mind, but she couldn’t seem to get it past her lips.
Ashamed
wasn’t the right word.
Tentative,
maybe. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, and a host of other clichés. She wanted people to…accept her. Without fanfare like Dirk showing her off or fear as with Norton and his puppy. Or Manny making fun of her every morning at the Stain in that big, booming voice of his.

“I’m
not
ashamed, but I don’t like to advertise it to people who aren’t…open.”

Kate slapped her hands down to her sides. “Screw them, Lili. Stop caring what they think. If you don’t want to start a business, that’s fine. But tell people instead of waiting for word of mouth. Put yourself out there. Take a few risks.”

“I risked with Tanner, and I lost.” The thought popped out of her mouth before she could stop it.

“You haven’t even started, Lili. You had a bad time, he’s said some not-so-nice things, but that doesn’t mean it’s over. You’re in love with him.” Kate leaned in, her face right up in Lili’s. “Take a risk, for God’s sake, unless you want him to walk out of your life for good.”

When was the last time Lili had risked
anything?
Today, when she’d run after Lady D. It hadn’t been a mistake. It had been the only option. She’d do it again in a heartbeat. She’d make love with Tanner again in a heartbeat, too.

Yet she’d let him walk out her door. Maybe she was hiding out, as Kate said. Hiding out from love, hiding out from her gift, not utilizing it to its fullest. She loved helping animals, so why didn’t she help more? Why did she wait for people to come to her? Why didn’t she
find
them?

Lady D. was crazy, but Lili was afraid of exposing herself to ridicule, afraid of exposing herself to love and having it thrown back in her face. She’d never even told Tanner how she felt.

“You’re right, Kate. I haven’t handled my gift any better than Lady D. did.” She had to do something about it.

“I didn’t say
that.
”

“You didn’t have to. I figured it out on my own.” Lili grabbed Kate’s purse and shoved it into her hand. “Let’s go strategize my plan of attack for Tanner.” Then she smiled. “You’d better start thinking now, too, of the perfect name for my new animal-therapy business. You know, Kate, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, you are the best boss.”

Kate took hold of Lili’s arm. “I’m not just your boss, Lili, I’m your friend.”

Lili stopped. And looked. Then she kissed Kate’s cheek. “You’re the best
friend
a girl ever had.”

M
AYBE ORDERING HER NOT TO GO
wasn’t the best way to handle it.

Tanner heard Roscoe in his head as he beeped the car remote and climbed behind the wheel. His father didn’t get it. There was no compromise in some situations. He’d
had
to give an order.

Just as he’d needed to order Lili not to take Fluffy out sniff testing. Or not to look for a body on her own. Too bad he hadn’t been around to order her not to follow Patsy Dreadlock, or whatever the hell her name was, out into the woods.

He should go back inside and have Roscoe place the order so the pizza would at least be in the oven when he got there, but Tanner simply sat and stared through his windshield, his hands wrapped around the steering wheel.

He noticed a tiny divot in the windscreen, probably from a rock thrown up by one of the gravel trucks. The highway was overflowing with trucks in the mornings, but he didn’t remember getting that chip.

What he remembered was Lili standing in that field this afternoon, the way his heart had stopped, the way it had started thudding again, with terror. He remembered her eyes as he’d made love to her in her bed, her moan as he’d taken her against the kitchen wall.

Tanner closed his eyes. He realized now that he hadn’t denied Roscoe’s contention. He hadn’t said he wasn’t in love with Lili. He’d simply said love had nothing to do with why he’d walked out. He knew exactly why an ache closed in around his heart as he sat here wondering about the damn chip in his windshield. Lili had taken big chips out of his heart when he wasn’t looking.

But he
would
be fine without her. Erika would be fine. Life would go on without Lili.

Tanner started the engine just as Erika came flying out the front door. He opened the passenger side window for her.

“Grandpa said you forgot the coupon.” She handed it through. “Can I come with you, Dad?”

“Sure.” He unlocked the door. Having his daughter with him was better than being cocooned in the car with only his thoughts.

She clambered in, buckled up, and he backed out.

“Are you okay, Dad?”

“Sure, sweetheart, I’m fine. How about you? Everything that’s happened this week must be upsetting.”

“I’m worried about Lili. She’s very sensitive, you know. I bet she’s feeling like this is all her fault.” It was so like his sweet daughter to worry about everyone else but herself.

“Lili was fine when I left her,” he said. Which was a lie. She wasn’t fine. Lili hated the word
fine.
Hell, now he couldn’t even remember all the shitty things he’d said to her. He only remembered trashing her and her abilities. Destroying every moment of ecstasy he’d found in her arms.

He rolled to a stop for the light at the bottom of their hill. Truth be told, he hadn’t said anything shitty to Lili. He’d simply cut her out like a cancer, told her she could forget about helping Erika and she could go to her boss, Kate, instead of coming with him. That was, in fact, worse than the shitty things he could have said to her.

“Are you
sure
you’re okay, Dad?”

“I’m fine. Why?”

“Because the light’s green, and you’re just sitting here.”

Dammit. At least there was no one behind him. He made the turn. “I’m concerned about you, Erika. We need to talk about what happened so you can get it straight in your mind and not have nightmares about it.”

They’d passed the school complex before she answered. “I don’t think I’ll have nightmares. I feel really bad for Grandpa because Hiram was his friend. And he’s worried about Chester and Linwood because they’ve known Hiram even longer than he has.”

He wondered if she was in denial. Everything that had happened had to have an effect. He wanted to take care of it now, before it became a real problem for her. “It’ll take time, but your grandpa will be okay. Let’s talk about you.”

She rolled her head on the seat and looked at him a moment before he had to turn back to the road. “If I start to feel bad about it, Dad, I’ll tell you right away. I promise.”

Tanner glanced at her once more. “How old are you?”

She laughed, such a sweet sound. “You know how old I am.”

“Sometimes I forget.” He never forgot how amazing she was.
Don’t confuse efforts with results.
His motto, the ever-important axiom, giving her ever-present stress no child should bear. He could have ruined her spirit with that. She’d grown into an incredible human being despite him.

Had he done the same thing to Karen? Tried to mold her into what he thought she should be instead of accepting who she was?

Maybe you could have compromised with her.

He could never agree with the way she’d taken off that day, leaving Erika. But did he have a hand in pushing her to that point? Her ideas had been so different from his. She’d believed in all sorts of unbelievable things, from ghosts to premonitions to her own
latent
psychic abilities. He’d always been trying to stamp that stuff out of her.

Let go, Tanner.
He had, but only for a very short while. Then he’d tried to rein Karen in. What if he hadn’t? What if he’d let her go and agreed to bring Erika out every weekend?

Did
one bad thing cancel out all the good things? The thought had gone through his head back there in the kitchen. Tanner didn’t have a sure answer, but for the first time in ten years, he could actually think about it. And wonder if he’d done the right thing with Karen.