It Takes Two: Deep in the Heart, Book 1 (33 page)

Shifting uncomfortably, Zach bent an elbow to lean on his knee, grasping his chin in his hand. All his life, he’d wanted to know the truth. Now, he was going to hear it. Though it was going to be just a little more salt rubbed into his fresh wounds.

“But my doubts about myself led me to start acting dumb. I mean, here was this beautiful woman I’d met when I was on leave, when I’d gone into Matamoros to drink. And we had a few dates—well, I ate dinner with her family a couple of times, and those were dates, because she was from a good family—and we fell in love. Most incredible, she agreed to come back with me.”

The disbelief on Pop’s face was nearly comical. Yet Zach felt saddened by the whole sorry tale.

“Right away, I suspected she was doing it just to get legal. Then the whole family would eventually come over.” He took a deep breath. “And instead of thinking, yeah, that’s a great idea, I’ll marry Cati, and she can become a legitimate citizen and her family can come over eventually…” Pop paused for a moment, “…I let my jealousy talk. I thought she might leave once she got legal. So I used it as a weapon, a chain to keep her with me forever. In short, I was a bastard.”

Zach wanted to agree, but his father had spent too many years living with his regrets. “So, then what happened?”

“Well, she became pregnant with you, and for a while everything was fine. Except then I learned from a neighbor that the fellow down the street, Pablo, was slipping by to see her while I was at work every day. And I saw red in shades I never knew existed,” Pop said quietly. “I wanted to kill that son of a bitch, though I knew, in my heart, that…my Cati loved me; that she was lonely and wild for someone to speak with in her own language. But that just infuriated me more, because it was a part of her I couldn’t have.”

He paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. Leaning back in the chair, Pop said, “In my heart, I knew you were my child, but of course, in my suspicious state, that was something I let myself begin to doubt. I quit coming home at night, starting hanging out at bars. It infuriated Cati, of course. There were other ways I could have dealt with the situation. But, I was selfish. I wanted her to love only me, not to need Pablo. I began coming home fresh from other women’s arms, just to show Cati two could play the same game.”

Shaking his head, Pop said, “I was building up my own ego, trying to convince myself that I deserved this wonderful woman. But,” he said, sighing, “this went on for many years. We were locked in a stalemate, and by the time your seventh birthday rolled around, Cati’s patience wore out. She’d figured out I wasn’t going to marry her. I was treating her like dirt, and she’d decided to return to Mexico. I said, ‘Fine, but leave the brat on this side of the border,’ once again thinking I had the upper hand. She wouldn’t leave you, I knew. Or, she might leave for a few days, but she’d come back. You were Cati’s only happiness, I’m ashamed to say.”

Zach pursed his mouth, not knowing what to say. But he watched Pop silently, seeing the age guilt was stamping on his face as he spoke.

“To my shock, Cati did leave. One day while I was at work, she had Pablo drive her to the border. I know this because he told me so.” Pop’s eyes dimmed. “Came by to tell me he’d never laid a finger on Cati, that she wouldn’t have let him though he would have married her in a second. Apparently, Cati felt allowing Pablo to be more than a friend would be compounding her sin. Whatever that was; I’m not sure. Cati was a good woman,” he said quietly.

A memory of loving arms holding him, while a lilting voice sang in Spanish, filtered through Zach’s memory. “I have a hard time believing Mama hasn’t tried to see me in all these years.”

“Oh.” Pop frowned sadly. “She’s written many times. She has sent little Mexican trinkets and photos of herself.” Getting up heavily, Pop walked out of the room.

Zach took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair in an angry motion. Damn Pop for being such a pitiful case, he thought. His father came back into the room, carrying the box Zach had seen when he’d brought him home. “These are all the letters and pictures she’s sent you over the years.”

He handed the box to Zach. “Please don’t go through it right now. I don’t think I can bear it yet.” Sadly, he said, “I don’t think enough years can pass until I will be able to bear it. But it’s time you knew that you were right. I drank as much as I could trying to forget her. Trying to live down the knowledge that I’d run her off, not because I was a worthless person, but because I’d acted like one. I didn’t deserve her, not the way I treated her. As long as I live, I’ll never forgive myself.”

Pop looked at the ground. “But as much as I regret what happened with Cati, I regret more that I took it all out on you. You were always a good boy, Zach, but I couldn’t let go of my misery long enough to tell you that. I was proud of you when you graduated with honors from high school, and I was proud of you when you won your first college soccer game. I was proud of you when you graduated magna cum laude. But I knew none of that had anything to do with me. It was all Cati inside you, keeping that spirit inside you that I couldn’t break no matter how much that demon inside me tried.”

“And you’re especially proud of me now,” Zach said mockingly.

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you, son. I am proud of you. Whatever is happening to you, don’t let some bozo drag you down, but especially don’t be dragged down by your own self-pity. I let somebody box me in, and I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t rescued me from myself. Worst of all, my self-pity cost me Cati. And I’ll live with that the rest of my life.”

He knew what Pop was trying to tell him, but he felt overwhelmed by his father’s story. He felt sad about his mother. Mostly, he felt a crushing sense of tiredness weighing in upon him. And somehow, Zach felt like he’d been physically destroyed, bit by bit, by everything that had happened in the past couple of days.

“Tell you what,” he said after a moment, “I’ll think about what you’ve told me if you’ll leave me in peace for a while.”

“Going back to sleep?”

“No. Going to shower and get dressed.”

“Good. I’m never talking on the phone again,” Pop said in a token complaint as he shuffled out.

“I’ll take over after I shower,” Zach called. As far as he could see, he was damned.

But that didn’t mean he was going to go down without a fight.

Chapter Twenty-One

Annie stood in the field with her father, who’d insisted upon taking his daily exercise with her instead of Gert. Annie knew the lure wasn’t so much herself as it was the chance to get out and see how the land was mending from the scorching devastation of the fire two weeks ago. She’d become almost used to the dark, flattened appearance, although she was still sad—and concerned—that anyone had deliberately tried to ruin her. With any luck, that person had realized she was too tough to be burned out. And no matter how much she’d resented Zach paying off her taxes without discussing it with her, the fact remained his gift meant she no longer had to worry about hanging on to her home.

Now she had to turn her thoughts toward the future. Overhead, crows were circling, flapping black wings and cawing as they looked for food. Travis turned over a dirt clump with his cane, and dozens of earthworms wiggled deeper into the moist blackness.

“I can see your wheels turning, Annie. What’s it going to be?”

Annie crossed her arms, staring thoughtfully into the distance. “I’m checking into the subsidy situation on wheat, Papa. We’ve still got time to get some of that in, and it would be a good use of the soil through fall and winter.”

“Wheat’s a good crop for this part of Texas,” he agreed.

She was glad he liked her idea. “I’m considering saving about an acre behind the house for a huge vegetable garden as well.”

Travis squinted at her. “Expanding, are you?”

“Maybe. I’d like to grow tomatoes, jalapeños, maybe try some of those new brown onions everyone’s saying are so good. Then I might run some cilantro and other herbs closer to the house.”

“Sounds to me like you’re giving Slick’s idea some thought.”

Annie walked forward a few steps, wrapping her arms around herself though the day was warm and the sun shone brightly. It wasn’t that she was cold. But the mere mention of Zach was enough to send shivers running in little electric currents over her body.

“I am,” she confirmed. “Initially, I believe it would be best if I stuck with enlarging the process I’m already using. That’s why I’m expanding the garden. There’s a few kinks I want to iron out, to completely smooth out the recipe before I try to sell it to a gourmet public.” She rubbed her arms without really feeling any warmth. “Although I couldn’t allow myself much time to dream about my own business before, with Gert being here and my financial worries eased slightly, the salsa idea has really begun to take root in my mind.”

Travis nodded. “So, does Slick know you’re thinking about it?”

Annie shook her head. “As Zach said at the time, it was an idea he was giving to me, to use if I wanted. There’ll be some start-up costs involved, which I’m going to have to figure out a way to pay for. But other than that, I see no reason to discuss this with Zach. Especially since I’m still very much in the planning stage.”

Her father listened, remaining silent for a moment after she’d finished speaking. He rubbed his chin, then swung his cane back and forth halfheartedly a few times. “Haven’t heard you say you’ve talked to him lately, Annie,” he said gruffly. “Not that it’s any of my business.”

Annie lowered her eyes. Papa was wondering the same thing she was: why had the phone been suspiciously, conspicuously silent where Zach was concerned? It had been a little over a week since she’d last seen him.

Over a week since they’d made love.

A week since she’d received those astonishing pictures. After listening to Cody’s practical comments, Annie had ripped those pieces of Polaroid into shreds, burying them in the trash can where Mary could never accidentally see them. But the images were cut into Annie’s memory with shard-like intensity.

“Don’t suppose he changed his mind and got married after all, do you?”

Pain shot through Annie, a combination of jealousy and fear and doubt all wrapped up in one. Miserably, she shook her head. “No. One thing I know about Zach in my heart is that he didn’t…become involved with me with any commitment still owed to someone else.”

Travis stamped down a dirt mound with his boot. “Seems odd he ain’t calling. I’d just about gotten used to his ugly mug popping up every time I tried to sit down at the kitchen table.”

Annie laughed, though she didn’t feel any deep release of joy. It was true. Zach’s lack of communication was uncharacteristic. Briefly, she replayed the string of events in her mind. They’d made love, and he’d gone from the foreman’s cabin to pay her taxes. He’d gone to see Mary and to take her the carousel before returning to Austin. The pictures had arrived soon after, but Cody had eased her fears about that.

She’d managed to exterminate the white-hot apprehension even more so when later Cody revealed that Zach had called him, wondering how to alert her that the pictures were coming without upsetting her. Cody had believed Zach’s story about a furious ex-fiancée.

Strangely enough, Zach had never called her to explain about his ex-fiancée’s little surprise, never called or wrote to reassure her in any manner. At this point, even a postcard might appease her worry that Zach, for whatever reason, was quietly calling off the relationship that had been building between them.

“Who knows about Zach, Papa?” she said airily, not feeling that way at all. “Maybe someone else is feeding him.”

She’d meant it as a joke in response to her father’s remark about the kitchen table, but it fell flat. Travis observed her, concern in his weathered gray eyes.

“Maybe you oughta call him, Annie.”

Annie’s lips parted in surprise. “Why would I do that?”

“To ask him if his finger’s broke, gal! Hell, to ask him the same thing you’re wondering, which is why hasn’t he called? Put more politely, of course,” Travis muttered.

She crossed to her father, rubbing one hand soothingly over his back. “You shouldn’t worry about me so much, Papa.”

“Can’t help it. And I know it ain’t any of my concern; and you’re too old for me to be mother-henning. So, I’ll keep my mouth shut from here on.”

They walked forward together, Annie accepting the little of her father’s weight he would allow her to carry. “I might call him sometime, Papa,” she said. “The thought hadn’t occurred to me. I know he’s had a lot to straighten out, and I guess I knew Zach would show back up again when he was ready.”

“Yeah, well, we ain’t a home for stray animals,” Travis complained as they reached the steps. “He shouldn’t be bringing his bowl around here just when he’s hungry.” Slowly, carefully, he stumped up the steps and opened the door before turning back around to look at his daughter. “It’s the nineties, gal. Give him a call and maybe a piece of your mind, if you think it’s right.”

Travis went inside and Annie sat down on the porch. She’d never considered calling Zach, because she’d understood he had a lot of personal stuff to deal with. But by now, she had been hoping for word from him. For clarification on whether she had a part in his life or not. Whether there was any reason Mary should continue to ask daily when Mr. Zach was coming back. What Papa said was true, though. Zach had been more constant than he was being now.