It's Got A Ring To It (18 page)

It amaze
d
me
that he gaze
d
at me so
endearingly, as if I
was
the one who didn’t call him. Like he couldn’t bear the thought of letting me
out of his sight for a second.
I
refused
to look him in the eye
, but
it
was
hard not to notice that extra care had
been put into his dress today
despite the heat
.
Jeans
and flip-flops ha
d
been
replaced by pressed khaki slacks with cognac leather oxford loafers and a
matching belt
. Usual loose fitting
T
-shirts swapped with a light blue dress
shirt and a navy blue and
kelly
green striped tie.
Abruptly, I lifted my head to him and then back at the table from which he
came. Again, back to the table, where a beautiful brunette bombshell sat,
expectantly eyeing the two of us. A closer look at her expression, she seemed
more than a smidge
perturbed to have been interrupted
by someone with the likes of me. Hurt crept in further bruising my fragile ego,
as I tried to make a clean break before the swelling in my tear ducts gave me
away.

One more look at her anxiously teetering foot, and the façade of my
bulletproof exterior cracked. “I better get going.”

“
Laila
?”

“Myles, you better get back,” I whispered as the woman rose from her
chair, impatiently.
I wondered if she was the one he went to the
concert
with.

He looked back at her, and without regard for her feelings, he
returned his gaze to me. All but pouting, she left in one direction as I did in
the opposite. Myles followed me without a moment’s hesitation, which made my
heart skip a beat, but didn’t begin to excuse him from not calling.

“Now I know why you didn’t call me.” I stopped abruptly. With him
right on my heels, Myles fell right into me. His chest pressed firmly against
mine, the scent of his cologne intoxicating. Why do I always fall for guys who
are either unavailable, liars, or plain old creeps? I know this about men.
Practically wrote the creed on it, but an undying need inside me had to know
why he didn’t want to talk to me. Did he just get what he wanted and it
was
over
? W
as I just not his type?

Myles grab
bed
both of my arms and turn
ed
me toward him. “This is where we’re at again?” He
searched for
something in the distance
, then his heavy gaze to me once more. “If I’m
going to have to keep explaining myself to you, this thing between us
…
”
—
his arms went winding in big bulbous
circles
—
“it’s
never going to work. And that would be a shame.” In that moment, his eyes
pou
red into me. “I’m really
starting to like you,
Laila
.”

I c
ouldn’t
explain it, but it was déjà vu. Myles took me into his arms and even though I
was mad as hell with him and he was the one who never called, I felt like I’d
done something wrong. It was the day at my parents’ house all over again. Once
again, I was the bad guy.

“So, tell me why I haven’t spoken to you, since the last time I made
love to you on your kitchen floor?” I broadcasted my sex
life to the entire Town Square. There was no
more time for humility at that point.

“I don’t know what you think you know, but I hoped after you last
accused me of being engaged to my own sister, that you would give me the
benefit of the doubt and let me explain if there were ever any further
confusion between us. And let me assure you, that you are confused about what
you think you know.”

He was pissed and I could feel myself starting to cower. My track
record with Myles was pretty much
zero
for
two
, and soon to be
zero
for
three
.

“First of all, the woman who was sitting with me is a business
client. I’m going to be photographing her wedding.
If
she still wants me to, considering I just walked out on our
consultation to talk to you. And secondly,
Laila
, the
night we had together was unexpected.”

My eyes dropped. Of all the words he could’ve used to describe our
night together, “unexpected”
was
not what I would’ve chosen.
Beautiful, special, mind-blowing
maybe.
But, “unexpected” might as well be code for shitty. Myles reached
for my face and lifted my eyes back to his.

“Unexpected, but exhilarating in a way that I didn’t know I could
ever feel. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted you, but only when I knew we were both
ready. You are more to me than some no
-
strings
-
attached one-night
stand.”

Tears brimmed my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. Then, Myles
leaned in and kissed my quivering lips.

“I just don’t know that you’re ready,” he continued. He
seemed to be
putting his
thoughts in order and I knew he was torn about something. “I wanted to call
you,
Laila
. And I know this is going to sound out of
line, but I was at your parents’ house the day after we were together. I went
to finalize a few things your mom wanted to add to Lena’s package
.
Only
, I wasn’t the only one visiting at the
time. Your ex, Ethan, was there
,
too.”

I was speechless. What the hell did Ethan want and why was he at
M
om’s? All of a sudden
,
he’s so eager to get
together. Calling me at home.
In New York.
And now random drop-ins at my parents’ house.
It had to
stop.

Myles could tell that I was pissed. “Apparently, Ethan was there to
return some of your old things. He came with a box full of your stuff. The hurt
on his face, it said everything. And that’s when it hit me. You guys had a life
and a future together and I’m just your rebound. Your fallback guy,
Laila
,” he explained. “
Laila
, I
heard him talking to your mother. He wants to reconcile. Just seems like I
should step out of the way. You owe it to yourself to see what all the time you
put into the relationship was worth. If it doesn’t work out, then you’ll have
no regrets. And most of all, you won’t resent me for standing in the way.”

“So that’s why you didn’t call me?” The words spit out on the edge of
my sharp tongue.

“
Laila
, I respect you enough not to take
advantage of you while you’re vulnerable.”

I was at war with myself.
Part
of me respected his chivalry
,
and the other
part
wanted to call him out
for the self-righteous narcissistic jerk that he was. The self-righteous side
won. “Myles,” I began slowly. “You don’t know the first thing about my
relationship with Ethan. Yes, I did want to go back to him at one point, when
that was all I knew. But that was before I figured
out
what I
really want. Myles, you are what I want. Or, wanted.”

“
Laila
, I
—
”

“
Myles,
don’t say anymore. You’ve said
enough, with what you didn’t say. I may jump to conclusions, but at least I
have the guts to fight for what I want. Why couldn’t you just say that sex is
all you wanted? I could respect that. I was falling for you. I really didn’t
have a clue where things would actually go between us, but I was enjoying the
ride.
I’m not mad at you
,
I’m just
disappointed
. I think it’s for the best that we just keep it
professional. If you have any questions about the wedding, just talk to Mom or
Lena. I wish you nothing but the best. Take care Myles.”

Before he could say a word in return, my phone rang. Saved by the bell.
“I really have to take this,” I said walking away, putting the phone to my ear.

“
Laila
?”

I knew who it was even before he spoke. “Hello, Ethan.”

“Uh…what’s going on?”

“You’re what’s going on
,
Ethan. You called me at home, you track
ed
me down in New York, and
now you’ve shown up at my parents’ house?
Really?
I just heard that you were engaged
,
and then Catherine
tells me I can have you back now? So what, now that you
’re engagement is
off, I’m supposed to thank my lucky stars?
” There was only silence on the
other end. I knew what Ethan was thinking and I knew what he would say, if I
wasn’t
jumping down his throat, so I said it for him. “You
have so much to
say? You
want to
me
e
t
so
bad
? Fine. I’ll
see you at eight o’clock on Saturday at Claim Jumper on Rampart. If you don’t
show up, then I’ll assume that you’ve had a change of heart
.
”
T
hen I disconnected.

seventeen

By the
time Saturday crept around, the hours flew by like seconds. If someone would
have told me a year ago, that I’d be signing up for a second round with Ethan,
I’d have called them crazy. Whether Myles knew it or not, he might have been
right. For the past two years, it
was
what I said I wanted. At least there was
familiarity. Moving on seemed even scarier.
Worst case
scenario, if things didn’t work out with Ethan again, I’d live with no regrets.

Strangely enough, there wasn’t a nervous bone in my body. No wild
plot to make him regret leaving me or to try to make him jealous. No need to go
out of my way losing pounds, or getting some drastic makeover. As a matter
-
of
-
fact, I opted for comfy jeans and a white
tee. Might as well be me up front.

Ethan had already called a couple of hours in advance to confirm that
the date was still a go. He sounded all jittery and anxious. It felt more like
business as usual on my end. The tables had turned. The man once so sure of
himself and the girl who lived to please him had swapped lives. Not that I was
so sure of myself, but it just seemed like the ball was in my court and I was
calling the shots.

As eager as I should’ve been, I only stared at my idle phone and
wished that it
was
Myles I was meeting. We hadn’t
spoken since Tuesday at Town Square. At least four or five times, I dialed the
number and didn’t press talk. As far as I was concerned, there was really no
use trying to force anything between us if he wasn’t even willing to choose me.

Meeting Ethan only made me feel worse. I did exactly what he said.
What I’d always done. I ran back to safety, to the familiar. It
was
what I struggled with
most. The only thing I could hope for was some warped s
ense
of closure, at the least.

Nevertheless, I was going through with the date with Ethan. I hadn’t
been in the car more than five minutes, when an incoming call came through from
Brooke. I steadied myself for another round. The moment I mentioned that I was
meeting Ethan she nearly had a conniption. She was my rock the first time
around when things came crashing down. As grateful as I was, it didn’t come
without a sole condition
—
I
had to promise never to go back to Ethan.

“Have you come to your senses?”
S
he hissed. When I said the date was still a
go, Brooke sighed loudly.
I
knew i
t wasn’t what she wanted to hear. After a brief silent treatment,
she told me she was in Boston on a layover. She’d been reading all day in her
hotel room since it had been raining. Whenever she
was
mad at me, she avoid
ed
the subject altogether
and answer
ed
my question with a question.

“So, what do you think will happen between us?” I asked.

“Why are you doing this?”

“What other choice do I have?”

“And you think this is the best choice?”
S
he seethed.

The conversation went nowhere. The second I even mentioned the word,
“closure,” she went ballistic. Between rants and name-calling, I was either a
sadistic glutton for punishment, or a crazed amnesiac. Brutal truth, she d
id
like no other. Tough
enough love to ensure it hits home instead of scratching the surface. Between
Lena and Brooke hounding me about regressing in life and being a masochist, it
seemed secrecy was the only option.

“It’s still not too late to turn around and go home
.
” Brooke gave one last shot
at reasoning with me, but I needed to do this.

At the risk of pissing off the only real friend, I’ve ever had, I
thanked her for
her
unconditional
love
,
and stood my
ground.

For a few minutes, I stayed in the car, listening to music and
preparing myself. Ethan was everything I ever thought I wanted in a man.
Although, he did me wrong, I couldn’t deny my heart. No matter how many people
warned me against him or questioned my judgment, I had to decide for myself,
whether that meant making a mistake, or not. I couldn’t figure out what it
meant that we were back at the beginning together again. The anticipation of
seeing him for the first time in all these years brought up memories and
emotions that I d
idn
’t
think I was ready to handle.

Memories flooded my mind, as clear as the day
was
long. When Ethan left two years ago, I
stood shell-shocked, draped in a cover of
goose bumps
with weighted feet. I wasn’t her
anymore. My nerves had since steadied and come to the forefront. I could walk
into a room without the urge to cower and wither. And purposely, I smiled
without reason. Still, not far in the backdrop, incensed gumption and ire
underlined it all. The fall of our relationship left me with a wound that had
been covered, but had yet to heal.

“Oh, what the hell,” I thought as I got out of the car and headed
toward the entrance. Outside, a cool breeze swept around aromas of fresh
seafood and grilled steak. The host said it would be a
fifteen-minute
wait, so I squeezed into an
open space between two families leaning against the wall. The
sights
and sounds of the
highs and lows of family life echoed off the walls.
The
blaring high pitch of children
screeching with joy.
Couples trying to make it through the day,
smiling
,
tired eyes
,
and sluggish bodies.
Handholding
under the table, a glimpse of romance defying the monotony.

Ethan hadn’t arrived yet, but seeing people merely coexisting
together reminded me of the hesitation I had about a life with him. That’s what
I always worried about with him. I wanted to grow old with someone, who br
ought
me to life, rather
than suck
ed
it out of
me. Visions of an older version of us spooked me. He had the beer belly from
too many nights of watching sports with a few six-packs
of beer
. I was frumpy and worn, with barely
a flicker of life left inside.
A trio of Ethan-
Laila
minis were
our only connection to each other
and we resented one another as a result. The love had been long lost and only
the picture-perfect image that outsiders saw remained.

With him, a level a comfort and familiarity existed.
It may
have been simply
complacency and fear, but I never had the strength to change things, and that
scared me.
So why had I been
so distraught when he left
?
In my lowest hour, Brooke told me that sometimes God remove
d
things from our lives that we d
idn’t
have the strength or
the
will
to remove
ourselves. I hadn’t seen it then, but now I couldn’t help wondering if Ethan
was that for me.

The waitress probably took one look at me and decided that a table
tucked in a dim corner would suit my mood. Or, she might have noticed that I d
idn
’t have a husband or a
troupe trailing behind me and sentenced me to solitary. Nonetheless, I plopped
down into the vinyl booth and studied the
menu,
even
though all I wanted to do was get down to the business of
Ethan and me
. I needed to know where things
were going.

I saw his eyes before I saw the rest of him. Empty. Hardened.
Despondent. The rest of him was
n’t
any more vibrant. I was used to seeing
him in perfectly tailored suits. Power suits, he’d called them. To him, power
suits were necessary because
they meant money
,
and
people d
idn’t
want to invest money
with someone who d
idn’
t
know what it
was
like
to have any. Ethan believed that you should dress for the position you want
ed
, not the one you happened
to have. One of his many theories related to upkeep and hygiene. His grooming
habits were borderline metrosexual. More than a few arguments stemmed from
scuffed shoes, shared toiletries, and beauty rest, on his part.

But the person before me looked like
he’d been hit
by a truck
. By the size of the purplish blue bags under his eyes and the
ragged clothes on his back, he’d endured more than a few of life’s curveballs.
He was scruffy with his disheveled hair and an unshaven prickly beard. Tennis
shoes
—
which were never really
a
staple in his wardrobe
—
but
the dingy pair he wore was barely hung on by the laces.
N
othing about him was aesthetically
appealing,
but
it was
the sadness in his eyes that got me. As angry as I was with him, I couldn’t
kick him while he was down.

“Hi
,
Ethan
.
” I quickly stood to greet
him, careful to meet only his eyes.
Not only
to avoid staring at his get
-
up, but also to make sure
he knew we were equals now.

“Hello
,
Laila
,” he said as a smile colored his face. “It’s good to
see you.”

Almost immediately, I questioned his sincerity. As closely as I was
listening for any tinge of cynicism, it felt genuine. As he slid into the
booth, his eyes scanned the table.

“The waitress
just
seated me. I’m not really that hungry though. I’ll probably just order an
appetizer or a small salad. How about you? Are you hungry?” His lip hesitantly
curled into a smile and I knew he was probably starving.

By the time his food arrived, we were volleying from subject to
subject, on and off tangents about current events and books we’ve read. Talking
to Ethan felt easy. But I had to be cautious not to slide into our old
broken-in ways. We always did have fun talking about everything under the sun.
We covered the gambit, but nothing really felt personal. I let him in a little
with light talk of my trip to New York while he savored the remains of his
steak. Both of us laughed at the fact that Brooke hadn’t changed much. She
never did have a filter. When he asked about The Sweet Tooth, there was bitter
sweetness as he congratulated me. Though, the humbling experience of having his
financial planning business abruptly ruined turned the conversation sour. It
changed how he defined himself and success. I thought we were finally getting
to a point where we were going to be honest about why we were there, but he
seemed content to dance around the elephant in the room.

When Ethan ordered dessert, my patience began wearing thin. The meal
could only be drawn out for so long. At some point, he needed to be honest with
himself, and me. His eyes looked everywhere, but at me. Ethan was under the
delusion that we’d share dessert with two spoons like some cute little happy
couple celebrating the possibilities. We already knew the outcome. It’s the
impossibilities that we needed to be rehashing.

“Why are we here Ethan?”

“To eat,” he said, knowing full well what I meant.

“Don’t go there, Ethan. You know what I mean. Why have you been
calling and trying to weasel your way back into my life? I wasn’t even going to
bring it up. Told myself that I would be nice
,
meet with you
,
and leave the past in the past. But here
you are acting like we’re on a date and things are all good. You left me. So
seriously, Ethan, why are we here?”

“Why did you agree to meet me,
Laila
?”

“Don’t beat around the bush and try to flip this back on me. Answer
the question.”

“I have reasons. But, can we at least wait until we finish dessert?”

“I’m done. Now say whatever it is that you have to say because time
for light chitchat is over.”

“Okay. First, let me give you something.”

“Really, Ethan? This is ridiculous. Just grow up and
—
”
H
e shut me up instantly,
when I saw what he had for me. “What are you doing with those?”

“A gift from Nana Bea.” Out of a navy velvet jewelry bag, Ethan
pulled out the beautiful heirloom pearls that belonged to his maternal
grandmother.

 
“I ran into her not
long ago at Hallmark. She said she’d been ill. How is she?” I smiled.
Abruptly
, Ethan looked
away. He stared out the window and all at once a wall of
bricks
weighed me down.
Worry curdled in my stomach. I waited, but when his stare landed back on me
with watered eyes, I knew. Pain rendered me helpless. Places that I didn’t know
could
hurt,
throbbed. It couldn’t be true. I didn’t
get to say good-bye. “When?” I managed through uncontrollable sobs and
tear-filled whimpers.

Only on a few rare occasions had I seen Ethan cry.
He
thought it wasn’t
something a man should do. He may not have believed me, but I never thought
less of him for it. This case was no different. More than anything, I wanted to
reach for him
,
hold him
tight
ly,
and tell him
everything would be al
l
right.
As much as she meant to me, Nana Bea was everything to him: A mother, a
grandmother, a friend, and a confidante. Ultimately, she was there. For love
and friendship. When he needed advice, she was his person. Though, he never did
listen when she said I was the only match for him. Then it hit me. She was the
reason we were there.