It's Just Lola (13 page)

Lola lay on the pallet feeling abandoned and afraid. 
What if something went wrong? 
She tortured herself with questions and wild
imaginings that gradually merged into dream-like memories.  Her sisters were talking about Juana bleeding to death; her father’s face floated in her thoughts, saying he couldn’t save the mare; Enriqueta was saying she couldn’t talk about it because all the blood upset her.

“Auntie,” Lola cried out as the pain came again
.

“Don’t worry, Lola.  Everything
’
s fine.”

Lola grabbed Auntie’s skirt.  “No, everything is not fine.  My sister Juana is small like me
,
and she nearly bled to death
trying to
hav
e
a baby
—and the baby died
.
  I could bleed to death.”

“No, you silly child,”
said
Auntie
.
“
You’re
not going to die.” 
She leaned down to release Lola’s grip on her skirt.

Lola tugged on the material, forcing the woman even closer.  “
Do you think Juan left us here without telling us what we need to know?
 
You have money for a doctor.”
Satisfied that Auntie understood, and she had
not
reveal
ed
her eavesdropping, she released her hold on Auntie’s skirt. 
“Promise you’ll get me a doctor.”  Lola winced as her intended threat
came out as
a pitiful whine.

Lola
concentrated on enduring. 
Her entire being centered on pain.  She could not possibly live through any more pain.  Sweat beaded on her forehead and her fingernails dug into her palms.  She had no idea how much time passed. 
Tears ran down her face and merged with the sweat. 
It may have been an hour later or many hours later when Auntie open
ed
the door
for a man
with a black bag.

“Well, little lady, let’s see what you have here,” he said in a
gentle
voice.  He sent Auntie
for
hot water and plenty of soap.  Lola watched as he took off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves.  He scrubbed his hands with soap and rinsed them and asked for clean water.  She watched every move.  He reached over and pulled the cover down.

“Where
’
s your knife?” asked Lola.

“What knife?”

“The
knife
to cut my stomach open and take the baby out, of course.”

“I don’t plan on cutting your stomach open.”  He smiled as he spoke. 

“How will the baby come out?” she asked.

“Don’t you know anything?  The baby will come out the same way it went in.”

Lola felt her cheeks burning with the heat of her blush. 
T
he doctor
must think
she was very stupid
.
  She gasped as another pain held her in its grip.  The doctor lifted her dress and Lola grabbed for the covers and tried to push him away.  No one looked under her dress—not her sister, not Rudolfo, not anyone
.
  She struggled to sit, clutching the cover.

“You’re a dirty old man,” she said.

“How old are you, Little One?” asked the doctor with a chuckle.

“I’m fourteen.”  She wanted to add that she was a modern woman, but she suspected the doctor might laugh at her again.

“No one told you about childbirth?  Your mother?  Your sisters?”

“My mother is dead and my sisters have been brought up nicely and don’t talk about such things.”  The doctor sat back on his heels.  He told her quietly what was to happen.  He explained what she would do and what he would be doing. 
At last
she knew what was happening.

“How long have you been having pains?”

“Since long before the sun came up, but they weren’t so bad.  Now I can hardly keep from screaming
when the pain comes
.”

“
It’s already dark, so that’s a long time, even for a first baby. 
Y
ou have to let me see how you
’
r
e
progressing.” 

Lola kept asking questions
and
concentrated very hard on what the doctor was saying, hoping to distract herself from what was happening to her.
  And then all her efforts to be brave dissolved and she started sobbing. 

“Oh, no.  I’m so sorry, doctor.  I’ve been so good all day, and now I’ve wet myself like a little baby.  How can I be a mother if...if I can’t even keep from w...wetting myself?”
  Pain enveloped her once more and she wailed
from pain and embarrassment
.

“Lola, calm down.  You haven’t wet yourself.  This is just the baby breaking through to the outside.  It
’
s the water the baby floats in before being born.
  This means it’s almost over.”

T
he pain was unendurable—then it got worse.  A small corner of her mind seemed to detach and
watch
from a distance, while the rest retreated into some primitive state that she no longer controlled. 
She gasped for breath and clutched at the edges of her pallet as her body pushed and animal-like cries rose from her throat. 

The doctor’s voice flo
ated around the edge of reason and thought.  “That’s good, Lola.  Push hard.  You’re doing a good job.”  Like she could stop pushing hard; it was her body acting alone.

The small part of her that remained sane watched in horror as the doctor took an instrument of torture out of his bag.  Her body thrashed in panic and
gave one
final effort that took all of her remaining strength and forced a primal scream from her lungs
.  The doctor dropped his tool and reached between her legs.  She welcomed
his help
.  Shame and embarrassment had no place in this world of pain and effort.

“That’s it, Lola. 
I have the head. 
Almost done.  One more push.”  Exhausted, she gave a weak push.

At last she heard a small cry and the doctor’s face broke into a wide smile.
 

“It’s a beautiful baby girl.”

Lola smiled weakly
and her eyes closed
. 
She drifted in a fog of fatigue. 

“Lola.”  The doctor was talking to her.  She
forced
her eyes
open
.  She was so tired.  “You have to be still.”  What was he saying?  The pain lifted the fog. 

“What are you doing?”

“Putting in a few stitches.”

“I once helped stitch up a man’s head.  We washed the needle and thread in aguadiente.”  Lola was babbling, and she knew it. 
She was trying to distract herself from what the fact that the doctor was sewing her closed.  What?
 
“You’re sewing me closed?” She didn’t know whether to panic or be relieved.  “No more babies?”

“I’m only sewing the part that tore.  You
’
re very lucky you
’
re so young, and your bones still move.  Don’t worry, you can have more babies, and it should be a little easier after the first one.”  Relief flooded Lola.  She suddenly hungered for a home with a loving husband and a houseful of children.

Auntie came in and cleaned away the soiled linens.  She helped Lola into clean clothes and the doctor returned.  He
talk
ed
to
Lola
about how to care for herself and the baby so they would both be healthy. 

“
Thank you
for helping
Estela into the world
and
for
putting up with my ignorance
.
  Is there any way
I can learn more about birthing?”  The doctor gave her a surprised look.

“If you come to my office
,
I
’
ll show you some books.  We can talk about it then.”

Lola lay back with
Estela
nestled in the crook of her arm.  Within seconds they were both asleep.

L
ola looked down at the infant beside her.  Estela chose that moment to lift a tiny fist in the air and her face crumpled into a crying position, but the noise sounded more like a cough than a cry.  Lola lifted her into her arms and tried clumsily to feed her. 

“You’ll get the hang of it,”
said
Enriqueta
with a laugh
.  “Look what I did while you were busy birthing.”

Lola tore her eyes away from her baby to look at what Enriqueta was showing her.  It was a
dark blue gored skirt and a white blouse
.  “I knew she’d come back. 
I could see it in her eyes.  She really wanted a wonderful dress for once in her life. 
I just didn’t know if she
’
d stick with that horrid bustle or not. 
Is it finished?”

“
The skirt
’
s finished, but I want to embroider something special on the blouse
.
  I don’t know what you said to her while I was nursing Blanca, but she wants the suit you sketched.
”

Lola
gazed
at Estela and watched the delicate eyelids close.
 
“She’s asleep already.”

“
S
he’ll wake up again soon.  But now she
’
s asleep so
help
me
with
the jacket
.”
 

Lola
thought she might burst from the love she felt for her baby. 
She ran her finger across the
silken
wisps of hair, over the tiny almost translucent ear, and down to the warm softness of the
little
pink neck.  “I can’t let you grow up in this room with nothing to look forward to but sewing buttons as soon as you can hold a needle.” 

Enriqueta extended her hands to take the baby.  “You’re right, Lola, and this is our chance.” 
There was an unexpected tenderness in Enriqueta’s voice.  She put
Estela near Blanca and
helped Lola stand.  “
We
have to
make this
outfit
perfect
.
  Come on, Lola,
we can only work a little
before Uncle gets home.
”

“You mean Auntie didn’t talk to him yet?”

“No, she’s waiting for the right time.”

Lola’s anger flared.  “Why?  Because he’s a bit volatile?”  She realized she was shouting and lowered her voice.

“Remember what happened the last time we heard that line?  Th
at
stupid cow has no intention of telling her husband. 
S
he’s keeping half the money and not telling him anything about it.”

“You may be right, but we’re getting four times what we get for a uniform.  That sounded right
to me
because it
’
s twice the effort and she shouldn’t deduct for food.”

“The sewing is twice the effort, but we also measure, plan, and cut—not to mention the design.”

“Lola, you design in your sleep and draw it with your eyes
still
closed.  This is money for our future.”

Lola
looked at the little baby that depended on her for its very life. 
“All right.  I think it’s wrong to do this without Uncle’s knowledge, but I
’ll do it.  We can’t keep
living with people who not only cheat their workers,
but
cheat each other
.”

Ever since
Concha
arrived, they had been giving her
instructions and allowing her to use
the old machine
. 
She
was getting quite skillful, in spite of the fact that she had to perch on the very edge of the bench to reach the foot pedal. 
Enriqueta had figured a way to do handwork while nursing by propping
Blanca
up with uniforms. 
Lola hated not holding Estela close while she nursed, but the need to accumulate earnings had taken on a new urgency. 

A week later
they
showed
the dress to
Auntie
. 
She assured them the neighbor would be pleased. 

The next day, the neighbor tried on her new clothes
and s
he could not have been happier. 
“Thank you for not letting me make a fool of myself,” she whispered as she closed Lola’s hands over some coins.  She promised to tell everyone how clever the girls were, and
she was sure
they would have all the business they could handle.

Sure enough, the next day another woman wanted a skirt and blouse.

The day after that,
Uncle brought a woman to
sew
on the old machine.  The small room now had four workers and two babies; conversation was impossible.  The new woman scowled perpetually and worked like one possessed.  She glowered when one of them stopped to tend to her baby. 
When Lola left her machine to nurse Estela, Concha started to get up to take her place.  Lola put her hand on the girl’s shoulder and kept her seated. 

They were all relieved when
the new woman
went home for the night. 

“Well,” said
Enriqueta
when they were
once again alone
in their own room, “I guess we
’
re not going to make a lot of money dressmaking.”

It was several minutes before
Lola
spoke. 
“We can move one machine over here, where it can’t be seen from the door.  We
’ll
use that one in the evenings
to
finish the new skirt and blouse.
  Enriqueta, you can do the embroidery with a uniform shirt over your knees, hiding the blouse.  Concha, my sweet, you just stay as quiet and helpful as you always are.”  She hugged the girl and was pleased to see her respond with a slight blush.

“Just endure for a bit longer,” Lola said.  “I have a plan.  We
’
ve been in this room for so long
our
legs have forgotten how to walk.
  The first step in the plan is to learn to walk again.  Every evening we
’
ll try to walk farther than the day before.  By the time we finish this commission, we should be
ready for step two.
” 

A week later she asked Uncle if he would take her to the doctor’s office when he went out to pick up uniforms from the women.

“What do you need with a doctor?  You already had your baby
and you look fine to me
.”

“Uncle!
 
There are things a woman does not discuss—especially with a man.”

He looked as though he was going to demand an answer, but finally said,
“I’ll take you, but I
’
m not paying
for it
.  You can spend
your own
money
.”

L
eaving
Estela in the care of Enriqueta and Concha,
Lola
tucked one of the little bags of money Pilar had given them into her bodice.  When
Uncle
let her
off,
he pointed out the building where the doctor’s clinic was
and
said if
she
was
there at three o’clock
she’d get a ride home
. 

Lola waited her turn to see the doctor.  She
’
d rehearsed what she wanted to say and very quickly let him know that she was looking for work and a room to rent.  “We can’t live in that room forever.  I
’
d be happy to clean your clinic for you, or do any kind of honest work.”

The doctor regretted that he could not help her
, but
suggested that she talk to the shopkeepers in the neighborhood. 
“It may be better to wait for an hour or so when the shops are less busy.”

“Would it be possible for me to look at one of your books about birthing?”

“Are your hands clean?” 

Lola was humiliated that he asked, but she held out her hands for inspection.  He sat her in a corner of his office and
handed her
a book.  “It has some good
drawings
of fetal development and childbirth
.  If I have time, I’
ll come back and answer a few questions.”
 

“I don’t want to be in the way.  I’ll sit in the waiting room.”

“You stay here.  I’ll work around you.”

Lola soon became engrossed in what she was reading. 

“Lola,
it’s time for you to go. 
I’m sorry I
don’t have
time to answer
any
questions.  I have too many patients waiting.”

“Would it be all right if I come back next week?  There are a couple of words I didn’t understand, and I was hoping you could tell me what they mean.”

“You were reading the book?”

“Wasn’t I supposed to?”

“Oh, yes...uh...of
course you can come next week.”

“Thank you, I’ll
come
if I can
.”

Lola decided to walk down one side of the street toward the center of town until noon, asking in every shop she passed about the possibility of a job and a room to rent.
  At noon she would cross the street and start back toward the clinic.  That would get her back just in time to meet Uncle.  In the wonderful happenstance that she found something, she could come back early and just enjoy the freedom of not being cooped up in the same room with
five other people.

At three o’clock Lola climbed into the wagon—
exhausted
, footsore, hungry, and very disheartened. 
That night after supper, Lola told Auntie she would have to return to the doctor in one week.

“You do look pale
, but
Uncle
’
s going to be upset if you lose another day of work.”

“Perhaps, but he
’
d be even more upset if I got
really
sick—or worse.”
  The next day Lola could barely walk, giving credence to her need to see the doctor.  Her evening walks had not prepared her for
so many
hours on her feet. 

The doctor seemed pleased to see her, and she spent another hour enjoying the luxury of reading and learning. 
This week h
e made some time to answer questions.
  All too soon, Lola had to leave the clinic and try again to find a place to live.

She decided to try a street a block over from the one she canvassed the week before.  Shortly after noon she
saw a reasonably dressed woman standing on a corner.  Lola didn’t think her dress was tasteful, but at least the woman wasn’t a beggar and, unlike most of the people on the street, she didn
’
t seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere.

“Excuse me,” began Lola
, for what felt like the millionth time that day,
“I
’
m new in the city and I
’
m looking for a room to rent.  Do you know where I might find one?”  To her great relief the woman smiled at her.
 

“Sure, why not?  It’s too early to get any work anyway.  Come on, I’ll show you where I live and see if they have a room.”

“Oh, thank you,” said Lola.  “It
’
s so kind of you to do this for me.” 

“Yeah.  I remember when I first got here.  It isn’t easy for us girls.”

As they walked the woman introduced herself as Rosita, and soon Lola was telling her a tale similar to the one Juan had devised for them.  She
added that t
hey had found temporary shelter with a distant cousin, but with two babies they could no longer stay there and had to find a place for themselves. 

Rosita stopped walking. 
“Babies
?
 
I
don’t think
La Señora
’
ll accept you.
  She only rents rooms to us working girls.
”

“
We’re working girls; we sew army uniforms.”  Rosita seemed to find that funny and started walking again.  “
Our babies
’
re very good
,” continued Lola
. 
“
We keep them clean and fed so they hardly ever cry. 
She’ll never know they’re there. 
How hard will it be to get clean water?”