Jade Archer - Sandpipers 2 - Raven's Mark (18 page)

Mark lifted out a bottle of water from the bar fridge and took a long pull of the ice cold liquid. The restaurant was finally closed for the night. The last customers had left maybe thirty-five minutes ago and there was just the low, restful hum of clean-up filling the room. But even that was coming to an end as everyone finished their preparations for the next day and started to drift away.

As a pair of waitresses—Rachel and Tina—passed by the bar arm-in-arm heading for the door and home, he waved and took another mouthful of water. It soothed his raw, parched throat. Kitchens were hot work and he felt like he’d lost a gallon of sweat. But tonight he’d welcomed the gruelling physical punishment. It was a pleasant diversion from worrying about Raven.

He closed his eyes as he rolled the chilled bottle across his forehead.
Raven
. He hadn’t seen his lover since yesterday’s disastrous conversation, the one that had ended with Zak not so subtly suggesting he leave while Raven talked with the lawyer—Mac someone-or-other.

With another deep gulp of water, Mark pushed down the lump in his throat that had nothing to do with dehydration. He’d never appreciated how attached he was to the little, inconsequential things he shared with Raven every day until they’d been ripped away. Seeing Raven walking towards him in the morning for their regular running date. Catching a quick glimpse of him when Raven brought the boys home from preschool. The unexpected smiles he caught every now and then that meant so much. Their late night chats over the phone about everything and nothing.

Twenty-four hours and he missed Raven terribly. He’d be worried about how pathetic that made him if he had the energy to spare. As it was, all his attention was focused on the fact he might be locked out of Raven’s life forever. After the complete balls-up he’d made of the previous day, he wouldn’t be surprised.

He’d worked and worried over the possibility all day. And in the end, he’d been forced to acknowledge that, yes, somewhere deep inside he’d been scared Raven would outgrow him. Every day Raven seemed to become more confident and outgoing. But he’d been thrilled to see it…mostly. It was just one tiny, dark corner of his ego that liked the idea that Raven might need him and worried that if there ever came a day when he didn’t, he’d move on. And true to form, Raven had seen right to it.

Mark swallowed another mouthful of water. Something in his makeup always made him feel like he needed to be doing things for other people, especially the people he loved. If he didn’t then…well, he wasn’t sure what would happen, but being needed felt good. And right. And safe.

Oh God!
Maybe Raven was right. Maybe he was trying to make himself ‘the hero’ in Raven’s life in a bid to be indispensable. Mark’s gut tightened and a sharp pain started up in his temples. The familiar ache of tense shoulder and neck muscles flared to life. Who could blame Raven for never talking to him again? And he didn’t expect a second chance. But if he ever got one, he’d do whatever it took to make it up to Raven. He’d change. He’d—

Startled out of his painful thoughts and self-flagellation, Mark looked across the bar to see Jaime staring back at him expectantly. It took a moment before he remembered he’d promised to give her a lift home earlier in the week while her car went into the shop…again. He’d been so distracted he’d completely forgotten.

Feeling the chagrin creeping up his neck to heat his face, Mark looked away, busying himself with screwing the cap back on his water. “Yeah. Sure. Just give me a minute to get my stuff.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jaime cock her head to the side as she studied him. “You okay, Mark?”
Mark swallowed the truth like the bitter pill it was. “Uh huh.”
Fortunately, just as Jaime opened her mouth to say something more, a taxi pulled up

out in front—distracting them both from a potentially awkward question and answer session. Mark looked around, wondering who had called a cab. If he’d known someone else needed a lift he would have tried to organise one. Even if he hadn’t been able to help himself, surely someone could have lent a hand. Taxis were too expensive at this time of night.

But as he looked back out through the tall glass panels to the taxi, sure enough, Raven emerged from the back of the cab. And his stiff, hesitant movements screamed pain.
In an instant, Mark threw off the shock of Raven’s unexpected arrival and rushed for the door, barely making it ahead of Jaime. Somewhere behind him, he heard Zak and Lark’s voices following them out. But his entire focus was on getting to his lover.
Mark saw Raven straighten up, wince and cradle his left arm then turn to stare down at the back seat of the cab, looking lost and uncertain.
“Raven!” Mark called as he raced forward.
Raven shied away, ostensibly to protect his arm, but Mark felt the rebuff as Raven refused to look at him. He found himself slowing to a stop still several feet away.
“I’m ok-kay.”
“What the hell happened?” Zak asked as the others all hurried to Raven’s side.
“I f-fell down the stairs. At the apartment.”
Mark’s muscles locked tight. “Was Maria there?”
“Yeah.”
Raven sounded hollow and empty, like he wasn’t really there—this was just a recorded message and you could leave your name and number after the beep but there was no guarantee anyone would get back to you. It was a truly terrible sound that was almost immediately swallowed up by the cacophony of questions from the small crowd of wait- and kitchen-staff that had followed them out.
Not knowing what else to do as Raven continued to avoid looking at him and as their well-meaning friends created a chaos of noise, Mark peeked into the dark cabin of the taxi. He spotted Ryan stretched out across the back seat, fast asleep. Without thinking, he bent down and scooped the little boy up into his arms. Something tight and anxious loosened in him as Ryan squirmed and snuggled into his arms with a contented sigh. Then he looked to Raven and the tension was back in a flash.
Raven was so still, as if he didn’t know quite what to do or which way to turn while he stared at Mark with slightly dazed eyes.
“Okay guys, come on. Let’s just give Raven a second here,” Zak said over the top of everyone.
As the confusion died down, Mark absently heard Brody paying the driver. He took the time to cast his eye over Ryan properly. The little boy seemed okay, breathing slow and even. No obvious signs of pain or injury. Of course, Raven was a different story entirely.
Beside him, he saw Jaime wrap her arm around Raven. “Come on, honey. Let’s get you both inside.”
Raven gasped.
“Your arm?” Jaime asked, her voice soft and sympathetic.
Raven nodded.
“Take them straight up to the apartment,” Lark suggested from somewhere off to the right. “We’ll tuck Ryan into the spare bed in Wolf’s room and take a look at it.”
“It’s fine,” Raven mumbled, sounding flat and distant.
“We’ll see,” Zak said, shepherding them towards the restaurant.

Mark would never cease to be amazed by how soundly kids could sleep. Not all, granted. Lucy had been an incredibly light sleeper as a child, to the point she didn’t like sleeping anywhere but her own bed. His little brother Evan, on the other hand, had been a classic example of the heavy sleeper variety—once asleep, he was out for the count until morning. By some blessing, Ryan was apparently the same. He’d barely stirred as Mark carried him upstairs and, with Brody’s help, tucked him into the spare bed in Wolf’s room, safe and sound and blissfully unaware.

Taking one last look at the sweet little face all relaxed and peaceful, Mark crept out, closed the door quietly behind him and took a deep breath. He could already hear the sound of frustrated voices coming from the kitchen.

“Sounds like Raven doesn’t want to go to the hospital,” Brody said as they moved down the hall together.
Judging by the arguing and grumbling, it was very obvious Raven didn’t like the idea at all. It was possible, given his past, he’d had some bad experiences with hospitals. But like so many things he was coming to appreciate about Raven’s life, Mark just didn’t know for sure.
“He still needs to go.”
Brody nodded. “Yeah. But it was hard enough getting him to sit down while we tucked the little guy into bed.” That was an understatement. Only Lark’s no-nonsense, do-as-you’retold-or-else voice and Jaime’s gentle insistence had finally won the day. “I don’t know how we’re going to get him to actually leave and go to hospital.”
With everything that was happening, it was understandable that Raven would become even more protective and paranoid over Ryan, but—
“He needs to look after himself too.”
Brody merely nodded his agreement, perhaps understanding better than most what Raven was going through. He’d been the sole caregiver for his little brother for years, and by all accounts it had been far from smooth sailing up until recently.
As they approached the kitchen, they heard Zak’s deep baritone.
“You need to go get checked out.”
“I’m f-fine.”
“No. You’re not,” Lark said, a snap to his voice that suggested they’d been trying to convince Raven for a while now. “I’m guessing you’ve broken your arm. And that lump on your head is the size of a goose egg.”
“Did you lose consciousness?” Jaime asked, a soft, reasonable voice in a sea of fearinduced irritation.
“I… N-no, I was awake the whole time.”
“You should still get it checked out. I think you’ve done something to your ribs too. You could have internal bleeding or anything,” Jaime said, sounding genuinely worried.
“Really. I’m f-fine.”
“Don’t make me drag you down there,” Lark growled, but under the exasperation it was easy to hear how upset he was.
Mark rounded the corner into the kitchen and came to a sudden halt in the doorway. The room was full of people—Zak, Lark, Jaime, Andy, Dave. Raven was only just visible as the centre of attention perched on one of the bar stools with a cold pack wrapped around his wrist and Jaime holding another to the back of his head.
As determined as he’d been less than an hour ago to try and mend his ways and not jump in unless Raven asked for his help, Mark found he couldn’t just sit back and let this go on. “You need to at least go in and get the evidence recorded or…”
“Or no one will ever believe me,” Raven finished, a bitter edge to his words. Mark didn’t begrudge him even while he had to fight the urge to flinch. “Yeah, b-been there. Ddone that.”
No one said anything. They all just looked between each other in a mixture of confusion and concern, depending on how much they knew or suspected, Mark guessed.
He swallowed, afraid of what he had to say next, unsure how Raven would react to his interference. “You said it was time to stop running.”
Raven was silent and still for so long, Mark was beginning to think he was going to be ignored completely. Then Raven edged his way off the stool with a slight grimace of pain. “I just… I n-need to check in on Ryan. Then…can you guys l-look after him while I g-go get this looked at?”
“Of course. You know you don’t even have to ask,” Brody said, still looking worried.
“Thank you.”
Raven slowly shuffled past, cradling his arm in a makeshift sling someone had rigged up for him.
As Raven disappeared down the hallway, Mark reached into his pocket for his keys. There was no way Raven was going to the hospital without him.
“I’ll bring my car around to the back dock.”
Jaime got to her feet. “I’ll come with you to the hospital.”
Mark felt a flush of embarrassment. He’d forgotten all about giving her a lift home. “Damn! I’m sorry, Jaime. I forgot. Maybe someone—”
“It’s fine. I want to come too. I’ve got friends that work the emergency department at St Andrew’s.” Jaime winked at him, but her smile didn’t quite meet her eyes. “Trust me, it’s not what you know…it’s definitely who.”
Mark studied her for a moment but couldn’t work out any deeper meaning right now. He didn’t have it in him. All he could think about was Raven in pain and possibly more injured than they realised. “Okay. I’ll meet you out back.”
“We’ll be right down.”
As he headed for the door, he heard Dave and Andy start to argue with Jaime. Apparently they wanted to see she got home safely. Mark ignored them. No one was arguing with him and he needed to get Raven to the hospital. That’s all that mattered to him right now.

Raven lay back on the thin, uncomfortable emergency room gurney and tried not to think.
Just for a few seconds,
he promised himself. Then he’d get it together again.
For the first time in several long hours, he had a moment of quiet to himself. Someone had called in Nick MacKinray, the lawyer he’d met with yesterday—his lawyer now—and from there the procession of doctors, police officers, nurses, medical technicians and goodness knew who else had just kept coming. Now he was waiting for them to find him a bed somewhere so they could observe him going slowly out of his mind with worry. All he wanted to do was get back to Ryan. But someone in a white coat had insisted he needed to stay, and Nick had convinced him it was a good idea, strategically speaking. Just in case.
Raven found himself exhausted, both mentally and physically. He absently ran a finger over the plaster covering his left arm from knuckles to elbow. It probably wouldn’t have been so bad if he wasn’t left-handed. Looking after Ryan like this was going to be difficult. The stab of pain as several cracked ribs reminded him sharply that his wrist wasn’t the only casualty of the day underlined the conclusion. Still, as one of the white coats had pointed out, he’d been lucky. Plenty of people broke their necks falling down stairs.
He shivered just thinking about it. Ryan would have been left all alone. He really needed to think about how he was going to deal with that possibility.
At the end of the day, Ryan was the one and only reason he had agreed to talk to the police. In the past, more than one police officer had been the enemy. No one ever believed the man was the victim. Maria would only have to turn sad brown eyes on most of them and instantly they’d be looking at him like he was the scum of the earth. It wasn’t fair, but then few things were. But he was so scared—not for himself, but for his little boy—that he really hadn’t been given a choice. It seemed to be his best and only chance to record why she should never be given custody of Ryan, no matter what happened to him.
And in a way, he was glad Maria had finally been backed into a corner. Not glad she’d pushed him down the stairs, obviously. But in the ranting and raving she’d done, he’d realised one thing. She’d discovered she didn’t have any legal recourse just like Nick had said she wouldn’t. That’s why she’d come to the apartment. To bully him. If it had only been him, maybe it would have worked. But with Ryan to protect—not happening. And she’d been mad enough to spit fire…or push someone down the stairs, as it turned out.
“Knock, knock.” Jaime poked her head around the edge of the curtain. “Hey, little brother, how you doing?”
“Okay.”
“Can I come in?” Raven nodded, but his confusion at her greeting must have shown, because as Jaime leaned in to kiss his cheek, she whispered, “I told them I was your sister. Just in case anyone wanted to stop me coming in to see you.”
“Where’s M-Mark?”
“Here.”
Raven focused in on Mark as he slid into the cubicle beside Jaime.
“My husband,” Jaime said with a smile as she looped her arm through Mark’s. “Aren’t I a lucky girl?”
The grin slowly faded as she looked between Raven and Mark.
He had no idea what to say to Mark. So many things were going on right now, he wasn’t sure he had anything left to deal with the mess they were in. It was a painful ache competing with a whole host of hurts.
“What are you g-guys still doing here?” Raven finally managed.
“We hung around to give you a ride back to Sandpipers,” Jaime said, sounding a little nervous—as if she’d sensed the elephant in the room with them but couldn’t see it. “But it sounds like they want to keep you in for observation.”
Raven nodded again. “Thank you, though. I mean…I’m sorry you hung around for nnothing.”
“Not nothing, honey. We were worried about you.” Jaime took his uninjured hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Me too,” Mark added in a low rumble.
Raven couldn’t look at them anymore. The sympathy and sincerity was too much when he was feeling so worn down and tired. It threatened the thin veneer of his composure. “Thank you.”
Jaime squeezed his hand again. “Do you need anything?”
Raven shook his head, then wished he hadn’t. The bump on the back reminded him it was there with a sharp stab of pain.
But at least it brought him back to focus. “Wait. Can you c-call the guys and let them know I have to stay in?”
“Already done,” Jaime said. “We called them before we came in here. I said I’d give them an update after we spoke to you.”
“Thanks. Can you… I d-don’t want Ryan to w-worry.”
“They’ll look after him.”
“I know. I just…” His thoughts trailed off. He wasn’t sure what he wanted or expected them to do so Ryan wouldn’t worry.
“Do you know how long they’re keeping you in?” Mark asked—too quietly—then cleared his throat. “Ryan will probably want to know.”
Mark was right. It was exactly the sort of thing Ryan would need. With his thing for time, he’d probably want to know right down to the number of minutes. But Raven wasn’t sure himself. So many people had said so many things and asked so many questions over the last couple of hours, he didn’t remember anything.
Raven shook his head. “I’m n-not sure.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just go and see if I can find someone to tell us how long you’re likely to be in,” Jaime said. “We can organise to come and pick you up when you’re ready to get out that way too.”
“Does it count if I’m r-ready now?”
Jaime chuckled and patted his leg through the blankets. “Afraid not, honey. I’ll be right back.”
Raven swallowed and picked absently at a loose thread on the sheet under his right hand. His left still throbbed too much to move his fingers. The tension mounted in the little curtained room with each passing second. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to say something.
“Are you here to say I t-told you so?”
“No! Of course not.”
“I wouldn’t b-blame you if you did.”
“Raven, I never—”
“Nick says this will help r-rush the interim p-protection orders through for us at least.”
Mark hesitated, as if wanting to go back to what he’d been about to say. But finally he settled on, “That’s good.”
Raven was obscenely grateful. He didn’t want to go back to the conversation they’d had the day before. Or was it the day before that now? It was hard to tell in the brightly lit emergency room, disconnected from time and reality. Either way, he had no idea what had prompted him to bring that particular tête-á-tête up. Masochism perhaps.
“It’s just a p-piece of p-paper. But…at least I’ll have something.”
“You never had one before?”
Raven bristled. “You have no idea what it was like.” Mark looked stricken, but Raven couldn’t stop. Years of anger and frustration were bubbling to the surface. “No one ever believes the g-guy. Maybe now they will. If I ever have to c-call the police, I have a c-court order they might listen to. But back then…if I’d started something like this, she w-would have taken Ryan. They always give the kids to the m-mother. She w-would have taken him and I never w-would have stood a ch-chance.”
“I’m sorry,” Mark said in such a small voice it was almost impossible to hear.
Raven swallowed. He’d started now so he might as well get it all out. “I was trying to gget everything in place to t-take her on and win Ryan. I knew I n-needed a lawyer but…she took all the money. She controlled everything. She even insisted Ryan call her M-Mother and me R-Raymond in some kind of twisted p-power thing. She’s…” Honestly there just weren’t words to describe life with Maria. The thousands of humiliating little mental and emotional wounds that were every bit as crippling as the physical abuse had ever been. “That’s why I started writing. To t-try and get away. Then she disappeared and it was…”
He really couldn’t express how he’d felt the day he realised she had gone. That she wasn’t coming home. There hadn’t been enough money for food or rent. He’d been forced to bunk in with his drug-addicted brother while he scraped things back together and got the divorce through. But he’d never felt so relieved—as if a weight had finally lifted and he could breathe for the first time in years.
“Raven…”
He needed that freedom to breathe again.
“I n-need you to give me some space right now, M-Mark.”
Even to his ears it sounded harsh and dismissive. He tensed, waiting for the angry words. The fight. But guilt was all that came.
Mark just swallowed and nodded slowly. Which was somehow so much worse. “If that’s what you want.”
Honestly, Raven had no idea if it was or not. Doubt ate at the edges of his resolve. But he couldn’t back down. “I’m sorry. I just… I have to focus on Ryan. I can’t th-think about anything else. I can’t be what you w-want.”
“I don’t want you to
be
anything, Raven. I only want to help you.”
“N-no, you want everything to be p-perfect and fixable. But…none of this is ever going to be p-perfect.”
“I never wanted or expected perfect.” Mark’s voice rose and his expression turned incredulous. “I’m about as far from perfect as you can possibly get.”
Raven couldn’t hold back a snort. Mark was the most organised and together man he’d ever met.
“Don’t!” Mark snapped.
Raven flinched at the hard bark and Mark froze. For a moment, everything stopped as they stared at one another.
Then Mark closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he ran his hand through his hair. “Sometimes…sometimes I feel so wound up and tight. I need things organised and planned or it freaks me out. And…I need to be doing something. I can’t just sit back.”
Mark looked so vulnerable in that moment Raven almost found himself caving in. Only the thought of what that sort of weakness could lead to, of how many times Maria had trapped him with it, held him back.
“I can’t do it again, M-Mark. I can’t be with someone that w-wants to control me.”
“You think…” Mark blinked at him, all the life and vitality draining away from his face. “You think I’m like her? That I would ever do something like that to you?”
“I don’t… I d-don’t know.”
Mark shook his head in disbelief. “What have I ever done to deserve that?”
Pain clawed at Raven’s chest. His cracked ribs didn’t even register against the agony crushing his heart right now. “I just… I c-can’t think right now. I can’t risk it. I never want to be that w-weak again.”
“Then she’s won,” Mark said, his voice so rough and harsh it was barely more than a growl. Without another word, he turned and walked out.
Raven called after him but Mark didn’t return. And he had no idea why it hurt so much when it was exactly what he’d asked for.