Jaded (15 page)

The thought jarred him. Maybe not perfect, he reasoned, but perfect
for him.
So what did that mean? He didn’t know how much longer he could pretend like he didn’t want to extend their relationship. Physical pleasure was his domain, but the emotional stuff was uncharted territory. Knowing that he wasn’t cut out for it didn’t help boost his confidence. His rock-solid womanizer reputation also did nothing for this change of heart. What would his friends say? Who was Luke without the women? He didn’t even know this side of him; it felt like he was giving birth to an entire new Luke, some sort of suffocated alter-ego that had been living dormant in the deepest pits of his heart.

Isabella meant a lot of things to him. He could sense the roots she was planting in his life. And it was
completely
terrifying.

“Here we go. Let’s enjoy a nice episode of
Friends
.”

“Nah, I say we watch some soccer.” He plopped onto the couch and took the remote.

“Hey! You can’t change the channel!”

“Oops!” He changed the channel. “It looks like I just did.”

She sat next to him, eyeing him cautiously. “I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Well, if I’m gonna be here all the time, I might as well live like I do at my house.”

“By taking control of the remote?”

“Yeah.” He stared at the TV, ignoring her penetrating gaze. Every cell in his body was focused on her, aware of her every move and breath.

Without a word, she dove for the remote. He effortlessly held it out of her reach as she scrambled to steal it. He laughed.

“Poor girl. You underestimate my skill.”

She made one last lunge for it and he tucked it beneath him.

“Luke, I hate sports.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, really. I’d rather die than watch sports.”

“What a shame.”

She huffed, unable to hide her smile. “You don’t understand! If I watch sports, I’ll-I’ll-I’ll combust. Or something.”

“Ah, it’s not serious.”

She turned to the TV, crossing her arms over her chest. He noticed the exaggerated pout on her face and laughed.

“Oh, don’t cry, Issy.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Issy? Why not? It’s cute.”

“I like Bella better.”

“So you prefer the nickname I gave you?” He grinned at her, relishing the flutter in his heart.

“I do. And my sister called me Issy growing up. It’s like a childhood name. One that I’d rather get away from.”

He pinched her cheek and turned back to the TV, staring blankly at the soccer game. He couldn’t have cared less about the game—all he wanted was this time with her, this nearness, the feel of her warmth beside him.

Out of nowhere, she buried her hands beneath him, searching for the remote. He laughed, pushing her away.

“You won’t get it,” he warned, retrieving it from beneath him. He tucked it inside his pants.

“Oh, I’m not afraid to go down there,” she said, eyes sparkling.

“All right, then. Get it.”

She kept eye contact with him and lifted the elastic of his pants. She reached inside, arching a brow as she brushed his semi-erect penis, and grabbed the remote.

“Too easy,” she said, a smile playing at her lips. “It was a trick.”

He shrugged coolly as his erection transitioned to rock hard. “Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t.” She looked down between his legs and gave him a coy smile that made his heart skip a beat. He reminded himself to play it cool.

“What?” he asked, feigning confusion. “You have the remote, aren’t you happy?”

“I guess...” Her gaze lingered on the crotch of his pants, and she started flipping through channels. “Are you up for a movie?”

“Definitely. Make it something scary.”

She stood and walked over to the entertainment set, scanning her DVD collection. “Okay. I can do scary.” She turned to him. “Just don’t try any of that fake yawning shit.”

He smirked. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

She popped in a DVD, turned out the lights, and sat next to him. As soon as she sat down, he stretched out his arms and let out the fakest yawn he could muster. He rested his arm across her shoulders—she gave him a look, but he could tell she was secretly amused.

“Oh, this
is
a scary movie,” he said, pulling her closer.

“Luke, the previews haven’t even started yet.”

“I’m terrified! Hold me close!” He buried his face in her chest, not failing to notice the firmness of her breasts through the shirt. His inhaled discreetly, wanting to get a clandestine whiff of her scent. He caught it, briefly, and felt the tingles erupt in his stomach again.

“Get up,” she said with a groan. Before he lifted his head, he snuck a hand beneath her shirt and nipped at a breast. She raised her eyebrows and smiled.

“If you want, this could always be a naked movie viewing.”

“If we went that route, I wouldn’t be able to watch the movie.”

“And why not?”

“Babe, if you’re not aware how sexy you are by now, you need a serious reality check.”

She blushed and looked away.

“But if you insist...” he stood and dropped his shorts, stepping out of them. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his shirt over his head.

“Keep going...” she prompted, eyes glued to his chest.

“This has to be a reciprocal thing. I’m not getting swindled out of my share again.” He winked at her, and she fought to hide a smile.

“Fine. But what if I just want to look at you?”

He shrugged. “Eat me up, babe.” He gestured to his body. “You like what you see?”

Isabella grinned. “You know I do.”

He reached for her hand and pulled her up from the couch. He pressed her close against him at the small of her back, and she inhaled sharply. Her hands found his waist, slid across his low back, and then up the expanse of his shoulders until settling around his neck. They looked deeply at each other. Luke felt something intense pulsating in the back of his mind, something heavy and begging for attention. This moment had started out so erotic and was suddenly entirely different. Something flashed in Isabella’s eyes. He leaned in to kiss her but she turned her head and walked away from him.

“I better keep my clothes on,” she said, “or else things could get out of control like they always do.” She sat on the couch again and folded her knees to her chest.

He smiled but reached for his shorts, stepping into them once more. “Why avoid the inevitable?”

She was silent as she stared at the screen.

He tugged his shirt over his head and watched her, waiting for some reaction or look, but nothing came. He sat on the couch next to her and waited a bit longer. Still nothing.

“I like you, Isabella.”

“You’ve made that clear already.”

Luke was certain, by this point, that Isabella was undergoing one of her mood changes. She must have had a sudden attack of conscience. He sighed. “Well, I just wish we could...
do
something about it.”

“If you want me to suck you off now, just ask.”

He groaned. “No, that’s not what I mean! Don’t be so vulgar.”

“Okay, then, what do you mean?”

“Babe, you’re obviously denying me.”

She stared hard at him.

“I want you and you want me. That’s just how it is. But you’re blowing hot and cold! One minute you want me, the next minute you can’t stand to look at me. I can’t tell you how much fun that is for me, by the way.”

She covered her face with her hands and he laughed. “See, that’s just what I mean! You can’t even look at me right now.”

“Luke, you don’t understand something about me. I’m not going to be swayed into thinking we can have a relationship that will work, because something will go wrong, and I will be left crying into my pillow for weeks on end. To top it off, you don’t even have experience in relationships; you wouldn’t know how to handle me, to handle
us,
and it would go to pieces. I’m not ready for that again—I’m not ready for that
ever
again.”

He threw his hands into the air. “Listen to yourself! Why can’t you just go with the flow?”

She was silent, picking at the couch. “I’m still on the rebound you know.”

Her words rocked him into a stunned silence. He knew what she was implying—her attraction to him was only the effect of her breakup with her boyfriend. She didn’t really like him. They
weren’t
going anywhere. She could be feeding him lines, for all he knew. He was just a toy to her until she got over whatever creep before him.

His heart writhed in his chest. This time not from desire—from anxiety. He didn’t know what to say to her. A thick, awkward silence passed between them.

“Why does you always resort to this?” he spat out, glaring at her. “Somehow, you always manage to turn things around—”

“Me? How it is my fault?”

“You’re constantly telling me two different things! One minute you want me, the next minute you’re kicking me out of your house!”

“It would help if you didn’t piss me off!”

“How did I piss you off? I didn’t even
say
anything!” His mind was spinning. They sounded like an old married couple. Maybe they weren’t good for each other. If after just over a week of knowing each other they could press each other’s wrong buttons so much, it had to be a sign that they were horribly ill-matched.

“Listen, I’m sorry.” She paused, gnawing on her lip. “I’m acting like a child. I see this, and I hate it as much as you do. I like you a lot, and you know that. We can’t stay away from each other, but I think it would be in our best interests if nothing happened between us. I’m sure you would agree. You’re not fit for the type of relationship I’m looking for.” She squeezed her eyes shut, seeming to be chiding herself inwardly. “And I’m not even
looking
for a relationship, anyway.”

He clenched his fists. No, he
was
fit for her type of relationship. He wanted to try it, now that he had found someone worth falling for. She’d been the only woman to make him look at his lifestyle and reconsider the possibilities.

“Well, babe, if that’s what you think...that’s it. I can’t change your mind.” He reached for his shoes and put them on.

“Are you leaving?” she asked softly.

“You said it yourself. It’s in our best interests if nothing happens, and when I’m around you I can’t keep my hands off you. So yes, I’m leaving.” Leaving was the last thing he wanted to do, but it was important to him that he obey her wishes, even if it meant taking him away from her. Besides, he figured the decision would revert back in his favor again soon enough.

She sighed, a perplexed look hardening her soft features. “No, I don’t want you to go. I”—She paused, massaging her forehead with her fingers—”I’m really sorry. For the confusion, for the hem-hawing, for all of it. I just don’t want to get hurt ever again.”

His heart softened at her pain. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips.

“I would never hurt you.”

She looked up at him, unconvinced. “I can’t believe that.”

“How can I prove it to you?”

She sighed and looked away. “You can’t.”

He took her into his arms and hugged her tightly. She complied, falling into his embrace. His skin tingled where her bare skin was touching his—all he could think of was how good it felt to hold her, and how badly he wanted her to see that they might actually have a chance together.

Suddenly, his thoughts screeched to a halt. What had gotten into him? His whole life he’d been a ladies’ man. Until last week, the thought of a steady relationship had been the farthest thing from his mind. And now he was suddenly yearning for it, craving Isabella’s constant presence and devotion. Was he
insane
? He’d never had such careening emotions like the ones he experienced in her presence. It was like her indecision rubbed off on him. Somehow, her past pushed him to prove that he could succeed in the present. He wanted to show her that he really could be what she wanted. He’d never been in love, and Isabella was showing him that there was a whole new aspect of life he’d been missing out on. She just wasn’t willing to break him in.

“Do you want to go relax or something?” he asked, brushing his fingers over her jaw line.

“I kinda want to take a nice hot bath.” She looked up at him and smiled. “And you can join me.”

The temptation was too great. He knew where things would lead—the whole mess they’d just sorted out would start all over again, and he’d probably leave her house angry and ready to punch something. But he was willing to look past that, if it meant he could spend a few special moments with her.

“That sounds pretty nice,” he said, forcing a laugh. It sounded better than nice—it sounded like his personal idea of heaven.

They walked up the stairs in silence, their conversation weighing heavily on his mind. When they entered the bathroom, Isabella turned on the water and dimmed the lights.

“Sexy,” he whispered.

“Not yet,” she said, picking up a book of matches. She lit the candles surrounding the Jacuzzi tub and poured in some bubbles. The room was bathed in soft, romantic light. Luke’s heart felt free and he was excited to see where this night would lead, even if it didn’t end in intimacy. He was like a schoolboy, excited for the day’s lessons. These thoughts made him feel a little silly, but he relished how new and exciting it was.

The tub was soon roiling with bubbles and the air was sticky and sultry. She turned to him.

“Ready?”

She slid off her panties and unhooked her bra. She stood naked before him, watching him coyly.

“Oh, yeah,” he said, eyes sliding across her body. He stumbled out of his pants and boxers, unable to pry his eyes off her nakedness.

She stepped into the tub, beckoning for him to follow. He couldn’t have done anything but follow her; her sexy gaze rendered him helpless.

They sank into the hot water. She let out a deep moan in the back of her throat.

“This is luxury,” she said as she lowered herself farther into the water. Without warning, she dipped beneath the surface.

He wished she hadn’t done that. If he’d possessed any ounce of control before getting into the bath, it was whisked away with that sexy moan. His erection was straining again, and all of his bottled-up urges from the other night came rushing forward.