Jaded (28 page)

His intention wasn’t
purely
to attract her. More than anything, he wanted to have a conversation with her, wanted to hear her voice and make a few steps toward forgiveness. And if he could get a few kisses out of the mix, he’d be all the better.

“This is a nice way to relax after work,” he said with a sigh, sinking into the formed seat.

“Yeah.” She looked off into the distance. She was trying her best to ignore him, he saw. He had to play his cards right—this could be his only chance.

“We’re almost done, you know,” he said. “Only two more weeks, at most.”

“Good.”

His heart wrenched in his chest. “Aren’t you gonna miss us?”

She laughed bitterly. “Nope.”

His mind reeled as he realized the conversation was quickly going nowhere. He sighed, running his hands through his hair, wondering what might elicit a response from her when she was so determined to ignore him.

“So Kitty’s wedding is coming up soon, isn’t it?”

“Yep.”

He sighed. “Isabella, just talk to me.”

“I am.”

“I mean,
talk
to me.”

Her eyes darkened. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”

An awkward silence settled between them.

“I’d like to know that I can still see you and talk to you after we’re finished here.”

“Well, you know where I live.”

“That’s hardly an invitation.”

“You
expect
an invitation?” Her incredulous stare sent him into silence. He watched her for a few moments, wishing for the entire world he could gather her anger and her pain and everything bad he’d caused and take it on himself.

“I expect you to listen to me, because that’s the type of woman you are.”

She moved to get out of the tub. “I don’t want to hear this.”

“Wait.” He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down into the water, nearer to him than before. His skin prickled and his heart started beating faster. “Please listen to me. Just for a minute. That’s all I’m asking.”

She didn’t say anything and sank into a seat, staring ahead of her.

“I’ve never been in love, not before you.” He paused, trying to judge her reaction. There was none. “And I’m going to be honest with you, more honest than I’ve ever been with anyone else. And that’s how I’ll always be with you. So here it is. It started out as a bet, because that’s what my buddies and I
used
to do. But we’ve never done it without the girl knowing, that’s the thing. I’ve always been upfront about it.”

“And girls go for that type of shit?” Isabella’s voice was like razor blades across his skin. She still wasn’t looking at him.

“They did, yeah. That’s why the guys changed the rules this time.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. “I went along with it even though I didn’t want to. And I knew from the beginning it was wrong. You have to know that. And I wanted to tell you every day. I just never knew how, or when. Especially when I realized how much I liked you.”

He paused again but she offered no reaction this time.

“See, Isabella, I wasn’t interested in a real relationship because deep down I thought it wasn’t worth my time and that there was no one out there for me anyway.” He gulped, hoping that his words would have some sort of effect on her. “I didn’t think these types of feelings were real, especially not for a guy like me. Like it was something just in books. Never once in my life did I ever imagine falling for a girl like this, wanting to commit, or start a relationship, or come look at my medicine cabinet. None of that. But I started to get to know you, Isabella, and I started to see that maybe there
was
someone out there for me. And I fell for you—I fell for you so hard. It started as a bet, but it didn’t end that way. What you heard from Mark was true, but not all the way.”

She sighed and turned her head toward the horizon. “Your attraction wasn’t even real. It was driven by money.”

“That’s not true. I was attracted to you since the first day we started working here. I can tell you the exact time and place when I realized you were different from any other girl.”

There was a silence. Luke added, “I made you pancakes, and you stood up for yourself when I was hitting on you. Do you remember that day?”

Isabella looked away. “I’m sure you spent your money well,” she whispered, blinking out a tear.

“I didn’t spend anything, because I didn’t
get
anything. Being with you can’t be valued in money. I wouldn’t take any amount of money over being with you.”

A strange expression passed over Isabella’s face that Luke couldn’t entirely read. They were silent for a moment as Isabella digested what she’d heard and Luke prayed his words had made a difference.

“How can I trust you when it started as a lie?” Several tears trickled down her cheek.

Luke hung his head, tears choking his throat. “But it was never a lie, not for me. Everything you saw from me, everything, was me being me.” He paused, taking a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. And I have to tell you something else. Do you remember that night I came over and I asked you one more time if you wanted to be with me? And I kissed you, and asked you again, and you told me you didn’t want to be with me?”

She nodded, watching him closely.

“I was hopeless for awhile, because I wanted you for my own and you wouldn’t budge. So I went to the bar one night, the way I used to, because I wanted to get over you.”

He paused, trying to gauge her reaction before he went further. She was expressionless but biting her lip, tears shimmering in her eyes.

“It didn’t work. I met this girl, I took her to my apartment, and the only thing on my mind was getting over you, proving to myself that I could get over you if I wanted to.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Isabella whispered.

“Because you need to know,” Luke said, heart breaking even further as he watched another tear slide down her face. “I didn’t lay a hand on her. I made her leave because I felt so awful, I just felt so guilty for even talking to her. I don’t want her, and I don’t want anyone else! Bella, I want you!”

He paused, watching her for several moments. She said nothing.

“And you have to know, because I’m always going to tell you everything. That is a promise. The things I’m saying to you right now, the things I’ve been feeling...they are terrifying to me. They are so new, so unexpected, that I sometimes feel like someone else is living inside my head. I never dreamed something like this would be possible. Never in a million years. But it happened. I found you.”

Isabella sighed and sank beneath the water. He felt like she had slipped away from him forever.

When she resurfaced, his heart nearly burst inside his chest. She was so beautiful, so delicate yet strong, that Luke’s fingers flexed involuntarily at the mere thought of touching her.

“I think it’s time for my bath,” she said. “You know the way out.”

Her words sliced through his heart, but he struggled to remain calm.

“Wait.”

She paused, looking at him expectantly.

“Come here.”

She looked him up and down. “What?”

He held out his arms. “Come here.”

A range of emotions played across her face. But the one that won out was longing. He saw it, and he acted on it. She moved closer to him, but he bridged the distance and enveloped her in his arms.

His heart exploded with happiness and his body rejoiced. He held her tight, burying his face in her hair, not failing to notice that she had wrapped her arms around his back.

“It feels too perfect,” he whispered into her ear.

She opened her mouth to respond, but clamped it shut.

His hands started working their way around her body, slowly familiarizing themselves with her bodily terrain. He slid his hands across the small of her back and she shivered.

“I miss you so much,” he whispered, bringing his lips dangerously close to hers.

Their eyes locked and he saw fear in her eyes. He saw she was scared of what was going on between them, scared of how she might react to his nearness and his words. He desperately wanted to smooth away her hurt and her confusion until it was gone from her life, forever. He would have given anything to make her happy. Even if it meant she didn’t end up with him. The realization had been painful, but he knew that if he got the chance to explain himself, show and tell his love for her, the rest was up to her. He couldn’t force her to love him. He just hoped, with every fiber in his being, that she would come back to him.

He exhaled slowly, their lips only inches apart. The electricity between them was explosive. He’d been a mess since their near-kiss earlier in the day, and Isabella was driving him crazy in every possible way. He had had no idea how torturous love could be.

She suddenly pulled away and scrambled out of the Jacuzzi. He felt like he’d been punched—the hole in his heart had opened up again. He watched her disappear into the depths of her bedroom and enter the bathroom. The progress he’d made dissolved like a puff of smoke.

He exited the Jacuzzi, fighting tears as he redressed. He walked through her bedroom slowly, trying to imprint the scent of her perfume deep in his brain so that he’d always carry it with him. He watched the bathroom door for a moment, wondering if she’d come running into his arms.

The shower started. With a sigh, he continued onward and walked slowly down the new staircase, each step a heavy
thump
as his work boots took him farther away from her.

He couldn’t make her love him, but he’d spend every waking moment praying that she’d come back to him.
Please, God, just give me one more chance.

Chapter Fourteen

“Isabella, snap out of it,” Kitty said huffily. “We have to
concentrate
.”

She blinked hard. “Sorry.” She’d been blank and jittery all day. She had a pretty good idea why she couldn’t concentrate, though—probably the same reason she hadn’t been able to concentrate on
anything
since last night.

Luke.

It was always Luke.

She and her sister were hunched over a table in their mother’s living room, accompanied by Lizzie and other friends, putting the finishing touches on the favors for the reception. It was one of the few tasks that Kitty had demanded from the clutches of the wedding planner, and being that it was in Kitty’s care, she required the utmost attention.

“What if the priest doesn’t show up?” Kitty murmured absently as she finished a bow on one of the jewel-drenched candles that would sit as a centerpiece on the reception tables.

Their mother tsked at this suggestion. “Believe me, he’ll show up. With what I’m paying him, he’ll be there early.”

“But what about the flowers? They’ll be there by ten, right?”

“Yes, Mom and I took care of that today,” Isabella said, fumbling with the bow on her favor.

“And Isabella—” Kitty locked her eyes on Isabella’s blasé expression. “Have you decided if you’re bringing a guest or not?”

Isabella went blank for a moment. “Uh...I’m not sure...”

Lizzie sent her a pointed glance from across the table.

Kitty sighed exasperatedly. “Why not? It’s not that hard to find a date. Just bring David. As long as you don’t come alone.”

An awkward silence settled between them. Isabella let it pass, cheeks heating up and mind beginning its familiar somersaulting. Lizzie sent her another pointed glance, this time accompanied with a head shake that clearly told her, “No.”

“I’m not sure David is the best bet,” she said. “And why can’t I come alone? I’m not planning on dating anyone for a long time, much less partner myself off one day. I should represent myself the way I really am, right?”

Kitty rolled her eyes but didn’t say anything.

“Honey, I’m sure it’s fine if you don’t bring a date,” her mother began, “but it’s definitely
preferable
if you bring someone. Why might that be, you ask? It just looks better. Common standards of decorum, shall we say?”

This time it was Isabella who rolled her eyes. “So am I kicked out of the family if I don’t bring a date?”

“No, dear, of course not,” their mother said quickly. “We’ll always love you regardless of your poor decisions.”

Isabella almost choked and Lizzie bit back a laugh. Isabella’s mother was famous for her blatant stereotyping, her no-nonsense categorization of life, and a fierce adherence to a lifestyle and “standards of decorum” that Isabella just couldn’t partake in.

“Thanks, Mom,” Isabella said dryly, “I appreciate that.”

“Well, what are mothers for?”

Isabella couldn’t help but laugh. Sometimes she was positive she’d been adopted.

“I need to know, though, Isabella,” Kitty snapped cattily. “I’m stressed enough as it is.”

“I’ll let you know by next week,” she said, not intending to make any real effort to find a date. This satisfied her sister and Isabella zoned out again, focusing on the up-over-through of the bow tying before her.

As soon as her mind cleared for the briefest of moments, Luke invaded the empty space in her skull. Everything about him, but especially what he’d told her the day before, the way he’d slipped into the Jacuzzi so
naked
, his tear-choked voice, his desperation as they’d almost kissed...

It was enough to drive her insane. She’d never get over him if she didn’t stop thinking about him.

What drove her nearest to the point of insanity was the way she was tempted to forgive him. His speech last night had pierced her soul. She had wanted to hear why she should forgive him, why she should still be in love with him. And she’d gotten it...but she wasn’t satisfied yet.

She didn’t know what she was waiting for. If she didn’t forgive him now, she’d never forgive him. There was nothing more he could say or do that would change things. She’d heard it all, she’d seen it all.