Janet Quin-Harkin (40 page)

“I believe you’re hanging on here until the strawberries are ripe,” she said, teasing him.

“I’m hanging on here because I’m enjoying your company so much,” he said gently. “I had forgotten how much I always enjoyed myself with you. You are like a breath of fresh air, Libby.”

Libby laughed, but she was touched.

When she was putting the children to bed that night Eden asked, “Is it true that I used to have a whole closet full of dresses back in Boston? And did we have ice cream all the time?”

“I suppose so,” Libby said. “Has Mr. Knotts been talking to you about Boston?”

“Yes,” Eden said, blushing.

“What did he say?”

“He asked us if we’d really like to go back one day.”

“And what did you say?”

“I said maybe someday,” Eden answered truthfully. “I’d like to go to dances and out skating in winter and picnics on the seashore. Do you miss all that stuff, Mama?”

“Sometimes,” Libby said. “I miss having people around sometimes. I miss being able to be carefree. But after this summer we should have the money to do what we want.”

“You mean take a trip back to Boston if we wanted to?”

“If we wanted to,” Libby said.

“I want to see my grandfather,” Bliss said stubbornly from her bed. “I want to show my new baby brother to my grandparents. Do you think they’ll like Noel, Mama?”

“I should think anybody would like Noel,” Libby said. “He’s a delightful baby. But he’s too young to take on a long trip yet.”

When she lay in bed that night, hearing Edward’s rhythmic breathing coming from the living room, she thought seriously about Boston. What would it be like to be back in a place where they were safe, where they would never have to worry again about hunger or bandits or lack of doctors or wildfires? A place where men treated you as if you were made of finest china and held out their hands to escort you up steps, opened doors for you, stood up when you came into the room and jumped to hand you your wrap, the way Edward was doing.

There are things that I miss, she thought, and having a charming man to wait on me is one of them! Her thoughts went one stage further. Why, of all the men her father could have asked, did Edward Knotts volunteer to come?

The next day they strolled together along the creek, beneath the willows. Tiny fish darted through crystal-clear pools. Libby sat on a large rock, jutting out over the water.

“You look just like a mermaid,” Edward said. “I shall expect you to start combing your long flowing hair and luring poor sailors to their death at any minute.”

Libby looked down to him and smiled. “Dear Edward,” she said. “You are the first man who has treated me like a woman in so very long. I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed seeing you again.”

“And I you, Libby,” he said. “When I heard that Hugh was dead, I should have felt sadness, but do you know what happened? My heart did a complete somersault. She’s free! It shouted to me. And all this time I’ve been plucking up the courage to ask you.” He came closer until he was standing beside her. “I know you don’t love me the way you loved Hugh, Libby,” he said, “but you’re comfortable with me, aren’t you? We laugh when we’re together. I’d make you a good husband and be a good father to those poor children who need a father so badly.” He reached out tentatively and took the fingers of her left hand. “Won’t you marry me and come back to Boston? This is no life for a woman like you. You’ve survived wonderfully well, but the ordeal is over now. You can come home with pride and your head held high. What do you say, Libby?”

“I’m very touched, Edward,” Libby said, “but I need time to think it over.”

“That’s wonderful, Libby,” he said, his face flushing bright red. “That’s much better than a straight no. I can keep on hoping.”

“I want to make sure of one thing first,” Libby said. “That you are not offering to marry me out of pity.”

“Pity? Good God, no!” Edward said. “The very opposite, in fact. I want you to come home.”

Home, Libby thought as they went back silently to the house. Just where was home? Did she really belong with someone like Edward Percival Knotts?

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. He was walking, pink and panting, back up the hill, pausing to mop his brow with his handkerchief. He was solid and reliable. He’d make the children a good father. Even if she could never love him, he’d always been devoted to her, which was better than nothing.

This was her chance to get back to a civilized world where food came from a store and her greatest worry would be over the color of her new hat. She didn’t want to be alone forever. Who would she ever find to marry out here? Didn’t she want to be safe?

The arguments were very compelling. The children did deserve more than this savage existence, she admitted. There was nobody to protect her here, and as for ever seeing Gabe again—she had to admit he was gone forever. He was now probably settled with somebody else, maybe even with that beautiful woman at the hotel. This might be her one chance of happiness.

“Are you still thinking it over, Libby?” he asked at dinner.

She nodded. “It’s a big decision to make.”

“Then don’t make the decision right now. Come back to Boston with me and we can have the whole voyage to decide whether marriage is right for us. I’ll respect your wishes, although I hope that all those weeks on the ship will be enough to convince you that you love me.”

Libby laughed. “You are very sweet, Edward,” she said. “You’ve always been a good friend to me. I am still touched that you made this terrible journey for me.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he said. “If you marry me, I’ll be your slave forever, I promise you. What a wonderful life we could have, Libby. We’ll have the finest house in town and maybe a little summer place at the Cape. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Right where you fell in the ocean! Maybe we could get a house at the edge of town where you could have a big garden, since you are now so interested in growing things.”

“All this is going to cost a lot of money, Edward,” Libby said. “Your law practice must be going very well, or have you come into a fortune since I saw you last?”

Edward turned very red. “I am not penniless, Libby,” he said, “and of course you are not without money yourself. In fact your father has hinted . . .” He broke off, then said hastily, “Of course I was just speaking in the long term. Long-term plans and dreams, Libby.”

But Libby was sharp enough to notice his embarrassment. Was her money the big attraction after all, she wondered. He must know that she stood to inherit a large fortune if her father reinstated her in the will. Had they made some sort of bargain between them, her father and Edward? He was to bring her home and in return was to get her hand and a settlement? She could imagine them sitting On either side of the fireplace in the big leather chairs, calmly making those plans, talking out her future as if she had no say in it at all.

Unable to sleep that night as she tried to get her jumbled thoughts in order, she went though to the children’s room. She looked down at the three little angelic faces. She wanted to do what was right for them. And she supposed they would be better off with a father and a home in Boston.

Eden opened her eyes as her mother stood over her. “What’s the matter, Mama?” she whispered.

“I just came to check that you’re all right,” Libby said.

“I thought we were getting ready to go to Boston,” Eden said.

Libby smiled. “What gave you that idea?”

“Mr. Knotts said we’d be leaving soon,” Eden said seriously. “He said we’d all be going to Boston together.”

“Did he?” Libby said. “What else did he say?”

“He said our grandparents wanted to see us again and you’d have to agree.”

“I see,” Libby said quietly. “Mr. Knotts doesn’t know me very well, does he?” she asked, bending to give Eden a kiss. “If he did, he’d know how very stubborn I am and how hard it is to make me do something I don’t want to.”

Eden wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck. “So we’re not going with him?”

“Do you want to?”

“Not if I have to wear shoes again,” Eden said.

Libby laughed. “You’ll have to wear shoes again one day, just as I’ll have to wear corsets. But I guess it can wait a little while.”

Next morning Libby faced Edward calmly. “I can’t marry you,” she said, “although I thank you for the kind offer. I’ll always appreciate it, Edward, but it would be wrong to marry without love. If I married you, it would only be a way to escape from this terrible burden of responsibility I feel for my children. But I’ve grown strong out here. I’m brave enough to resist the temptation to escape. I’d like to see it through out here, to see if I have my father’s ability with money after all.”

Edward had turned very red again. “It’s not right for you to waste your life out here, and think of those poor children. They are growing up, if you’ll pardon my saying so, like savages, Libby.”

“I plan to find them a governess soon,” Libby said. “And I’ve been teaching them myself. Besides, they are my children and I’m the only one who can decide how I want them brought up.”

“Not exactly true,” Edward said, his face flushing once more.

“What are you trying to say?” Libby asked suspiciously.

Edward’s face turned even darker red. “Your father has filed documents to make himself official guardian of the two girls.”

“He has what?”

“Now, please calm yourself Libby and do try to see sense,” Edward said. “I had my instructions to bring the girls home with me, whether you wanted to come or not. Your father is now their legal guardian.”

“In the state of Massachusetts, maybe,” Libby said, “but I am not in the state of Massachusetts.”

“I think they would stand up in a court of law out here,” Edward said.

“You’d really do that, Edward?” Libby asked, fighting to remain calm. “You’d really have my children taken away from me?”

Edward cleared his throat in embarrassment. “I had hoped it wouldn’t come to this, Libby, but I do represent your father. As a lawyer, my responsibility is to my client. I’m afraid I’m going to have to present these documents at the nearest court, wherever that may be.”

Libby got to her feet. “Do your damndest, Edward, but you’ll not manage to take these children away from me. There’s only one law here, and it is the gun. If you show up at this house again, you’ll find my rifle waiting for you.”

“Libby, this is so uncivilized,” Edward said, the color draining from his face.

“So is trying to sneak a woman’s children away from her on the pretense of coming to court her,” Libby said.

“It wasn’t a pretense. I really did want to marry you. I still do,” Edward said. “I would not have undertaken the journey if I had no personal feelings for you.”

“Naturally,” Libby said coldly, “but I suspect the promise of a large settlement helped sway your feelings, didn’t it, Edward?” She turned away from him. “If I ever marry again, believe me, it will be someone who is stronger than me and who can’t be bought at any price.”

“And where will you find him in these backwoods, Libby?” Edward asked.

“You’d be surprised at what there is to find in these backwoods, Edward,” Libby said. “Now please pack your things and go. It’s a long ride back to Sacramento.”

F
OR SEVERAL WEEKS
after Edward Knotts’ hasty departure on his rented horse, Libby did not let the children out of her sight. She would only allow them down to the fields when she was with them and she kept her rifle with her at all times. She also told Don Miguel and Manuel of the situation and they had instructions to ride up and disappear with the children if a large group of strangers was seen approaching. But as spring turned to summer and no posse made its way up from Sacramento, Libby began to believe that either Edward Knotts had not been able to prove his case in a California court, or else, which she rather suspected, that he was essentially a coward and afraid to face this new hostile frontiers-woman and her gun. She wondered if he would lie when he went home and claim not to have found her.

April 28, 1851. I had a very narrow escape
, she wrote in her diary.
I cannot believe that I seriously considered marrying Edward Knotts. What a miserable life I would have condemned not only myself but the children to. He is obviously weak enough to be swayed by the wind and clearly did not love me at all
.

She had purchased a new, leatherbound book in San Francisco and had begun to write in it again after Noel’s birth. It seemed right and proper to start a new diary with the beginning of a new life. As for the time between the loss of her old diary and the start of the new, she felt no need to put it down on paper. It was all indelibly written in her heart.

She did realize, of course, as she finished writing, that she had now sealed her fate and was stuck in California for good. There would now be no chance of going home. Her father was now irrevocably her enemy, but it didn’t seem to matter anymore. She was more angry than hurt that her own father had tried to trick her out of her children. He obviously didn’t love me very much, she decided, or he would not have tried to do such an underhanded and terrible thing.

She began to worry less. Everything began to blossom and produce fruit in great abundance. The Chinese workers picked nonstop and Libby made daily rounds of the nearest stores and weekly trips down to Hopkins’ store in Sacramento. She even started sending the less perishable stuff by steamer to San Francisco and received more orders from that city than she could fill.

When she came back from Sacramento, her head was full of plans for expansion. It seemed that there was a market for as much as she could ever grow. Even if she doubled or tripled the size of the fields, she’d still be able to sell at the rate San Francisco was growing. If she then bought her own fast-freight wagons, she’d be able to get the perishable stuff down without spoiling. Just think what they’d pay for fresh strawberries once a week, she thought. The big mansion on the hill where other mansions were already going up did not seem so far off.

“I think the time has come to hire more workers and prepare more land, Ah Fong,” she said as they walked together between rows of head-high, feathery corn. “Can you arrange to come down to San Francisco with me and find more Chinese?”