Jars of Clay (6 page)

“We have spoken about it,” he said.

“You–you two are friends?”

“Not exactly friends. Not like you and me, Helena.”

She leaned back, her chest tight with anger. “I feel I am a fool, like the secret has been between you and
her
and not you and me!”

“You are no fool! Never have I met a wiser, more intelligent woman. Felicity and I have in a way grown up together. She is like a sister to me.”

“Why haven’t you spoken of her before now?”

“I don’t know. When your father gave her to you, I felt it was not my place.”

“But it is your place today?”

“I am trying to find my place. With you.” He rubbed his face, exasperated. He leaned closer. “Try as I will, Helena, I cannot keep myself from loving you. This is my confession to you. You see me as a student, as a friend maybe, I see you as much more than that. I am tortured in my dreams, for my greatest anxiety is that you will never see me as more than the son of a freedman in your father’s service!”

“Oh, Lucius,” she said, her eyes burning with tears. He had broached the unspeakable, the forbidden. “Please, don’t do this.”

“I am sorry. It is already done.”

He cupped her chin with his hand. She didn’t pull away. He tilted his head down and kissed her.

She closed her eyes and yielded, her lips stroking his. Then she put a trembling hand on his chest and pushed lightly.

“You must never do that again,” she whispered.

“But, you want me to. Don’t you?”

“What I want and what you want does not factor in.” Helena sighed heavily. Her heart burned, for more than anything she desired to throw herself into his arms.

Lucius tensed. “Shh. I hear something.”

A cracking of twigs underfoot. Helena’s heart took off like a chariot. Someone was out there!

A low voice called out, “Hello?”

“It’s Gordian!” Helena whispered, her panic rising to the surface.

Lucius rolled under the brush beside them just as Gordian’s head popped through the opening. Helena jumped to her feet, pulling the blanket off the ground, erasing the indentations that showed two bodies had been lying on it.

“Gordian, you startled me,” she said, smoothing her tunic and pressing fly away strands of hair against her head.

“What’s going on here?” He looked at her sharply, with suspicion.

His face had filled in with a dark beard, through which his lips curled in a snarl. He had an angry gash on his forehead that made him appear all the more menacing.

“Helena? Are you here with someone?”

“Of course not.” She kept her back to where she knew Lucius was hiding, hoping to conceal him with her body. She forced a light hearted tone. “I’m merely writing in my journal.”

“Here? What’s wrong with the villa?”

“I get bored of being in the villa all day.” She bent down to roll the map, as she spoke, hoping that her brother wouldn’t notice she had more than her journal with her.

“You, of course, couldn’t imagine it since you get to go out with Father all the time. You even go out of Carthage with the army, whereas I have been no further than Thurbo Minor.

“But why so far? Why this place?” Gordian put his hands on his hips, pondering her situation. “It could be dangerous. The slave compound is near here.”

“I don’t usually come here. I thought a storm was approaching, and I meant to get out of the wind.”

She walked purposefully toward him, hoping he would turn and follow her out. He grabbed her arm tightly, abruptly stopping her.

Not wanting Lucius to hear, she lowered her voice, “Gordian, you’re hurting me.” She was more afraid Lucius would do something drastic and reveal himself, than she was of being bruised by her brother.

Gordian pressed against her. “I swear to the gods, sister, if I find you have a lover, I will kill him with my own bare hands.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,
brother
. Whom would
I
meet?” She shook herself free. “Father is expecting my return.”

She turned and thanked the gods when Gordian followed without another word.

Chapter Fifteen

HELENA’S JOURNAL

Oh to the gods! What have I done??? I’ve fallen in love with a servant! I am the most foolish of Roman maidens! He kissed me, and I let him. I should have slapped him, reported him and had him hung. Yet all I can do is think of the warmth of his kiss and how alive I feel when I am near him.

What have I done to be so cursed? Why do the gods hate me? Is it because I willingly deceived my family? I know I have shamed my father before the gods. They are laughing and ridiculing me in the heavens even now.

And now Gordian suspects me. If he were to find us out, I have no doubt he would do as he threatened—and more! Lucius would die and the fate of his family would also be in jeopardy.

What am I to do? I cannot bear the thought of knowing Lucius is nearby and yet so out of my reach.

But it’s too dangerous. I could not live with myself if something happened to Lucius because of me. I must never see him again. Never! I will be the most wretched of creatures but it is my fate and my duty.

I must be strong. Oh, holy Diana, help me to be strong.

Chapter Sixteen

FELICITY

As she did with every other afternoon when dismissed by Helena, Felicity returned to her mother to help with the household laundry, but this time she knew her lady was not sneaking away to instruct Lucius in Latin. She remained in her chamber as she had said she would.

Felicity wondered what had happened. Had they quarreled? Had Helena finally tired of Lucius? Perhaps Lucius felt his studies were completed. She would ask him later.

“The water’s hot,” her mother said.

Felicity removed the iron pail from the ceiling hook over the fire and lugged it to the large cauldron filled with linens. She hefted the pail and carefully poured the water as Annia stirred, then she left her to walk again to the well to retrieve another bucket of water.

Felicity held her hand over her eyes to block the brilliant afternoon sunlight; there was no hope of keeping her skin from turning a dark shade of bronze in its light. The Vibius estate was her home, and besides the occasional trip with Helena into town or to her friend Tatiana’s estate, Felicity knew little of what existed outside the Vibius gates.

She envied Lucius and the private tutoring he’d received from her mistress, even if it was illegal. He had changed over the last year, had become more learned and confident. He understood the world around him. Still, his trespass concerned her. If he were caught, it would be trouble for everyone.

Felicity had been born here, in the very room where she slept. Her mother and father were purchased separately by the master, and forced to marry. Eventually they did fall in love with each other, at least Felicity thought they loved each other a little. Their union hadn’t produced children right away. She had overheard a conversation about how this had angered the master, for he had expected them to breed. Purchasing slaves at the dock could be an expensive affair, especially if the excitement of the bidding took off.

After seven years the gods finally smiled on her parents. They conceived and she was born. Her mother called her Felicity because her birth brought happiness to her and her master. However, the gods only smiled on them once. They had no other children.

It was no surprise to her that Brutus gave her to his only daughter Helena. It was now her primary reason for existence, to serve the master’s daughter, even if it meant keeping the daughter’s secret from the master.

She never missed the company of other children, though. The slave and servant compound housed many children, and they grew up like a large family. Lucius was like a brother to her. He was at the well when she arrived.

“Hello,” she said.

He nodded. He was fetching water for the animals. She set her pail down, waiting for Lucius to complete his task first.

“I’m surprised to see you here,” she said. “Shouldn’t you be elsewhere?”

He frowned. “Apparently not.”

“What happened?” she asked softly.

Lucius wiped the sweat from his brow. “I’ve done something very foolish.”

Felicity felt a cold chill at his words. “What do you mean?”

His face reddened with shame. “I let my heart love.”

“Oh.”

She’d suspected this. Her mistress was a compelling and beautiful young woman. It would be natural for Lucius to fall in love with her. But she was also something they both knew could never be his.

“I’m sorry, Lucius.”

He positioned himself underneath the wooden pole, from which two full buckets were attached by ropes, one to each end, and without much effort, he stood.

“It’s all yours,” he said, then smiled to reassure her. “Don’t worry. Everything is as it should be.”

Felicity nodded. She knew Lucius well enough to know he was holding back. There was more to this story, and suddenly she was overcome by an awful sense of foreboding.

Chapter Seventeen

CASSIUS

It was just bad luck that Cassius chose the same moment to leave for the Forum as Gordian.

“It must be the will of the gods,” Gordian said after blessing the door and the gate. “We are meant to walk together.”

“So it seems,” Cassius said with a beleaguered smile.

Gordian had several inches on him in height and in shoulder breadth. A stranger would never look at them and guess they were brothers.

Gordian’s swagger and cocky smile annoyed Cassius and a kernel of frustration formed in his belly. He would have preferred to make this trek in solitude, for he had a great many things to ponder.

“I presume you will join me in the army soon,” Gordian said casually.

Cassius grunted. “I have decided that the army is not the will of the gods for me.”

Gordian stopped short. “Not the will of the gods? And why on earth would it not be? Serving the emperor in his army is the will of the gods for everyone.”

“How can that be true? Then everyone would be in the army, and there would be no man left to do other important things that sustain the empire.”

Gordian continued his stride. “Perhaps that is true for some. But you are so soft and boyish. The army would make a man out of you.”

The small kernel in Cassius’s belly became thick and wide as a melon.

He was a man! How dare Gordian accuse him of anything less? He was in love with a woman, if this burning, swirling feeling could be called love. Though it was an imprudent love, to be sure, for his heart belonged to a common girl. A beautiful common girl who sold fruit in the city.

He couldn’t tell Gordian about her, of course.

“Any army of Commodus’s is a mockery,” Cassius said. “For Commodus has no victories for Rome of his own.’

Gordian swiveled, towering over Cassius, his eyes in menacing slits. “You’d better watch your mouth! I will be the first to report such treacherous speech even if you are my brother!”

Burning steam filled Cassius’s chest like Mt. Vesuvius. He wished his brother would die in molten ash!

At least they had reached the Forum and Cassius could take his leave of Gordian. He spun abruptly in the opposite direction and lost himself in the crowds.

He walked briskly until his heart had calmed, then stopped to regain his breath. He would forget about Gordian, but unfortunately, his brother wasn’t the only one who gave Cassius concern.

His father buried himself in his work, so his family rarely saw him. Still, Cassius believed Brutus was relieved his younger son had decided to stay in Carthage to take over the family business. He was certain his brother’s rough behavior brought no pride to their father, though he kept silent about it. That certainty reassured Cassius that his decision to remain out of the army was the right one.

His mother never fully recovered from the shock of Marcellus’s death. She left her own quarters very infrequently, and her once-youthful stride had turned into a lethargic dragging of the feet.

And what was Helena up to? Gordian had ordered him to shadow her, which he was disinclined to do. He found the notion unsavory, and his brother’s accusations against her ridiculous. A secret lover? Their Helena?

However, many days before his encounter with Gordian, Cassius had spotted her fleeing a covered area in the garden brush, in the region Gordian had mentioned. When he had gone to investigate, the place was vacant, but the grass was worn and pressed down. It was a place visited often by someone. He wondered at the time why his sister would go there, but the idea that she was meeting someone had never crossed his mind. Until Gordian planted the seed there.

Could Helena really have a lover?

This last thought brought him much consternation, for he was not the only one to notice how his sister had grown into a woman.

He had talked with his father about her shortly afterward. She was of age, and it might be to her benefit to have a marriage arranged soon.

Cassius had arrived at the market. He never went on the busiest days, the days when the slaves were sent to restock the house. Nor did he consciously intend to go now. Yet here he was. It must be the will of the gods. However, it wouldn’t do to be seen talking overtly with the girl.

Her name was Priscilla. He knew this because he had overheard her being called by her mother. Her family owned and operated a fruit and vegetable stand, a large wagon they pushed out from their modest home early in the morning, onto the street.

Each time he approached the stand, he played the part of the wealthy student with leisure time to scope the market for a midday snack.

He wanted to talk to her, to hear her voice and see a spark of recognition and respect in her clear, sapphire eyes.

Cassius straightened out his toga and rubbed his youthful chin while casually glancing around. Not that he had to worry about being spotted. It was very normal and proper for someone like him to buy a piece of fruit. But what if he said the wrong thing? What if he sounded stupid? He didn’t want anyone he knew to overhear.

He swallowed, annoyed that his throat was dry. His stomach felt strange too. By the gods, he was nervous.