Jealousy (3 page)

Taylor's eyes went to the tiny pebbles below our feet that surrounded the bench. His shoulders slumped a little.

“It's not that I don't want you here,” I said quickly. “It's just going to take me a little bit of time to adjust. You understand, right?”

He raised his eyes to mine. “Absolutely. I know the last
thing you ever expected was for someone from your old school to enroll here. I can't even imagine how weird that must feel.”

I blew out a breath that was visible in the cold air, and sat back down. “Thank you for everything you told me,” I said. “I know you—you would never intentionally hurt me. I don't want to hurt you, either, but we're not getting back together. I want to still be friends and enjoy experiencing Canterwood together.”

Taylor sat too, his body turned toward mine. “Really just friends?”

“Yes.” I visualized Drew's face and knew I owed it to him and Taylor to be honest.

A look crossed Taylor's face like he wanted to say something. Instead he pressed his lips together.

“I hate that
your
first night at Canterwood came with news like this,” I said. “I don't want to lead you on.”

“You didn't have to be honest—not after I lied to you.” Taylor slumped a little. “I shouldn't have kissed you and just assumed . . .”

“Yeah. Because I have to go find him and explain now,” I said.

“I'm sorry. He shouldn't be mad at you—it was my fault.” Taylor paused, playing with his mask. “If you
need me to do anything, I will. Even though . . .”

I gave him a few seconds, but he sat still and quiet. “Even though what?” I asked.

Taylor sighed and shrugged one shoulder. “Even though it would be hard.”

Argh. The last thing I wanted was for Drew and Taylor to have issues with each other.

“Thanks, but I'll handle it. I don't want to go around in circles all night. It's your first night here. That's special too. Can we talk—really talk—when we're not sitting outside freezing?”

“Of course, and I didn't mean to keep you away from your party for so long. I've messed up so much tonight.”

“Lucky that you're sticking around in case I need you to fix anything.” I smiled at him, and Tay smiled back.

“I want our relationship to stay like it was—mature—and not be tarnished because of my stupidity tonight,” Taylor said.

That was Taylor. Even when we weren't together, he liked me enough that he always—well, almost always—carefully considered my feelings. He had what my dad called an “old soul.”

“One mistake didn't ruin everything,” I said. “We'll figure this out.”

“You asked about Bri and Ana earlier,” he said. “They didn't know until my last day at Yates. I asked them to let me tell you myself. Don't be mad at them—they only kept it a secret because I begged them to.”

I wondered if that had anything to do with the disconnect among Brielle, Ana, and me lately. Maybe they'd been trying to stay off Skype on purpose because they were afraid they'd spill Taylor's secret.

“I don't want to be mad at anyone, but I
do
want to go inside.”

“Laur?”

“Yeah?” I stood, smoothing my dress and picking up my mask.

“This guy better be
really
good to you.”

“He is.”

It was too weird talking to Taylor about Drew. I thought I'd have until Thanksgiving or Christmas break to tell Tay about my new guy.
If
Drew and I kept going in that direction. Right now I wanted to cease all boy talk and go. I looked away from Taylor and at the ballroom.

As if on cue, the ballroom doors opened. Lexa, Clare, and Khloe stepped outside. Their hand masks were at their sides. Each girl looked in a different direction.

Whew. Perfect timing, guys
, I thought.

I TIPPED MY CHIN TOWARD THE DOORS.
Taylor followed my gaze.

“Those are my friends,” I said. “They are probably about to post a missing persons report.”

“Then we better hurry,” Tay said. Together we started back to my party.

“Do you have a dorm room?” I asked. I'd wanted our talk to end when we'd left the bench, but now I had so many things to ask Taylor. “When did you even get here? What about your stuff?”

Then I
laughed
. It was as if my body didn't know how else to react. “I have so many questions. Too many to ask before we get to my friends.”

Taylor grinned, and the tension in my neck and
shoulders seemed to slowly loosen. If I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend that Tay and I were friends walking out of a movie or leaving the gym back in Union.

“Maybe I can BBM you tomorrow and we can meet up to talk?” Taylor asked.

“Sure. But where? When? And how?” I asked, referring to my questions from eons ago. Taylor knew me well enough not to need more explanation than that.

“Where: Wren Hall. When: Got here a couple of hours ago. How: I brought what I needed for tonight, and the movers are bringing my stuff tomorrow.”

“I haven't been by Wren,” I said. “But I know it's close to The Slice. Did you meet your roommate or
anything
?”

I let out a tiny breath of relief that Taylor was in Wren and not Blackwell—Drew's dorm hall.

Taylor shook his head. “Nope. He wasn't in our room and I wasn't there long. All I know about him is that his name is Matthew. My dorm monitor, Ben, is a super-chill guy. I explained that it was a friend's birthday and I really wanted to surprise her at her party. He was cool about it. As long as I was back by curfew and met him tomorrow for an orientation briefing, I could go.”

“Did you get lost? I probably would have ended up
in the woods, especially since it's dark out.” My chatter helped distract me from my nerves.

We were almost at the ballroom. Lexa, Khloe, and Clare hadn't spotted us yet. They still craned their necks and stood on tiptoes looking for me.

“Nah, I looked at the campus map a couple of times before tonight,” Taylor said. “I'm going to wander around tomorrow and check out everything.”

Tomorrow.
Taylor was going to be here tomorrow. And the next day.

“You should definitely BBM me,” I said.

Just because I was into Drew didn't mean I couldn't be around Tay. Especially since we'd been friends all along. Drew would understand . . .
right
?

“Um, after the movers and stuff, you know,” I finished. “Talking would be a good idea.”

“Sounds good,” Taylor said.

I glued my eyes on my friends. Lexa glanced in my direction, and I lifted a hand. She took a step forward, waved back, and said something to Khloe and Clare. Khloe held out her arm, putting her palm up in a
what's going on?
gesture. Clare put her lips close to Khloe's ear and must have whispered something that made Khloe's arm fall to her side.

It was hard to tell if my friends were staring at Taylor or at me. I wasn't close enough to see their expressions clearly, but I
knew
they didn't recognize Taylor. It was as if the landing was an island. If they went down the stairs and came toward me, they'd be swallowed up by the sea.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Tay for a few seconds. Everything about him screamed
relaxed
, from his dropped shoulders to the easy swing in his walk.

We reached a split in the sidewalk. Part of the sidewalk continued to the ballroom. The other started toward the north side of the campus.

Light streamed from every window of the enormous ballroom. Now we were close enough to hear lyrics of a pop song. The horse and carriage were gone—someone was out on the trail that Lexa had decorated. I went to the right and walked a few steps before turning back to see that Taylor had stopped.

He smiled at me. “I hope I didn't ruin the rest of your night. Have fun, okay? We'll talk tomorrow.”

“You're going back to Wren? Now?”

The second the question had left my mouth, I heard how dumb it sounded. Of course he was headed to Wren Hall. He
lived
there now. I'd just yelled at him for crashing my party, and it wasn't Taylor's style to be a repeat
offender. But this was my birthday and Taylor was here. Even though he'd come for the wrong reasons, I'd be a bad friend to let Taylor go and not ask if he wanted to come to my party.

Taylor tilted his head, eyeing something behind me, then focusing on me. “I'm glad the three girls staring at us are your friends and not your enemies,” he said. “They look
pretty
intense.”

I grinned. “ ‘Intense' is the right word, and yes, they would be scary enemies. I'd be holed up in my room hiding.”

Tay laughed. “So would I! And yeah, I'm going back to my room. Maybe my roommate will be there. I can at least unpack what I brought.”

We both paused. I could feel my friends' stares at the back of my head, and the question I was about to ask made my heart pound so hard.

“TAYLOR . . . DO YOU WANT TO COME TO MY
party?” I asked.

“Oh, Laur, I—”

“I know what I said before,” I interjected, cutting him off. “I'm still mad at you for kissing me. You
are
a student here, though, and all of my friends are inside.”

“Laur, no, I can't. You're way too generous after what I did tonight. You'll already have to explain me to your friends, and I don't want to take any more attention away from you. It's your birthday.”

“You're right,” I said. “It is
my
birthday, and I'd really like it if you came to my party.” I smiled. “C'mon. If you say no, I'll send my posse after you.”

That made Taylor smile. “I definitely don't want those
girls coming after me.” He shifted and tugged at the sleeves of his crisp white shirt. “Okay. I'd really like to come as a guest and not a crasher.”

Taylor fell into step next to me as we walked toward the ballroom. There was no way I would have felt right if he'd gone back to his room. But now I had goose bumps from nerves. Drew was (hopefully!) inside, and I was about to walk back into my party with my ex-boyfriend. My new crush wasn't even my
current
boyfriend, and tonight he'd meet Tay.

Doubt settled into my stomach, making me feel seasick. I'd only known Drew for a couple of months. What if he disagreed with my decision to invite Taylor? I wasn't going to stop being Taylor's friend if Drew had a problem with it. But Drew didn't seem like
that
kind of guy. I wanted to make the right choices for everyone. Most of all, I didn't want to lose Drew. Almost every girl in my grade had a crush on him, and it wasn't just because he was cute. There were so many things that I liked about Drew—I'd get lost making a list in my head. I'd already made my intentions clear to Taylor, so I had to find Drew ASAP and talk to him.

I shook off my thoughts, and my eyes connected with Khloe's first. Her own were wide, and she wasn't blinking.

Clare and Lex smiled as Tay and I approached them. My friends were dressed in the most elegant and gorgeous dresses, and, arms at their sides, they each held a decorated stick attached to a beautiful mask.

Choosing our dresses and accessories had been no easy task. The memory of shopping online at Macy's made me smile. Khloe and I had gotten so into it, we'd even sent Clare, Lex, and Jill links to dresses that we thought they might like.

Khloe looked sophisticated in her strapless black dress with a satin belt that tied in the front. Closest to her, Lexa's tangerine dress with floral appliqué complemented her mocha-colored skin. My favorite detail of Lex's sleeveless dress was the bodice—each flower had a tiny pearl in the center. Clare's amethyst-colored dress made her long red hair pop. Almost out of stock on Macy's Website, the capped-sleeve dress was pleated and had a tulle underlay. Looking at each of them in their dresses and holding their masks calmed my nerves a little. These were my new friends, and I was about to introduce them to one of my old friends.