Jeanne G'Fellers - Sisters Flight (9 page)

"No,
you were feeling invaded, and rightly so. An unexpected phase can be quite
disturbing, especially if you are preoccupied." Evangeline stared at me
with those bewitching eyes of hers, evaluating me as she offered the peace I
had been finding difficult.
When I dropped in to censure Laszlo, I came to
know the reason for your anguish. Would discussing it help?

"I'd
rather not." I closed my eyes and unsuccessfully tried to push her mental
presence away.

I
am offering you a chance to discuss your troubles, nothing more. We need not
speak about it with our voices. You have shared this very thing with someone
besides your Myrla. A healer Garrziko? I can stand in her place if it would
help.

I’m
not comfortable with the idea.
But
something inside me screamed otherwise. I needed a confidant, a listener,
someone who would not judge when I spoke of what lay inside me.

I
did not promise comfort,
said
Evangeline through her piercing gaze.
But I can listen.

I
can't be certain whether fatigue or despair took over at that point, but I
could no longer stand to remain silent in my anguish. I could feel myself being
drawn into Evangeline's eyes and beyond them, to a place I had only been with
one other.
All right.

Very
good,
she said.
It will be
intimate but only at the level you share with Sarah Garrziko.
I cracked
open one eye to find Evangeline had come to lay beside me, not too close but
close enough to touch. My body stiffened with a familiar attraction. This was
not what I felt with Garrziko but neither was it what I felt with Myrla. I knew
this feeling all too well and it made me wonder all the more about Evangeline.

What
did you learn when you were inside my mind?
I asked in a stuttering mental wave.

Not
so much learned as absorbed,
she said
as she rolled more toward me.
Shall we share what happened when you aided
Easton?

I'm
sure you already know.

I
know the emotions you felt, the memories it brought back, that you feel you
were unable to aid her.

She
wanted me to kill her.
The tears in
my eyes were no longer from the paints.
There were seven of us there, not
counting Easton. Dee, Garrziko, two medical healers, two who helped hold her
down.

And
yourself.

I
wish I hadn't promised to be there.

But
you did, and you fulfilled that promise.
Evangeline's thoughts reflected honest admiration.
Despite the
terror, you both knew it had to happen. She was on the verge of severe
hemorrhaging, yet she survived. Tekkroon surgical skills are amazing.

But
they wouldn't sedate her, wouldn't let me phase away her pain.

You
were in no condition to phase her agony away even if they had let you. Her mind
is far too dangerous for a phase and her body to fragile for even Tekkroon pain
medication.

But
they hurt her worse than her Aut family ever did!
The thought felt hollow even as it rose from my mind.

That's
guilt talking. They saved her life.

Some
life.

Easton
is safe and well cared for,
said
Evangeline.
What else is there?

She
isn't free.

Your
thoughts told me she was a prisoner of her own mind long before she came to the
Tekkroon.

Then
why didn’t they let it end and set her free?

Guilt
again,
declared Evangeline through
her thoughts.
You wonder why she isn't you and you her. You believe it
unfair.

What
do you know about fair?
I could feel
her mental presence surrounding me like a blanket, a blanket I had no desire to
warm in.
What does anyone besides a misplaced sister know about what's
fucking fair?

When
I pushed against her mental hold, Evangeline held steady, catching my energy
and absorbing it as her own.
You do not understand how two raised in such
similarly horrid conditions can turn out so differently.

I
pushed at her presence harder.
You 're too much in my head. Get out.

You
cannot convince me I should go, Rankil. You are in too much need.
When I pushed harder against Evangeline, her presence
inside me refused to move. She was both tempting and enraging—which deepened
both my anger and confusion.
No two react the same way to the same
situation. Your example has been a wonderful lesson for others.

I'm
nobody's fucking teacher.
If
anything, I felt myself a bad example of most everything, and I now thoroughly
resented the lengthy mental conversation I had been forced into by a practical
stranger.

Setting
an example is teaching. And the example you set influences Easton.

Where'd
you get that bright idea?
No matter
how cynical I became, Evangeline refused to remove her presence. I finally
stopped pushing against her and let my thoughts mingle with hers freely. I was
too tired for anything else.

Did
she not ask for your help?

I
had to drag it out of her.

But
she admitted need
—
a skill she
never possessed before she met you. What happened between the two of you during
her surgery?

You
already know.
I could feel that part
of my mind closing off, but Evangeline figuratively put her foot in the way
before it slammed shut.

It
would help to hear your perspective.

I
held her hand.

And?

Touched
her face.

Significant,
observed Evangeline.
She knows you
understand.

I
didn't understand a damn thing.
If my
thoughts had been vocalized at that moment I would have been shrieking. I shook
violently beneath my cloak and blanket.
I
should have stopped things.
I should have listened to her cries.

You
know her better than anyone else.

I
know her no better than I know myself.

You
know her well enough to understand her hurtful words are not meant as they
sound. Only a friend knows such things.

Friend?

Yes,
friend.
I could feel Evangeline's
hand on my shoulder.
You are Easton s friend, her only non-healer link with
the world outside the Pit. What anguishes you is not that she cried out but
what she cried out. She called out her Aut family s names, one of her uncles to
be specific.

Every
fiber of my being seized.
I know.

And
the effect on you?

"Oh,
Mother." I burst from our mental conversation to pull my knees to my
stomach. "I think I'm going to be sick." Thankfully, everyone outside
of the watch was sleeping soundly.

"You
were sick during the surgery as well, but it wasn't from the blood, as others
thought," whispered Evangeline as she pulled me into her arms and held me
tight. "It was his name that brought the anguish." She continued in a
low tone as I fought to control the sudden rush that threatened to take me away
from my now. "The situation brought guilt, but the name Tisph brought the
pain."

I
muffled my cry into her shoulder. He was near, fists balled, drawing my child
self toward him with hollow promises.

You
will stay in the here and now.
Evangeline
blocked the mental image with her presence and pulled my head away from her
shoulder.
Open your eyes and see what is real,
she commanded.
Open
them, Trooper Rankil. You must to keep control.

Control.
I repeated in a weak mental monotone.
Control.

Control
is an action, not a word,
she
immediately said.
Rise to its meaning.
I shuddered as she forced my own
energy back into me. It surged through my mind and body, pushing away Tisph's
presence, giving me the strength to open my eyes.

Yes,
Trooper Rankil, control.
Evangeline's
gaze met mine, and she demonstrated her delight with a smile.
Remember what
I have just taught you.

Will
it stop the memories?
I felt
invigorated, alive and awake and terrified all at the same time. Most of all,
though, I was proud of myself. Damn proud.

No.
She traced the scar beneath my face
paint.
It won't stop the memories, but keeping a reserve of energy set aside
will help you maintain control when they threaten to overwhelm you.

Oh.
I tried to contain the pain that
remained despite the unexpected elation over my own abilities, but it spilled
out in something between a small sob and a chuckle.
I
still need to
talk about Easton.

Then
we shall.
Evangeline let me go and I
sat back, rocking on my knees to dispel some of the remaining energy.

When
she called his name I lost all control,
I
mind blurted before I could slow myself.
I
couldn't speak without
risking throwing up.
I gulped back another sob-chuckle.
I
couldn't
even tell her it was going to be all right, couldn't look her in the eye. I
ran. I failed her. The one person she ever reached out to failed her.

Evangeline
shook her head.
She doesn't feel that way.

I
think you underestimate the situation.

This
coming from someone who just learned she has underestimated herself,
mused Evangeline.
Misplaced sisters are difficult
for most to understand, but they do understand each other. Takes one to know
one as they say.

How
would... ?
To my amazement,
Evangeline winked at me. "You?"

We
come from different walks, but we all know what rarely gets said.

I've
always believed it doesn't need to be said.

Evangeline
shook her head again.
Sometimes it does. I was young when sisters found me,
but the damage had already been done. It influenced me to become Kimshee. No
one deserves such a fate, especially a child.

I
was a teen, which Garrziko says Easton was, but I had Archell to support me, or
rather, we supported each other through the worst of it.

And
good first raisers and Myrla's love from very early on,
Evangeline relayed through our link.

I
nodded.
How'd you survive?

I
am not sure. The memories were removed by a Yauld healer.

Memories
can be removed?
I lost my balance and
fell back.
Why hasn't anyone told me?

The
Tekkroon seem to have lost the skill,
Evangeline
said as she pulled me upright again.
But in all honesty, I cannot say
whether my missing memories have been good for me or not. It has left me with a
hole I can never fill. But I do still have the physical scars.

The
ones on your back?

Myrla
told you about them. They're from when I was around five. They let me retain
that much. That's when sisters found me. My grandfather left me for dead in a
pasture. That's what we share, you know, the pain of rejection. We feared it
more than any beating. Still do.

It
was a constant,
I said. Around us,
the camp had become restless, sleepers mumbling and stirring one or two at a
time.

Evangeline
glanced at the fidgety sleepers and frowned before turning back to me.
It
was the only constant we knew until we were found.
We now sat face to face,
bare inches from each other.
So we have our common ground?

I
believe so.

The
same ground we share with Easton.
Evangeline
smiled lightly.

Yes,
but I already knew she was misplaced.

But
did you know you were providing her with a new constant?

One
which I ruined.

Evangeline's
smile faded a bit.
You did?

I
couldn't comfort her when she needed it most.

You
were there. That was her constant. That is what she held on to, held on to so
hard she denied her instincts to let you touch her. She's still the same
wounded animal we all are when we're found. Her wounds simply never healed.