Jenny's Choice (Apple Creek Dreams #3) (35 page)
Read Jenny's Choice (Apple Creek Dreams #3) Online
Authors: Patrick E Craig
“The book about Jenna’s quilt?”
“Yes. With their promotion budget and our connections, we can make that book a national best seller. You would become very famous, my dear.”
Suddenly Bobby’s words rang prophetically in Jenny’s heart.
“Jenny, I think you may have to make a bigger choice than you really understand.”
J
ENNY CONSIDERED WHAT
J
EREMY WAS
saying. His conversation was animated, but as he spoke, Jenny began to drift away. It was as though she were hearing Jeremy from far away, and his words were an echo in her mind. She began to imagine herself traveling about the country, but the woman she saw in her mind was wearing
Englisch
clothing and driving her own car. She lived in a fine house, and the phone was ringing—people wanted her, loved her, needed her. She was married again, and it was Jeremy, and they were embracing…and then it was as though Jonathan walked into the room…
“Jenny!”
She jerked back to reality to see Jeremy looking at her with a puzzled expression.
“What? I’m…I’m sorry, Jeremy, what were you saying? I’m afraid I drifted off.”
“Jenny Hershberger, sometimes you can be the most frustrating woman!”
“What?”
“What I’m saying is very important to me, and it could be important to you too.”
Embarrassment flooded over her like a hot shower. She tried to sound contrite. “Tell me again. I was very rude.”
Jeremy gathered himself and started again. “Jenny, I want you to marry me! I can’t be more plain than that.”
Something inside Jenny twisted like a snake. “We’ve talked about this before. If I marry you, I have to leave the church, and I—”
“Jenny, can’t you just be honest with me for once? You keep putting up smoke screens. Do you care for me or not?”
Jenny looked down at the table. “I care for you a great deal. You are generous and kind, you love the Lord…”
“So if you care for me, what should stop us from being together? Some religious mumbo jumbo?”
Jenny started to speak, but Jeremy silenced her. “Let me finish. I’m going to speak as plainly as I can. You may not like me after I say this, but you will at least know that I care for you enough to tell you the truth.”
“Jeremy, please! I don’t want to go where you want to take me. I know what you’re going to say—”
“Do you? Do you, Jenny? I want you to face up to something. You were very happy to be Amish when you lived with your parents in Apple Creek, or so you thought. But the truth is, you struggled all your life with the uncertainty of your past. Then Jonathan came along, and you fell in love with him. You would have gone away with him without a moment’s hesitation. You would have left the Amish religion behind and lived your life with Jonathan in perfect contentment. Then you found out you were half Amish by birth, and again you were torn. But Jonathan saved you from having to deal with the questions when he became Amish. So you had your cake and ate it too.”
Jeremy paused and looked at her until she met his gaze.
“And now, Jenny Hershberger, you have the same two paths set before you again. And you’re struggling because you don’t have absolute certainty of what God really wants you to do. This is what I know. In your heart you’re not as Amish as you think you are. I think you would leave the church for the right reason. And I think that if you were really honest with yourself, you would admit that I could be a big part of the reason you would leave!”
There! It was out in the open! It was the thing that Jenny had been wrestling with all her life—the question that pestered her like a little dog barking at her heels. It was the unspoken dilemma that gnawed at her in her dreams, the shadow that lurked just around the corner…was she really Amish?
Jenny’s whole life came flooding in on her. Loving memories were set against her deepest fears, hope for the future crashed against the agony of loss, glory fought with tragedy. Jeremy’s words were like a maelstrom, and she was going down. She felt as if she were drowning.
“I don’t want to deal with this, Jeremy! Please, this is too hard.”
But Jeremy kept boring in. “Jenny, I’m your friend. But more than that, I love you with all my heart. I’ve loved you for seven years, like Jacob loved Rachel. I want you to be my wife. I want you to live in freedom. I know you love God, and He is what you need—not some outward dress or behavior that you think will make you holy but cannot. You’re not under the Law, Jenny. You’re under grace. Until you accept that, being Amish is hanging like a great millstone around your neck. You’ve got to make the choice, Jenny.”
“But I love the Amish way, Jeremy. It’s my whole life. It’s everything to me…”
“Come on, Jenny! I love the Amish faith too—I grew up in the church, remember? But after I got over the absolute agony of being
pushed out by a liar, I found that God had been working for the best all along. I am where I am supposed to be. And it hasn’t drawn me away from my faith or robbed me of my salvation.”
“But I’m afraid, Jeremy. It’s all I know.”
“You’re afraid because you think the elders are right. You’re afraid because you think you can lose your salvation if you’re not Amish. And I can tell you, that’s just not true. ‘By grace you are saved, through faith, and that not of yourself. It is the gift of God.’ ”
Jenny remembered Jonathan’s words, spoken to her so long ago.
“The Amish church doesn’t save us, Jenny. It’s our relationship with Jesus that saves us.”
Jeremy spoke again, and his words were gentle. “Please, Jenny. I know you’ve prayed about this before, but you always had the excuse that you were Amish and I’m not. Now I think you have to honestly face up to a choice that has been the great struggle of your life. And if you really pray about which path you will walk down instead of praying about me, I think you’ll find the answer.”
Jenny focused on his face.
He is kind, he loves God, and he loves me. What more can I ask for?
She sighed and then said, “Jeremy, you’ve asked me to pray about this before. I thought I had worked it all out with God. I thought I could just go on being Amish and life would be perfect. But it’s not perfect, Jeremy. It’s full of tragedy and doubts, fear and uncertainty. And you’re right. The question of who I really am has plagued me all my life, and I need to resolve it, once and for all.”
Jeremy took her hand. “I’ve waited for a long time and I need you to choose. Kerusso Publishing and Charis Records are having an event in three days. Richard Sandbridge and I are announcing our merger. It’s going to be a celebration. I would love to announce our engagement at that event too. If you can’t say yes by then, I will know you’ve made your decision, and I’ll let it go and never speak of it again. If we are to
be married, I need you to be with me one hundred percent. Will you give me your answer in three days?”
Jenny knew that what he was asking was right. She needed to move on with her life, however it might turn out.
“Yes, Jeremy. I will tell you in three days.”
It was dusk in Paradise. Jenny sat in her mama’s old porch swing, watching the sky turn from pink to orange to indigo. As the light began to fade, the crickets picked up their courting song in the shadows around the house. Jeremy’s question echoed in Jenny’s heart.
“Will you give me your answer in three days?”
As Jenny pondered and prayed, she heard the sound of a horse-drawn buggy coming up the driveway. As the buggy approached, she could see that Abel Ramseyer, the new Lancaster
bisschop,
was driving. Seated next to him in the buggy was a man who looked familiar. The
bisschop
checked his horse at the gate, and the two men climbed down and walked up the path to the porch.
“Guten abend,
Jenny.”
“Guten abend, Bisschop
Ramseyer.”
The other man took off his hat. The
bisschop
turned and placed his hand on the man’s shoulder.
“This is my friend, Isaac Augsburger.”
Jenny stood and greeted the men with a handshake. The
bisschop
looked uncomfortable, but Isaac was personable and friendly. The
bisschop
spoke.
“We were driving by and I was…uh, remembering our conversation of last week, and…uh…I…”
Isaac laughed and broke in. “Abel isn’t doing well with this, is he Mrs. Hershberger? I’m an old friend of Abel’s. I’ve lived in another district for many years, but since my wife passed on, I’m moving back here to Paradise…the community I was raised in.”
She smiled and motioned toward the door. “Won’t you come in?”
The
bisschop
nodded, but Isaac put a hand on his arm. “It’s a nice evening, Jenny. Do you mind if we sit on the porch?”
Jenny pointed to the chairs set beside the swing. The three sat together in the cool of the evening. After a while Isaac spoke.
“I’ve come with Abel to make my case to you…Jenny.”
“Your case?”
“Yes, my case. I understand you lost your husband some time ago…so you understand what it means to lose….someone you love.”
Jenny had sensed what this was all about as soon as the men pulled in the driveway. But the still-fresh hurt on Isaac’s face and in his voice touched Jenny deeply. She would listen.
“
Ja
, Isaac, I do understand very much.”
“Well, then.” Isaac let out a breath of relief. “Since we both know the…loneliness of the widowed life…there’s no sense in beating around the bush, is there? The fact of the matter is that I’ve come to ask your permission to begin courting you.”
Jenny smiled. “I had a feeling that this was not just a social call,
Bisschop.”
Abel shifted in his chair. Jenny put her hand on his arm.
“Don’t worry,
Bisschop
, I am not upset with you. We have discussed this matter.”
“Yes, Jenny, we have, and to me, this marriage would be the answer to our concerns. I’ve known Isaac since he was a boy. He is honest, hardworking, true to the
Ordnung
, and a decent, kind man. You would do well to consider his offer.”
He paused and then went on. “The elders and I have given this much thought, Jenny. We feel that you have come to a crossroad in your life. The Amish way is simple and straightforward. You either live it or you do not. You cannot be in the world and of it too. You cannot serve two masters. We do not wish to control you. You must make the
choice for yourself. But we feel that you cannot go on with one foot in the world and one in the Plain way. It is too hard.”
Jenny sat silently for a moment. Then she spoke. “What about my book? I thought you said you liked it.”
“
Ja
, it is a good book, and we feel it has served a purpose, as we explained. But we have also seen that the danger of being drawn away from our ways is too great if you continue writing. The Amish do not seek notoriety. We do all we can to remain apart from the world. We feel that you should give up your writing, marry Isaac, and return to our ways with all your heart. That is what we wish for you.”
Jenny listened hard for the voice of God in this. Then she said, “You’re right,
Bisschop
. It’s a question I’ve struggled with all my life. And now it seems the Lord has at last set two doors before me. One leads to the safety and simplicity of the Amish way, the other to the fulfillment of a gift I believe God gave to me to bless others. But it seems I cannot have both.”
Jenny rose from her chair with a sigh. The two men stood with her.
“I need to consider your words. I must seek the Lord. So I will say this. I will give you my answer in three days.”