Jessica's Journal: A THERAPY Book of Poetry (4 page)

Fleeting moments

Laughter bleeding in between the lines of sin

Purged my soul from within

Stripped it all away

Gave it all to him

Freedom

Clarity

Air…

Breathe it in

Fleeting moments

Captured for only a short time

Never could be forever

But could’ve always stayed kind

Fleeting moments

Now floating away on the wings of bitter good-byes

Why?

Misguided missteps

Blurred lines

Faults at my feet

He deserves better than me

Back to empty, fill it on up

Runneth it over

Pour me something stronger

Don’t want to feel this way any longer…

Drown the me I can’t let anyone see

Force it down

Swallow it all

Just pour me something stronger than me…

It was enough

Once I could see

Carried to me on the waves of a blue-eyed sea

I exhaled

I saw

I felt

To me, forever memories

To the sea, already forgotten

Turning the key

Again, locking it all away

I step back up

To the bar of life

Society and reality joining me

Holding out my glass

I say…

Just pour me something stronger than me…

Pain and hurt

They move quickly inside you

Stripping away layers of self-worth

Crashing through your thoughts

Rearranging your ideas

Sifting through your soul

Dragging you along

Love and hope

They take their time

Tip-toeing through your mind

Rethreading the frayed edges of time

Giving you signs

Love will always show up

It wants in

Open the window to your heart

Let. It. In.

Love will see you

It saw me

I see it too

Self-love

It’s my THERAPY

Visible pain etched in my skin

Fire in my veins

Expression bleeding outside from within

Hair spiraling into onyx flames

Whispers

Stares

“That girl is weird.”

I hear you

I see you

Do I care?

My worries are few

My dreams are many

My shoes I walk in

Your eyes I balk at

What you see is me

What you think is you

My dreams are many

My worries few

All I'll ever be to myself...is true

I have some advice

How about you worry about you?

-Favorite Quotes from THERAPY-

“Depression is a sneaky, evil bitch. She creeps in when you least expect it and snakes her way throughout the corridors of your mind while feeding on the light of your soul. She shows up during your most difficult times, only making them harder to shoulder Sometimes. I wish depression was a living, breathing, tangible being, so I could wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze 'til all that's left in her pools of darkness is nothingness, rendering her powerless to ever hurt me again.”

–Jessica

“Jace remains a mystery to me. I have no idea why he treats me like a normal girl, but every time he does, my heart beats a little stronger and a little faster.”

–Jessica

“I know better than anyone how easy it can be to fool people and hide your darkest secrets inside. Because I do it every day.”

–Jessica

“My secrets must stay hidden, just like my pain.”

–Jessica

“You’re worth more than you think. You just have to believe that; then everyone else will too.”

–Jace

"I. See. You. Jessica. Alexander."

–Jace

“A past left without resolution is surely a past that will revisit you one day.”

–Kathryn Perez

“Sometimes you just have to accept that some things can’t be fixed, and that it’s not about fixing what’s broken, but about accepting what’s lost.”

–Jessica

“Sometimes life will throw everything at you all at once. You can either catch it all or reach for the things that matter most.”

–Kathryn Perez

“Life can push me, pull me, and beat me down, but it’s not going to break me.”

–Jessica

“Jessica, falling in love can’t always be a happily ever after or a once in a

lifetime kind of story.”

–Jace

“I wonder what's worse-the invisible scars they leave or the visible scars I inflict

upon myself?”

–Jessica

“Their weapons aren’t illegal, yet they cut me deeper than a blade ever could.”

–Jessica

“I belong to you, Jess. My heart has belonged to you since I scooped you up off

the ground over six years ago. That has never changed.”

–Jace

“Accepting the ugly part of life is just part of living. Pain tells us we are still here; it lets us know we’ve survived. When you really think about it, pain can free you, because without pain there is no pleasure in anything.”

–Jessica

“I'm tired of looking for something that will never be there. I've looked for it on the edge of a blade and at the bottom of a bottle. It's not there. It's just...gone.”

–Jessica

“You deserve a man who falls in love with your mind, wants to undress your very conscience, and make love to your every single thought. You deserve a man who wants to see you slowly let down every wall you’ve ever built up. You deserve a man that will work hard for you until you let him inside your heart.”

–Kingsley

“We don’t meet people by accident. They’re meant to cross out path for a reason.”

–Jessica

“Monsters don’t live under beds; in our minds is where they truly reside. Remember that.”

–Kingsley

“You, Jess, you had my secrets. I gave them to you and I knew that day I should’ve given you everything else too.”

–Jace

“I just don’t know how to love someone, Jace, and I guess I don’t know how to allow someone to love me. How can I when I don’t even love myself?”

–Jessica

“You’ve been what I’ve wanted for over six years and that hasn’t changed.”

–Jace

“No matter how deeply embedded we are under each other’s skin, this will never ever work because together, we’re broken.”

–Jessica

“He sees my pain and I see his. If I stay, we can sit together in our pain and be alone together, rather than alone and apart. I take a deep, cleansing breath. I stay.”

–Jessica

“I look at her and I see strength wrapped up in pain.”

–Kingsley

“I don’t know what her story is, or where her pain stems from, but one thing I do know is that pain is pain, sadness is sadness, and hurt feels the same to all of us, no matter how different we may be.”

–Kingsley

“But I smile for the world because my smile is my protection. It hides my pain, it hides my sadness, and it hides my fear. My smile gives you solace, it gives you assurance that everything’s okay. It’s my daily gift to you because you deserve all of my smiles and none of my sorrow.”

–Lily

“Music always makes everything better.”

–Kingsley

“He begins to play, we begin to play, and it’s the sweetest, most amazingly erotic thing I’ve ever experienced. I can feel the vibration of the strings; hear the beautiful sound of the acoustic guitar.”

–Jessica

“I came here to tell you that I choose you. I choose to love you, Jess, to be with you. I came here to tell you that I’m breaking things off with Victoria and to tell you face-to-face that I have never for a minute stopped wanting you to be the woman by my side.”

–Jace

“Jessica, you were given this life because you’re strong enough to live it.”

–Janice

“Self-doubt can cripple a person faster than fear ever will.”

–Janice

“I love him. I can feel it. Not the lustful, needy I-have-to-have-him kind of love or the I’ll-die-without-him love. I love him from way down deep, from a quiet place that I rarely visit. I love him like a person loves the calm of a lake in the early morning hours when it’s unmoving, still and peaceful.”

–Jessica

“I’m in love with you, Jessica. You’ve given me everything without even knowing it. I want to give every piece of me back to you.”

–Kingsley

“I never want to leave your body. Tell me you’re mine. Tell me I’m your guy; be my girl, Jessica. Let me love you every day, every minute, the way you deserve to be loved.”

–Kingsley

“Jessica, you’re my here, my there, and my always everywhere. Together or apart, you’ve awakened a part of me that’s been locked away for the past year. I love you and if loving you is wrong, then I don’t ever want to be right.”

–Kingsley

“We are taught in life that love can heal wounds and rescind pain, but we soon learn that pain can often destroy the strongest of love.”

–Kathryn Perez

“One tear falls and she lunges forward, wrapping her arms around me tightly. I hug her back just as hard and we cry together. We cry for our past, for our lost child, for our lost love, and we cry for each other’s pain.”