Jessie Slaymaker's Rules of Engagement (The Jessie Slaymaker Series Book 2) (30 page)

Being at liberty to take a break had been fun, but now that she knew she’d been in a longer-than-expected post-trauma daze, she was keen to start doing something. Long gaps between employment never looked good to prospective employers, and she knew she would be fighting an uphill battle already given what had happened at Finance First. They hadn’t exactly fired her, but they’d made it awfully difficult for her to stay. Jessie imagined that wouldn’t look overly impressive to anyone who cared to look into her application further.

Oh, who was she kidding? Maybe one of the reasons why she’d been so happy to lose track of the time was because she knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to find another job. Who would want to hire someone who’d embarrassed themselves and made their bank a laughingstock on national television? The more she started to think about it, the more worried about the future Jessie began to feel. So much so, she felt overwhelmed by the sudden urge to vomit.

The next day, despite the bright and breezy veneer she’d tried to paste on the surface for Jack's benefit, she was still worried about finding a job. And she was still feeling nauseated about it all. She’d had a look at some of the online job boards the previous day, and it was slim pickings, which only served to heighten her state of anxiety. No amount of Jack saying that she needn’t worry about money could calm her. In fact it almost did quite the opposite, making her feel pushed into a state of dependence that she wasn’t ready for.

Not feeling herself and with the Shanghai trip looming large, Jessie decided to take drastic measures. She went to see the doctor again. She’d had these same overwhelming feelings of panic and nausea once before in her life, during her final exams at university. Then, she’d been to the doctors, who’d given her something to help her sleep and everything had worked out fine. She was hoping the same kind of medicine would see her right this time.

‘Jessica Slaymaker,’ the doctor called from the doorway into the waiting room. Jessie shot up and followed the diminutive and austere middle-aged doctor into her consultation room.

‘I am Doctor Au. How can I help you today?’ she asked, offering up a thin smile, which Jessie assumed was a bid to make her feel more comfortable.

‘Well, I’ve been out of the job market for a couple of months now. I’ve only started seriously looking again this week, and I’m finding it all a bit overwhelming to be brutally honest. I’ve been worrying myself silly. I’ve been sick, and I’m constantly nauseous and panicky. I really can’t see things improving until I’ve sorted out my employment situation. I was wondering if you could prescribe something to stop the nausea or maybe something to help calm my nerves,’ Jessie rattled off hopefully.

‘I would prefer you to address the root cause of your problems, rather than reach for medication. It is not always the solution,’ Dr Au said rather sternly. ‘Let me examine you first though,’ she added more kindly.

After a thorough examination involving listening to Jessie’s chest and looking in her ears, eyes, and down her throat, the doctor asked for a urine sample. ‘Just to check your sugars,’ the doctor assured her.

‘When was your last period?’ the doctor asked, when Jessie had returned from the bathroom.

‘Um, it was,’ Jessie began, then stopped. The amount of time that had elapsed since the whole Sonia Shum being-held-captive debacle wasn’t the only thing she’d lost track of lately. ‘I honestly can’t remember,’ Jessie finally answered, feeling absolutely stumped. ‘But… I’m on the pill, so there’s no danger of… I can’t be what the look on your face is suggesting I might be,’ Jessie faltered. ‘I just can’t be.’

‘It says here you were prescribed antibiotics about two months ago,’ the doctor said in the calmest voice Jessie had ever heard.

‘That’s right. For a throat infection,’ Jessie replied, forcing herself to focus.

‘Well, the antibiotics could have weakened the strength of your contraception. Did Doctor Wong inform you of that when he prescribed the antibiotics?’

‘Yes. No. Maybe. Look, I can’t remember. It was a very stressful time for me. My boyfriend had just been abducted,’ Jessie explained, as though that was a big enough excuse to absolve her of any irresponsibility. ‘Um, so… what are you saying, doctor?’ Jessie asked, although she was terrified of the answer.

‘Let’s find out, shall we?’ Doctor Au said as she gloved up and dipped a swab into my piss pot. Jessie felt panic rise in the back of her throat and then bile as she fought the urge to vomit all over the doctor’s super-clean floor.

‘Is it positive or negative?’ Jessie asked, after spending two minutes with her head between her knees concentrating on not passing out.

‘Positive. You’re pregnant,’ the doctor said matter-of-factly. ‘And because you don’t know the dates of your last menstruation, I’ll send you for a scan at the end of next week to ascertain your due date.’ The doctor was all business and efficiency. There was nothing in her tone of voice which gave away the fact that she’d just delivered the most monumental piece of news in the entirety of Jessie Slaymaker’s existence.

‘Okay,’ Jessie replied numbly.

Doctor Au pushed a piece of paper into her hand, and Jessie clutched it for dear life as she made her way back out to the waiting room. As Jessie waited for her scan appointment to come through, she tried to gather some semblance of her thoughts and wits. To say that she was dazed and confused would have been something of an understatement. She hadn’t for one second even considered this outcome when she’d walked through the surgery’s doors that morning. How was she going to explain her carelessness to Jack? He’d already said he wasn’t ready for children. This was just going to look like entrapment.

‘Hello, stranger,’ came Tom’s chirpy voice down the other end of the phone.

‘Hi,’ Jessie replied in a small voice. She wondered how was it that Tom always seemed to call her when she was in mid-crisis. ‘How’s Trey?’ she asked brightly, not wanting her voice to betray her current state of quandary and turmoil.

‘He’s lovely. And I haven’t been bored once yet.’

‘Jolly good,’ Jessie replied.

‘So anyway, I had a funny feeling and wanted to check up on you. Is everything alright?’ Tom asked, cutting straight to the chase.

‘I’m fine,’ Jessie snapped back quickly.

‘Oh, really? A little bird told me you were getting all angsty about finding a job.’

‘Jack,’ Jessie huffed. ‘Since when were you two each other’s confidants?’ she asked irritably.

‘We’re not,’ Tom replied matter-of-factly. ‘But we have an agreement in place to get in touch if we’re worried about you.’

‘He’s worried about me?’ Jessie asked, surprise in her voice.

‘Yes. As am I. Now, what’s all this silliness about you getting all worked up over working again? This better not be about money, because you know damn well I’m here for you if you need help.’

‘Finding a job is the least of my worries,’ Jessie half-laughed.

‘Oh. Okay then. In that case, take no notice of my interfering. Everything else alright?’

‘Yes,’ Jessie replied.

‘I wish you would just make this easy on the both of us and tell me what’s up. I don’t think my social conscience can justify flying all the way to Hong Kong to beat it out of you. It’s just not environmentally friendly to fly all that way.’

‘I’m pregnant,’ Jessie said quietly. He was going to find out soon enough anyway. Plus, he might be able to offer her some pearls of wisdom as to what the hell she was supposed to do.

‘You’re what?’ Tom spluttered loudly.

‘You heard,’ Jessie replied wearily.

‘But I just need to check. For a moment there, I thought you said you were pregnant.’

‘Yes.’

‘You. But you… can’t be,’ Tom faltered. He didn’t just sound surprised and shocked. He sounded horrified.

‘Believe me, that was my first thought as well,’ Jessie said dryly.

‘But… but… but,’ Tom stuttered.

‘Oh, God,’ Jessie moaned. ‘If this is
your
reaction, what’s Jack going to be like?’

That was it for Jessie. That was when her dam of semi-control was finally breached and the waterworks began. She burst into tears. She sobbed her heart out, and Tom just listened to her in a stunned silence.

‘Aren’t you going to say something?’ Jessie eventually managed, when her sobbing had subsided.

‘I didn’t know you were even trying for a baby,’ Tom said automatically.

‘I wasn’t. My antibiotics cocked everything up,’ Jessie said glumly.

‘In all honesty, Jessie, I don’t know what to say. For once in my life I’m truly speechless. I’m sure it won’t last for long, but for right now, I’m stumped.’

‘But I need you to tell me what to do,’ Jessie pleaded.

‘Me? What do I know about babies?’ Tom said, alarmed.

‘But you always know what I should do,’ Jessie reasoned.

‘Not about this I don’t. Other than you need to make your own decision. It’s not for me to steer you.’

‘But I don’t know. Do I keep it? Do I have a baby? Could I even do that?’

‘Of course you could do it, if you wanted to. You’d be a great mother. I’m guessing that you’ve only just found out, which means you’re probably even more shocked than me. Surely you don’t have to make any decisions right at this second. You just need to try and relax, and let the idea percolate a little.’

‘Percolate?’ Jessie replied blankly.

‘Yes,’ Tom said decidedly.

‘But what about Jack? I just know this is not what he wants. He’s going to think I’ve tried to trap him into staying with me.’

‘Stop saying such ridiculous things this instant,’ Tom said crossly. ‘Jack is not going to think any such thing. He’s knows you and loves you. He’ll want to help you, whatever it is you decide to do.’

‘But he doesn’t want kids,’ Jessie managed as she fought to stop her lower lip from trembling. ‘At least not any time soon. He’ll think I’ve forced his hand. Manipulated him into being with me.’

‘Jessie. I’ll make allowances for you, just this once, on account of all the hormones that must be racing through you right now. But trust me, Jack won’t think like that,’ Tom said in a wise and authoritative voice. ‘Sometimes we all say things we don’t mean. He might even be over the moon.’

‘I sincerely doubt it,’ Jessie replied dubiously, taking deep breaths.

Feeling that for once in his life, Tom was being particularly useless, Jessie was keen to end the call. She promised him she’d go and relax and talk to him again later when she’d had a chance to calm down.

She didn’t know how she did it, but through some superhuman effort, Jessie was able to go on for the rest of the day without thinking too much about the growing life inside her. She busied herself packing for her trip and cleaning the serviced apartment to within an inch of its life. She found that by blasting music loudly through her headphones, she was able to shut out the niggling voices in her head, which wanted her to face the music.

The next day, as Jessie sat staring blankly out of the plane window without the loud distracting noise coming through her headphones, she could do nothing but think.

‘You’re quiet,’ Jack observed at some point during the flight. Jessie couldn’t even remember taking off, she’d been so caught up in her own little world. Her mind was filled with images of her cradling a tiny baby and then chasing a toddler around in the sunshine.

‘Oh, sorry,’ Jessie said, putting her daydream on pause as she turned to smile widely at Jack and squeeze his hand.

‘Is everything alright?’ he asked, studying her face.

‘Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?’

‘You just seem a little tense, is all.’

‘Really? I’m absolutely fine. Well, maybe just a little nervous about going to China,’ Jessie lied. ‘It’s a little daunting, what with all the people and noise.’

‘No more so than Hong Kong.’ Jack smiled. ‘I know you’re trying to hide your true feelings from me, but you needn’t worry.’

‘My true feelings about what?’ Jessie asked, frowning. Did he know?

‘About finding a job. I know you’re worried about how hard it could be. But I’m here for you. Just try to relax and enjoy this trip. We’ll figure something out together when we get back to Hong Kong,’ Jack said reassuringly.

‘You know me so well,’ Jessie said for lack of anything else to say, and not wishing to correct him by announcing to him that she was pregnant on an aeroplane where neither of them could run away. She linked her arm through his and snuggled into him for the remainder of the flight, enjoying the moment of closeness whilst she had it.

Jessie spent the next few days doing her best to bury her head in the sand and forget about the pressing issue that she really needed to talk to Jack about. And with all their activities, she was finding it difficult to find the right time anyway. They did plenty of playing tourist—walking around Fuxing Park and the Shanghai Museum, surveying all the interesting antiques on Dontai Road—and Jack even took Jessie to visit his publishing office. There, Jessie met Yu Lan, who’d struck her as an efficient, no-nonsense and loyal member of staff. Overall, Jessie had been surprised at just how busy the relatively small office had been, and she felt guilty for having underestimated Jack.

As they walked along the Bund, hand in hand, admiring the art deco architecture, Jessie felt her phone vibrating in her bag. No doubt it was Tom again, checking in on her. Ignoring all of Tom’s frequent and numerous calls—not to mention his voicemails—had been another part of Jessie’s ploy to not deal with what was happening to her.

‘Come with me,’ Jack said, suddenly tugging her into a nearby taxi.

‘Where are we going?’ Jessie asked, surprised.

Jack said something to the driver in Mandarin, then turned back to Jessie. ‘You’ll see,’ he said with a glint in his eye.

In her mind, Jessie repeated the unfamiliar words Jack had said to the driver, in an effort to figure out where they were going, but it meant nothing to her; she was clueless. It wasn’t until she saw the huge towers of Pudong getting nearer through the windscreen that she was able to hazard a guess.