jinn 01 - ember (9 page)

“Baker, are you home?” Maggie’s voice called out as she banged again.

I shook myself and donned the Baker she was used to seeing without delay. This was no place for her to be at this time of day. I opened the door and she smiled, relieved as she rushed inside.

“I was worried I had missed you,” she said, slipping inside. She placed a cool hand on my arm. “Are you all packed?”

I blinked a couple times as her fingers lightly squeezed my forearm. It was damn good to see her standing in my house. The clutter of my mind and the soreness in my body disappeared when I looked at her. I was tired of just scraping by in life. When I looked at Maggie, I could see a future that was just out of my reach—always out of my reach. Who knew I would want the white picket fence and one woman to wake up with, but I did. It was dangerous.

I slipped one hand around her waist, pulling her closer. My other hand cradled the back of her head as I kissed her hard, relishing in the mix of pleasure and pain because at least it made me feel something other than half-dead. Her mouth was velvety and warm, inviting me to take it. Her soft moan clenched me deep inside. I lifted her off the ground, my hands running up the length of her thighs, pushing the skirt out of my way as she wrapped her long legs around me. Her fingernails dug into my back through my shirt. This woman was worth every risk I was taking by being with her.

Kissing her harder and longer, I backed her against the built-in shelving around the television. I peeled off my t-shirt and she hastily unbuttoned her top. I looked down at her luscious, kiss-swollen mouth, and she smiled just a little, almost like a dare. I was always controlled with Maggie, gentle. I didn’t want to be either tonight. She ran her fingernails down my chest hard enough to leave a mark and squeezed her legs around my hips as she undid the top button of my jeans. My lips took her again as I spread her arms out wide until she gripped the shelves behind her. Her satiny smooth skin tasted like vanilla, begging to be devoured.

The thin scraps of material of her underwear gave way with a hard tug and I buried myself inside of her. Her head went back and she shifted the position of her hips slightly, pushing me deeper. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of her surrounding me for a few seconds before I began to move in long, deep strokes until she begged me to go faster. Her hips rocked with mine, taking us higher and higher until we tumbled over the edge, sweaty and sated. She collapsed against me, arms cradling my head to her still heaving chest. All of my muscles were relaxed, and for the first time today, I wasn’t thinking about anything.

“I’m going to come with you to your conference.” She ran her fingers through my hair and my mouth went dry. “I asked off of work today.”

All my worries, all the decisions I need to make, came crashing back down on me. I backed away slightly, letting her back down.

She smiled widely. “I knew you would be surprised, but good surprised, right?”

“Yeah, it’s great,” I heard coming out of my mouth, but there was really nothing great about it. My ears roared. I was in pickle.

“Where are we going?”

I ran my fingers through my hair, only half listening. “When?”

She laughed and kissed the side of my neck. “For the conference, silly.”

I willed my cell phone to ring. If there was ever going to be a good time for Holden to interrupt, it was now, but it remained stubbornly silent. I really only had one choice. I scooped her shirt off the floor and handed it to her. “Um, we need to talk.”

Her face fell. “You don’t want me to come, do you?”

“It’s just—” Avoiding relationships was a better idea than being in them. Why had I done something as stupid as break my own rules? “I can’t spend any time with you. I would hate for you to get there and have to sit by yourself all day.”

“I don’t mind. I have my Kindle packed. I will read and we can be together in the evening. Unless you don’t want me, that is.”

“Maybe some time apart would be good.” My heart pounded. Nothing in me wanted to do this, but I had to. “You deserve someone better. I just can’t be the person that you need or deserve.”

She stared at the floor. I couldn’t stand to look at her for any length of time knowing I was breaking her heart. “There is no conference, is there?”

“No.”

“And you aren’t a doctor.”

I didn’t say anything.

She took a deep breath. “I thought it was strange that you lived in a place like this.” Her lip curled as she looked around the room. Those accusing eyes turned back to me. “You’ve lied to me the whole time.”

“Not about everything.” It was the only thing I could say. I didn’t want to hurt her, but she couldn’t stay and I couldn’t leave. We had no choice.

Her gaze shifted to the bookshelf then to my fully clothed body then back to the bookshelf. Her cheeks turned pink and her eyes liquefied. “That was goodbye sex, wasn’t it?” She shook her head, a shaking hand over her mouth. “Stupid, Maggie. Stupid.”

If it had been goodbye sex, I wasn’t aware of it. All I knew was that I’d needed her in that moment and she’d been there. But I couldn’t both smooth this over and keep her safe. I had to choose. “It’s really for the best.”

“Do I know anything about you at all? Is Baker your real name?”

“I’m sorry, Maggie.” I tried to take her hand, but she pulled away.

“I can’t look at you.” She buttoned her shirt and grabbed her purse, heading for the door.

I clutched my hand into a fist. I wanted to stop her, to explain, but I had to let her go. The sound of the door shutting reverberated in my heart. I locked it then once again collapsed in the bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I lay there with my eyes open, staring up at the ceiling. My eyebrows pulled together. If I stayed here, I was going to go crazy. I got up, showered, and left.

Olivia was hearing voices. If I couldn’t sleep, maybe I could get to the bottom of that. There was only one place where I could get information on angels, and I hadn’t stepped foot there in over a century. They might have kicked me out once already, but I had to try. My phone buzzed. Now Holden called, just when I no longer needed the distraction.

“Couldn’t have called me twenty minutes ago, boss?”

“Why? What happened?”

I pressed my hand hard against my forehead and forced a smile even though no one was there to see it. “Nothing. What do you need?”

“We have to talk, but not at the apartment or over the phone.”

“Okay. Where?”

“Your house. Where is it?”

Well, this was a first. I hesitated just a moment before giving him my address. As I rattled it off, I realized I’d never given my address to anyone—including Maggie. How in the hell had she found me? I had been so distracted and happy to see her that I hadn’t thought about why she shouldn’t have been there.

“I’ll be there in ten—make that twenty minutes. Quintus just showed up,” Holden said.

“And you’re going to stay to chat with the guardian?” My heart stilled. Quintus had been watching Maggie. What if he was there to tell Holden about me?

“Depends on what he has to say,” Holden said.

Oh shit.

“I CAN’T DO it.” Olivia shoved her hands against her hips when the door shut. “I understand how this could help, but I don’t understand how you think I could do this.”

“Just hear me out before you rush to judgment.”

She nodded and went to sit down. She felt strongly about jinn. Liv had a hard time separating them from demons, and maybe she wasn’t really that far off base. A lot of jinn were cruel, callous, and sociopathic—but a lot of people would have described me that way too. Directing Olivia to where I needed her to go wasn’t always easy. She could spot the disingenuous at a hundred paces. The best way to get her to consider anything was to make it emotional—unfortunately, emotion wasn’t something that lived near the surface for me. I had to make the jinn sympathetic if I had any hope of getting her on board with this.

“You asked me once what it was like to be a jinni, and I showed you, remember?”

She nodded, those aqua eyes staring into my soul as they always did. Even when my soul wasn’t in my possession, she still saw it.

“I showed you what it was like to be a free jinni. At the time, I was still coming to grips with the changes in my life and I didn’t really recognize them for what they were. You asked me if it was different and I told you no, but I was wrong. It’s completely different now.”

Her eyes softened. “How?”

“The beast is gone.” I rubbed my lower jaw, trying to think of a way to describe the change so she would understand it. “Remember the first time you came into my mind?”

“The desert.”

“That is where I always was before you pulled me out. I can’t really explain it, but I am not there anymore and the beast no longer calls to me. When I first met you, it wanted me to kill you. It would become restless if I was not following orders or doing my job. I had to manage it always to keep it happy, but not anymore. It’s gone and I am free to do what I want.”

She nodded. “But what does this have to do with them? You’re different, Holden. You aren’t like the rest of them—you never were.”

“I am exactly like the rest of them. A little more controlled perhaps, but they have all the same urges and cravings I did. There is no reason to think they couldn’t handle being free, especially if they have a leader and an occupation. Will all of them be perfect? No, but I don’t think the jinn were meant to be enslaved to demons. Maybe this is what you are supposed to do. Correct the imbalance that was created so long ago.”

She shook her head. “The risk is too great. I have met other jinn, touched other jinn. They aren’t like you.”

“If we free them, Hell loses an earthly hold. I’m not saying it would solve all the problems, but it would be a big win for Heaven. Not all of them can be saved, but saving a handful of jinn is better than having the thousands of them working for the other side.”

“Heaven won’t see it that way. It would put a bigger target on our backs. I know it seems like the best choice right now, but it isn’t. There has to be another way.”

“The target is nothing new. It’s never scared us before.”

“Okay, let’s pretend for a second we free the jinn. What will Hell come up with next? Right now, we know what to expect from the jinn. If we take them away, who knows how they will adapt. Isn’t there a saying about the enemy you know…”

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. She looked at me, calm and serene, all traces of the agitation she’d had when she came in gone. The angel was sticking pretty close to the surface of her mind. Olivia was easier to reason with, but right now I was going to have to win them both over.

She ran her fingers through her hair. “Let me ask this. Why do you want to do this? You have shown no interest in the jinn for the past year. And now, all of a sudden, you want to free them all. Why?”

“Other than saving our lives?”

“And damning countless humans to do so. For all we know, they will expose the Abyss with their carelessness.”

“You’re the one always telling me I need to make connections.”

She thought for a moment. “You wanted to free them before we needed them to deflect Hell?”

It was more than Phoenix’s offer. Part of me wanted to do this, had for some time, but I couldn’t say why. I hadn’t thought about it. My instincts said it was the only way we could survive. They had saved me more than once. It was the best way for us to survive, and that was more important to me than anyone else’s life or comfort. Was part of me looking for an occupation? Perhaps the part that had taken to leading the jinn the last time had latched on to this new opportunity. Or maybe I was just keeping us alive. Either way, it didn’t really matter why I wanted to do it. All that mattered was doing it.

She shook her head. “I’m not freeing the jinn. Right now, I cannot imagine letting them loose on the world. You have chosen your path. Even as a jinni, you fought against your nature. I have seen too many who don’t, who relish in killing and causing pain. I will not be responsible for that going ungoverned.”

“It doesn’t have to go ungoverned.”