JoshuasMistake (5 page)

“You may not have that much control over the situation,
Joshua.”

He frowned. “I protect the people who mean something to me
and I’m pretty good at what I do.”

She found herself wondering if he was including her in that
group.
Don’t be stupid, he just met you.
“What is this place?”

He continued to wash dishes. “You mean besides Will’s house?”

“Why are we safe here?”

“We’re not. There’s no place safe if people want you dead, Tessa.”

At least he didn’t lie. “So why here?”

He placed the last dish in the dishwasher and wiped his
hands on a dishtowel. The swaying towel caught her attention and she couldn’t
take her eyes away from it. It was only a short walk around the island to reach
her, but he somehow crossed the distance faster than she’d expected. She
blinked to clear her head. “Hypnosis?”

“Just a little trick. Sometimes it distracts people.”

She forced herself to control the surge of anger he would
instantly detect. Sliding her foot out, she swiped his legs behind the knee in
a quick movement. She’d blocked her mind sufficiently to surprise the great
Joshua Lakeland and send him crashing on his ass. She stood over him smiling. “I’m
not just ‘people’.”

Instead of getting angry he grinned up at her for a moment
before standing. “I know. I’m sorry. I brought you here because we’ll have a
few hours, maybe even days before they find us. I thought it might give us time
to figure out why people want you dead and how I figure in. Very nice move, by
the way.” He took her offered hand and got up off the floor.

She shrugged. “Do you think they are really getting rid of
all agents over a certain rating?”

He was already shaking his head before she finished
speaking. “I’ve been thinking about that. If they were going to do something so
huge, they’d have to strike big and fast. Though I wouldn’t count the idea
completely out, this feels more specific. Your team, what was the mission?”

The moment of truth. Should she trust him?

“Why didn’t you just take the information when you were in
my head?” She hated the tremble she couldn’t control in her voice.

The deep crease between his eyes told her he didn’t like the
question. “I’m going to get angry real fast if you keep bringing that up.”

“Oh, are you the injured party here?” Her voice crackled
with sarcasm.

He dug his hands into his pockets and frowned down at the
floor. She thought he’d be angry. But she couldn’t get a sense of emotion from
him.

“No, but you know I had to do it.” He looked up and she
could not look away from his pain. Strange, she could see it, but she couldn’t
sense it. His control slipped. Heart-wrenching agony took hold for a moment
before he reined it in.

He said, “If I hadn’t probed you I probably would have left
you chained to the table and you’d likely be dead now.”

The truth cut deep. Her bravado remained in place though. “Why
did you take me with you? I’m nothing to you. It would have been faster and
easier to go without me. And just maybe they would have stopped chasing you for
a while, at least long enough to deal with me. Why not save yourself, Lakeland?”

He took her hand and pulled her past the dining area.

“Where are we going?”

“Bedroom.”

She dug her heels in and wrenched her arm away. “Wait a
minute. I’ve had some crappy propositions, but you’re going to have to do
better than that.”

One side of his mouth pulled up in a devilish grin. “Will’s
coming back. I think we should keep this conversation just between us. Don’t
you?”

She felt her skin warm slightly. Embarrassment was not
something she experienced often. The touch of disappointment,
that
was
familiar.

He leaned into her, and she had to roll her head back to
look at him. Her height made the position perfect for kissing. “I like the way
you think, Tessa.”

She put up walls to keep him out of her mind, took a step
back and tossed her head in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. “Yeah, well,
it’s been a long time.”

That frown again, she had to keep herself from shivering
under its glare. An instant later he turned, walked across the house and
through a door. He left the door open as a gaping invitation she should follow.
The motion lights on the outside of the odd house illuminated the glass in the
front door.

Too many questions had to be asked if not answered. She
followed Joshua.

The bedroom had one large bed and a dresser with a mirror.
Besides the door where they’d entered there was one other door, she guessed it was
a closet or bathroom. The windows were high transom. The room could be a trap,
if they were attacked. “I don’t like this room.”

“There’s a trap door in the floor of the closet.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Why do you always assume I’m lying?”

She shrugged. “I guess I assume everyone is. Occupational
habit.”

Joshua’s mouth slanted in the expression that was starting
to drive her a bit mad. He moved until he was standing less than an inch from
her. Every instinct told her to back away from the danger he presented, but she
held her ground. When his hand came up and touched her cheek she flinched.

His gaze filled with hurt. “I won’t lie to you.”

It took Tessa a moment to steady her breathing. “Why did you
save me?”

Dropping his hand, he stepped away and dug his hands in his
pockets. The movement stretched his jeans tight over his narrow hips. Tessa’s
heart sped up.

“Have you ever probed someone, Tessa?”

The memory made her skin crawl. “Yes.”

“Did you enjoy it?”

“What kind of a question is that?” She made no attempt to
keep the rage from her voice. Probing another person’s mind was almost as
unpleasant for the attacker as the victim. Only psychopaths enjoyed it.

“Did you?” he asked again, more forcefully.

“No.”

His hands were out of his pockets and she noticed he was
balling them into fists and flexing them. It appeared to be a nervous habit.
Was it possible the great Joshua Lakeland was nervous? “I hate probing. It’s
unpleasant. I’ve done it hundreds of times and it almost always leaves a scar
on me. Of course, most times the people I’ve had to probe have been scumbags.”

Her stomach actually felt queasy at the idea that being inside
her head had hurt him. He had been so gentle with her, kept her safe. “I’m sorry
you had to do the probe yesterday.”

He moved close to her again. “That’s the point, Tessa.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m not sorry. Being in your mind was amazing. I could spend
hours feeling what you feel. Even your pain is laced with light. Darkness
struggles to survive in you. It was as if your consciousness was a balm to me.
You ask me why I saved you. Why didn’t I run and leave you as a distraction so
I could have more time to get away?” His lips touched her forehead.

Electricity sparked from the kiss and shot down her entire
body. She didn’t move and began to wonder what was wrong with her. Being a Psi
Agent meant learning early on personal relationships can only get you killed.
Still, the heat emanating from Joshua was magnetic. If she could have wrapped
it around herself she would have.

He said, “I could not let them kill you. I won’t let anyone
kill what is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced.”

“What about sex?”

His head cocked to one side. “What about it? Is that an
invitation?”

She shook her head but felt her cheeks heat. “When you have
sex with someone you care about, don’t you open your mind?”

“That’s not exactly a probe, is it? Sure, if it was someone
I trusted and cared for.”

“Then you’ve been in minds when they didn’t cause you pain,
like mine.”

He turned away. “It’s not the same.”

She didn’t know what he meant. How was she different? “Why
didn’t you just do a quick probe? You have the skill to have rushed in and
taken what you wanted.”

His eyes opened wider and then narrowed on her. “I didn’t
want to hurt you.”

“Why not? What do you care about an agent you’d never met
before? They told you I was a traitor. You had no loyalty to me. Why not just
do the job and get out?”

“I’m not the monster you seem to think I am.”

“I don’t think you’re a monster, Joshua. I just don’t
understand you and I’m wary of things I don’t understand.” It was the truth.

“It’s not complicated, Tessa.”

It took all her willpower not to step back. “Good. Explain
it to me.”

He touched her hair where it fell around her face. “I’m
attracted to you.”

All she could think about was how badly she needed to wash
her hair. “That’s it. That’s your whole explanation.“

He shrugged. “I didn’t want to hurt you. It seemed
reasonable, if you would acquiesce, the probe didn’t have to be violent and you
might not hate me when it was over.”

Tessa wished her heart wasn’t racing. She wanted to feel
nothing for the legendary agent who looked at her as if he might devour her at
any moment. “Hate you?”

He moved even closer, her heart tripled its rhythm and both
his hands came up to cup her face. His lips touched hers softly, but the shock
of the contact spread through her entire body. It couldn’t have lasted more
than a few seconds yet time seemed to stop in the wake of the kiss. Their
breath still mingled when he spoke. “Yes, Tessa. If I had forced my way inside
your head you would hate me now. You would hate me with every fiber of your
body. It would be your mission on Earth to make me pay for the intrusion and
violence I had inflicted on you. I can say without a shadow of a doubt you
would not be thinking about having sex with me.”

It was silly to deny it. She was thinking about how it would
feel to be held by a man like Joshua. Strong, gifted, dangerous and yet
damaged. Still, she was overwhelmed by him and had to back away. “Maybe we
should talk about something else.”

He smiled. “You’re right. What was your mission detail the
night your team was attacked?”

He changed tactics as if they were the gears of a sports
car. It took her a moment to catch up.

It was a matter of national security. If she trusted Joshua
she risked more than just her own life. Though, he had the highest security
rating for an agent, even higher than hers before she’d been accused of
treason. “My career is over, what’s the point in telling you something that
would end yours as well?”

“It’s nice of you to worry about my fate as an agent, but
don’t. If the government wants me back after that stunt today they will have to
pay. If they don’t want me that’s fine too. I’ve been thinking for some time it
may be time to go into the private sector.”

“You’re going to open your own agency?” The implications
were enormous. If he wanted to he could pull most of the Psi Agents away from
the government. That would mean the people he’d been working for would likely
be paying him big bucks to do the same job, but without all the governmental
restrictions.

“I’ve been tossing the idea around with my brother for a few
years. This might be the right time to make a move.”

“Can I assume you would continue to work on behalf of the US
and her allies?”

He frowned. “I’m not switching sides, just getting myself a
better strategic position.”

She believed him. Nothing in his mind had made her believe
he could ever betray his country. She sat on the edge of the bed. “I had just
received the intel minutes before the attack. We were to infiltrate Fa’han and
take Al Azim out with his elite guard.”

“That’s high profile for your team.”

From someone else she might have been insulted, but the
assignment was probably more suited to someone with his skills. “I agree, but I
was flattered and eager to get it done.”

“But you never got the chance.”

She shook her head. “Someone must have known where we were.
They waited, intercepted the message and took us out of the game. It was a
setup. It’s the only explanation.”

“And when you lived through the attack you were targeted as
a traitor.”

“Yes.” Her stomach tightened with rage.

“You’ll give yourself an ulcer holding in your temper all
the time.”

“I don’t see you raging at the moon.”

He gave a short laugh. “I control my emotions. You stuff
yours.”

“Are you trying to tell me what happened over the past two
days doesn’t make you angry? Because if you are I say that’s bullshit.”

“Getting angry doesn’t do anyone any good. I stay even. It’s
safer for everyone around me if I don’t let any strong emotions get the better
of me. I’ve been keeping it all in check for so long I hardly notice anymore.”

There was something incredibly sad about the statement.
Tessa got up and crossed to where he was standing looking out the high window.
She could barely see out and all that was there was darkness. “Are you telling
me you don’t feel joy, happiness, hate, nothing?”

“I feel them, but not the way most people do. I control the
input and the output otherwise things can get dangerous.”

“What about love?”

He turned toward her. “What about it?”

“Do you feel it?”

His eyes narrowed. “I love my brother. I’m very close to my
sister-in-law and her family. I would mourn any one of them if they were gone.”

“But you would control that sorrow.”

“Yes.”

“Because you’re dangerous?”

“Are you making fun of me?”

She flinched away from him. He was not exactly angry, but he
was not happy either. Still, it kind of pleased her to have elicited a response
from him. “No. I just don’t know if that’s a great way to live.”

“Why?” He was facing her now with his hands crossed over his
broad chest.

Maybe she should have been afraid, but he’d had plenty of
opportunity to harm her if he’d wanted to. “If you never release any emotion,
you’re missing out on all the good in life.”