Journey of Souls (9 page)

S: (with anguish) I had an agreement with Clodees to work on setting goals and then following through. He had expectations for me as Ross. Damn! Now I have to face him with this.

Dr. N: You don’t feel you met the contract you had with your advisor about lessons to be learned as Ross?

S: (impatiently) No, I was terrible. And, of course, I’ll have to do it all over again. We never seem to get it perfect. (pause) You know, if it weren’t for Earth’s beauty-the birds-flowers-trees-I would never go back. It’s too much trouble.

Dr. N: I can see you are upset, but don’t you think …

S: (breaks in with agitation) You can’t get away with a thing either. Everybody here knows you so well. There is nothing I can keep from Clodees.

Dr. N: I want you to take a deep breath and go further into the Buckhorn Bar and tell me what you do.

S: (subject gulps and squares her shoulders) I float in and sit down across from Clodees at a round table near the front of the bar.

Dr. N: Now that you are near Clodees, do you think he is as upset as you are over this past life?

S: No, I’m more upset with myself over what I did and didn’t do and he knows that. Advisors can be displeased but they don’t humiliate us, they are too superior for that.

The counseling input of a directive guide gives the healing process of our soul a boost during orientation, but that does not mean the defensive barriers to progress are completely removed. The painful emotional memories from our past do not die as easily as our bodies. Hester must see her negative past life script as Ross clearly, without distorted perceptions.

Recreating spiritual orientation scenes during hypnosis assists me as a therapist. I have found the techniques of psychodramatic role playing to be useful in exposing feelings and old beliefs related to current behavior. Case 13 had quite a long orientation which I have condensed. At this juncture of the case I shifted my questioning to involve the subject’s guide.

As the proceedings unfold with Ross Feldon’s life, I will take the roll of a third party intermediary between Ross and Clodees. Within this counseling mode I also want to initiate a role transference where Hester-Ross will speak the thoughts of Clodees. The integration of a subject with their guide is a means of eliciting assistance from these higher entities and bringing problems into sharper focus. I sometimes sense even my own guide is directing me in these sessions.

I am cautious about summoning up guides without good cause. Facilitating communication directly with a client’s guide always has an uncertain outcome. If my intrusion is clumsy or unnecessary, guides will block a subject’s response by silence or use metaphoric language which is obscure.

I have had guides speak through a subject’s vocal chords in raspy tones which are so discordant I can hardly understand the responses to questions. When subjects talk for their guides, rather than guides speaking for themselves through the subject, usually the cadence of speech is not as broken. In this case, Clodees comes through Hester-Ross easily and allows me some latitude in working with his client.

Dr. N: Ross, we both need to understand what is happening psychologically to you right from the start of your orientation with Clodees. I want you to assist me. Are you willing to do this?

S: Yes, I am.

Dr. N: Good, and now you are going to be able to do something unusual. On the count of three, you will have the ability to assume the dual roles of Clodees and yourself. This ability will enable you to speak to me about your thoughts and those of your guide as well. It will seem that you will actually become your guide when I question you. Are you ready?

S: (with hesitation) I … think so.

Dr. N: (rapidly) One-two-three! ( I place my palm on the subject’s forehead to stimulate the transference.) Now be Clodees speaking his thoughts through you. You are sitting at a table across from the soul of Ross Feldon. What do you say to him? Quickly! I want the subject to react without thinking critically about the difficulty of my command)

S: subject reacts slowly, speaking as his own guide) You know… you could have done better.

Dr. N: Quickly now-be Ross Feldon again. Move to the other side of the table and answer Clodees.

S: I… tried … but I fell short of the goal

Dr. N: Switch places again. Become the voice of Clodees’ thoughts and answer Ross. Quickly!

S: If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?

Dr. N: Respond as Ross.

S: Not to be … corrupted … by power and money.

Dr. N: Answer as Clodees.

S: Why did you let these things detract from your original commitment?

Dr. N: (I lower my voice) You are doing fine. Keep switching chairs back and forth at the table. Now answer your guide’s question.

S: I wanted to belong… to feel important in the community… to rise above others and be admired … for my strength.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: Especially by women. I observed you tried to dominate them sexually as well, making conquests without attachments.

Dr. N: Speak as Ross.

S: Yes … that’s true … (shakes head from side to side) I don’t have to explain-you know everything anyway.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: Oh, but you do. You must bring your self-awareness to bear on these matters.

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: (defiantly) If I hadn’t exerted power over these people they would have controlled me.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: This lacks merit and was unworthy of you. What you became is not how you started. We chose your parents carefully.

Note: The Feldon family were farmers of modest means who displayed honesty, forbearance, and sacrificed much so Ross could study law.

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: (in a rush) Yes-I know-they brought me up to be idealistic-to help the little guy, and I wanted this, too, but it didn’t work for me. You saw what happened. I was in debt when I began as a lawyer…ineffective … of no consequence. I didn’t want to be poor anymore, defending people who couldn’t pay me. I hated the farm-the pigs and the cows. I liked being around substantial people and when I joined the establishment as a prosecutor, I had the idea of reforming the system and helping farm people. It was the system that was wrong.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: Ah, you were corrupted by the system-explain this to me.

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: (hotly) People had to pay fines they couldn’t afford-others I sent to jail because of offenses they didn’t mean to commit - others I had hung! (voice breaks) I became a legal killer.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: Why did you feel responsible for prosecuting criminals who were guilty of hurting others?

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: Few of those … most were … just ordinary people like my parents who got caught up in the system … needing money to survive … and there were those who were … sick in the head

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: What about the victims of the people you prosecuted? Didn’t you choose a life of law to help society and to make the farms and the towns safer with justice?

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: (loudly) Don’t you see, it didn’t work for me-I was turned into a murderer by a primitive society!

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: And so you murdered yourself?

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: I got off track… I couldn’t go back to being a nobody… and I couldn’t go forward.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: Too easily you became a participant with those whose motivations were for personal gain and notoriety. This was not you. Why did you hide from yourself?

Dr. N: Answer as Ross.

S: (with anger) Why didn’t you help me more-when I started as a public defender?

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: What benefit do you get from thinking I should pick you up at every turn?

Dr. N: (I ask Hester to respond as Ross, but when she remains silent after the last question, I step in) Ross, if I may interrupt-I believe Clodees is inquiring into the payoff for you from both the pain you feel now and strokes you get from blaming him over your last life

S: (pause) Wanting sympathy … I guess.

Dr. N: Okay, respond as Clodees to this thought.

S: (very slowly) What more would you have me do? You didn’t reach far enough inside yourself. I placed thoughts in your mind of temperance, moderation, responsibility, original goals, your parents’ love-you ignored these thoughts and were stubborn to alternative action.

S: (Ross responds without my command) I know I missed the signs you set up … I wasted opportunities … I was afraid …

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees to your statement.

S: What do you value most about who you are?

Dr. N: Answer your guide.

S: That I had the desire to change things on Earth. I started with wanting to make a difference for the people of Earth.

Dr. N: Respond as Clodees.

S: You left that assignment early and now I see you missing opportunities again-being afraid to take risks-taking paths which dam-age you-trying to become someone who is not you and there is sadness again.

Recreating the orientation stage does produce abrupt transitions during my hypnosis sessions. While Case 13 is speaking as Clodees, notice how her responses take on a more lucid and decisive quality which is different from either my client Hester, or her former self as Ross. I am not always successful with my subjects translating their guides’ comments so insightful[y in former spiritual orientations. Nevertheless, past life memories often spill over into contemporary problems in whatever spiritual setting is selected.

Whether my subject or her guide actually directed the conversation in the Buckhorn Bar scene while I moved the time frame around does not matter to me. After all, Ross Feldon as a person is dead. But Hester is caught in the same quagmire, and I want to do what I can to break this destructive pattern of behavior. I spend a few minutes reviewing with this subject what her guide has indicated about lack of self-concept, alienation, and lost values. After asking Clodees for his continued assistance, I close the orientation scene and immediately take Hester to a later spiritual stage just before her rebirth today.

Dr. N: With all the knowledge of who you were as Ross, and having a greater understanding of your real spiritual identity after your stay in the spirit world, why did you choose your current body?

S: I chose to be a woman so people would not feel intimidated by me.

Dr. N: Really? Then why did you take the body of such a strong, forceful woman in the twentieth century?

S: They won’t see a prosecuting attorney dressed in black in a courtroom-this time I am a surprise package!

Dr. N: A surprise package? What does that mean?

S: As a woman, I knew I would be less intimidating to men. I can catch them off guard and scare them to death.

Dr. N: What kind of men?

S: The big guys-the power structure in society-catch then when they are lulled into a false sense of security because I’m a woman.

Dr. N: Catch them and do what?

S: (drives her right fist into the left palm) Nail them-to save the little guy from the sharks who want to eat up all the small fish in this world.

Dr. N: (I move my subject into the present while she remains in the superconscious state) Let me understand your reason for choosing to be a woman in this life. You wanted to help the same sort of people who you were unable to help as a man in your previous life-is this correct?

S: (sadly) Yeah, but it’s not the best way. It’s not working out for me like I thought. I’m still too strong and macho. Energy is pouring out of me in the wrong direction.

Dr. N: What wrong direction?

S: (wistfully) I’m doing it again. Misusing people. I chose the body of a woman who is intimidating to men and I don’t feel like a woman.

Dr. N: Give me an example?

S: Sexually and in business. I’m in the power game again … pushing aside principles … getting off track as before (as Ross). This time I manipulate real estate deals. I’m too interested in acquiring money. I want status.

Dr. N: And how does this hurt you, Hester?

S: The influence of money and position is a drug to me as it was in my last life. My being a woman now has done nothing to change my desire to control people. So … stupid …

Dr. N: Then do you think your motivations were wrong in choosing to be a female?

S: Yes, I do feel more natural living as a man. But I thought as a woman this time around I would be… more subtle. I wanted this chance to try again in a different sex and Clodees let me take it. (client slumps down in her chair) What a blunder.

Dr. N: Don’t you think you are being a little hard on yourself, Hester? I have the sense you also chose to be a woman because you wanted a woman’s insight and intuition to give you a different perspective to tackle your lessons. You can have masculine energy, if you want to call it that, and still be feminine.

Before finishing this case, I should touch on the issue of homosexuality. Most of my subjects select the bodies of one gender over another 75 percent of the time. This pattern is true of all but the advanced souls, who maintain more of a balance in choosing to be men and women. A gender preference by a majority of earthbound souls does not mean they are unhappy the other 25 percent of the time as males or females.

Hester is not necessarily gay or hi-sexual because of her body choice. Homosexuals may or may not be comfortable with their anatomy as humans. When I do have a client who is gay, they often ask if their homosexuality is the result of choosing to be “‘the wrong sex” in this life. When their sessions are over this inquiry is usually answered.

Regardless of the circumstances which lead souls to make gender choices, this decision was made before arriving on Earth. Sometimes I find that gay people have chosen in advance of their current lives to experiment with a sex that was seldom used in former lives.

Being gay carries a sexual stigma in our society which presents a more difficult road in life. When this road is chosen by one of my clients, it can usually be traced to a karmic need to accelerate personal understanding of the complex differences in gender identity as related to certain events in their past. Case 13 chose to be a woman in this life to try and get over the stumbling blocks experienced as Ross Feldon.