Journey to the Highlands: Robbie and Caralyn (Clan Grant Series Book 4) (16 page)

Chapter Thirty

Robbie wrapped his arms around Caralyn, uncertain what to say, but grateful to have her in his arms for any reason. He was quite happy whenever she was near.

“Sweeting, you are well?” he asked softly.

Caralyn picked her head up and blubbered, “Aye, ‘twas so beautiful.” Her breath hitched three times. “Nay, my mama lied to me all those years ago.”

Robbie understood the first comment, but he had no guess as to the meaning of the second. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and guided her toward her chamber. She sobbed all the way down the passageway, but he held her tight.

As soon as she stepped inside, she gave him a questioning look. “My bairns? Where are my bairns?” She hiccupped and waited for his answer.

“Sweeting, ‘tis morn. The wee ones are all in the great hall eating and fussing over the new wean. When I left, they were trying to choose a name for the laddie.” He patted her shoulder in assurance. “They’re fine. Quade, Brodie, and Celestina are all with them. Come, sit and tell me why you cry so.”

She sat on the bed and leaned into his shoulder. “Your brother was so wonderful the way he was there for Maddie. And ‘twas beautiful when the wean was born, all red and messy, but still beautiful. I was so amazed watching Brenna deliver the bairn. She is a talented healer.”

“Aye, she learned from our mama and is teaching Jennie now. She has saved many lives, including her husband’s.”

“And when Brenna wrapped the bairn in the plaid and handed him to Maddie, I wanted to cry on the spot, but I couldn’t because I wanted to assist Brenna.”

Robbie kissed her forehead. “You didn’t have anyone to help you when you had your girls, did you?”

“Nay, just the midwife, but I didn’t like her. And she told me awful things, not at all like the things said to Maddie. Brenna and Alex were both so encouraging. Alice, too.”

“I am sorry, lass. But you still have two beautiful lassies.” He brushed her hair away from her face, drinking in her beauty, enjoying this rare chance to be close to her. Somehow, he knew she still had secrets, but would she share them? He waited, hoping she would continue.

***

Caralyn picked up a fresh linen square and mopped her cheeks. She lifted her head from Robbie’s shoulder and gazed into his eyes, so appreciative of the warmth she saw there. He really did care for her. He had to, or why would he be there holding her while she blubbered so? She suspected he would prove himself every bit as wonderful of a mate as his brother, Alex, if she would just give him the chance.

She sat next to him on the bed and faced him, crossing her legs in front of her as she gathered her thoughts and tried to calm her breathing. The tears had slowed and she took a deep breath, still clasping his hand as if she was afraid to let go.

“Robbie, I need to tell you something and ‘tis an embarrassing subject. Mayhap ‘tis not something I should discuss with a man, but as difficult as it is for me to admit it to myself…I trust you. I am so confused, I don’t know who else to turn to.” She chewed on her thumbnail as she glanced up at him to see his reaction.

“Go on. I will try to help if I can, Caralyn.” He squeezed her hand and she held on tight.

“When we were together in the priory…” She paused and caught his gaze, hoping she would see anything but condemnation there, instead seeing the concern and something else—love? She could only hope. Glancing at the ceiling, she gathered her strength before she continued, then stared at their intertwined hands. “If you recall, before I left, I shoved you away, angry.”

Robbie nodded. “I remember every moment of that night, most of them wonderful.” He ran his fingers down her cheek, caressing her skin beneath her tears. “What you speak of was the only bad part for me.”

She glanced away, so afraid to see judgment in his face, but she forced herself to finish, even though she knew she couldn’t handle looking in his eyes as she confessed. “The night before my wedding, my mother explained to me about the marriage bed. She told me to lie there for my husband and be quiet.”

Robbie’s brow furrowed, but he said naught.

“She told me that lasses didn’t enjoy the marriage bed, that enjoyment meant you were a whore and your husband would send you away.”

She dared a quick look at his face, and the shock she saw there encouraged her to continue. “That’s what I did with my husband. I did what I was supposed to do, what I was taught. I didn’t know any better.” Her eyes misted again and she used the linen square to wipe them as she talked. “I don’t think he was verra experienced either, but he never told me otherwise and I was carrying soon, so our lovemaking stopped.” She squeezed her eyes shut as memories assaulted her mind, memories that she had shut out for so long.

Robbie reached for her and pulled her onto his lap.

She rested her head on his shoulder before continuing. “When Malcolm came along and forced me to have relations with him in exchange for food, he did things to me that brought me pleasure. I told him what my mother had said, and he laughed. I still recall exactly what he said. “Your mother is right, you are a whore, so you’ll whore for me and my friends, and you’ll still enjoy it. In return, I’ll make sure your daughters don’t go hungry. But be sure you always know what you are. A whore.”

She kept her head on his shoulder, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. “I did what I had to do to fill my lassie’s bellies, but all along, I chastised myself for being the whore my mother had warned me against being.

“That night with you was the most wonderful night of my life. You made me feel so special, and you never made me feel guilty. It was as if you enjoyed pleasuring me, and ‘struth is I enjoyed pleasuring you. When we finished, my mother came back into my mind and told me how bad I had been. How wrong.”

As she finished this last sentence, she sat up abruptly, as if under someone else’s control, and her right hand grabbed her left wrist and she drove her fingernail into her skin. Robbie separated her hands. “Is this why you hurt yourself? I have seen you do it before.”

“Aye.” Tears welled in her eyes again, but she let them fall this time. “It’s how I punish myself for being bad. But now, after talking to Brenna and Maddie, I know my mother lied. Mayhap I’m not bad after all.” She pulled her fingernail away from her tender skin. “Mayhap, I don’t need to do this anymore.”

“Och, sweeting.” He brought her wrist up to his lips and kissed the broken spot tenderly. “Aye, ‘tis a lie of ignorance from your mother, and probably what she or her Kirk believed. She didn’t tell you that to hurt you. I am certain your mother loved you. You believe that, don’t you?”

Caralyn nodded as she stared at the spot on her wrist, knowing that in her heart she did believe her mother loved her. She had told her such because of her own beliefs, not because she wanted to hurt her. She returned her gaze to Robbie.

“But Malcolm? He told you to gain more control over you.” He placed his hand under her chin. “You’re not bad for enjoying relations with me. ‘Tis the way it should be between a husband and wife, between two people who care about each other. Even though we aren’t married, ‘tis still normal.”

She gazed into his gray eyes and touched his jaw with her finger, caressing his rough beard with her thumb and wanting to kiss him more than she had ever wanted to kiss anyone. “Do you care for me, Robbie Grant?”

“Aye, lass, I do. And I hope verra much you feel the same.”

She smiled as she rubbed his bottom lip with her thumb. “I love you, Captain Grant. I just never understood what love with a man was until we met. I’m so scared of the way I feel, but there is no denying it.”

“May I ask why?” He smiled, but the look in his eye told her he would not back down. He needed her to be honest with him now.

He wanted assurance from her, and somehow, this tickled her from the base of her spine all the way up to her neck. This big, brawny, handsome Highlander wanted to know if she had true feelings for him. “I love you for the way you make me feel, so special and so wanted. I love you for the way you are with my bairns. I love you for your tender touch, for your protectiveness of all of us, for your smile, and for the way you look at me. Does this meet with your approval?”

All she heard was a growl as he took her lips in his in a searing kiss, slanting his mouth over hers. He swept her sweet mouth with his tongue, tasting and tantalizing her at the same time.

He cupped her face with his hands and pulled back, leaning his forehead against hers and saying, “Aye, lass. ‘Tis enough for now.”

“Then make love to me, Robbie. I want to know how it feels to have no guilt about what we do.”

Chapter Thirty-One

Robbie couldn’t be happier to oblige Caralyn, but first he got up to barricade the door. He had to make sure the girls wouldn’t walk in on them. He removed his brooch and tossed his plaid on the ground before removing his leine. The musical sound of Caralyn’s laughter rang out in the room.

He tugged her off the bed and pulled her to him, holding her tight against his chest. “Do you know how long I have waited for this? How long I have wanted you, lass?”

He nuzzled her neck before he helped her out of her gown. When they finally both stood with naught on, he paused to look at her, awestruck. “Caralyn,” he reached over and ran his hand down her arm. “You are so beautiful. I knew it in the dark, but to see you now takes my breath away.”

The blood raged through his body and he crushed her to him, capturing her lips with his so he could taste her again. His tongue stroked hers until a fever lit his body. He could feel his erection pressed against her belly and he moaned when her hand wrapped around him and stroked him in a wicked rhythm that threatened to unman him.

He lifted her into his arms and set her on the bed, taking another look at her gorgeous body, drinking in his fill of her before he leaned in to touch her. Settling himself on top of her, he brushed her hair back from her face and said, “You’ll tell me if I do aught you don’t like, sweeting?”

“Robbie, I don’t think you could do anything I wouldn’t like. You’re so tender, yet so big and hard.” She grasped his biceps in delight, smiling up at him. “Please don’t stop.”

He loved the feel of her breasts against his chest when he leaned in to kiss her. Unable to restrain himself, he brought his head down to taste her, licking a path down the valley between her lovely mounds. With just a look, she had unleashed a hunger inside him. He kissed a hot trail over to each nipple, bringing them to a taut peak as she writhed underneath him in fevered passion. Bringing one into his mouth, he suckled her until she cried out. She reached down and grabbed his shaft, stroking him softly as a tease, touching the tip with the lightest of caresses.

He stilled her hand to keep from spilling his hot seed into her hand. A wave of emotion swept through him—how amazing what one small lass could do to him, could make him feel. His hand caressed her hip, gliding over across the soft skin of her thigh until he found her slit. Probing her soft folds, he groaned at the wetness and the slick flesh that met his touch, then pulsed his fingers inside her to make her ready for him.

“Please, Robbie, now. I want you now.” She clutched his arms as she gazed at him, her features ripe with passion.

He grabbed her hips and thrust inside her as she spread her legs to welcome him. He stilled for a moment as he gazed into her eyes. “I didn’t hurt you?”

“Nay,” she cried out, tipping her pelvis up to him to bring him in further. “More, I want more.”

Robbie leaned on his elbows and gave her what she wanted. She joined him in his rhythm, both ruled by the powerful force that pushed them to an edge. Her soft moans drove him into a pace he couldn’t control. He plunged inside her and lifted her hips to take more of him groaning, gasping because of how good it felt to be inside her. She took all of him and rocked him, squeezing him until he wanted to lose it all, but he wouldn’t go before her. Reaching down between them, he found her nub and caressed her until he heard her gasp, felt her cling to him as she went over the edge, her contractions milking him and he finally surrendered, calling her name as his seed shot into her and a searing ecstasy possessed him like he had never felt before.

He braced himself on his elbows and gazed into her eyes, the haze of her pleasure still evident on her face, a bliss that he had shared with her. He kissed her forehead and each cheek, before settling on her lips.

“Sweeting, that was wonderful,” he whispered. “Nae guilt?”

She smiled in a languished pleasure. “No guilt. I love you, Robbie Grant.”

An all-consuming peace settled over him and surprised him. “I love you, too, Caralyn.”

***

The midday meal was full of giggling and happy chatter as the Grants welcomed the newest member of their family. After Caralyn had cleaned up and taken a nap, she came downstairs and her two daughters raced to see her, both tugging her toward the cradle set in the middle of the table, surrounded by weans of various sizes, all waiting to see what the babe would do next.

Now she sat on the bench and gazed at the beautiful wonder in front of her. The laddie slept as no other, oblivious to the stirrings around him.

Gracie pulled herself onto her lap. “Mama, see new bairn?”

Kissing her wee lassie’s cheek, Caralyn said, “Aye, I saw him last night. He’s beautiful.”

Ashlyn stared at her mother. “You were there? Why didn’t you come for me? I wanted to be there.” Her face fell, full of disappointment.

“Och, lass, I needed you to stay in bed with Gracie. The chamber was full enough. Now is when you’ll be most needed. You and Jennie and Avelina can help Maddie clean him and change him when he needs it.”

Ashlyn’s eyes grew big as saucers. “Mama, I saw him pish already. He pees straight up. And Loki says that’s what lads do. Is that not odd? Loki says he and Torrian will care for the boy because he is a laddie and has to be a warrior someday.”

“Someday, but I think he has a while yet.” Robbie came inside with the twins, John and Jamie, and Brodie. Loki and Torrian trailed behind them, Growley stopping at the bowl near the door for a drink of water.

Without pausing, Robbie strode right over to her and kissed her cheek, then gazed at his new nephew with a smile. Gracie hopped down to play with the twins and Robbie sat on a nearby stool. “Och, those lads are busy. Jake never stops.”

“Jake? I thought his name was John?”

“His real name is John after his grandsire, but sometimes we call him Jake. I don’t remember how it started.” He turned to Ashlyn. “What do you think of the new bairn?”

“I love him already, but he cries verra loud.”

“Ashlyn, once things settle down in here, I thought I might take you and your mama out to see the cottage by the loch. Brodie and Quade said they would help me fix the roof, and you could mayhap help your mother sort out and straighten the inside?”

“Alex has given us permission to live there?” Caralyn could not believe the good news. Though their visit there had been short, she’d fallen in love with the cottage.

“Nay, not yet, but it’ll take some time to fix it up proper. If we all help, we should be done before the heavy snow falls. We want to fix the roof first to help protect it against the weather. I also want to get Quade’s help with the heavy work before he and Brenna return home. They want to beat the winter snows or they’ll be staying with us for the winter.”

“They aren’t staying? That means Lily and Torrian and Bethia will leave, also.” Ashlyn’s disappointment spread across her features.

“Quade is laird of the Ramsay clan and Brenna is their healer. They are needed back home. They brought many of their clan with them, but they wish to settle at home. She promised Alex to remain until my return and Maddie’s delivery. All are well, so she can go home now. Quade’s mother and brother are awaiting their return.”

“But then who is the healer here?” Ashlyn asked.

“Alice can deliver bairns, and though Jennie is still young, Brenna has been training her. There is an auld healer in the village as well.”

Just then, bairn Grant began squalling. “Have they settled on a name yet, Robbie?” Caralyn reached into the cradle to pick him up. She loved to rock weans in her arms.

“Connor is the lad’s name. What do you think?” He smiled at his new nephew. “He’ll have to be a tough one to handle his two older brothers.”

Connor continued to yell after she wrapped him tight in his plaid. “Mayhap I will take him to Maddie. Could be time for his feeding.” Sensing that he would be soon taken away, Gracie ran over to kiss the bairn’s cheek before turning back to play with the lads. Suddenly, she whirled around and rushed to Caralyn’s side. She placed her hands on her mama’s knees and said, “Lu you, Mama.”

Caralyn said, “I love you, too, Gracie.”

Without hesitating, Ashlyn came over and whispered in her ear. “Mama, do
you
love you?”

Caralyn didn’t know how to answer that question.

Robbie looked at her as she stood with the babe wrapped in her arms. “The lass has a good point. Do you love yourself after all you have been through? ‘Twould be difficult after all the wrong things you have been told about yourself.”

Caralyn headed to the staircase, her mind totally confused. She had never given it a thought.