Judged By You (Judge Me Series) (25 page)

“Savannah,” I can hear Nicole, than feel a finger poke me. “Wake up.”

My subconscious is yelling at her to piss off and leave me alone.

“Savannah it’s important, wake up, please.”

I open my eyes and roll over to see Nicole slumped on the side of my bed, her head in her hands, shoulders shaking. I bolt upright in bed and climb over to her.

“Nicole what’s wrong?”

“Stan is gone, he just left
.” Nicole sobs into her hands.

I sit my now awaken body next to hers on the bed, wrap my arms around her body and hush her. Hysterical sobs are all the noise I can hear.

“Where do you think he is gone?” I ask, gripping her tighter.

Nicole lifts her head and wraps her arms around my body for comfort; I can feel her
fresh tears against my top.

“I have been trying to contact him for a few days now, and I haven’t been able to get in touch with him. So I go to his place, and his neighbour tells me that he just up and left. I rang his parents, and they have no idea where he is either
.” My heart breaks for Nicole.

“Do you know where he might go, or if anyone you both
know might be able to tell you?”

“Nobody knows
.”

“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to him, did something happen
that you haven’t told me Nicole?” I lightly pushed her shoulders away so I can see her precious face. I know if she’s lying as her eyes change color.

Nicole stares at me.
Biting her lip. This isn’t good, I can tell.

“He wants things that I don’t want, and I told him that I don’t want them. Of course
,  he didn’t take it well. That’s why we haven’t been talking much lately. He was still talking to me on a daily basis, but a he just stopped all a sudden and that’s why I have been trying to contact him. I didn’t want to push him away,” Nicole wiped her face on my shirt, “I just want to find myself at the moment, I’m lost Savannah. So hopelessly lost.”

“You are not lost Nic
, I am here,” I say taking her head in my hands, forcing her eyes to meet mine. “Why do you think you’re lost?”

“This whole pregnancy shock, Stan wanting to run away and get married,
then essentially forcing me to move in with him. It’s just too much. I need to find myself before I can find anyone else right now.” Nicole places her hands over mine on her face, fresh tears start streaming down her cheeks.

“I will find you, together we will find you. You have a pl
ace here as long as you want Nic. I am here to help you. I promised you I would be here, and I am. You will never be alone. We will find you……together.” I speak clearly, and look her in the eyes. This is so hard for her, and I can’t begin to imagine how she feels. I don’t want her to be alone. I will never let her be alone. Nicole’s my family.

“Thank you Sav, it means a lot to me
,” Nicole kisses my cheek, and I do the same to her. “Thank you for the blanket early this morning, I never even thought about it when I fell asleep on the couch. But I was warm and toastie when I woke up.”

“What are you talking about
?” I asked, confused.

“Blanket?
I never had it on me when I went to sleep. Please don’t tell me I am turning into a freak and am walking in my sleep.”

“Damon must have done it
.” I say looking around my room for any signs of him. The clock tells me it’s after ten in the morning, I slept through, and he didn’t wake me. I smile at the conversation that taken place on the porch the night before, he is too sweet sometimes.

“Damon stayed
?” I turn to see Nicole with an arched brow.

“Yes, he stayed
,” I get up off the bed and stretch my rested body. “Meet me in the kitchen, I will cook you breakfast. I am just going to freshen up for the day.”

“Okay, don’t have to ask me twice. I’m starving here
.” Nicole laughs and walks out of the room.

I briefly wonder where Stan is. He never seemed
to be the kind of person to run away and hide. He and Nicole have been together for quite a while, he adores her. Well used too, and I believe he still does. Maybe he just needed time. In that situation, I would too, but I have to push my feelings aside. I am Nicole’s support, and I have to stand by her feelings, even if I don’t gauge what she is doing. I need to help her find herself.

Breakfast consists of me and Nicole bickering over how to make pancakes. In the end, I give up and start cleaning the house she makes breakfast. I take a few minutes to admire my beautiful roses on the table. The scent of the roses flows through the dining area. It’s a beautiful day outside, so I open all the curtains and open the windows to allow the breeze through. Mom and dad always had ambitious plans for this house, and they never got the chance to do them. The thought of renovating this place brings me warmth. Maybe it’s something I should look at doing with my inheritance money? Dad left the plans for the renovations in his office and I filed them away when cleaning out their belongings. Maybe I should go back over them, and when Stephen gets out of jail we can decide together what we want to do.

As I open the side window, I can see the barn door open, and my baby sitting in waiting to be driven. But it’s the tractor missing that catches my eye. I walk back towards the back of the house and sure enough, Derek is out slashing the fields.

“When did Derek get here?” I turn to Nicole who is eating the pancake batter off the spoon. Yuck.

“He pulled up as I was leaving. Said he needed to keep occupied or something. He seemed a bit this morning
.” Nicole shrugged.

Walking out the back door to the fence I waved my arms above my head to grab Derek’s attention. Five minutes later the tractor pulls to a Holt in front of the main gate where I am standing.

“You want some breakfast?” I ask Derek when he is close enough.

“Sure
.” Derek turns away, and shuts the tractor off altogether, than walks straight past me and back towards the house. Something isn’t right. I watch as Derek throws open the back door, and close my eyes tightly waiting for bang. It happens within seconds. Turning back towards the fields, I remember when I was younger, dad would take me and Stephen out of the tractor, and we would spend countless hours slashing and planting crops. Then spend afternoons in the garage with him, fixing up the Dodge. Once that was over, we would enjoy moms cooking. She always was a good cook; I did not inherit that skill from her unfortunately. My chest aches, I miss them all so much. A tear runs down my cheek, and I wipe it off quickly. I make my way back to the house, and hear my name being called.

Coffee, juice, pancakes, fruit and bacon are already placed on the table waiting. Derek sits down and rubs his head. I glance at Nicole, and she frowns towards Derek.

“Are you okay Derek?” I take the seat next to him.

“Why does everyone ask that
?” He says with anger in his voice.

I snap back in my seat. “Don’t speak to me like that; something is wrong I can tell
.”

“God, I’m sorry Sav. I didn’t mean to snap at you.
Just got a lot on my mind. Come here.” Derek opens his arms, and I lean in to give him a hug. He squeezes me tight. Something is defiantly wrong, I can feel it.

“Anything you want to talk about or I can help with
.” I say into his shoulder.

“Nah, nothing you can do. It will be okay
.” He releases me and hands me the plate of pancakes.

Breakfast turns out to be great. We all laugh and
talk about drunken stories, house renovations and work. I tell them both that I am giving up once again on my Law Degree, both of them support my decision and Derek assures me he will start to pay  the money he owes me.

“I have enough money to last me a while, I don’t want to dip into the inheritance, but I will if I become desperate. But I am thinking about doing renovations to this place maybe. You know mom and dad had ambitious plans for this Derek. Maybe I should make some of them come true
.” I look up to see them both eyeing me.

“I think that is a brilliant idea Savannah. This house has so much potential. What would you do
it?” Derek asked, pouring another cup of coffee for each of us.

“Well I would want to keep the old fashion style to the house, but I want to make a little more modernized at the same time. Maybe open up the dining, living and kitchen a little. New paint throughout it, and I would like to extend the house where Nicole’s room is, maybe make a nursery and
modern bathroom.” I look up to see a wide smile on Nicole’s face.

“You should
upgrade upstairs, clean out those rooms that you don’t go near. Finally, give Stephen a theatre room. He would love you forever.” I start laughing after Derek said that. I somehow knew that’s what he was going to suggest. Men.

“When you’re ready to go through it all let me know, I know a builder that can help. And between us all we should be able to get it done quickly
.” Derek says rubbing his chin looking around.

By the time we are finished
chatting it’s close to twelve thirty, and I have nothing but ideas floating around my head. Derek goes back to work out in the field while myself and Nicole go about cleaning the house. Tina Turner is cranked up on the sound system and we are bopping away to the music, singing into vacuum cleaners and broom handles. I haven’t laughed this hard in an awful long time, it feels good to let go and enjoy.

Nicole pretends her broom is a guitar, and I laugh hysterically going to the kitchen. The phone rings and I pick it up walking towards the stereo to turn it down.

“Hello,”

“Hello, are you there
.” An unfamiliar voice echoes through the line.

I turn the music down, mumbling apologies through the phone.

“Sorry, hello.” I say, biting back my laugh.

“I’m looking for Savannah James
.” The voice, which belongs to a man, speaks.

“Yes, that’s me
.”

“Miss James, I’m Detective Grant from the prison. I am ringing to inform you that your brother Stephen has been taken to hospital. There was a situation and….. Well, Stephen got hurt
.” I hear those words and feel sick. Sitting on the couch I grip the phone tight in my hands.

“What happened
?” I whisper through the phone, not sure if the detective is able to hear me.

“A fight broke out
between inmates, that’s all I can tell you over the phone. Miss James, I have to tell you….. It’s….umm…. It’s pretty serious. Stephen James was unresponsive when emergency series took him to the hospital.” I can hear the words, but nothing is sinking in, I feel sick.

I run to the bathroom, still clutching the phone. I empty my stomach into the porcelain bowl. I hear his voice, in the phone which is in my hand. I put it back to my ear.

“I’m sorry. But I we need to talk face to face. I am at the hospital now. I think you should come.”

“I’m on my way
.” I drop the phone to the ground. Tears wet my cheeks, but I can’t muster the strength to move. This cannot be happening.

I am aware of another presence, but I can’t speak. I look over to Nicole standing in the door way. Her mouth is moving, but everything is blocked out. Why…..Why does it always happen like this?

“Savannah, what the hell is going on? Are you okay?” Nicole shakes me.

I snap my head to her face. “We have to go to the hospital.
Steph…. Stephen is there.” I mumble, Trying to breathe. I can feel my throat closing up, and I gasp for breath.

“Deep breaths Savannah, just take deep breaths
,” I can feel my body shaking. Nicole grabs a blanket and wraps it around my shoulders. “Can you stand Sav?” I shake my head no. “I’m going to get Derek, don’t move.” Nicole runs out of the bathroom. While I continue to sit there and shake, this feeling is similar to the feeling I had when my parents died.

I’m aware of strong hands picking me up on the floor. Derek’s hushed voice fills my head with soothing words. As we go past the table, the blanket catches on the vase on the table, and the crystal shatters on the floor. I can hear nothing but the water drops hitting the wooden floor…………

Chapter 10

Just breathe………everything will be okay, have faith………. I repeat those words like a mantra over and over. Nicole has held me since we arrived at the hospital, and Derek is pacing back and forth in front of me. Every now and then he stops and looks at the clock, then continues to pace.