Judged By You (Judge Me Series) (34 page)

Nicole has this beautiful baby bump happening, okay well it’s more like a basketball happening. She is getting so big, so quick. This week she is nineteen weeks.
Almost half way. Between me, Damon, Derek and Stephen we have arranged cots, a pram, clothes, nappies, bouncers, bottles etc. We didn’t want Nicole stressing over any of that. Her problems with her parents have gotten worse, they decided they didn’t want to have a daughter who wouldn’t marry the man who “knocked her up,” so to speak and now won’t talk to her or support her. That hurt Nicole pretty bad, so we all pulled together and sat her down for a house hold chat.  Nicole cried, we all hugged. “All day sickness” has come back, and all she does these days is eat, puke and sleep.

Stan still hasn’t made contact with anyone. I never expected it from him. He loved Nicole; well that’s what I thought. His parents
back to Nicole on a regular basis though, they have offered her money, and his mother has offered to be present for the birth of the babies and stay afterwards. Nicole has told her she would think about it. But with the conversations I have had with Nicole, she doesn’t like her there for the birth, but wouldn’t deny her, her grandchildren.

She gave up her job but does work for Damon from home. He offered her a job doing his
daily work and spread sheets. Which she enjoys, and it works out surprisingly good for her.

As for me and Damon…… we are committed. After his little comment
,  I thought he would elaborate, but he never and I didn’t ask what he was thinking. Nicole has asked me a few times if I have said the “L” word yet, and I haven’t. It’s almost slipped a few times, but I haven’t said it. Trust me, I feel it…. every day it gets stronger. With my life being so busy lately, Damon and I haven’t had much time to ourselves, apart from an odd date here and there. He has however, been staying at my house three times a week. By the time it comes to bed time, I craving his touch and my want and need from him these days is so strong.

I only have to think about him, and I get moist and gooey. The sex is fantastic; I find that I am a lot more confident around him but still get shy or squeamish when it comes to certain things.  I started the pill a week after Stephen got out of hospital, my worst fear was putting on weight, but being so busy I haven’t had the chance to eat three meals a day, so I think it's evening out that little issue. I get flowers at least once a week, with memorable little notes attached to them. My room is full of dried flowers that I just can’t seem to get rid of. Damon teases me every time he stays over.

We still haven’t labelled what we are, back at the start of our “whatever,” I thought he wanted to label it, then when I did he didn’t. And now we are just going with the flow. When we are asked what we are we both kind of look at each other for some sort of answer. In the end people just get the hint or they call us “bed buddies,” Mind you I know it’s something stronger than that. The last few weeks, sex has been so intense, meaning full if you would call it that……

I turned down the job Damon offered me at his work. I have had a few interviews for office jobs but haven’t heard anything yet. Rob Thomas did offer me a reception job at his lawyers firm. He said my parents would be so happy if I took him up on his offer. I have been thinking about it, but it would be so weird working with Carter after everything. Rob has been in regular contact since he heard about Stephen getting out.

Today we are hosting a sizeable dinner at our house to celebrate the new things happening in our lives. With the house renovations coming up soon, we won’t have as much room at Derek’s. I spent the morning out shopping for tonight with Nicole. Derek and Stephen are at home cleaning the barn and doing that service finally on my baby. Which I miss driving…… Nicole got a new car; she has a Mazda which is spacious enough for the babies to fit in the back when they come along.

We hit the clothes shops first because Nicole is complaining that she doesn’t have enough clothes that still fit. We look around for ages before Nicole finds something she likes. I think everything she tries on looks good, but to her it either makes her stomach look too bulky, or it sits funny. Seriously……..

“I don’t want to buy maternity clothes sav, but with the way these babies are growing I’m going to have to.” Nicole pouts picking up a maternity top.

“I think maternity clothes are cute
,” I pick up the same top but in pink. “I like this top. It’s so sexy yet mature.”

“Listen to you. At least we won’t have any problems with you and clothes when you’re knocked up
.” She put the top she had back and took the pink one from my hand.

“I doubt I will every have kids
.” I say moving to the next rack, flicking through the clothes.

“Have
you and Damon talked about kids?” Nicole asked, looking at me over the rack.

“No. we haven’t talked about anything like that. We talk hea
ps but never about those things.” I shrug.

“You’ve been dating
,” I shook Nicole a look, and she shakes her head. “Or whatever you label it as then, for what near three months? And you still haven’t had that talk.”

“I don’t want to jinx anything, or for Damon to think that I want those things now.
Because I don’t.” I defend.

“Still you need to have that talk. You have to know what each other want, no point in working it out when it’s too late
.” With that comment, I know Nicole is talking about her and Stan.

They talked about all things, even babies and marriage, even though Nicole didn’t want to move fast.
She still knew what he wanted, and he knew what she wanted. It would scare the shit out of me being a single mother with one child let alone three. But Nicole has more support than anyone.

“Maybe
.” I say walking away.

I seriously needed some new clothes myself. Damon liked my sundresses, and they were comfortable. I picked out a few in my size and walked towards the rack with evening dresses on it. A purple floor length gown jumped out at me. It had a beaded Bodice, with a flowing silk skirt. It was gorgeous.

“I wish I had somewhere to wear something like this.” I turned to Nicole.

“That is stunning Sav. Go try it on
.” She grabbed it off the rack and handed it to me.

“No way.
I have nowhere to where it. I’m not paying a fortune for a dress I won’t wear.” I laughed. Is she crazy?

I traced the beads with my fingers when the glittered in the light. I held the dress up to my body in front of the closest mirror. The purple was deep in colour but actually matched my skin. I ran my hand down the silk shirt part, and it felt cold and soft against my palm. I moved my head from side to side debating whether or not to buy it, even though I would never wear it. I decided to check the price tag and let it determine
it's fate. Turns out that I was not willing to pay $1230.90 for a dress no matter how stunning it was.

“Just buy it Savannah
.” Nicole said, clearly getting annoyed.

“I can live without it
.” I said putting it back on the rack.

We walked around for a while longer, I ended up grabbing a few extra bra and panties sets which I knew Damon would love.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

By the time we got home, we had to get cooking. The boys wanted a few different kinds of roast meat, so we ended up with lamb, pork and beef.
Since Stephen has been home we had been having roast night once a week, were everyone came over for dinner. It was always full of laughs and just down right fun.

I got the roast ready and in the oven while Nicole started the vegetables. She had this wicked way of seasoning those suckers, and I never do it right. So for now that was her job.

“Do you think I should set the table now or leave it till later?” I asked.

“Ummm, do it now. Saves the hassle
later I guess.”

I put the new table cloth on that I picked up from shopping. It was black with Chinese patterns on it. I had a comforter set that was similar which I loved so I couldn’t pass up the table cloth. I set places for everybody, being; Derek, angel, Stephen, Damon, Nicole and myself. I wasn’t too happy that
Angel would be joining us, but I had to suck it up for Derek. Once the table was set I headed down the barn to see the boys.

As I approached
, I would see Derek and Stephen. They both sat on deck chairs just inside the barn doors. I got closer and heard a familiar voice but couldn’t place it….. Then suddenly goose  bumps covered my skin. I rounded the corner and stopped in my tracks.

“Cameron
,”. I blurted. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Shit Savannah I didn’t hear you come home
.” Stephen got to his feet, along with Derek. Both clearly afraid of the current situation. 

“What the fuck is he doing here
?” I turned, and slowed each word as I said them.

“Savannah
, don’t freak out. It’s not what you think.” Stephen came closer, hands up in defeat.

I looked from Cameron to Stephen. Derek came up and put his hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t touch me Derek. Get him out of here.” I yelled at them both while staring daggers at Cameron.

“What c
an’t say hello to an old friend?” Cameron suddenly got up of his chair and walked towards me. He had that dirty smirk on his face he had all those years ago. A shiver ran over me.

“Cameron not now.”
Derek said putting his hand on Cameron’s chest. He looked at Derek then back to me. Stephen tried to grab my hand again, but I moved it out of his reach. This was un-fucking-believable. Whom could this be happening?

“Nice to see you’re still as pleasant as ever sweet cheeks
,” Now I knew he was mocking me. “I’m out boys, see you later.”

Cameron’s shoulder touched mine as he passed. He did it on purpose I knew it. He still got under my skin and not in a good way either. He made my skin crawl actually, once it was a good crawl now it’s not, not while he just stands there looking at me like he has been around for the past four years.

“Are you two fucking crazy?” I shouted. “He is not welcome here, do you understand me, and I never want to see him here again. And if I find out you have been into anything with him I will lose my shit.”

I was livid with these two. They both stood in front of me looking between each other th
en back at me. I knew those looks all too well….. This was not happening.

“Don’t you dare tell me what I am thinking? You better not be back with that shit Stephen, you are on a good path right now
,” I continued to yell. I didn’t even know my own voice. “Get your fucking shit together mate, because this isn’t happening again.”

I walked back towards the house. Nic
ole was standing on the porch watching me walk towards her.

“Please tell me that wasn’t Cameron
.” Nicole nearly stuttered.

“Wish I could
.” I walked past her and went straight up to my room. This was not happening.

I lay down and closed my eyes wishing to wake up, and everything is a dream. I don’t know what hurt the most at this point, the fact that Stephen and Derek were talking to him or that he was actually here. I blamed Cameron, I seriously thought was the reason Stephen ended up in prison in the first place, and I hated him from the instant I got that vibe. I spent years getting him out of my mind and life for that matter. It wasn’t easy trust me, and he walks back into my life when years later with the same charm.

Cameron is tall, about six foot four, brown crew cut hair, and piercing blue eyes. The kind that can see straight through you. He is medium build, and used to work out heaps. He has an exceptionally taut body under those clothes. Not that, I want to remember it now, but truth be told, he is devilishly hot naked.

If one person can test me, push me and try my feelings it's Cameron. There is not a memory from my teenage years that don’t involve him, Derek and Stephen. I loved him, in a dysfunctional kind of way. We loved to hate each other and hated to love each other. He broke my heart, and until Damon walked into
my I never thought I would feel those feelings again. There were days where I seriously missed Cameron, and thought about him and our past. But for him to walk back into my life right now, it's only tragic.

I shake those thoughts from my head instantly. Yuck. I can’t think about that right now. I turn onto my stomach and put my face into my pillow. I’m so frustrated right now; I just want to scream, so naturally I do.
As loud as I can into my pillow. I used to do it when I was a kid, when I was frustrated. I had frustration issues, and the only way to release that tension was to scream; hence the pillow screaming.  Mind you I haven’t done it since… well ironically since the last time I saw Cameron.

“Sav…..can I come in
?” Derek voice came through the door.

“Go away
.” I begged.

“I’m coming in, I hope you’re dressed
.” Then I heard the door open and closed gently.

The bed dipped as he sat down. He said nothing for long minutes, but I could hear his breathing and almost hear his mind ticking over. I rolled over and sat up bringing my knees to my chest.