Juliana (29 page)

“May I?” he asked again in a whisper.

“Oh, yes,” she whispered back.

And his mouth settled on hers.

It felt unlike anything she’d ever imagined. His lips were firm and warm and
moving
against hers. He was so tall she had to tilt her head as far back as it would go. She felt his large, heavy hands slide from her shoulders—one to cradle the back of her head, the other to grasp the small of her back—and nearly lift her clear off her feet to press her still closer, full against his body. Her knees buckled, but it didn’t matter because he was holding her up…

And then he set her down, steadying her before he broke the kiss.

The kiss
? She’d just been kissed—finally.

Hallelujah!

Her heart still pounding, she opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was his mouth, which was suddenly fascinating now that she knew what it felt like. The lower lip was fuller than the top one, she noted. Between his lips and his straight nose, a faint shadow of dark stubble looked dashing and masculine. And higher still, his eyes looked like warm, melty pools of chocolate flecked with gold.

James was
gorgeous
.

She’d known he was handsome, of course. She’d told Amanda as much, many times. But his handsomeness had been just a fact like so many others. James was handsome. Corinna was a good painter. Griffin had been in the cavalry. All facts.

But now…

She looked at James. Really looked at him, seemingly for the first time. How could she have ever overlooked him? Faith, he was beautiful. And he stared at her just as boldly as she was examining him. She liked that.

She had to kiss him again. She reached up to him—

“Juliana!” It was Aunt Frances, her voice distant but recognizable. “Juliana, where are you?”

“Drat!” Juliana leapt away from James, the distance allowing her head to clear. He was standing there with half of his clothing unbuttoned. Aunt Frances was about to find them, and he was just standing there, unbuttoned.

“Dress yourself!” she hissed.

His fingers moved to the buttons of his waistcoat and began fastening them. Leisurely.

“Juliana!” her aunt called again.

She ran to the pocket garden’s entrance and looked out onto the path. Aunt Frances was nowhere to be seen.

She turned back. “Hurry,” she told James. “It’s only a matter of time until she finds us.”

Unrolling one of his sleeves, he shrugged and sauntered back to the bench, where his cravat lay atop his tailcoat in a jumbled pile. “Do I kiss better than Castleton?”

“I haven’t kissed Castleton. He’s too—”

“Stuffy?” he provided, looking all too pleased.

“He’s not stuffy! He’s just—”

“A prig.”

“He’s not a prig! He’s proper and reserved, which is more than I can say for you.”

He grinned. “That’s more than I can say for you as well. Which is a compliment, mind you—”

“Juliana!” Lord Malmsey’s voice joined her aunt’s this time. “Juliana!”

She peeked outside again. Still clear. Her heart pounding, now from panic instead of excitement, she stalked over to James. He was buttoning his shirt so slowly it made her want to scream. “Hurry, will you?” She swept up his cravat, intending to throw it at him, but an enormous
boom
sounded overhead and she shrieked in alarm.

“Easy.” The cravat drifted to the grass while James wrapped her in his arms. “It’s just fireworks.” Another
boom
exploded in the sky, accompanied by flashes of red and blue and white. “Your aunt will stop and watch,” he said soothingly.

Knowing he was right, she pulled away and sat on the bench to watch the fireworks. But she wasn’t soothed, nor did she feel at ease. Not even after he’d retrieved the cravat and awkwardly knotted it and donned his tailcoat and buttoned it up. Her heart was still pounding, and her stomach felt queer.

Great, fiery streaks of light burst in the heavens, and all around she heard “ooh!” and “ahh!” from all the people in Vauxhall Gardens, but all she could think was thank heaven and earth and everything else that she hadn’t been caught kissing James while half of his clothing was unbuttoned. They’d have had to marry.

And she couldn’t marry James. She just couldn’t.

I’ll never fall in love again
, she remembered him saying.
But certainly I could marry a friend. I could have children with a friend.

The duke was falling in love with her, but James never would. He’d only kissed her because they were friends and he needed a wife to give him children.

But Juliana couldn’t be that wife. He had to marry Amanda, else Amanda would have to marry Lord Malmsey, who would have to give up Aunt Frances—and all three of them would be devastated.

She could never let James kiss her again.

“GOODNESS GRACIOUS,”
Lady Frances said, giggling like a schoolgirl, ”when you both went missing for so long, I didn’t know whether to summon the authorities or my nephew!”

Seated beside her in the carriage, Lord Malmsey chuckled. “It wasn’t
so
very long, my dear.”

Juliana laughed, too, though it was more of a nervous titter. “Summon Griffin, Auntie? Whatever for?”

“To make you and Lord Stafford marry, of course!”

Juliana blanched.

But as the last of Vauxhall Gardens’ lanterns faded from view, James only smiled.

There were two reasons he smiled. Firstly, he was in a fine mood. Or not just a fine mood, but a splendid mood. A brilliant mood. A glorious, magnificent—

Anyway, he felt good. Because kissing Juliana had been so much better than he’d ever imagined. Gloriously, magnificently better. And now that he’d experienced kissing her, he was looking forward to moving on with the rest of his life.

That was, he was looking forward to spending the rest of his life kissing her.

And that was the second reason he was smiling: because the idea of being caught in a compromising position with Juliana, and thus being forced to marry her, didn’t trouble him at all. Not one bit.

Not after that kiss. That kiss hadn’t just been magnificent. It had been a revelation.

Some part of him had obviously already known the truth. It was the part that had driven him to unbutton so many buttons in the garden. And urged him not to button them back up in any hurry. And, after the fireworks, when he and Juliana had “miraculously” found their way back to their chaperones, it was the part of him that felt disappointed they
hadn’t
been caught.

But he was still shocked to realize he’d fallen in love.

Until the kiss, he hadn’t been able to admit that, not even to himself, because it would be a betrayal of Anne.

Except…it wasn’t.

He’d fallen in love with Juliana, and it wasn’t a betrayal at all.

He’d expected to feel appalled. Or guilty. Or disbelieving.

But he wasn’t any of those things. He was in love. And he couldn’t disbelieve it any more than he could disbelieve he had two hands and two feet.

Juliana smoothed her yellow dress. “We were only watching the fireworks, Auntie. Besides, you know I’m going to marry the Duke of Castleton.”

On hearing that, irritation nearly punctured James’s fine mood—but not quite, because
he was in love!

He’d never thought this could happen.

Or maybe he’d been in too much denial to allow himself to think it could happen.

Maybe.

It was a possibility.

He was willing to admit to that.

But if he
had
thought such a thing—if he’d considered that someday, somehow he could fall in love with another girl without desecrating Anne’s memory—he’d thought it could only happen after Anne somehow granted him permission.

Exactly
how
he could receive permission from a dead girl wasn’t something he’d really considered. Maybe he could have gone to her grave and talked to her—he’d read such scenarios in books. Or maybe she could have come to him in a dream—he’d read that in books, too. Or maybe she could have sent him a sign; maybe he could have just seen something—something seemingly insignificant—and somehow known what it meant.

But none of that had happened. Because he didn’t
need
Anne’s permission. Because his love for Juliana had nothing to do with Anne.

Nothing.

Loving Juliana didn’t diminish the love he’d had for Anne. It didn’t mean he wouldn’t always cherish the memories of their time together. He didn’t love Juliana more than he’d loved Anne or less than he’d loved Anne.

He loved her differently.

She was a different girl, and he loved her for different reasons. Which made sense, because he was different now, too. This new love wasn’t better or worse, or deeper or shallower. It was just
different
.

And it was exactly what he needed to make him feel whole again.

Unfortunately, it seemed Juliana’s evening hadn’t been
quite
as revelatory as James’s. She still seemed bent on marrying that turd Castleton. The one who wanted her only because she came with a horse.

But James knew she’d felt something when he’d kissed her. He’d seen it written all over her face.

The carriage rolled to a stop in front of Cainewood’s town house.

“Thank you,” Lord Malmsey said as he stepped out.

“It was a lovely evening,” Lady Frances said and stepped out, too.

Juliana didn’t say anything as she stepped out to follow them. But before the footman could close the carriage door, she turned back to face James. “When are you going to take Lady Amanda to Vauxhall Gardens?”

He didn’t want to take Lady Amanda to Vauxhall Gardens. He didn’t want to take her anywhere. He’d
never
wanted to take her anywhere.

But he especially didn’t want to take her to Vauxhall Gardens, the place where he’d had his first kiss with Juliana.

“Never,” he said. “I didn’t enjoy Vauxhall Gardens much.”

“Didn’t you?” She narrowed her eyes as though she didn’t believe him. Which was hardly surprising, since in reality he’d enjoyed himself immensely. “Well,” she said, “then where shall you take her?”

He wanted to say
nowhere
, but he couldn’t. Because then he’d have no excuse to see Juliana. She was involved with the stuffy duke, which meant she wouldn’t accept an invitation from James unless it was for the sake of Lady Amanda.

That wasn’t such a terrible thing, he consoled himself. He and Juliana were becoming friends, and he liked the idea of getting to know her as a friend first. There was plenty of time to make her fall in love with him. If he continued feigning interest in Lady Amanda, he could keep up the “lessons” with Juliana, find occasional opportunities to touch her or kiss her, and slowly ease into their courtship.

He could afford to be patient. He was just getting used to the fact that he was in love with her. There was no reason to rush right into things.

“I’ll take Lady Amanda wherever you’d like,” he said. “Except Vauxhall Gardens. As long as you come along, too.”

“I cannot come along!”

“You can if you’re with Castleton.” It galled him to say that, but he saw no other choice. No other way to get Juliana to spend time with him.

Well, he’d see her on Friday at the Institute. But that was four days away. Entirely too long.

“If we go somewhere I’ve never been,” he told her, “I’ll need you there to provide guidance.”

She mulled that over for a moment, and then she said, “Very well,” just as he’d expected. He’d known he could appeal to her meddling nature. She’d probably never in her life come to believe he was capable of fending for himself, but he could live with that.

In fact, he looked forward to living with that. He liked having her look after him. It was both touching and a never-ending source of amusement, one of her most endearing quirks.

“I think we should go see the new Battle of Waterloo panorama in Leicester Square tomorrow,” she said. “I’ve heard it’s very romantic.”

Having witnessed war himself—albeit briefly—James didn’t think it was very romantic, and he had never heard the term
romantic
attached to the Leicester Square Panorama building, either. But he had heard it was dark, and he supposed darkness could lead to romance, and while he was well aware that Juliana expected him to find romance with Lady Amanda while she found romance with that turd Castleton, he knew
that
wouldn’t happen, so her false expectations didn’t dampen his spirits in the slightest.

“I believe it closes at four,” he said, “so I shall return to fetch you and Lady Amanda at one o’clock.”

“And Aunt Frances,” she reminded him.

“And Lady Frances. Invite Lord Malmsey, too, will you?” he said, reaching into his pocket for her gloves. “Here you are, l—lady.“ He cleared his throat. “That is, Lady Juliana.”

He’d almost called her
love
.

He’d best be more careful; he wanted to get closer to Juliana, not scare her away.

“Thank you,” she said, taking them and going into the house.

James was still in a fine mood as his carriage continued on to Stafford House. Once there, he remained in a fine mood as he searched the morning room and the music room and the Palm Room for his mother. He took the stairs two at a time, still in a fine mood when he finally found her in her sitting room, reading a Minerva Press novel.